Magic School, chapter 8 (Patreon)

The next morning, Jake had to admit that Tarben’s father had been right that the Alexes had the coolest dorm. True, he hadn’t seen the others, but the flickering lights from the magma lake danced across the walls. Shadows shimmered and Jake could almost imagine creatures darting through the shadows created by the patterns. He stared at it so long that he had to dash for the bathroom as his bladder protested the delay.  His two roommates were already awake.  Tremblay was writing a letter and Larsen was—as usual—reading.

Jake looked at their school bags.  “Crap,” he said.

Tremblay looked over, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I forgot to buy a school bag,” Jake explained.  “I guess I’ll be carrying my books.”

“And slates and chalksils, and elixir ingredients?” Tremblay asked. “That will be an interesting juggling act, not that I don’t have faith in your ability to do it.”  Larsen barely glanced up before returning to his book.

Jake shrugged and then mentally kicked himself. He had to stop using non-verbal answers. Everyone was going to think he was impossibly rude.  “I’ll figure something out.  I wonder if one of the older students has one I could buy.  I bet lots of students get new ones but forget to throw out the old since there’s so much room in a trunk.”

“Possibly,” Tremblay said, “however, as I have an extra bag, that seems like a lot of unnecessary effort.”  He went to his trunk and opened a storage compartment that looked even larger than Jake’s.  Magic was amazing.  He pulled out a green leather satchel with a dragon embossed on the front.

“That’s too beautiful. I couldn’t,” Jake protested.

Tremblay waved him away.  “It was a gift from a distant relative who wanted me to declare Social Sciences as my major. I’m proud of my major, but I don’t feel the need to dress myself in degree colors like some sort of… primitif.  Take it. I won’t use it.”

“If you’re sure—” Jake took the beautiful bag, noticing how light it was.  It definitely had charms on it.

“Absolutely.”

Jake smiled.  “In that case, I hope you will call me Jake.”

Tremblay laughed.  “We’ll make a proper Alex out of you yet.  Well done.  And you must call me Pierre .”

“Perfect!” Jake was proud that he had done something right.  He opened the bag to find it had compartments for slates and chalks and books and elixirs and even one flap that when he pulled on it, revealed a padded storage area for several caldrons and a telescope, all in a bag small enough to go over his shoulder.  Brilliant.  “What do you think the professor wanted to talk to older students about last night?” Jake asked.

Pierre  had never gone back to his letter and now he sprawled across the bed.  “You.”

“Me?”

“The war left a lot of wounds, and I imagine some older students might resent how the war ended.”

“Resent me, you mean,” Jake said.  When he’d researched the majors, that had never occurred to him. None of the books talked about what the Hinter Jarl wanted, but he had to have some goal other than blowing up malls and burning houses. When Jake’s family had killed him, there probably were some people who saw that as a bad thing, and Jake could imagine most of those people would be in Societal Studies. Suddenly Alicia’s and Birger’s warnings made more sense. Maybe they didn’t believe that all Alexes were bad; maybe they were trying to warn Jake away without bringing his dead parents into the conversation.

“Perhaps,” Pierre  agreed.  “So many families claimed that the Hinter Jarl had used a thrall spell that everyone knows that at least some of them are lying.  If the children of those liars are smart, they will back their parents’ lies by aligning with you. After all, they should insist that you are the savior who freed their family from such a horrible curse.  But sometimes people aren’t logical.  If they heard their parents curse you in private, they may be foolish enough to bring that frustration to school. It would be stupid, but people can be.” Pierre  interlocked his fingers and tucked them under his head.

Jake noticed that Larsen had stopped reading.  His gaze was on the page, but his eyes didn’t glide over the words at the impossible speed that meant he was actually paying attention to the book.  Jake had the feeling that Larsen’s father was one who might have backed the Hinter Jarl and complained about Jake in private.

“I was fifteen months old. I was just learning to say a few words,” Jake said. “I couldn’t have defeated a Hinter Jarl.  I couldn’t have won a fight with a gnome at that age.”

“You have a point.”

