The Witness Wore a Puppy Tail, chapter 15 (Patreon)

Ken stumbled back, but he caught Robert’s wrist and used that to keep himself upright. That’s when Robert descended into an old-fashioned panic attack, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

Robert gave a half -strangled cry as he kicked wildly. While it'd be easy to disable Robert, Ken struggled to hold on without doing any actual damage. "Knock it off," Ken snapped as Robert yanked him forward a step. Robert's hip hit a table, and a lamp tumbled off and shattered. The noise startled Robert and Ken used that moment of distraction to shove Robert closer to the stairs, away from the dangerous shards scattered across the carpet and the front door.

Feeling guilty the whole time, Ken caught Robert in a headlock. For a few minutes, they grappled with each other, but Ken had the advantage in both weight and training, so he let Robert windmill his arms and throw sloppy punches until his struggles slowed. Then, using his weight to manhandle Robert, he forced him to sit on the stairs.

"Calm down," Ken said. He kept a tight hold on Robert’s shoulders and held on until Robert took a couple of deep breaths. Ken straightened up, and Robert surged forward again. This time his attack was more purposeful, but that made it easier to counter since the man had no training. Ken turned, pulling Robert in a full circle, hooked a foot behind Robert’s leg and then tripped him and shoved him toward the stairs at the same time.

"Get the fuck off me," Robert demanded shrilly as he finally found his voice. Ken released him, but he continued to stand over Robert with his hands out, ready to pin the man to the ground if he tried to make a run for the door.

"When you can ask me that in a calm tone of voice, I will," Ken said. Robert had grabbed the stair rail so hard that his knuckles were islands of white and his shoulders shook slightly.

"Are you getting off on this? Forcing me to sit at your feet?"

"No, I'm not," Ken said honestly. "But I'm not letting you walk out there when you're so panicked that you can't think straight.

"You have no right to hold me here. You pigs are all the same," Robert snarled. He tried to stand again, but Ken put a hand on his shoulder, and Robert sank back down.

"Where do you want to go, Robert?" Ken ignored the murderous glare.

Robert stared off toward the broken lamp, his lips pressed tightly together. His eyes had dilated until they were nearly black, but eventually, he slumped. Adrenaline and fear could only sustain a body for so long.

"I want out." Robert spat the words.

"Out where?"

"What the fuck does it matter to you?"

"It matters because I don't want you going off half-cocked," Ken said patiently. As a cop, Ken had delivered his share of bad news. Sometimes a family member took a swing at him because Ken was there and the person they truly wanted to hit wasn't. This overflow of emotion was familiar territory.

Robert threw himself against Ken, but the attack lacked any passion or real strength, so Ken easily pushed him back down. Then Robert leaned back and stared at the ceiling with tear-brightened eyes and a clenched jaw. God, the man was stubborn. He might play at being a sub, but he sure wasn't easy to push around, not even when Ken was doing it for his own good. Ken suspected that some part of Robert understood that Ken wanted to help, which is why Ken hadn't been subjected to the dirtier side of Millan's fighting style: biting and kicking out at a man's balls. The three intruders had certainly underestimated Robert's ability to defend himself, so Ken figured he could do real damage if he put his mind to it.

"You know it’s dangerous to run around out there, so talk to me. What are you thinking?" Ken asked as the silence became too much for him.

When Robert spoke, his voice was painfully soft. "Why the fuck did they have to say that?"

"The news," Ken said, not really asking as much as confirming that he was following Robert's scattered mind as it twisted.

"They'll fucking know where I work."

"Hey, they tracked you to your apartment. The chances are that they already knew you worked at Loyola. You weren't safe the minute you put yourself into the middle of this investigation."

"So this is my fault?" Robert demanded as he sat up.

"No, I blame the killers one hundred percent," Ken said calmly. "But challenging criminals comes with certain dangers." Ken knew he had reached the more logical parts of Robert’s brain when his shoulders sagged.

The silence lingered, and this time Ken let it. He watched as Robert’s hand slowly unclenched and he rubbed his face. "I couldn't just walk away,” Robert whispered. The emotions washed past Ken like a weather front rolling off the lake. Fury turned to despair and fear and a bone-deep weariness.

"I understand that. Even the captain gets it, even if he thinks you're a pain in the ass," Ken promised. He wedged himself in so he could sit next to Robert on the narrow stairs. The space wasn’t designed for two, and their hips and legs pressed together. Ken immediately regretted the decision to get so close, especially since Robert had been wielding his sexuality like a bludgeon just moments earlier. However, he didn’t want to flee from Robert’s touch, either.

Robert didn’t press him on the issue this time. He fingered the hem of his shirt and stared at nothing. Always before, Robert drove the conversation, and Ken struggled to say something supportive and productive. He settled on, "We need to think this through logically."

Robert dropped his head onto his hands, his body hunched into the increasingly-familiar pose of despair. "I'm totally screwed, aren't I? Shit. You know that old story about a lifeguard having to protect his own life first or he won't save anyone? That’s me. I would be the worst lifeguard in history because I would drown the first time I had to make a hard choice. I would be the idiot that tried to get the oxygen mask on my kid first and who passed out before finishing. I just couldn't walk away, especially when I found out about how many people they'd....” He took a shuddering breath. “I'm just totally and completely screwed." 

