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Episode #767: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (W❤️M) (Patreon)

Published:
2024-11-12 05:00:07
Edited:
2025-08-21 18:46:02
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Content

“Granny shagger!” - Steve, on Aragorn and Arwen’s vast age gap

On this week’s We ❤️ Movies, we’re chatting about the absolutely magnificent conclusion to the journey, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King! First of all, yes, we are discussing the four-hour and twenty-three-minute extended edition! How magnificent is John Noble’s demise in this movie? Of all the stuff they could’ve cut from the theatrical, why on Earth did they ditch Sarumon’s big fall? How horny is Eowyn for Aragorn in this one? Was there a funnier way to include Sean Bean in that one scene? And should The Hobbit trilogy be re-evaluated? (Andrew thinks so!) PLUS: Samwise is framed for leaving nothing but Krackel in the Halloween variety pack!

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King stars Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Orlando Bloom, Billy Boyd, Bernard Hill, Dominic Monaghan, Viggo Mortensen, John Noble, Miranda Otto, John Rhys-Davies, Andy Serkis, Liv Tyler, Karl Urban, Hugo Weaving, David Wenham, and Ian McKellen as Gandalf; directed by Peter Jackson.

We hope you are enjoying Ad-Free WHM! Thanks so much for being the kick-ass Patreon subscriber that you are—your support keeps the lights on around the old clubhouse and allows us to continue doing these shows! We know you have a lot of options for podcast enjoyment and we're stoked you chose to spend some time with us!

Our show this weekend in Portland is sold out, but tickets are still available for our show this Friday in Seattle! We're stoked to hit the PNW after so many years away, so let's get ready to party!

Make the WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for all your We Hate Movies merch-related needs! Including new Bus Movie, Night Vision & Too Old For This Shit designs!  

Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Files

Comments

Rottenagenda

Yes! I love midnight releases of this show. Late night work is saved!

thecaptainofdeath

I'm so happy I'm gonna jump on the bed with my 3 bros!

Busiris

Looks like WLM's back on the menu, boys! So glad to have all three episodes to listen too. The first two helped me survive a red eye flight a few months ago!

Lar

I was so excited to see this on my feed I think I made a sound only dogs can hear. I’ve been waiting so long!! And now I’m so happy.

imipolexGforce

How many times did you guys think you were done recording and then you had to keep recording for another 15 mins? The way was shut but then it had to open again to resolve another WHM host going home, or gardening, or going to heaven.

Lar

I actually only watch this one once a year or so bc I cry so much when I watch it. You guys aren’t alone in getting emotional about it.

Craig

Recently re-listened to the first two so stoked to see this land!

Darryl Bowen

Don't think you brought it up during the ep, but what do you think of the upcoming LOTR animated movie?

Frank Grimes

maybe animation damnation in Dec could be that anime LOTR movie coming out

Eren Keskin

Denethor in the book is a warning to the dangers of doom-scrolling.

Craig

Better yet, the Bakshi version!

Catboyslim

Saw this new episode pop up at 12:02 am, had to fight with myself, go to sleep and function at work or stay up and listen? Have to go in to work on my day off🤬….so I’ll listen to it in the car and secretly at work with an ear bud hidden with my hair. We now live in the country of Mordor, so we to have to fight the good fight. Thanks guys, I love this movie and your coverage is just the icing on top

Moe Tilden

Yes! I have been waiting for this one. First two WHM eps are two of my all-time favorites. Love it!

WarOfTheBees

I can't stand for the They Shall Not Grow Old slander. The restoration of that footage and the lip syncing makes it a really compelling watch, and as the film of that era degrades it's more important to try and preserve it. But yeah, otherwise I agree: bring back Frighteners Peter Jackson!

Nena Aguilar

Listening now, so excited you finally got to it!! Can’t wait for you to do The Hobbit trilogy now! 💕

I'd Rather Have No Name

There's a whole generation of teenage girls who watched these extended editions with cast and director commentary, over and over again. I was there 20+ years ago...

James C Harris

I love Setve's "Theoden King", I've listened to The Two Towers episode just for that

Jason

Do they ever clarify if Frodo gifted Sam the sweet Baggins pad when he sailed off to Elf Island? Or did Frodo rug-pull him in the will and leave Bag-end to Crusty Carl who was clutch and remembered the weed during that epic trip to Hobbit Lake Havasu?

Dominic Kovell

The time of year is currently Halloween Epilogue, so it's appropriate, since the dead keep it.

