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I stressed myself into the Emergency Room (Patreon)

Published:
2024-10-28 21:06:05
Imported:
2026-06

Content

First things first, I'm okay. But I spent several hours last night in the Emergency Room for severe, debilitating stomach pain that had been going on for days. The other week, I thought I had food poisoning, but it turns out it, it was the same issue. I started feeling sick again earlier last week, and it just finally got unbearable over the weekend. They treated me, but as for what triggered the issues both times, the conclusion was pretty unanimous--stress and grief.

Right after I posted about the schedule last Monday, I got a call from my family asking if I could help with the Memorial Service. We had the burial a few weeks ago, but because of timing and other factors, the actual service is this coming weekend. Between that, trying to process and post back-logged content here, get "Shaun of the Dead" edited and posted before Halloween, get "Serenity" done for it's scheduled Friday release, and a significant number of other stressors in my life, I apparently got so overwhelmed I made myself sick.

So with all of that being said, I'm not setting a schedule for the time being. My family has forbade me from working today, and I'm taking steps to remove the unnecessary stressors from my life. New reactions and YouTube edits will absolutely start posting ASAP, there just will be no set schedule right now, and I'll simply post things as I'm able. I have a ton of stuff that's in process (new episodes of THE EXPANSE, BUFFY, SHRINKING, etc), I just literally haven't had the time, energy, and bandwidth to get it all put together and posted.

I'm doing my best right now, but this whole experience has been completely uncharted territory for me, and every time I think I'm starting to get back to normal, I'm reminded that it's just not that simple, and that I can't muscle my way through it. I'm grateful to have a family and a community that supports me, and genuinely, I talk about you guys all the time. I share your comments with my family, and it has meant to so much to all of us to know there are such wonderful people out there. Just last night, my mom said how much she loves hearing about you, because she's so used to only hearing about trolls and the negative side of the internet. It's a comfort to know how much good is out there, too. Thank you for being one of the best things in my life, and for helping me through all of this. ❤️

Comments

Mr Miah

Please take care of yourself first! Reactions/edits can come later!

Michael G. Munz

Above all, take the time to care for yourself and do what you need to do for good physical and mental health.

Brian Scarbrough

Grief is a really tricky thing that is impossible to quantify. Take the time to make first things first.

Chris

Take all the time you need!

Lee Aguera

Mental health is key. Take the time you need gal. We known lots of good content is coming our way and Lord knows we all have your own stress. No need to feel bad or ashamed. You look after you, and post fun stuff when you're ready and not one minute before. Oh and add Zootopia to your reaction list if you haven't already seen it. Rest up! Cheers!

Guybrush Threepwood

Your well being is more important than anything, so take good care of yourself. Big Hugs!! x

Darj

Oh deary me. I feared that after your original announcement your return was a tad rushed. You go and take your time. Family and especially your health should be your number one priority. Get well, both physically and emotionally, then you can be a film nut again.

martensJD

Your family is right about not working today. I look forward to both Serenity and Shawn of the Dead, but I can wait. Don't stress about a schedule.

Bekka NoyB

Hope you feel better soon. Take care!

Dude Longcouch

I'm glad you're okay Jacqui. That sounds so scary. Please always take whatever time you need. Your health ALWAYS comes first, no exceptions. I'm sending you and your family all the good vibes I can muster.

Eric

Sending virtual hugs. Take care of yourself first, we'll still be here.

Ryan Ware

Please just take care of yourself, Jacqui. That is #1.

Ben Sheppard

I've been going through the same thing for years. Your family is right. Focus on yourself, and making sure you're able to handle real life. We're all going to be here when you can, don't worry about us. Feel better soon!

Bill

Take care of yourself and we will be waiting when you are ready. Redder is better for reaction videos!

Victor

Take your time and focus on yourself and your family..your supporters on here and YT will always be there

glenn harper

Never lose sight of the fact that it's ok to NOT be ok. It's kind of a trite saying at this point, but it's still very true. You're not supposed to be okay after something like this. Whatever it is you need to keep moving forward, gift it to yourself.

NovoKiwi

Family and self first, work last. Always. Take care Jacqui. We aren’t going anywhere.

Inhonor Oftrip

You’re making the right call now in pausing and taking your time. I lost my mother unexpectedly when I was in my late teens. There were days I worked 20 hours on a computer because that was the only way I could get through the day, and other days it would have been a mistake to even do a very little (fortunately, people who had expected things from me those days were very understanding). But I didn’t know what type of day or hour it would be, all I could do is see as I went. Listen to yourself, and please feel free to use us here or on Discord if you want to just talk. But definitely know we are here for you, your family, and your loved ones

Soleya

Take care of yourself. Hope you feel better soon.

