Different (32) (Patreon)

Author's note: Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well despite the situation that we're all dealing with. Liam's death has come as a shocker. It's been a hard pill to shallow. I can't even begin to imagine how his close friends and his family might be feeling. Grief is something so complicated and I honestly believe that it never goes away, but instead people get used to living with it. At least that's how I feel when I think about my father's death. I hope you are all doing as well as expected and are slowly healing. Let me know if you want to talk about it. My chat is always available for all of you. Here is a new chapter.

James and Sebastian stepped into the apartment, the door creaking softly as they entered. The familiar warmth of Y/N’s place hit them, but something felt off. The usual hum of music or the sound of her moving around wasn’t there. Silence filled the air, thick and heavy.

Sebastian glanced at James, exchanging a look of concern before they ventured further inside. The living room was dimly lit, only the soft glow from the window casting a pale light across the space. That’s when they saw her—Y/N, lying motionless on the couch, her form barely distinguishable from the cushions. She had almost morphed into the couch itself, sinking into it as though it was an extension of her being.

James’ heart sank at the sight. She hadn’t moved. Her hair was disheveled, her face pale, and her eyes—though open—looked hollow, distant. It was as if the vibrant, energetic person they once knew had vanished.

"Y/N?" Sebastian called softly, but there was no response, just the faintest blink from her.

They approached cautiously, the weight of the situation settling in. Neither of them had seen her like this before. Sure, they had been through their fair share of tough times together, but this was different. She had retreated into herself, lost in a fog of despair that neither of them could penetrate.

James knelt beside her, his voice gentle. “Hey… what’s going on?”

Y/N shifted slightly but said nothing. The breakup, the distance from Harry, the weight of everything that had gone wrong—it had taken its toll on her, and now she was barely hanging on. She hadn’t left the apartment in days. No one had seen her doing her regular activities. No gym. No work. No errands. She had simply… stopped.

Sebastian sat on the edge of the coffee table, rubbing his hands together nervously. “We’ve been worried, you know? You haven’t answered any of our calls.”

Y/N closed her eyes, her chest rising and falling with shallow breaths. She didn’t have the energy to explain, not that she could. How could she put into words the crushing weight of her heartache, the overwhelming sense of loss that consumed her every thought? The breakup had ripped her apart, and now all she could do was lay there, numb.

James reached out, gently placing his hand on her arm. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” he whispered, his voice filled with a mix of concern and helplessness. “We’re here. We’ll help you through this, but you have to let us in.”

For a moment, it looked like she might say something, but the words never came. Instead, she curled up tighter, drawing the blanket around herself like a shield from the world.

Sebastian sighed, leaning back. “Alright, this is what we’re gonna do,” he said firmly, determination flashing in his eyes. “You’re getting up. Shower. Eat. Anything. You can’t stay like this.”

Y/N didn’t move.

“Come on,” James added softly, rubbing her back. “We’re not leaving until we see you up and about. We’re staying as long as it takes.”

There was a long silence, the weight of their words lingering in the air. Finally, Y/N shifted, a small sign of life in her otherwise lifeless form. She blinked, and then, slowly, painfully, she sat up, the effort clearly draining her.

James and Sebastian exchanged a look—this was a start.

The clinking of mugs and the low hum of conversation filled the cozy coffee shop. Y/N sat at the small table, her hands wrapped tightly around a warm mug of tea, though she hadn’t taken a sip. Across from her, James and Sebastian watched her closely, their faces filled with concern.

The clinking of mugs and the low hum of conversation filled the cozy coffee shop. Y/N sat at the small table, her hands wrapped tightly around a warm mug of tea, though she hadn’t taken a sip. Across from her, James and Sebastian watched her closely, their faces filled with concern.

They had managed to get her out of the apartment, convincing her to take a break from her isolation, but now, sitting in the corner of the quiet café, Y/N looked just as fragile as she had on the couch. Her eyes were red and puffy, as if sleep hadn’t come easy, and her shoulders slumped under the weight of everything she was carrying.

James was the first to speak. “I’m worried about you,” he said softly, his voice breaking the silence that had settled between them. “I don’t know what to do.”

Y/N’s fingers tightened around her mug, her eyes fixed on the swirling steam. She didn’t respond, the words catching in her throat.

Sebastian leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “We don’t know what’s going on with you, but we want to understand. You’ve gotta tell us what happened, Y/N. Give us the details, because this—” he gestured to her, “—this isn’t you.”

Y/N’s lip quivered, and she blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Her chest felt tight, and she took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She had kept it all inside for so long—avoiding the questions, pushing down the pain. But now, with James and Sebastian sitting across from her, she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“It’s Ivy,” she whispered, her voice trembling. The name alone made her stomach churn.