Larsen spoke to Jake for the first time. “Then what do you think happened?”

Jake stopped himself from shrugging.  “I’m not sure. I mean, I’m sure my parents did something, but I don’t know what it would have been. I read there are charms and protective runes, so they must have set some sort of trap.”

“But one powerful enough to stop the Hinter Jarl?” Larsen didn’t hide his disbelief.

“They were both sacrificed that night,” Pierre  said.  “If they’d used blood magic, their deaths could have fueled a ritual.”

“Blood magic?” Larsen had gone dangerously still.

“What’s that?” Jake asked.

Larsen and Pierre  stared at each other until Pierre finally sighed and answered. “The United States and the UK have pretty strict laws about using blood during magical rituals or in elixirs. France is better about only banning dangerous spells and rituals and allowing helpful blood magic, but the UK practically banned the whole field and within a few decades, the United States followed.”

“Sheep,” muttered Larsen.

Pierre gave him an amused look before he continued. “However, if someone used blood magic and then died on that same spot, their life force would have fueled their spell.  Actually, I think that’s why the UK banned the magic in the first place. Once the spell is in place, some practitioners are tempted to sacrifice someone else to make their own spell stronger.”

“Which is why cultivated mages like the Newhouses never would have used it,” Larsen said.

“They weren’t sacrificing someone else,” Pierre  argued, “and sacrificing themselves intentionally to win against the Hinter Jarl sounds like Gees. They do value others’ lives over their own.”

Something about that answer bothered Larsen, and he slammed his book shut and hurried out of the room.

“You are going to make the year interesting, Jake,” Pierre  said as he got up and grabbed his own bag.  Jake put the last of his texts in the bag and blessed the noweight talismans as he followed.  Jake definitely needed to keep in mind that not everyone was thankful for the way his family had ended the war.

Jake was halfway to the common room when Tarben called out.  “Jake, wait up. How was your first night?”

“I slept great, and your father is right about magma lake.  It’s beautiful, especially in the morning.”

Tarben preened.  “You did join the best dorm.”

Jake laughed.  For a moment, Tarben seemed unsure, like he thought Jake might be laughing at him, but then he smiled and led the way to the common room.

“Are Vee and Gahbor coming?”

“They already left for breakfast the moment a mentor was awake to show them to the Great Hall.  Those two would walk over lava if there was a buffet on the other side, but they also get lost if they have to walk more than fifty yards. It was hard for them to hold out until someone was available to walk them up, but I wanted to wait for you.”

Jake frowned. “I thought they were your friends.”

“Their fathers are friends with my father.  That means I am their acquaintance, and I have promised my father that I will try to make sure they get acceptable grades.  I suspect they have promised their fathers that they will assist me in any way they can.  Exchanging favors in our situation is necessary, so their assistance and loyalty is how they make sure that any tutoring I do does not create an imbalance in our relationship.”

“That sounds exhausting to keep track of,” Jake said.

“Exchanging favors is a cultural norm that spans the globe. In the magical world, when two or more families want to form a lasting alliance, the goal is for each family to owe the other so many favors that no one can sort out who has the advantage and the two families settle into a permanent alliance based on both families essentially throwing up their hands and refusing to try to sort it out anymore.  The Malfoys, Morningflowers, and Begays are currently trying to reach that point, so right now we are all trying to do each other as many favors as possible.  If our families were not on this path, we would want to horde favors against one another so we could call those favors in when it was most advantageous later.”

“Exhausting,” Jake repeated.

“You’ll catch the hang of it,” Tarben promised.

“He’s already improving,” Pierre  said.  “I offered him a bag I no longer wanted, he returned the favor with an offer to exchange first names.  We both came out ahead.”

“Well done,” Tarben said.

Pierre  pursed his lips.  “Yes, and then Vehen joined us for a conversation about how the Newhouses might have used blood magic to defeat the Hinter Jarl because a fifteen month old child could not.  How did Jake put it?  At fifteen months, he could not have defeated a gnome.  Vehen did seem out of sorts.”