Marc Bourcier

Take time for you, most important thing, as dedicated as you want to be, you can push all this aside and do for you and take care of yourself, take the time out you will feel much better.

Brett Oliver

Take your time, get your rest, we’ll be here with open arms and fresh popcorn for your return

Kris Doorga

As someone who finds it difficult to not want to get a million things done and then gets stressed about it, I'd say listen to your body and mind and try not to take too much on at the moment. Hopefully then the symptoms will start to go away and you can get to a point where you can first look after yourself health. Hope the service goes ok, my thoughts are with you and your family. If we can do anything to help you then let us know! 💗

Brian

No one here is pressuring you to get new content released. We want you to be Well first, and be with your family. Just a Thought, have you considered hiring someone to edit a couple of videos to help take the pressure off yourself? Might make it easier to take time off if you know work is getting done.

Danny Miller

Jacqui, I’m so sorry to read this, and I honestly hope that you take care of yourself first and foremost, and worry about everything else later on. I’ve had some pretty serious situations happen recently, and I know how difficult it can be to get back to “normal” after all of that, so please take all of the time you need to heal. I won’t get into the specifics, but I made the mistake of pushing everything aside, so that I could get through the things that I needed to, and I’ve been paying for it ever since. After that, I totally do my best to get other people to take better care of themselves than I did at that time, so please take care of your mental health first, because we’ll still be here to support you any way we can. ❤️❤️

David T

From a brand new member of your Patreon channel who just saw this news, do take every opportunity to gift yourself the time and attention you need for this recovery. As others have said, it’s normal to not be OK for awhile and we all understand. Don’t rush; we will be here whenever you feel a bit better, and we want what’s best for you!

Ray (Fanporium)

Friends don't let friend edit Serenity while grieving. Maybe ease yourself back in with something more silly like Brisco County Jr, Coupling, or Dr Horrible? Take care of yourself! We'll be here.

Jim

One of the things I've learned in my seventy years is that life has challenges for everyone and we never know what others are dealing with so kindness is always in order. You appear to be such a smart, attractive young woman that has everything together. We share the special gift of being redheads that might include tendencies toward being sensitive and anxious. I have had to make changes about how I live to fit my nature. I encourage you to learn and be kind to yourself. Diaries have proven to be a great way for people to reflect and see patterns about what works and doesn't work for you. Blessings

ErisKnight

100% going to echo the comments here. Take your time, process things the way you need to and absolutely take care of yourself and your family (also, don't be afraid to let family/friends help to take care of YOU). It's hard waiting for your content BUT I follow you _because_ of your open emotions... getting to see the joy and sadness reminds me of the first time I sat through some of these episodes/movies. Post when your able - even if it's just informational like you did today.

David Slaughter

Just step back and take a breath. Reactions and YouTube can wait. Your emotional and physical health must always be the priority. Your community will always be with you! Take care! ❤️

Ntrovert

Jacqui - I am going to go further than many folks here, but in the same vein. This is a major life stressor, and you need to give yourself time that may mean reducing your schedule significantly, or it may mean taking 2-4 weeks off to relax and renew. Your health is not something that you should take chances with - please take this advice from someone who did not and who did permanent damage to mine as a result.

Eric V. Grey

Unfortunately I've been where you are. Take your time, everyone's healing is different, and never the same from one person to the next. You bring people joy and happiness in what you do and we'll be here when you're ready.

Carl V Hunt

Stress is the worst. Feel better. Relax when you can. We are here for you.

SeasonedPessimest

Hi, I just want to say, I am a disabled Veteran with mental health issues for the past twenty years, so I can very much sympathize. No one can tell you how to fix yourself, and no one can truly understand what you're going through. Grief and stress, absolutely any health, especially mental health is your own and everyone needs to treat it differently. This is not saying you cannot be helped by others, in fact it can be very beneficial since no one knows everything. However I have discovered that the fight is yours alone. Your family is doing the right thing to help you through this. I have seen with your strength just recently you are a fighter and you keep your head up and keep moving, keep fighting. I don't mean to be preachy but I just wanted to offer some advice from my own trials. I am positive you can succeed. Always remember tomorrow is another day, another adventure and you don't want to miss it!

Tom Grassia

There is no "normal" after something like this. It does get better, though.

