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Elephant In The Room - 14/6/25 (Patreon)

Published:
2025-06-14 15:24:00
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Heya folks, how ya doing?

For the sake of transparency, I'd like to tell you folks about what happened in the last few weeks. Keep in mind, I have no reason to lie, nor to beg for people to stay.

It starts in late May. I had my first physical and mental breakdown at the same time. At first I thought it was impossible. But, I was wrong. Apparently, due to overwhelmed of thoughts in my head, it made me having a chronic (almost) non-stop stomach ache.

So, I went to a doctor. They told me that I may have spent too much time making "content", and apparently it affect my brain. They said my "Neuron-something-bla-bla" has "damaged" thus it couldn't control my anxiety normally. For example;

I'm sure you folks understand about what happen with world nowadays. Despite all of those armed conflicts did not happen in my country, somehow I'm having a major anxiety for no reason;

Or maybe, mistakes that I made in the past 2-3 years ago. Despite it's not an issue right now (Or never will), somehow I'm worried. Despite people on the internet since 5-6 years ago still making the same mistakes on their daily basis, they never worried. But, somehow I worried;

And many more tbh, like AI stuff, job, etc;

These are some of the examples that has ruined my will to render.

Lastly, I just want you folks to understand, that I do still want to render. I still got some few ideas for comics as well. But, I just wanna say that I felt different since late May. It feels like I just re-born. I don't know. I'm not sure.

This post may looks unprofessional, but at the end of the day, I'm still a human that constantly make mistake. And if fate gave me chances to redeem myself, I'll be glad to exist longer just to do so.

Well, anyway thank you for reading my vent. Just like that Fleck fella from the movie used to say, That's life!

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Files

Comments

noobimus

So sorry you felt this way, if we can help in any way please tell us, even in more vent posts like this one, they may help. I hope you feel better soon and continue rendering cause I love your work.

Banisher

👋 Man. Thanks for writing this! Since Beginning of May, I walk at a very similar place, through a very similar dark valley. I know I am not responsible for the fucked up world, I am also not directly affected, but it affected me strongly. Surly some sort of breakdown. I see light at the end of my tunnel and and I am happy read you found your exit too! Wish you just the best!

rro.lled

Thank you for your response! There's a quote saying, "How do you expect to move forward when you wake up every day thinking about yesterday?" I think that simple quote helps me to keep going. It motivates me to let go the mistakes I made in the past and focus on present day. Because apparently what happens today, it's more important than what has happened in past or will happen in the future.

rro.lled

Aww, thank you person on Internet. I'm actually doing a therapy irl by just logging off from my computer. I meet up with my old friends. Despite we're just having a cup of coffee, it helps me to forget with what happen with world or the mistakes I made in the past. Maybe all I need it just someone to talk to. An actual human being, face-to-face. Not some AI friendship.

noobimus

If it helps I am not AI :)

Jacky boy

you are a eminent artist,so relax yourself,I like whafever you made so don't push yourself too hard

Jacky boy

it seems that you are too stressed to handle your life,why not,give yourself a long break?

rro.lled

Hey there! Thank you for your response. I'm actually on break atm. I spent like 2-4 hours rendering today. And decided to spend the rest of the day outside. I probably will do the same thing for future project. Instead of wasting 9-10 hours of rendering per day, I'm going to spend less time.

GodsPlan

Just recently subscribed, and your work is EVERYTHING I could ask for and is exactly what I have been looking for in a long time. That being said, the world is a mess right now, and a lot of things are not making any sense. But what we do have and always will have is being together. No matter how insane shit gets, aslong you have people you can talk to and share your frustrations and optimismes, or just by talking about anything makes a world of difference, aslong there is some one that wants to listen to you and share thier thoughts. sorry for the long messege but we want to be here for you and listen.

rro.lled

Thank you so much for your concern. Don't worry, I'm currently on cheap therapy right now. I went to hiking alone, and it did calmed my thoughts tho'. It seems all I need was to spend less time in front of my PC. That's all.

Jacky boy

actually you can spare a whole day off to have a rest with your family

ea

I can related to needing to be away from the screen. Its hard since its the job and its why I can eat, live, and sleep. Exercise and strong daily structure (e.g. up at X hour, work out, eat well, etc.) has made a difference for me. If I front-load the day with activities that are good for me -- "the fight" of the day is won. Also beware of what you're doing before heading off to sleep. It has an effect.