James exchanged a confused glance with Sebastian, who furrowed his brows. “Ivy?” Sebastian repeated. “What does she have to do with any of this? I thought she was out of the picture?”

Y/N shook her head, biting her lip as the tears welled up again. “She showed up. At Harry’s family home. On Christmas Day.”

Both of them leaned in, their expressions darkening. James’ jaw tightened, and Sebastian’s eyes narrowed in disbelief.

“What? Why would she do that?” James asked, his tone sharp with anger.

“She knew,” Y/N croaked, her voice cracking. “She knew we’d be there, and she—she came to ruin everything. She always does.”

Sebastian frowned, his confusion deepening. “But why now? After all this time?”

Y/N wiped at her eyes, the tears finally spilling over. “Because… because she still thinks Harry belongs to her. And when she showed up, I just—” Her voice broke, and she swallowed hard. “I couldn’t handle it. It brought everything back—all the insecurities, all the doubts. I left.”

James rubbed his face in frustration, trying to process what she was saying. “And Harry? What did he do when she showed up?”

Y/N let out a shaky breath, her shoulders slumping even more. “He… he didn’t stop her. He didn’t do anything. He just stood there while she smiled and acted like they were still together.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, the pain evident in every word.

Sebastian sat back in his chair, speechless for a moment. “Jesus, Y/N…” He ran a hand through his hair, clearly struggling to comprehend what she’d been through.

James shook his head, anger simmering beneath the surface. “That’s why you left? You thought he’d choose her again?”

Y/N nodded slowly, her heart breaking all over again as she admitted it. “I couldn’t stay and watch it happen. I couldn’t take that risk.”

The table fell silent, the weight of her confession hanging heavy in the air. Sebastian reached across the table, placing a hand gently on her arm. “You deserve better”

She nodded, but deep down, the doubt still gnawed at her. It didn’t matter whose fault it was. The damage had already been done.

James shifted in his seat, glancing at Sebastian before looking back at Y/N. He could see the exhaustion etched into every line of her face, but there was something else—an emptiness that hadn’t been there before. He knew she needed a break, something to take her mind off everything that had happened.

“You know,” James began, his tone soft but encouraging, “there’s this party tonight. A bunch of us are going—Seb, me, some of the others. You should come with us. I think you need a night out… something to get away from all this drama.”

Y/N looked up, her brows knitting together in uncertainty. “A party?” she repeated, her voice hesitant.

“Yeah,” James nodded. “It’s just a casual thing. No pressure, but I think it would be good for you. You’ve been cooped up for too long, and… well, you deserve a break.”

Y/N stared into her tea, swirling the liquid absentmindedly. The idea of a party felt overwhelming. Loud music, people everywhere—she wasn’t sure if she could handle it. Part of her wanted to crawl back into bed and shut the world out again, but the other part of her… the part that was desperate to feel anything other than heartache… was considering it.

“I don’t know, James,” she muttered. “I don’t feel up for it.”

Sebastian leaned in, giving her a reassuring smile. “Come on, Y/N. You’ve been through hell. You deserve a night to forget about everything, even if it’s just for a few hours. We’ll be with you the whole time. You don’t even have to stay long if you don’t want to.”

She bit her lip, unsure. “I just… I don’t know if I’m ready to be around a bunch of people.”

James leaned forward, his eyes soft but determined. “Listen, no one’s going to push you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. But sometimes, it helps to get out. To remind yourself that there’s more to life than this mess with Harry and Ivy. You’ve been carrying so much, Y/N… you need to let yourself breathe.”

Sebastian nodded in agreement. “Plus, it’ll be good for you to be with friends. We’ll make sure you have fun, even if it’s just for a bit. You’re not alone in this.”

Y/N hesitated, her mind swirling with doubt and fear. Could she really handle a night out? But as she looked between James and Sebastian, she realized they were right—she had been isolating herself, drowning in her own thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, a night away from it all would help.

She sighed, glancing up at them. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

James smirked, leaning forward. “I’m sure your dad wouldn’t mind if you did some retail shopping,” he teased, winking at her.

Y/N rolled her eyes, though a small smile tugged at her lips despite herself. “I don’t know if I’m in the mood for that either.”

Sebastian grinned, backing James up. “Come on, Y/N, we’ll make a day out of it. You can grab something new, feel good, and then head to the party with us. No pressure, but I think you deserve to treat yourself a little.”

Y/N hesitated, the idea still making her uneasy, but their enthusiasm was contagious. “Alright,” she finally relented with a sigh, her fingers still tracing the edge of her cup. “Maybe a little shopping wouldn’t hurt.”

James’ grin widened. “That’s the spirit! Trust me, by tonight, you’re going to feel so much better.”