“Oh for Odin’s sake.  What is wrong with him?”  Tarben threw his hands up and then practically dashed off to the corner of the common room where Vehen sat with his book.

“What’s up with Tarben?” Jake asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Pierre  said without explaining anything.  Magic might be wonderful, but mages were confusing. And that extended beyond the other first years.  Most of the older students carefully watched Jake, most out of the corner of their eyes.  And then when they left the dormitory, the whispers started.

“There. Look.”

“Where?”

“By the kid with dark skin.”

As Jake loaded his plate with eggs and biscuits and bacon and jam, he heard kids around him continuing the chorus of whispers.

“The short one? I heard he grew up with normies.”

“Do you think he remembers that night?”

“My great-aunt’s best friend was only a block away and heading to Warts and Mall that night.”

It got worse after breakfast.  Tarben showed him how to register one of his slates for official announcements, and he touched a spot with his chalk to bring up his class schedule. It sounded like magical people had been using slates for a very long time, but now Jake had to wonder if computer people in the normie world had come from the magical one because slates worked exactly like tablets… only with more chalk dust.  Much more chalk dust.  Tarben had a spell to banish it, but Jake kept ending up with white streaks on his gray tunic.  It could be worse. Tarben and Pierre both had deep forest green tunics, which probably explained the plethora of cleaning spells.

Students peered over balconies to gawk at him or would pass him, then loudly exclaim that they had forgotten something only to walk slowly past him again, staring. In school, Jake had always been the kid who disappeared into the back of the room. Each time someone stared at him, he grew more and more tense. A couple of times Jake had been ready to bolt for the dorm and hide for the rest of the day. That’s when Tarben or Pierre would catch him by the elbow and steer him away from the crowd. At one point, Jake even thought he heard someone calling his name, but Tarben just muttered about fangirls and lack of decorum and helped him find their next class.

The classes themselves were fine. Because they were starting on a Tuesday, they had History first.  Mrs. Demode, an elderly woman with thick glasses, read the roll without looking up at the students once and then started lecturing on the conflicts between magical and normie Rome.  It sounded dreadfully familiar, but it was only once she started talking about the terrible violence of Caracala who killed his magical brother Geta that Jake realized she was reading out of the text book.

Jake looked at Tarben in horror, but he shrugged and tiled his slate so Jake could see it. He was reviewing elixir notes.  “How?” Jake whispered.

Tarben held his hand out, and Jake handed over an unassigned slate. At this rate, he was going to have to mirror someone at Warts and Mall and have them send more.  Tarben ticked away with his chalksil for a while before he frowned and handed the slate back.

“I guess Mr. Agronivus only opens them to the Alexes and probably the Techies and Merlins. The others wouldn’t bother reviewing. You can read mine.”  He pushed his own slate over. Jake would have objected, but Mrs. Demode glanced in their direction, and he sank into his seat and buried his head in the elixir notes.

“In Manuscripts, Mrs. Connolly gave a rousing speech about how a person could be brilliant, but if they could not express that brilliance in writing, they would never earn respect for their talents. That had gotten the attention of the Alexes.  By the time she assigned 300 words on the chosen career path, and reminded them that they had the right to change their mind about that path as many times as they liked during their school years, most students were nodding.  There were a few that seemed determined to dislike Mrs. Connolly, though, and Tarben was in that number.

They had an hour off after that, which Jake found particularly strange, but perhaps boarding school was different than public school because everyone else acted like it was normal and headed back to the dining hall to see if the pukwudgies had left out any snacks.  Vee and Gahbor insisted that they would die of starvation if they hadn’t. They had just settled in at the table when Alicia hurried over.

“Jake! There you are.  We have Transmog right now.” She caught him by his arm as he was trying to sit.

“No, we don’t,” Tarben said.  He grabbed an apple from the middle of the table and propped one heel up on the bench. He looked like a model for children’s clothing from one of the catalogs Mrs. Johnson was always getting. “Grayshirts go to classes with whichever dorm they’re staying in.” He looked obnoxiously amused.

Jake glared at him before turning his attention to Alicia. She had been the first person to be really nice to him, after all. “I could switch to the Gees dorm tonight and check it out, but right now, I am with the Alexes.”