We Hate Movies

I was fine with TSNGO, but it's not something I'll ever revisit like I do with other Jackson stuff. But yeah, Frighteners Peter J.? What's that guy been up to? - Andrew

We Hate Movies

I love that. I actually just decided to take a break from my DUNE-scrolling (endlessly reading Dune books) to finally tackle LOTR and The Hobbit. V excited. - Andrew

Billy Jay

It’s so crazy that I just back 2 backed the fellowship and 2 towers episodes over the long weekend

Matt

This month on We Love Cherry Tomatoes, my favorite weeknight easy pasta recipe. 2 pints cherry tomatoes 1/3 cup good olive oil 2-4 cloves garlic (more the better) diced shallot if you fancy big old block of feta cheese s&p to taste Place in a casserole dish and bake at 350 for a half hour. Remove from oven and break up tomatoes & feta with a wooden spoon. Mix in your favorite pasta (cavatappi works perfectly here) and roughly chopped basil.

Felipe Sobreiro

Have you guys watched The Rings of Power? I’m liking it!

MarkNM

Great episode. Bring on the Hobbitses WH/LMs. Flawed, shiny, and overlong, but still underappreciated. It's nine hours in PJ's Middle Earth; that's not nothin'.

Tala Hobballah

Yeeees first 2 Hobbit movies >>> I'll defend the 3rd for The Hobbit riding into Battle on that giant hog I think about it all the time.

Enrico Palazzo

For a bunch of Merkins who can’t manage a good English accent between you I’m very pleased that you’ve nailed a Kiwi one. Good work lads.

Darcy

The pregnant pause after mention of Clooney's Oscar is an all-time great ghost note

Hobbes Roy

Recently found out the light-skinned, boil-faced orc leader is the one that was based off of Harvey Weinstein. He was involved in the early production when it was going to go through Miramax before finding its home at New Line, and Jackson felt so turned off by the dude and how he was trying to throw his weight around, that he made that dude in his image. Good Times. Great Episode.

We Hate Movies

I liked the first season. Haven't had the chance to start the second one yet. Lotta 74-minute episodes is a real undertaking. But I thought season 1 was solid and it looks absolutely incredible. - Andrew

Enrico Palazzo

To be fair i’ve seen your group photos, so not a million miles off! Although I myself look like a shaved testicle so can’t be a judge.

Convincing John

fond memories of figwit tbh. look, as a horny nerd lady, you can't expect us to be cool OR normal. that is asking too much.

MarkNM

I feel like that Orc probably had more progressive views and empathy. Plus Harvey ain't holding his ground with wall chunks flying at him.

Paddy O'Rourke

I remember a LOTR videogame where they made shelob into a sexy lady for no reason. Fighting baby spiders seems better than that.

Clever Girl

"Got kicked by a horse, into fire and then fell off a roof" is how I wanna go.

Moe Tilden

Woah woah, don't put John Rhys-Davies on the jews, he's not jewish at all. He didn't refuse the tattoo because of a cemetery admittance, lol.

Moe Tilden

Also, fun fact, you can be buried in a Jewish cemetery with tattoos, contrary to Howie's fears in Uncut Gems.

Clever Girl

Guys, please get a food truck, sell Chinese food, and call it "You Bao to No One." (If you do, you owe me 10% for the idea).

Convincing John

Btw, God bless you guys for releasing this. I really, really needed this distraction today. It felt so good to laugh.

Marty TC (child-sized Cardassian)

Peter Jackson is TERRIFIED of spiders, so he put a ton of effort into making the Shelob sequence a mix of everything that creeps him out.

RJ Cunningham

“….in fact, it’s better if you don’t speak at all Peregrin Took.” When seeing this scene again, I had an instant flashback to my theater enjoying a great laugh over that. I was racking my brain and outside of any comedies really, I don’t have a more memorable theater laugh than at that line, I think there being a lot of actual adults there gave it a greater sense of legitimacy

HockeenightsCT

Also if I am remembering correctly his stunt double got the tattoo in his stead which is hilarious to me.

Johnny Collins

I love you guys. I love the LOTR episodes and this final one is an absolute delight - but for the love of GOD Eric, it is "Gondor" not "GAAAANDARR!" Read a fucking comic book. 😂

Trev Herron

can't wait to listen to this but now I have to book 9 hours to watch the whole trilogy because you KNOW you can never just watch one

Catboyslim

You think the lad was from the Midwest with that pronunciation lol

I.C. Weiner

I watched the Trilogy election day to distract me and to celebrate the imminent victory over the unblinking evil...and then I re-listened to your previous 2 episodes to calm me down afterwards. Anyway, Rings of Power answers almost all the lore questions that you guys raised in the 3 episodes and was engaging enough to me for me to do a deep dive on the world of Middle Earth.

I.C. Weiner

Regarding the video games, Two Towers and Return of the King both ruled, but Battle for Middle-Earth II (an RTS on the 360/PS3) was the true stand out and Shadow of Mordor, released a while back is an excellent reskin of the Batman games

Jacobi Smith

To be fair, Deliverance would be a great episode and is becoming a campy black-horror favorite. It’s crazy but it’s still Glenn Close lol

Lance Flexington

Now I'm never going to be able to watch this series again without pumpkin guy being the main character. Thanks.