Sebastian clapped his hands together. “Good choice. Let’s get you sorted, and by the time the party rolls around, we’ll all be ready to have some fun.”

Y/N smiled softly, a flicker of hope surfacing despite the lingering weight on her chest. Maybe they were right. Maybe a distraction was exactly what she needed.

The music was already pulsing through the walls as they arrived at the party. It was the kind of event where the energy hit you before you even stepped inside—the laughter, the clinking of glasses, and the buzz of conversation filling the air. Y/N, James, and Sebastian walked through the door, and immediately, all eyes turned to them. Or more specifically, to Y/N.

She could feel the weight of those glances, people subtly checking her out in the fitted dress. It was a strange sensation after weeks of hiding away, but she didn’t hate it. If anything, it made her stand a little taller.

“See?” James whispered with a grin as they navigated through the crowded living room. “Told you you’d be turning heads.”

Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at her lips. Maybe this was exactly what she needed—something to pull her out of her spiral, if only for a few hours.

The apartment was packed, people spilling into every corner, drinks in hand, and laughter echoing off the walls. Sebastian handed her a drink as they made their way toward a group of friends, the familiar faces greeting them with enthusiasm.

“Y/N!” one of the girls squealed, pulling her into a hug. “We haven’t seen you in forever! You look amazing!”

She smiled, feeling the warmth of the compliment settle in. “Thanks. I needed a night out.”

“Well, you picked the right party,” someone else chimed in, raising their glass in a toast.

As the evening went on, Y/N found herself relaxing into the atmosphere. She sipped her drink, chatted with old friends, and even laughed at a few of James’ ridiculous jokes. The music was loud, filling the room with a steady beat, and it was easy to get lost in the chaos of it all. For once, her mind wasn’t consumed with thoughts of Harry or Ivy—it was just her, her friends, and the party.

At one point, Sebastian tugged her onto the dance floor, pulling her into the middle of the room where the music was thumping the loudest. “Come on, Y/N! You can’t wear that dress and not dance!”

She laughed, the alcohol buzzing through her veins as she let herself go. The music washed over her, and she moved with it, feeling a sense of freedom she hadn’t in ages. Around her, people were dancing, laughing, and for the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel out of place.

James joined them, spinning her around and making her laugh even harder. “This is what you’ve been missing!”

“I know!” she shouted back, her voice barely audible over the music. And for a moment, she let herself believe that maybe she could escape the heartache, even if it was just for tonight.

But as she spun around, her laughter caught in her throat when she caught sight of a familiar face across the room.

Harry.

He was standing by the kitchen, leaning against the counter, a drink in hand. His eyes were on her—watching her, studying her. For a moment, their gazes locked, and the entire room seemed to fade away. The music, the people, everything disappeared except for the weight of that look.

Y/N’s heart pounded in her chest, a rush of emotions flooding back in. She wasn’t sure what to feel—anger, sadness, longing—but she couldn’t look away.

“Y/N?” James’ voice broke through her thoughts, snapping her back to the present. “You okay?”

She blinked, tearing her eyes away from Harry and forcing a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

But the moment was already gone. The carefree feeling, the joy of the party—it was slipping away. Harry was here, and now all she could think about was everything that had gone wrong between them.

She turned back to Sebastian, who was still dancing, blissfully unaware of the tension building inside her. “I just need some air,” she muttered, slipping away from the crowd and heading for the balcony.

Outside, the cool January air hit her like a slap in the face. She leaned against the railing, trying to steady her breathing. The city skyline stretched out before her, and for a moment, she let herself get lost in the view, anything to avoid thinking about what had just happened inside.

But then, the sliding door opened behind her, and she didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.

Harry.

He stepped out onto the balcony, the cold air hitting him just as hard as it had Y/N. For a moment, he stood there, unsure whether he should speak. Y/N hadn’t turned to face him yet, her eyes still fixed on the city lights below. But he could feel the tension radiating from her, the unspoken words hanging heavy between them.

“Y/N,” he finally said, his voice low, hesitant.

She stiffened at the sound of his voice, but still didn’t turn around. Her hands gripped the balcony railing, her knuckles white as she braced herself. The silence stretched on, thick and suffocating.

Harry swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to fix this. Seeing her inside, looking so beautiful and carefree, had shaken him more than he expected. He’d imagined this moment so many times—what he’d say if he ever got the chance to explain himself. But now, standing there with her just a few feet away, everything he’d rehearsed felt meaningless.

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” he said awkwardly, stepping closer but keeping a respectful distance.

Y/N still didn’t look at him. Her voice, when she finally spoke, was cold. “Neither did I.”