Tarben gave him the most tragic expression Jake had ever seen and now Alicia looked smug.

“I wouldn’t recommend it,” Pierre said.  “If you switch mid-week, you might end up going to a class twice or missing another class altogether.  When grayshirts change dorms, they do it on the weekend so they don’t mess up their schedules too much.”

If Jake had to live through another hour of having that same chapter on Rome read to him in a monotone, he would not be happy. “That’s smart.  So, I’ll switch over to the Gees dorm next week,” Jake promised.  One of the other purple-tunicked students called, and Alicia huffed before stomping off.

“Terribly ladylike.” Tarben’s words dripped with sarcasm. “And why did you tell her you would stay with the Gees?”

“Because I promised I would try their dorm. I didn’t say I would choose to stay up there.”

Pierre dramatically threw his head back and covered his eyes with the back of his hand. “I shall be condemned to sharing a bathroom with Tarben for a week. A whole week.” He peeked at Jake to see if he was making an impression. “If you do not come back to us, I will never be able to forgive you, and you do not know the lengths a Frenchman will go to for revenge.”

Jake shoved Pierre’s shoulder.

“He’s not joking,” said Gahbor through a mouthful of food.

After their break, they had Mr. Crabshaw for Engagement.  Year one was all about legal issues–what creatures you could or couldn’t kill. Which ones you should or shouldn’t even try to kill. Which ones were valuable for elixirs and, therefore, protected under the law. If you were caught with them, everyone would assume you were poaching.  The class should have been interesting, but Mr. Crabshaw was the most absent-minded teacher Jake had ever seen. He would be halfway through a sentence when he would shake his head and say, “Now where was I?” The first couple of times, one of the students explained where he’d left off, but soon the question inspired enough laughter to disrupt the class. Jake suspected that was another class–like History–that he would have to study on his own.

Too bad, too. Engagement had looked interesting. Botany was another lecture previewing what they would be doing once Mrs. Arber let them in the greenhouse.  It seemed like they would be meeting outside until students had passed a test on safe handling of tools.

After lunch Mrs. Socks in Transmog was a stern woman with long gray hair pulled into two braids. She gave the fourth lecture on classroom rules and an overview of class, and Jake was starting to fall asleep. Their last class was Talismans and Objects, and Professor Quiles embarrassed Jake by clapping his hands together and loudly announcing, “Excellent. Excellent!” over and over. He finally moved on to, “With your family magic, I expect great things from you Mr. Newhouse. Great things indeed.  Now, let’s talk about the goals for our class.”

By the end of the day, Jake hadn’t learned anything other than his teachers were strange. “I suppose we should work on our essay,” He said as they headed to dinner after Talismans class.

“Oh no,” Tarben said. “We have Elixirs tomorrow. The evening before Elixirs is dedicated to preparing for class. I know you don’t have the notes, but we’ll share.”

“It’s the first day. He can’t expect us to walk in knowing that much.” Jake frowned as he thought about the stern man in his black tunic.

Pierre snorted. “Preparation is the key to success, and Doyen Agronivus lives by that proverb. He’s going to want to know which students prepared so he knows who to spend his time teaching and who he just endures until they leave his class after year six.”

“I hear the Slacks don’t even prepare for class. They treat Elixirs like Talismans,” said Vee with disgust. “if you don’t get it right, nothing happens,”

“I don’t know why we have to be tortured with the Slacks’ presence. Mr. Agronivus should put the Slacks with the Flakes and then all the students who are likely to melt their faces off are in one room,” said Sanchez. Jake hadn’t found a way to exchange first names with the girls, and Tarben had warned him that exchanging first names too quickly might lead some girls to make assumptions, so Jake had gotten used to thinking of them as Waterford, Sanchez, Aku, and Littlehorse.

“Slacks  don’t take anything seriously,” Tarben said mournfully.

“Now, now,” Pierre  said, “surely you’re not maligning the entire program.  Richard Stewart seems to take pranks seriously.”  Most of the other first years glared at him, but that seemed to amuse Pierre .  He was very odd.

