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Legend of the Snowman-Mancer 16

Euri Lawrence

I bailed. I bid Alice and the children a hasty farewell before yeeting myself out the window with the kind of desperation only Xilonen fleeing her Archon’s “commissions” could match. If I was lucky, I could get out of the city before Jean caught me.

Alas, it was not to be. I made it four steps out the window before I felt the wind pick up behind me. I didn’t need to look to know my childhood friend was already hot on my heels.

“Get your frozen ass back here, Euri!” she yelled as I tossed myself off the terrace ledge. She was cursing; she only cursed when she was really pissed.

“No! You’re going to stab me!” I yelled back.

Ice formed beneath my feet, letting me climb into the air. My sparrow came alive. Its four wings spread apart, ready to rocket me out of there. But before it could even flap its wings, it was cut in two by a wind blade.

I could feel the Anemo Gnosis vibrate in my breast pocket. Trusting my instincts, I hurled myself to the side, dodging her rocketing form by a hair.

She stopped in midair. Puffs of Anemo gathered beneath her feet, like dandelion fluff carried in the breeze. It let her turn on a dime and level me with a withering glare.

“How? How the hell did you manage to cause a diplomatic incident!” she wailed as she shot towards me again.

“It wasn’t my fault!” I yelped. I had to contort myself in the air to dodge another series of wind blades.

Jean was by far the better fighter than me in close combat. Memory fractalization and “freezing the spirit” were great for controlling multiple golems, but they didn’t exactly help me learn to swing a sword better. Or, for that matter, when. Much of high-level close combat was timing, instinctive response, and muscle memory, all things she had over me.

I did my best to jump and skate off platforms of ice, but she was quickly gaining. Even when she wasn’t trying to kill me, she could easily hem me in using wind blades that cut off avenues of escape.

Just as she reached out to grab the back of my cloak, I formed a large kite shield from solid ice. It stalled her for less than a second, but that wasn’t its main purpose. The sudden increase in weight forcibly shifted my center of gravity and sent me plummeting to the ground.

She adjusted, of course. Balance, grace, agility, and raw speed were some more things she had on me. I didn’t even bother trying to contest her in melee. Instead, I took that into account and used the fraction of a second to teleport.

My body scattered in a flutter of snowflakes, only to reform a dozen yards away from her. Teleportation via elemental energy was something skilled users could do, but it was never all that useful.

There was a bit of a lag in terms of casting time, which was why I needed her briefly distracted. The range also sucked without designated waypoints, at least if your name wasn’t “Xiao.” And, coming out of a blink like that could be disorienting, especially mid-combat. It was almost always used to get in a sneak attack, but seldom worked more on an opponent of Jean’s caliber.

Which was why I didn’t try to counterattack. Instead of appearing behind her, as she’d expected, I chose to appear inside the bell at the top of the Knights of Favonius building. I clung to the clapper with all the grace of a drunk pole dancer.

“Euri!” she yelled. “I’m telling your sister!”

I let out a sigh of exasperation. Leave it to Jean to make me sound like a petulant toddler. It’d be funny if it wasn’t also effective. She knew I doted on Eula.

I formed my sparrow again. Jean would find me soon. I was cutting things close, but the sky and freedom beckoned.

Dropping down, I tucked the sparrow close to my chest. It grew as I fell, until it swiftly spread its wings and took flight. Now, my mount fully formed, I had a shot at avoiding her.

Jean’s finely honed Euri-detector went off. She whirled and locked onto my position within the second. Face flushed with frustration and growling like her namesake lion, she rocketed towards me.

“Get back here, Euri!” she yelled. Her voice carried supernaturally well along currents of wind. 

“I don’t wanna!” I yelped, banking a hard left to keep her from slicing off my sparrow’s wings.

“Get your butt back here and explain yourself!”

“I’m trying to! It makes more sense at home!”

That made her pause momentarily. “What? You’re going to the Lawrence estate?”

“Yes! Let’s go!”

“Why didn’t you say that sooner!”

“Because some crazy blonde was trying to stab me!”

“I’m not crazy! You’re crazy!” She caught up to me in seconds. I scooted back in my seat and formed a saddle in front of me in a gesture of peace. Scowling, she planted her ass with an annoyed huff. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

I wrapped my arms around her waist and set my chin on the crook of her shoulder. “You know, you and Barbara pout exactly the same way.”

“Shut up.”

“Hehe, do you feel better? You always feel better after a scrap, you battle junkie.”

“I’m not a battle junkie. Hitting you is just cathartic. Ask your sister; she’ll agree with me.”

“Because she’s also a battle junkie.”

“Euri… It hasn’t even been a week. Why do you do this to me?”

“Believe it or not, it’s not my fault.”