KC Bondurant

I'm all about taking care of you first. You are no good to anyone sick and stressed. Please take care of yourself and get better. I say this for selfish reasons. I love your content. You have amazing insight that I find valuable and entertained as to why something works. It's not going to be as valuable if your sick and stressed so I can wait. Get better. Enjoy life and come back refreshed and ready to explore more amazing shows and movies. I'm not going anywhere.

DragonWolf Entertainment

Never forget...The only person you owe anything to is yourself. Do it all as you see fit... We're just along for the ride. ;]

Alan Kobb

Please take care of yourself. This channel is only fun when you are having fun, so a stressed Jacqui is not doing herself any favors, is not doing the channel any favors, and is not doing us any favors. We came here for the happy Jacqui! Not only should you take plenty of time to take care of your family, but I think you need to take more time to take care of yourself. As soon as you can, you should schedule some time away from all of this. Put the computer away for a week, go somewhere beautiful and drink something with an umbrella in it! Take long walks in beautiful places and enjoy yourself. Put yourself in a happy, healthy state of mind, then come back and make sure that this is a happy part of your day, not a stressful part!

Matt Ferguson

We all love you and want you to be ok above all else. Take care of you first. We will be here when you heal.

jasonm

Jacqui, indeed take care of yourself, and take your time. In response to something you posted earlier, under the circumstances I would suggest you approach Buffy with some caution. Most of it is a light and fun good time, but it has some heart wrenching moments, and they tend to show up unexpectedly. That's true even of the first season.

Jon Shanks

Take time for yourself

Granger Hermion

I LOVE your commentaries and your “inside movie-making” perspectives. But you are human and you need to take care of yourself to be able to give of yourself. We will be here when you are ready. So do all that you need to relax, handle and get back to a recovered you.

Darth Moodle

Take care of yourself. We'll be here when you're ready to do the things.

George Harvey

Stress manifests itself in the worst and weirdest ways. Plagued me through my teens and early 20s, take your time. Reactions can't come before you and your family We'll pop to the Winchester and wait

John

Take care of yourself, please. Take as much time as you need. We aren't going anywhere.

uberelder

take care of yourself first and foremost, don't think about the channel imo. people take sick leaves from their work all the time. taking as much time is necessary away from the channel is no different.

Neil Writes Things

Please look after yourself and take as much time as you need. We'll be here when you're ready.

Eli

Take care of yourself Jacqui. Your health is more important than posting on a schedule.

Scott Clarke

I was going to comment on how you need to take the time to get better but there are so many caring people already here so I will say “ditto”. Take care of your family and self

BinsQ

Please take care. I had the same thing happen with grief and it just gets worse if you don't take time off. So take that time. Lots of love.

Eldon Callaway

Don't worry about us, just take care of you. The loss of a loved one can hit much harder than you think. There are so many underlying levels. Take your time, we are more than willing to wait. Your health is everything.

Scott Christian Simmons

Something I learned when my late wife was fighting cancer: you can't take care of other people unless you take care of yourself first. Be well, we'll all be here when you get back.

Garrick Smalley

Please take care. asap can equal next year. Your health and family come first.

Kevin Brown

When I've grieved, I've found I feel I have to do everything. I'm hurt, and I don't want others to hurt like me so I have to do everything so they aren't let down. And sometimes I drown. After my grandmother passed a friend pointed out to me that we don't build our relationships by being bulletproof; sometimes the best gift we can give someone is to let them know we can't do it all. Sometimes others need the chance to not let you down the same way you need to not let them down. It's different for everyone, but that helped me and I hope it's worth something for you.

King Skippus

Jacqui! For god's sake... As a paying Patreon supporter and someone who has experienced grief and stress before, I'm BEGGING you, take some time off! I'd rather you go away for a month or two or whatever and come back refreshed than to have new content now but having you burn out and go away forever. But also, just as a fellow human being, I REALLY want you to take care of yourself first. We WILL be here when you're ready.

Joseph E. Jackson

Take the time to get better, we’re not going anywhere. Throw a post every now and then and let us how your doing, and let your mom know still some actual human still out here :-)

Jack Cates

Take care of you and your family. "We'll be here when you wake up." You're worth the wait.