Ken waited until Robert fell silent. "No you aren't," Ken said firmly. "This might be a break on the case," Ken reasoned, hoping that Robert's desire to help catch the three men-turned-killers would help him overcome the fear. "Someone you talked to stirred them up, which means one of your contacts knows the killers. Someone who knows you by name passed that name on, either intentionally or accidentally by talking about you. So, we just backtrack your movements until we find the connection."

Robert stood, picking his way around the broken lamp to stand by the window. When he shoved the curtains aside, the morning was gray and gloomy, a blanket of low-lying clouds hid any hint of blue sky. "Even if you throw me in a holding cell until this is over, I can't ethically give you the names of anyone I've talked to. Maybe a holding cell would be the safest place for me right now," he told the window.

Ken had no words, so he followed Robert, standing behind him at the window and letting his hand rest on Robert's shoulder. Like last night, Robert leaned back into Ken's body, but unlike last night, he didn't wiggle invitingly or look up with a salacious invitation in his wink. He just continued to stare out the window and lean closer.

"Can you at least tell me where you went? Which clubs?"

Robert hesitated before admitting, "I want to."

"I won't compromise your ethics. I won't ask you to reveal anything about who you talked to, just give me a place to start. Please. Trust me with that much, Robert," Ken pleaded. 

Robert let his head fall forward until it thunked against the glass. "If I do this, I have to go with you."

"That's not a good idea."

"Student reporters make their careers out of shutting the police down. A student who goes to jail on contempt charges for protecting a source can practically write his own ticket. So I have to assume the opposite is true. If I tell you my sources, I am going to be persona non grata.” He gave a small laugh. Hell, I’m going to be persona most shitta. More than that, these people trusted me, and I can’t break my word. I need them to know that I won’t put them in a bad spot."

"Being there won’t offer them much reassurance," Ken said. He assumed the panic attack was still interfering with logical thinking, and he got it. He did. He’d had his share, after all. The aftermath always left Ken feeling drained and foggy, like when a low-grade fever set in and left him achy and tired.

Robert didn’t move.

“I promise to respect anyone I talk to. Can you trust me that much?”

When Robert still didn’t react, Ken swallowed an unexpected rush of disappointment. The high-priced escort who let partners tie him up didn’t trust Ken to talk to people with respect. Ken wasn’t sure when Robert’s respect had started to matter to him, but it did. In his life, Ken had witnessed too many people put themselves above anyone else. He’d seen office workers who didn’t call in burglaries because they didn’t want to waste their lunch hours. He knew of rape cases where a witness had refused to get involved because it was uncomfortable. He’d seen the apathy of the general population, and it had started to sour him on the entire human race. 

And then Robert had come along with all his energy and enthusiasm and determination to fix the world, and Ken found himself pulled in like a moon caught in a planet’s gravity field. Robert had all the idealism and passion that Ken used to have, and until this moment, Ken hadn’t realized how much he mourned that loss. 

"You can come," Ken agreed. The words came out almost without Ken’s permission and certainly without any thought. Robert turned, disbelief in his eyes.

"What? Is this a trick to get me back to the station so you can throw me in a cell?" Robert finally asked.

That captain was going to kill Ken and hang his bloody hide from the office wall. Ken was definitely looking at a suspension. "I plan to say that you were investigating and I was following,” Ken said. Jenkins might not believe that, but he couldn’t prove Ken was lying. Robert still continued to stare at Ken.

"You retrace your steps, and I’ll follow. You can even throw up a fuss about me harassing you. That’s fine. But," Ken warned firmly as he pointed at Robert, "you listen to what I say. If I tell you to hit the floor, you drop without asking why. If I tell you to stay in the car, you stay. And if I tell you to get to safety, you run. You don't stop to help me or anyone else. I can’t focus on my job if I know you’re in danger."

Robert swallowed, his Adam's apple bouncing nervously as he looked at Ken and nodded. "Okay, I can do that. I'll follow your lead." Ken would believe that when he saw it. Suddenly Robert smiled. "I have a lot of experience with taking orders," he said impishly with a waggle of his eyebrows. Ken watched while the man pulled the mantle of sexuality and self-confidence around his shoulders like a well-loved fur coat.

"For someone with experience taking orders, you don't do it very well," Ken shot back, perfectly willing to play along with this facade Millan used. Ken had his own cover, his own ways of hiding his pain, so he could sympathize with the need for that buffer from the world.

"Oh, I do it very well," Robert disagreed. "You should order me to my knees some time."

"Telling me what to order you to do is not how I see it working," Ken said dryly as he wandered back toward the kitchen.

"Wait, you see it working between us?" Robert asked. Surprise replaced the sexual tones of a second ago, and Ken flinched.

"That came out wrong," Ken made his excuse.

"Right." Robert’s suspicion made him draw the word out until it hung in the air like an accusation. Ken focused on the coffee pot.

Chapter 16: https://www.patreon.com/posts/witness-wore-16-19049610 

Chapter 17: https://www.patreon.com/posts/witness-wore-17-19064720 

Chapter 18: https://www.patreon.com/posts/witness-wore-18-19083274 

Chapter 19: https://www.patreon.com/posts/witness-wore-19-19142224 

Chapter 20: https://www.patreon.com/posts/witness-wore-20-19153311 

Chapter 21, 22, 23: https://www.patreon.com/posts/witness-wore-21-21192263 

Chapter 24: https://www.patreon.com/posts/witness-wore-24-21260957