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“He makes Steven Seagal look like Robert De Niro“ - Eric

On this week’s show, we’re chatting about the totally insane Chuck Norris-partnered-with-a-dog movie, Top Dog!

How is this dog still alive with all the doughnuts this old man is feeding him? Has there ever been a less-convincing hangover performance than what we see at the start of this movie? Wait, this dog was shot five times in the line of duty? How hilarious is that guy’s freakout during the scene at the Mexican border? And how in the world is there this much white supremacy chatter in an otherwise silly dog movie? PLUS: The gang hunts for the closest Blimpie’s!

Top Dog stars Chuck Norris, Michele Lamar Richards, Erik von Detten, Carmine Caridi, Clyde Kusatsu, Kai Wulff, Peter Savard Moore, Timothy Bottoms, Francesco Quinn, Herta Ware, Eileen Bowman, and Betty the Dog as Reno; directed by Aaron Norris.

Come hang out in Vegas with us this summer as we do a three-night stand at ST:LV to celebrate 60 years of Star Trek and 10 years of The Nexus! We’ll be at the convention Thursday, Friday and Saturday night doing three Nexus shows on Wrath of Kahn, Generations, and First Contact! Best part is, you don’t need to have a convention pass to attend, each show is ticketed separately. Click through to snag your tix now!

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Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

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Comments

johnny stocker

I haven't watched a Norris performance for some time, I don't remember him being quite this bad an actor. Was this just a particularly bad performance or was he always this awful?

jribs

“…….its not Trumbo” broke me

Patrick caddy

We got hi folks! That old perv Don Bluth recently said that the whole Burt crying and taking several takes for that line. Was bull shit he said it never happened

David Thompson

Can't believe Daniel Jackson isn't considered an iconic character. 😂

TJ Gaines

For posterity purposes, the little girl who was the voice actor in “All Dogs Go to Heaven” was Judith Barsi. She also was the voice of Ducky in “The Land Before Time” and was in Jaws 4. She and her mother were brutally murdered by their father/husband.

Jason

The absolutely fascinating thing with Norris is that I can never tell if he’s just that bad or a lazy, grifter that just doesn’t give a shit about anything he is in.

MarkNM

He ate for decades on the back of an absolutely compelling performance against Bruce Lee. Which was compelling because he didn't say a goddamn word.

Rob Brown

My lady friend is the biggest TV Stargate fan in existence, as far as I know, and I was getting her some box sets she was missing for her birthday this week, so OF COURSE it gets mentioned out of nowhere on a podcast I listen to. It’s fine, I’ve seen a few episodes here and there, and between the flagship series, SG Atlantis (the one Momoa was in), and SG Universe, it ran for a combined SEVENTEEN seasons.

Matt

the only "good" Chuck Norris thing is the Walker Texas Ranger lever from the Conan O'Brien show.

MarkNM

"The road was right there," got me.

MarkNM

That's thirteen more seasons than the Confederacy lasted.

nadia

top eric szyszka? my slash card begs to differ ! also i cant stop laughing at “birthday dog” , need it to get made now

Tony King

As soon as I heard the dog noises in the movie, I had to check the credits, and of course our good buddy Frank Welker was there!

Josh

Wild that there's only been two Chuck appearances after almost 900 eps.

James C Harris

Referring to Stargate as a tax scam made milk shoot out of my nose

jribs

Last night, I watched a We Hate Movies Double Feature! Birthday Dog You Gotta Do It

jribs

Stunned that Eric didn’t catch it

TJ Gaines

Man, I really want that Disgusting Shit Boy Summer Month now.

JK

From the makers of "Christmas Ape" comes "Birthday Dog"!

jribs

And weirdly enough both movies are the only times Richard Karn ever discharged a fire arm on screen.

Rose Esposito

"Roll over on your comrades, Trumbo."

RonnieSoak

I have to admit that I was part of that tax scam. I was doing contract work for the NID (ask your lady friend what that means) and was getting paid by King Arkhan I (that one is an even deeper pull) to watch that show every week. Safe to say I was hugely into Stargate SG-1 and I was legitemately surprised when I later found out that MacGyver was in fact the more well known Richard Dean Anderson role.

Dennis Stack

I remember my dad renting this back in the day. I'm sure his thought processes was, "the dog stuff is for my son, the Norris stuff is for me" and boy was he wrong. We turned it off after about 20 minutes and just watched Big Trouble in Little China again for the 10,000th time 😂

Busiris

Man, I really have fun listening to Steve's wild card games at the end of the VHS trailer game. I haven't listened to the whole ep yet, forgive me if it's brought up, but I got a solid laugh out of the one cop saying there were 14 instances of hate crimes reported that day in the *whole* country. Also a bit of an lol that the bad guys were a worldwide white supremacist organization and seemingly none of the cops involved were part of it.