Volker Heuermann

That's not good. Sorry you are grieving, sorry for your loss. I had that situation myself and can just say, manage your energy. And if that means to take several steps back, then that must be done. Otherwise your body will step back and you already experienced that. You only have one health, be sure to take care of it :)

Mark

Take care of yourself first, we'll be here for you

PNWKyle

When this fun but time-eating thing you do is a useful distraction from stress, it's great ... but when it's a demand for mental bandwidth and energies already being overtaxed, then it's not. I went through pretty significant professional transitions after each of my parents passed, but I only made those transitions after a lot of time reflecting, not letting the powerful emotions of that moment drive my decisions. Take as many breaths as you need, and get back to this fun thing when it's a FUN THING you have the resources for.

Wild_Lee_Coyote

Remember Firefly, the Expanse, and all the other movies and series that you are reviewing, they will all be there when you are ready to return. Take a breather and try and relax when you can. We will still be here when you return. Take time for yourself, not family, not YouTube, not friends, only for yourself. As the User Keven Flynn said in Tron Legacy “it’s amazing how constructive doing nothing can be”.

mrchill_77

That’s super tough. It is crazy how much of a physical impact stress can have on our bodies. I used to work in sales, and it stressed me out so much I’d get sick, and have all the symptoms of a disease like the flu, except I didn’t actually have the disease. The hardest thing for me was turning off my brain. I did try meditation, and I actually do enjoy that, and it did work once in a while, but interestingly, the thing that helped the most (besides eventually getting a different job that wasn’t customer facing in any way) was video games. For me, there is something that is much more immersive about video games than watching a movie or TV show. I got lucky, I bought a PS4 during the pandemic and it came with Uncharted 4, which turned out to be an amazing story that totally blew me away and is now one of my absolute favorite games. I’m not saying that will necessarily work for you, because everyone’s different, and your stress is caused by something very different, but experiment with different things and see what works best for you. Don’t rush anything, and I’m looking forward to seeing you back whenever you feel like you’re actually ready.

Ross Bennett

Dear Jacqui, We're so proud of you and care about you so much. One of the reasons you resonate with us so much in your reaction videos is that you're able to express your emotional response along with your technical insight. It gives us insight into the method, certainly, and that puts it several levels above other reaction videos. But your empathy and heartfelt investment does two things: It shows us why the technique is effective, and it helps us appreciate what Aristotle called the shared catharsis. But here's the thing: Your empathy is magnificent until it hurts you, and then it exacts its price. The thing that makes you magnificent can also be dangerous. I'm sure we're all agreed that the most important thing is that you take care of yourself. We believe that because we care for you and what you've shared with us. There is nothing you can do for others until you have taken care of yourself first. So please put yourself above everything else. If you need help dealing with your emotions, there are people who are excellent at helping with that. And if you need something, please ask. The most dangerous thing when having a hard time is feeling like you can't ask for help. Ask. Talk to your friends and trusted ones. Share how you're feeling and what your frustrations and pains are. You should never have to deal with things alone to the point where you're in the emergency room with physical manifestations of grief or trauma. I don't think it's an overstatement to say we love you. We care. And if there's anything we can do, please ask us. We're wishing you comfort and relief, and there's nothing we want more than your happiness. We are here for you in every way we can be. Much love from us all.

Disgusting Vegan

Take time to grieve and deal with what is important yourself. Your mind and body need to heal and get better de-stressed and freed from your worries and sadness. Don't rush it or block it or it will come back worse and become a long term problem. Please I wish I could make your pain go.

Armchair Rizzard

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through, but i just want to say i hope you do what is best for you. I will be here waiting to support you whether you release videos or not. I wish you the easiest time recovering, and I sincerely hope you eliminate all the stress you can. This time of year can also be especially stressful.

Bobby Kratos

Please take all the time you need Jacqui. To paraphrase Shepherd Book in Out of Gas, "we'll be here when you get back" 💗

MichaelLibrarian

Please take care of yourself and your family first. We'll still be here when you are ready to return. My thoughts are with you. Here's some healing vibes ~~~~~~~

madfem

damn almost all the comments seem to come from men... why is your audience predominantly male ? that's... scary

Michael Lentz

Please take care of yourself. There is nothing wrong with prioritizing self care. As far as new content is concerned, I look forward to whatever comes out whenever it comes out. I am a new subscriber to the channel and a new Patron, so I have a lot of catching up to do.

Greg Schwartz

It's okay to not be ok. We tend to place a lot of our self-worth on our productivity, and that can drive us to go past our limits. Only you can decide what they are. Take the time you need. We will be here when you are ready.

Anon Amus

Why do you find it so hard to update your YouTube audience? You have been silent on that platform for a month if you include your one Fallout video posted since your birthday weekend, a lot longer if you don't include it. YT outnumbers Patreon 1:25. It's disrespectful to your core audience.