Just then, a pukwudgie pushing a cart with packages and envelopes walked down the aisle.  “Presents and letters with contents and fetters!” As he pushed the cart, deliveries flew off and landed next to student plates or in the case of one of the Techie students, in a bowl of his soup so he was soaked with yellow broth and bits of chicken and noodles were caught in his hair. The whole room erupted into laughter.

“That’s what an annoyed pukwudgie does,” whispered Brunhild Littlehorse. Apparently Alicia did not know everything about the magical world even if she had grown up in it because the little man was grinning like a loon as he watched the student wipe himself as clean as he could get himself.

“Untidy and unclean, preening little bean,” the pukwudgie said before he started pushing the cart again, but not before a letter flew off and landed next to Jake’s dinner plate.

Jake tore it open. It said, in an uneven scrawl:

Dear Jake,

Would you like to come see the stable some evening? Or the kennel?  We have aralezes and komainus and cadejos and amaguqs that I could show you.  I would love to hear how your first week is going. If you give a letter to Mrs. Connolly or Mr. Quiles, they’ll get it to me. Or Mrs. Arber or Mrs. Socks. They’re good people. Send us an answer back.

Birger.

Tarben read the letter over Jake’s shoulder, an act so rude that all the girls stared at him in horror.  Jake would never say it, but Tarben wasn’t careful or subtle or anything that the books said characterized an Alex.

“Why would that servant want you to visit?” Tarben asked, confused.  That caught Pierre ’s attention.

“Servant? What servant?”

“He’s the assistant, deputy groom or something like that. He knew my parents,” Jake explained. He handed the note over to Pierre  who looked terribly curious, but who would never push in when he could subtly manipulate Jake to share information instead.  Jake didn’t value his secrets as much as others did, so he didn’t mind. And in return, Pierre  seemed to feel obligated to explain the magical world every time Jake was confused.  And that made Tarben even more desperate to explain things and point out that his mother and Jake were cousins.

Apparently Tarben was too distant to claim any kinship even if he wanted to.  Pierre  said that if second cousins first removed could claim kinship, then the leysoul families would run out of non-kin to marry.  That seemed dangerously inbred, but true.  Jake had learned that he was related to at least half of the school one way or another.  Tarben was closest to him with a mother who could claim kinship, but the books in the common room library helped him trace his family to theFulbrights, DeLeons, Littlehorses, Encubiertos, Kenoshas, and Doyles. The last family was related to Alicia Steward through her mother, so maybe that explained why Alicia was so determined to be friends.

“Who is ‘us’?” Pierre  asked.

“What?”

Pierre  put the note on the table and pointed to the word.  “He said, ‘Send us an answer.’ Who is us?”

“Maybe he lives with someone,” Jake said.

“More importantly,” Littlehorse said, “why is he offering to introduce you to deadly animals?”

“Deadly? The only one I know is the komainu, the lion-dogs.”

“That’s the one that’s least likely to eat you, but amaguq? Those are named after the Inuit trickster god because they are that clever and deadly. They’re magical wolves,” said Littlehorse.

“I’m more scared of the cadejo,” said Tarben. They’re dog spirits that grow larger when attacked. If one attacks you, you have to soothe it before he eats your liver for dinner.” He gave a theatrical shiver.

“He probably just wants me to see something cool.”

“Or this is an assassination plot,” said Vehen Larsen who was sitting some distance down the table. He didn’t look up from his book and he didn’t sound upset at the possibility. Still, Birger had been nice. A little clueless, but nice.

“I’m going to visit him.”  He grabbed a chalksil before it occurred to him that chalk didn’t work on paper.  Pierre sighed and held out a fountain pen.  Jake smiled at him and wrote, “That sounds wonderful. Can I come on Saturday?”  Pierre  shook his head slowly, and Tarben looked scandalized.  Jake didn’t care.