He flinched at the tone, but he understood. After everything that had happened, he didn’t expect her to be warm or forgiving. He wasn’t even sure she should be.

“I’ve been trying to reach you,” he said softly, his words faltering. “I…I just want to talk. Please.”

Y/N finally turned to face him, her eyes glossy with unshed tears, but her expression was unreadable. “Talk?” she repeated, her voice laced with bitterness. “Now you want to talk?”

Harry’s heart sank. This wasn’t going to be easy. “I messed up, Y/N. I know that. I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn’t—”

“You didn’t what, Harry?” she cut him off, her voice rising. “You didn’t mean for Ivy to show up at your family’s home? You didn’t mean to push me away when I needed you the most? Or maybe you didn’t mean to let her manipulate everything between us?”

The tears were closer now, threatening to fall, but Y/N blinked them away, refusing to let them spill. She had spent too many nights crying over him, and she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing it now.

“I didn’t let her manipulate me,” Harry insisted, stepping closer. “I swear, Y/N, she just showed up. I didn’t invite her, I didn’t want her there—”

“But she was there,” Y/N interrupted, her voice cracking. “She was there, Harry, and you didn’t do anything to stop it. You let her ruin everything.”

Harry’s chest tightened at her words. “I know I should have handled it better. I should’ve told her to leave. But I didn’t think…I didn’t think it would push you away like this. I never wanted to lose you.”

Y/N let out a bitter laugh, her hands gripping the balcony railing again. “Well, congratulations. You did.”

The words hit him harder than he expected, and he felt the weight of his mistakes crushing down on him. He had been so stupid, so blind to what was happening. Now, standing in front of her, he realized how badly he had hurt her, how much he had lost.

“I miss you, Y/N,” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the sounds of the city. “I miss you every single day. I’m sorry. For everything.”

Y/N closed her eyes, her breath shaky as she tried to compose herself. Part of her wanted to forgive him, to fall into his arms and pretend like none of this had ever happened. But the other part of her—the part that was still so hurt, so broken—couldn’t forget what he had done.

Y/N’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as she faced Harry. Her voice was trembling, but her words were firm, cutting through the cold air like a knife.

“I can’t forgive you, Harry,” she said quietly, though the weight of her words hung heavy between them. She paused, letting the silence settle before continuing. “I can’t betray myself like that.”

Harry looked at her, his heart pounding in his chest. “Y/N, please—”

She held up her hand, stopping him. “You’ve said everything already. And it’s all just words, Harry. You’ve told me you’re sorry, that you miss me, that you didn’t mean for things to happen the way they did. But what have you actually done to prove that?”

Her question pierced him, the reality of it sinking in. He hadn’t. All he had were words—desperate, pleading words. But nothing had changed. Not really.

Y/N took a shaky breath, her hands gripping the edge of her jacket as if bracing herself. “I can’t just let you back in because you’re saying the right things. I can’t forgive you when I don’t trust you anymore.”

Harry’s throat tightened as he struggled to find something—anything—that might make her believe him. “I know I messed up. I know I should’ve handled everything differently. But I need you to understand…I never wanted to hurt you.”

“That doesn’t matter anymore,” Y/N said softly, the sadness in her voice palpable. “Because you did hurt me. And you let Ivy come between us. You stood by and watched as she tore us apart, and I can’t forget that. I can’t just pretend that everything’s okay because you feel bad about it now.”

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but the words died in his throat. He realized in that moment that she was right. He hadn’t done anything to show her that he was different. He had expected his apologies to be enough, but they weren’t.

“I need more than words, Harry,” Y/N continued, her voice breaking slightly. “I need actions. And right now…I just don’t see that.”

Harry took a step forward, desperation clawing at him. “Then let me prove it to you! I’ll do anything, Y/N. Just give me the chance—”

She shook her head, her tears finally spilling over. “I can’t,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “I can’t do this to myself again.”

Harry’s shoulders slumped as the weight of her words crashed down on him. He wanted to argue, to convince her that he could be better, but deep down, he knew that she was right. He hadn’t shown her that he could be the person she needed him to be.

Y/N wiped her tears with the back of her hand, sniffling as she looked at him one last time. “Goodbye, Harry.”

And with that, she turned and walked back inside, leaving Harry standing on the balcony, the cold January air biting into his skin as he watched her slip away from him once again.

The door clicked shut behind her, and Harry stood there, motionless. He could feel the emptiness creeping back in, swallowing the brief flicker of hope he’d had. He had lost her—maybe for good this time.

With a deep breath, Harry turned and leaned over the balcony railing, staring at the city lights below. The party noise from inside filtered through the glass doors, but it felt miles away. All he could hear was the echo of Y/N’s voice, reminding him that words weren’t enough.

And he had nothing else left to give.