She let out a tired sigh so I leaned back a bit and began massaging her shoulders. “Mmm, that’s nice… What’s this about you killing a Fatui Harbinger?”

“Ah, so I take it Signora’s attendants got in touch. I was wondering if they’d tell you. It was even odds of them thinking you sponsored the attack or something,” I said glibly. The Lawrence estate was quickly coming into view.

“Euri…”

“Relax, she’s alive.”

“Her attendants said you froze her into a statue. I don’t believe this. Not even a week into your knighthood and you kidnapped a Fatui Harbinger…”

“Technically, I suppose it could be seen that way.”

“And you have her in your basement.”

“No, of course not.”

“Euri… Where is she?”

“In Dragonspine. She’s a popsicle at the moment, but I promise I can thaw her out.”

“I’m going to stab you. I’m really going to stab you this time,” she mumbled. Tellingly, her hand didn’t reach for her sword, though. “I can’t believe I accepted this job. Grandmaster Varka owes me an apology. Do you enjoy making my life miserable, Euri?”

I hugged her again. “Of course not, Jean. I mean… mostly. I enjoy making your life interesting.”

“In the Liyue proverb way, yes. One. Week. Not even one week.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true! How have you already caused an international incident?” she complained. “Sometimes, I wonder if the mountain’s addled your head.”

“In my defense, it was kinda unavoidable,” I said. I reached into my hammerspace and handed her a piece of chocolate. She always did have a sweet tooth. “And I didn’t cause it. Signora did; this is just the natural consequence of her nonsense.”

“At the risk of making my splitting headache worse, I’ll bite: Why did you kidnap a Harbinger?”

We settled down in the front yard of my childhood home. She’d been here once before, back when we were kids and Eula had been naive enough to think that our idiot relatives wouldn’t piss on any friends we made.

I explained as we walked. I told her again about the Gnosis, Signora’s ultimate goal, and why it was important. I told her about Uncle Schubert and his eagerness to betray Mondstadt for some nebulous promise to return House Lawrence to its former glory.

We sat in my room, which until recently, had gone unused in almost a decade. Eula’s hadn’t been touched in about that long as well. There was a reason we didn’t visit family.

Jean sat at my desk, reviewing the evidence I’d put together. Schubert lay unconscious on the ground like the worm he was, bound and gagged in thick chains of ice. I’d also broken his legs, but that was more for personal pleasure than to curb any real shot he had of escaping us.

“I don’t believe this,” she muttered. Her eyes flashed angrily. She jabbed a fountain pen towards my uncle as if it was a sword. “He tried to betray Mondstadt to a foreign power.”

“He did,” I said blithely. “Can I kill him? It’ll save Eula the trouble when she gets back.”

For a moment, she looked sorely tempted. Then, her morality won out. “No. I’m going to take him back for questioning. He’ll stand trial for the high crime of treason against the state.”

I nodded. Mondstadt didn’t have pointless laws like Fontaine did. That said, freedom wasn’t the same thing as anarchy and the laws we did have, we took seriously. “Suit yourself. Can I kill him afterwards?”

“Maybe… I’ll think about it. But…  But you still kidnapped a Harbinger, Euri.”

“Without a doubt.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

I smiled in that innocent way that Jean knew implied the opposite. Carefully, I removed the knight’s badge from my lapel and slid it across the desk. “You know, I’ve had some time to think about that…”

She stared down at the badge, proof of my office. She then looked up at me with eyes dead to the world. “Eula’s going to kill you. Like actually kill you. I won’t even have the chance to punish you because you’ll be six feet in the ground and Barbara will be composing your eulogy.”

“Hey, this has always been her dream, not mine. Besides, it’s hilarious, right? I was knighted, then kicked out the very next day. Nine years later, I get reinstated, only to be kicked out again within the week. It’s probably some kind of record. You should make a special plaque with my face on it.”

“This isn’t the kind of record you should be aiming for!”

“I’ve never wanted knighthood, Jean. And, punishing me untangles a lot of diplomatic red tape for you. Trust me, this will make your life a lot easier in the long run as well.”

“I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this…”

“Okay, hear me out: You are going to tell everyone that I acted on my own, which is the truth. Officially, you’ll have taken back my knighthood as punishment and banished me away from Mondstadt.”

“And that will help, how exactly?”

“It’ll muddy the waters and get the Fatui off your back while they send a task force to chase me down. They’ll fail, but that doesn’t matter. At the very least, it’ll let you pretend you’re doing something about me.”

“That won’t work for long unless you cut off all ties to Mondstadt forever. And you’re not doing that. Eula would kill me! Then you!”

“Aww, you do care,” I cooed, only to raise my hands in surrender at her heated glare. “Seriously, it doesn’t have to work for long. It’s not like I’m going to keep Signora as my sleigh forever.”