His second night in the Alexes’ dorm was filled with studying. The Alexes took Elixir class seriously and warned him that Mr. Agronivus was likely to emotionally shred anyone who didn’t.  That didn’t sound very nice, but Jake had lived through not-nice teacher in the past, so he dutifully looked up every term from the first chapter and the students quizzed each other.  By the time morning came, Jake had bullthistle and sneezeweed and blue vervain and lambsquarter floating through his brain.

But the other students promised him that day two was sure to be better because Mr. Agronivus would start right in with teaching.  Jake hoped so because the Alexes had practically memorized his rules the night before. Jake wasn’t sure if he was seeing respect or fear, but Agronivus could inspire one of those without students stepping foot in class. It was impressive.

After a quick breakfast (because he’d slept later than he’d intended), Jake headed for Elixirs, breaking away from the Alexes  when he saw Alicia.

“Are you looking forward to Elixir class?” Jake teased. He’d already heard how all the other programs hated their sponsor.

Alicia gave him a vicious glare. “He’s a dumbhead with ketchup and mustard on top.  I’ve heard all about Agronivus.”

“Mr. Agronivus,” Hodges corrected him. The girl with the crown of braids was usually somewhere near Alicia, but this was the first time she had spoken around Jake. He might have been a little unkind on the bubble.

Alicia rolled her eyes.  “You should be fine. I hear he favors the Leys, and you’re sleeping in the dorm with them,” said Alicia in a sneering tone.

“Either that or he’s the sponsor and he has terrified the Alexes into doing book work ahead of time.  I’ve read the first three chapters of the potion text, taken notes on the ingredients mentioned and memorized the safety rules.”

“Geek,” Alicia said. She shoulder bumped him.  Most of the Alexes who had lingered over breakfast were hurrying past, and a few gave Jake and Alicia a horrified look. Jake wondered if it was the weird rivalry between the Gees and the Alexes or the rules about not getting too familiar with girls unless you wanted to start rumors.  Either way, Jake wasn’t going to tell Alicia that she couldn’t do something as normal as bump him.

“That’s not very nice,” said Hodges who was keeping pace with them as they headed into the basement.  “I told you yesterday that you should prepare.  The books say Elixirs is the most dangerous class first years take. Later you have a chance of getting gored by one of the school's camahuetos or having your head horribly transmogrified into something inanimate, but for right now, Elixir is the only truly dangerous class.”

“Nah,” Alicia said dismissively. “That’s Transmog. You heard Mrs. Socks talk about how dangerous that is.  Imagine if you accidentally transmogrified your own lungs.”  She gave a full body shiver.

“You don’t have the power to transmogrify a chalksil. How will you do it to your lungs?” she demanded.  They had reached the spiral stair, and Jake had hoped to get on a different step than the other two, but he didn’t say “Go” fast enough, and Alicia and Hodges both tumbled on the huge step after him. At least the speed of the ride silenced them.  By the time the step landed, Hodges was sitting on her butt and Alicia was clinging to the rail and looking green.

“Odin’s eyes, that… I thought Richard was exaggerating when he described how fast it went.”

“You knew!” Hodges cried in frustration.

Jake noticed most of the Alexes were watching with unvarnished glee.  Jake held out a hand to help Hodges up. She gave Alicia a betrayed look before she took it. “Thank you,” she said.

“You’re very welcome.” With that, Jake hurried to the Elixir room. One foot inside the door, and Jake froze. The room was like one of the haunted houses you could visit around Halloween. There were strange bits that looked suspiciously like eyes floating in milky liquid. Black dried flowers and vines that dripped with slime and bundles of leaves lined the dimly lit room. And where the rest of the basement was decorated to cheerily distract a person from the lack of windows, this room was stark and the dark stone walls made Jake feel as if he were buried alive.

Jake slipped into the empty seat by Tarben more out of a desire to avoid Hodges and Alicia than anything.  Pierre  and Vehen were behind them, and Vee and Gahbor in front.

Agronivus, like all the other teachers, started with roll call, and like Quiles, he paused at Jake’s name. After calling it, he stared at his roster and then slowly those dark eyes of his slowly drifted up to search the room with an intensity that made Jake squirm. Beside him, Tarben sat up a little taller, so Jake wasn’t the only one feeling the weight of the teacher’s stare. In fact,  The entire Alex half of class grew still.