Rose Esposito

Heartbreaking that this is technically a 4/20 movie. :( I will not be watching it next year, or any year!

Mark D Myers

I still think old dogs would be a good episode.

Craig

The quote up top for this post really should have been: “I’ll take a kick in the balls.” - Eric

Felipe Sobreiro

For the Kid Movie Month special, besides Dennis the Menace and Baby's Day Out (which I already had on my wishlist), I'd like to throw these suggestions (from my same list): Curly Sue, Milk Money, Big Daddy, Mikey, The Peanut Butter Solution and (for Once in a Lifetime?) Bad Ronald

Matthew Lloyd

I was screaming "STARGATE!!!!!!" in my car.

Jack B. Baker

The only Chuck movie I like is Firewalker and it's only because Louis Gossett Jr. has enough charisma to offset Norris's lack of . . . anything. LGJ is actually funny in it. My old man fucking loved Walker Texas Ranger. They used to rerun it in blocks on USA, TNT, Spike, or some cable network and talk about a dadfernoon. My mother still hates Chuck Norris because of all the Walker episodes she sat through.

Billie Jackson

Especially the Haley Joel Osment moment. A real "wait, what?!" clip.

Billie Jackson

It's the evil agency that Q and Ronny Cox work for. And the guy who went on to become Veronica's doorman/butler in Riverdale.

Billie Jackson

Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis would have been good quarantine watches. Even outside of quarantine it's decent. Military sci-fi isn't usually my thing, but it's got a number of good standalone and serialized stories.

Z

I think if you can pinpoint the exact moment in time when Chuck Norris Facts stopped being a thing, it's when Mike Huckabee did it as part of an ad he cut with Norris for the 2008 primaries. This was the Republican equivalent of "Pokemon Go the the polls": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDUQW8LUMs8

jribs

I’ve been waiting since 2017 for the Heavyweights and Little Giants episodes

Billie Jackson

You can tell someone isn't really a cop when they point the gun at the dog but don't follow it up with anything.

Billie Jackson

The only Chuck Norris I've ever needed is the scene from Lone Wolf McQuade in which he's buried alive inside a Ford Bronco or something, drinks a beer then somehow drives it up out of the grave. Unintentionally funny but probably meant to be cool.

Jack B. Baker

Milk Money for sure. What a fucked up movie that is.

RJ Cunningham

When the dog shit on the floor, I was seeing double. Two Chuck Norris acting performances!

Thor

If the dog trial movie you're talking about is "Trial of Old Drum." Absolutely recommend it, they straight up sit that dog in the court and have a whole ass trial. And there are a little shit boy. Ron Perlman. And Sgt Tackleberry

Matthew Lloyd

I watched Silent Rage because of Hot Fuzz.

Jamie

Fatz Cafe used to be all over the Carolinas. My parents loved that place. I thought it was just okay, but they did serve really good poppyseed rolls with honey butter before the meal.

Jamie

I'd recommend Blank Check

David

You should add 1987's Willy Milly - where teenager Pamela Adlon wakes up after a lunar eclipse to discover she has a penis. Hijinks ensue.

Felipe Sobreiro

I didn’t know Willy Milly! Will have to track it down

jribs

Yeah but he says all the time!

jribs

Little Giants Heavyweights

jribs

Just want to bump this and shout out the dozens of us that are heavily invested in Andrew Jupin finishing the story he began over 15 years ago and finally get to use the slush fund on Cameo, or ya know, totally choke.

Dawn Elicia

If you were thinking a bad Chuck Norris I was hoping for Fire Walker him and Louis Gossett Jr in a Indiana jones type of adventure. I know it’s bad but me and my mom loved it.

Dawn Elicia

Yes I love firewalker. Me and my mom use to watch it all the time. It’s so bad it’s fun. I requested for LQM

Dawn Elicia

That is the other movie his I loved. I watched it recently. Still liked it. There should be a Norris month

Dawn Elicia

I would love to hear you guys talk about flight of the navigator and baby’s day out.

John Locke

Everyone needs to do a listener request for Lone Wolf Mcquade. It's a movie that this channel was made for. I love it even though Chuck's performance is a bit lacking.

John Locke

I watched Silent Rage because it was a new Chuck Norris film. It's so damn good.

jribs

Just catching up on some of the main main feed content and this episode is top dog and belongs in the podcast criterion collection.