“And what do you plan to do with a comatose foreign dignitary, Euri?”

“I’m going to give her back to the Arlecchino, the Knave, Fourth of the Fatui Harbingers. They’re friends, inasmuch as a raging bitch like Signora can be anyone’s friend. Arle is also far stronger than Signora, and also more reasonable. She’ll be able to keep her in line.”

“She hasn’t bothered to do so, so far,” Jean pointed out skeptically.

“That’s because she’s not been given a reason to. The Harbingers can’t exactly pull rank on each other in the conventional sense, but if anyone can keep Signora from doing anything unwise, it’s Arle. Either way, Arle’s stationed in Fontaine so you won’t have to deal with Rosa anymore.”

“So the Fatui get their Harbinger back. I get my peace and quiet. And what about you? You’ll leave, exiling yourself again. This time, even farther away.”

“I always planned to travel the world, Jean. If anything, me not being a knight will only help us both. Trust me, you’ll want the excuse to avoid having to take responsibility for my actions.”

“You know how worrying that sounds, right?” she laughed weakly.

I punched her lightly on the arm. “A second reason to do this is the Lawrence clan itself. When Schubert’s crimes become public, people will want the entire clan taken down a peg. This way, you can tell them that you have. The ‘Lawless Lawrence,’ stripped of his honors and banished once more.”

“That’s never going to happen,” she hissed. “I won’t let them make you out to be a scapegoat.”

“Better me than Eula, Jean. Just tell them something suitably epic, like how the heir of the family has been banished to go on a journey of repentance or whatever.”

“I shouldn’t have to! Neither of you are to blame!”

“I know that. You know that. Everyone who matters knows that. And that is enough,” I said gently. “There are things coming that I can only change if I wander the world.”

“I… This is another one of those ‘Oracle of Dragonspine’ things, isn’t it?”

“Yup. I’d known for a long time that I'd be leaving Mondstadt, one way or another. Don’t worry, I’ll be back.”

“What about Lumine? I thought you were going to travel with her.”

“I will,” I promised. “Tell her that Dain’s a swell guy, even if he’s got more baggage than Santa on Christmas Eve. I’ll see her in Liyue. She’ll be on foot and I can fly so I should be able to catch up by then.”

“You’re playing the seer card again. That’s not fair, Euri,” she whispered.

I pulled one of my oldest friends into a fierce hug. “I know, Jean. I know. There are letters for everyone in my drawer. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

X

Lumine

Paimon and I had been enjoying the past week. We went on adventures, took on commissions, and generally tried to raise our rank within the Adventurer’s Guild.

I was an old hat at this sort of thing. A higher rank was vital for just about every aspect of my life. It was the sole quantifiable way to measure that all-important currency called “trust.” A higher rank meant better jobs and access to classified information, the kind of thing I’d need going forward.

I’d been helping Ella Musk, self-declared Professor of Hilichurlian Linguistics. She wanted to see if she could communicate with the hilichurls and had sent me off to study three distinct tribes. Apparently, they all had unique cultures and customs. I hadn’t even known there were three tribes near Mondstadt.

When I returned, I found Jean waiting for me with a letter from Euri. The city was in an uproar again. Somehow, the Fatui were convinced that their Harbinger had died. I had no idea what was going on right now. From the outside, it all seemed like the plot of a drama.

A famous diplomat was dead. A redeemed knight was accused of murder. Except, according to the acting grandmaster of said knight, neither of these things were true and this was all part of said knight’s plans for… some reason.

“Paimon thinks Euri just likes being dramatic,” my partner said.

“You know, you might have a point,” I replied dryly. “I guess we won’t be going to Liyue together.”

“What will you do?”

“What else is there to do except go along with it? It’s all happened already and Euri’s not even in Mondstadt anymore. Jean said he left already.”

“Oh, right… Well, we’ll see him in Liyue still. That’ll give Paimon plenty of time to come up with a silly nickname for him.”

“You do that, Paimon.”

“Hmm… Blue Dragon Knight… No, that sounds way too cool…”

Author’s Note

Off to Fontaine, lol.

Animal Fact: The Galapagos giant tortoise can survive for a year without food or water. Ironically, this is one of the reasons they became endangered.

Their low maintenance led to them being used for meat. Old-timey sailors who visited the islands used to take the tortoises, flip them on their backs, and store them in their cargo holds. This way, they could be stored on long voyages and used as a source of fresh meat, especially given they require no sustenance and don't exactly move about much.

This practice reduced the population from an estimated 250,000 individuals to about 3,000 according to a 1974 census. Harsh, but that's what over two centuries of exploitation does to a species. The population has since bounced back to about 19,000.