“So, the school has been graced with another Newhouse. How delightful for us,” he said sarcastically. a few Gees sniggered.  Agronivus glared at them with cold, dark eyes that made Jake think of empty tunnels and starless, midnight skies.  The Gees grew quiet and Agronivus launched into an impressive speech about the power of Elixirs to heal or poison, to bring luck or curse objects.  The entire class was silent and even motionless as he swept about the class talking about the beauty of a softly simmering cauldron.

A shiver went up Jake’s spine, and he wasn’t the only one affected. Even once Agronivus fell silent, the students were statues.  Most of Alexes sat stiffly, their hands folded in their laps and their gazes locked on the professor.  Harriet Hodges was on the edge of her seat and looked desperate to prove herself.

“Newhouse!” said Mr. Agronivus suddenly. “Where would I find sneezeweed?” Hodges hand shot into the air.

Jake froze. He knew the answer, but for one second, he couldn’t get the information to float to the top of his memory.

“Well, well. It seems that someone hasn’t studied. Shocking.”

“Sir,” said Jake.  “You just startled me. I know the answer.”

Mr. Agronivus studied Jake like he was a cockroach that had slipped into the kitchen.  “Well? Are you waiting for an invitation to share?”

“Prairies, meadows and naturalized areas, particularly wet lands, so it’s best to search near ponds or streams.”  Jake met Mr. Agronivus’s gaze, so he couldn’t miss when Agronivus’s lips curled into a sneer.

“That was an easy question. I imagine even a moron could answer that.”

Jake frowned. Had the teacher just called him a moron.  “Let’s try a harder one. Newhouse, where would you look if I told you to find me black swallowward vine powder?”

Hodges started waving the hand she had thrust into the air earlier.

That was unfair because Jake only knew the answer because of Tarben’s comment about pukwudgies replacing Elixir ingredients, but he had the feeling Mr. Agronivus was not terribly concerned with fairness.  “Most Elixir labs, including this one, has a drawer on the right side of the potion storage where safety equipment and supplies are kept. Since black swallowward vine will stop Elixir reactions, I assume I would find some there.” Agronivus’s expression had such disbelief and loathing that Jake wanted to keep rambling. He wanted to prove that he wasn’t one of the morons Mr. Agronivus seemed to think he was, but he forced himself to sit still, even when he started to get a mild headache that made his eyeballs itch.

“Adequate,” the professor finally said, his expression now blank.

“Stewart, what is the difference between lambsquarter and dungweed?”

Alicia froze like a deer caught in the lights of a car about to slam into it, but Hodges lifted her hand as high into the air as it would go.  And then she stood, her hand stretching toward the ceiling.

“Um… I don’t know,” Alicia said.  She turned to Hodges.  “What is the difference?” she loudly whispered.

Hodges opened her mouth, but the professor snapped, “Sit down.”  She fell into her seat, her expression stricken.  A few Alexes chuckled. Jake was starting to understand why the major had a bad reputation.

Agronivus’s voice grew cold and dangerous. “For your information, Stewart, lambsquarter and dungweed are the same plant, a valuable if common Elixir ingredient. It is high in manganese and copper which means it enhances the properties of other ingredients or–under certain circumstances–speeds the reactions. In a class where we will be limited in time, lambsquarter will be a ubiquitous ingredient, and one I expected everyone to recognize. However, I am not surprised that a Slack would have neglected even the basic reading.”

“If I say something, I expect all of you to write it in your notes, unless you assume I am talking to hear my own voice. Because if that is the case, I can assure you, I am not,” Mr. Agronivus snapped.

There was a sudden search through bags for chalksils and slate. Over the noise, Agronivus said, “And a point will be taken from the Slacks for your attempt to cheat, Stewart.”