Charlotte Pocklington

I was so excited to see this when it was released at the movies, got right to the point where Frodo is about to throw the ring into the fire, Sam's screaming, I'm on the edge of my seat and the moive cuts out! Think one of the projection guys did it for a laugh. Took 20 minutes to get it back on! 😵

Chris

Steve is not misremembering, those PS2 games were sick as hell

esebastian

VINDICATION! At last, I'm no longer the only person who liked the Hobbit movies. I do a Hobbit/LOTR marathon every year, and listening to these episodes will now be part of the tradition. Thanks, team!

Thomas Friedlander

Is the soil type joke near the end a reference to the first LBJ book by Robert Caro, or am I just pathetically projecting my own loser stuff?

RJ Cunningham

One thing about Frodo describing how he can no longer taste food, etc….is a close and purposeful mirror to Gollum describing how he felt when descending into ghoul-hood in the first scene of the movie. No taste, can’t enjoy nature, etc. This viewing really showed to me that Elijah Woods is so so so underrated in these movies, and I think because of that macho-American early 2000s (early 2000s to today) depiction of the hobbits all being gay is one reason why. I remember a Lindsay Lohan SNL skit about the hobbits all being gay. Good thing those sentiments have been eradicated from society, right, right??!!

Deano Rezzz

Saruman’s demise in the book doesn’t happen until very close to the end, after Sauron is defeated and Aragorn becomes king. The movie version (extended) is made up. I can see why they cut it. The book version isn’t much better though - Saruman invades the Shire, starts a cult where he’s corrupting all the townie Hobbits and they call him Sharkey and then somehow he dies.

Emil Svensson

Ten years ago I'd say we were well on our way, but young boys today are becoming more homophobic again (and conservative overall).

Emil Svensson

Shadow of Mordor was ten years ago 😱

Emil Svensson

That was Shadow of War, Shadow of Mordor's lesser but still pretty good sequel.

Stewart Moncure

And I’m still amazed they don’t have the Saruman death (or him at all) in the theatrical cut of this. Apparently Christopher Lee was not happy with that at all.

Zora McBride

YEAHHH! Four-twenty approaches, WLM Two Towers ep and the film plays in the background, ... work is made les loathsome! <3 :)

Deano Rezzz

That Two Towers game slapped. When you’re fighting as Aragorn against all the Uruk’s in Orthanc tower 👌🏾

Todd B

Funny story regarding Steve's comment on Saruman as a Sauron dupe - The 78 version by Bakshi hit a really weird stumbling block over that same issue. Apparently someone at WB felt the names were too similar and it was going to confuse audiences. Begrudgingly, Bakshi tried to meet it halfway and changed the wizard's name to Aruman. Problem was - they were already recording dialogue at that point. Not sure if it was a case of time or budget, but they didn't go back and fix lines, so the character is called both Saruman and Aruman, depending on the scene.

Craig

Worm tongue stabs him, like in the film. Or possibly slits his throat.

Kemper

What's crazy about the never-ending ending is Peter Jackson actually cut a fuck ton of shit from the book. There's a whole other war when the hobbits return to the Shire and find out that Sarumon has laid waste to it.

Trev Herron

Shadow of War is my all time favourite LotR game and I will defend it even if it isn't perfect (I don't need to hear every single orc's oscar acceptance speech even if they are pretty unique)

I.C. Weiner

I love SoM but SoW left me a little cold. It seemed to get bigger for the sake of being bigger

Matthew Lloyd

Get him to the greek, only two ended up being evil? Diddy, Brand, Miller and Hill

Jules of Denial

I just got ‘middle ear’ wrong on my Human Anatomy homework because I typed in ‘middle earth’ and hit enter before I could stop myself. It may or may not have to do with the fact I’ve listened to this ep of WHM no less than 4 times this week. Great ep, boys, but you do now owe me .8 points on my final grade. A note to Dr. Khollesi would be much appreciated thx.

Max Wanderman

To be a bit sappy, the events of the past few weeks have been rough to say the least. But this episode gave me my first belly laughs since the election. Thank you boys for the great episode

Leesha Olivier

I haven't seen any of these movies, but these are some of the best episodes! Fight! Beautiful 💗

I'd Rather Have No Name

I did just relisten to the Fellowship episode and you all also talked about Orlando Bloom's dick in that episode too

Dawn Elicia

Finally Return of the King. My favorite in the franchise. Me and my mom went to see this loads even did a marathon of the extended edition at least 4 times. That was a long day at the movies. Only thing I know the movie was long but surprised you didn’t comment on King Theadin speech when they changed into battle it’s so good but then all the speeches are good in this movie.

Pleather Face

Cringing at the mispronounciations of Eowyn and Eyomer