Jake shot Alicia an apologetic look, but when the professor turned back around, Jake focused on the cauldron he was sharing with Tarben.  They worked on a simple elixir to heal sunburn or minor cuts and the professor swept around the room, watching them weigh dried lambsquarter and crush tiny slivers of camahueto bone and measure out vinegar teaspoon by teaspoon. He criticized almost everyone except Jake and Tarben, who he seemed to avoid altogether.  That clearly bothered Tarben who kept giving Mr. Agronivus looks that bordered on hurt.

Johnny Smith with the missing vine on the bubble somehow managed to melt his caldron into a twisted blob, and their potion set the table on fire.

“Idiot!” snarled Mr. Agronivus, putting out the fire with a wave of his wand.  “A little camahueto bone will speed healing, but if you apply heat, those same properties will speed that heat into a full fire. Did you not read any of your safety instructions?”

Jake winced.  A margin note in the text had been particularly vivid in its description of the temporal qualities of camahueto bone.  Jake had been bad about ignoring margin notes, but when the first years had reviewed for today’s brew, all of them—even Vee and Gahbor—had told him the most important information was in the margins.

“I think I burned myself,” Smith said as he held out palms with bright red burns.

“Take him up to the nurse’s office,” Mr. Agronivus spat at one of the other Gees.  Then he rounded on Alicia who has been working next to Johnny.  “You, Stewart, why didn’t you warn him? I thought the Gees were all about protecting one another–chivalry and all that. Either the stereotype is wrong or you are simply clueless. Which is it?”

Alicia’s face turned almost as red as her hair, and Jake sympathized. Maybe Smith should lose a point for not reviewing the safety protocols, but Alicia shouldn’t.  Sure, she hadn’t read the book, but she also hadn’t melted her cauldron.  Not that Jake actually thought Smith should lose a point.  The burn seemed like punishment enough.

Strangely, Mr. Agronivus then turned to glare at Jake, even though he hadn’t been near the disaster.  “Focus on the Elixir,” Tarben whispered.  “Lose focus and you’ll be the next one to melt a cauldron, and I will not endure that humiliation.”

Jake sighed and did as Tarben asked.  He was such a prat. Smith was in real pain, Mr. Agronivus was treating the Slacks horribly, and Tarben thought his own feelings were the only thing that mattered.  Jake had been looking forward to Elixirs, but it seemed like the class was going to be a disaster.

While the other Alexes headed to their dormitory, Jake fell in next to Alicia.  “Tough luck,” he said.

Alicia shrugged.  “Agronivus’s always taking points off my older siblings. They warned me about it, and it’s the one class where my mother won’t care if I get a bad progress report.”  Hodges was behind them, but this time she didn’t correct Alicia when he left off Mr. Agronivus’s title. “You gave an impressive answer.  I never thought the Newhouse boy with his impressive practical magic would be a bookworm.” She gave Jake a shoulder bump to make it clear she was only teasing.

“Listen, tell Smith that the safety rules aren’t in the regular text. They’re out to the side.  And even if you don’t read anything else, read the margin notes so you don’t blow anything up,” Jake warned.

Alicia rolled her eyes. “The Gees could memorize the whole chapter and Agronivus would still take points and call us Slackers.  He only cares about his feysouls.  So unfair. But what can you expect from a Fey? So, what are you up to this weekend?”

Jake decided to ignore the insults aimed at the Alexes. “Birger invited me to visit him.”

“The assistant groom?” Alicia asked.

“Yeah. He offered to show me some magical creatures.”

“Cool. Can I come?”

Jake smiled. “Sure.  That’s be great.”

“Awesome. Well, I have to head to History.”

Jake grimaced.  “Good luck with that. It’s even worse than Elixir.”

“Fat chance,” Alicia said before she hurried away.  “Lunch together tomorrow?” she asked.

“Absolutely,” Jake agreed.  Alicia gave him a double-thumbs up before turning and dashing up the stairs.

Jake had lunch before his afternoon classes, so he guessed the Alexes and Gees didn’t have the same lunch period on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Given how they insulted each other, that was probably wise.  One and a half days down and how many to go? Jake just hoped that if everyone stopped whispering behind his back or making comments about his Newhouse family magic it would all get easier. If not, it was going to be a very, very long year.