ROTLE- Chapter 185- Guilt (Patreon)

Stabbing was only a silent endeavor when it was done with a thin and sharp blade. With high enough perception stats, anyone could hear it happen.

Especially when using a halberd.

Aiden watched Tanor twirl his halberd, deflecting a swinging slash at his head. The man who attacked him staggered away as the others rushed him, even the girl with the massive mallet. He had to give her some credit. She’d taken one look at him and decided that he was not an opponent that she wanted to deal with.

So…

They were currently jumping Tanor.

Arms folded, Aiden leaned against the tree and watched. Not yet in the Order, Tanor knew his way around combat. Even combat against multiple foes.

He was not attached to his weapon as most people were. Give a man a sword and he would believe that losing the sword would be the death of him. That showed a poor level of comfort in themselves, or even their ability over the sword. There were also those who were swordsmen through and true, whether by class or just by the fact that they used swords.

Tanor deflected another attack. He threw his halberd into the air in time to lean away from a fired arrow by the large man. Aiden tilted his head slightly, thoughtfully.

The man was too large for his bow and arrow.

Interesting. A little funny… but interesting.

In the moment of being unarmed, one of his assailants rushed him. Tanor stepped into the man, ducking the swinging mallet from behind him at the same time, and grabbed him by the wrist, sidestepping so that the sword missed him completely.

His hand moved, his wrist flicked. Aiden heard the sound of a breaking wrist before the man cried out in pain.

Tanor silenced him with a head butt, shattering his nose, before pulling him forward and tossing him into another of his teammates. It was just in time to stop the woman from capitalizing on an opening she thought she had seen.

Environmental awareness, Aiden mused. Tanor was good, like really good. He wondered where the boy had learnt to fight like that?

In the Order, there had been no records of him being an adventurer of any kind. There were also no records of combat situations, just a [Paladin] that liked to travel and learn. His family origins were also records he had not been allowed access to.

Moving deftly in his armor, Tanor grabbed his halberd as it descended in one hand. He brought it down in a powerful diagonal slash that shook the air and trailed golden light behind it.

The second girl, the one who used two daggers and not a mallet, halted her attack, abandoning her charge at him.

Aiden pressed his lips in a thin line as he watched. The woman was too late, she had overcommitted into her attack and it had cost her.

Her legs raised dust as she tried to abandon the attack, all to no avail. Tanor’s halberd came down like a force of nature. In a diagonal slash, it cleft her in twine, tearing through her from shoulder to waist.

Her body divided easily and fell apart.

The large man took the moment to charge forward. Aiden watched from where he stood as his skin turned a deep grey, hardening like stone.

Tanor turned and swung. His halberd slammed into the man’s side, letting out sparks. Tanor had to know that nothing was going to…

His grip on the halberd did not wane. The halberd did not come to a stop. It continued on its trajectory and sent the large man flying into the trees.

Momentarily, Tanor was left facing the girl with the mallet and three other men. One held a scythe, the other held spear, the last held a sword with a broken bleeding nose.

At least they were not complete amateurs. Their teammate had just been killed brutally and they still held their heads about them.

All of them stood, waiting. Perhaps they were stalling until the big guy came back which he would. He wasn’t dead, after all.

“Maybe we’ve bitten off more than we can chew,” the lady muttered carefully. “We can turn around, tuck our tails between our legs and flee.”

Aiden cocked a brow at that. But he said nothing. She was not talking to him.

Tanor frowned where his face had been a battle of guilt a moment ago. “Just like that?” he asked.

It made Aiden want to laugh. People like this were very good at tucking their tails and running. The one thing they were not good at was leaving. They would come back, attacking with any dirty tricks they could muster.

“Yes,” the woman answered. “If you will allow it.”

Tanor’s eyes moved to Aiden.

Aiden shrugged. “Personally, if it were me in this situation, I would not allow it.” He met Tanor’s gaze. “But it’s not me.”

He gestured casually at the group. “Make your choice, Alphonset the third. And you better hurry, the big guy’s coming back.”

Aiden could hear his stomping footsteps from far away. Just how far had Tanor hit him?

Tanor’s grip on his halberd weakened a little, relaxed.

Aiden heard Estabel sigh in the distance, hidden away by the darkness of the forest. She thought he was making a rookie mistake. Aiden thought so too, but sometimes, rookie mistakes were supposed to be made.

“Then leave,” Tanor said.

How did this kind heart not get him killed before the Order?

It was a viable question until he thought about how someone as jovial as Zen had made it to the Order and lived as an Order member with the same level of joviality. If anything, Zen now was not as jovial as the one in the Order.

Tanor stabbed his halberd into the ground. “Leave and I won’t follow.”

“Your word on it?” the woman asked.

Aiden wondered if she was the leader of this small group.

“My word on it,” Tanor promised.

The woman looked at Aiden.

“Life’s a gamble.” Aiden shrugged. “Gamble.”

She sucked her teeth in a sharp sigh but gambled nonetheless. She backed away carefully, mallet rested across her shoulders. Aiden wondered if she had a skill that helped her swing that thing around or if her strength stats were just off the roof.

The footsteps of the large man who’d turned his skin to stone was getting louder to Aiden now. He wondered if he was the only one listening.

Chances were that he was not.

When the woman’s eyes darted off to the side as quickly and discreetly as they could, he got his assurance.

She was very much aware of her approaching teammate.

Let’s see how he handles this.

The instructor in Aiden was coming out again. He wanted to see his student solve a problem that they were not aware was sneaking up on them. Even if Tanor was not his student. It begged the question of if he wanted to simply allow the man go off to wherever he wanted to go next once they were done here or not.

I can’t drag him into my mess.

The rest of the group were already stepping away, careful with the action, as if they didn’t want to make any sudden movements that Tanor or Aiden would interpret as hostile.

Tanor’s expression turned crestfallen suddenly. He sighed.

It made everyone freeze.

“I was really hoping…” He fell silent, as if he wasn’t sure how to say the words. “I was really hoping that second chances work.” He looked at Aiden. “You know, I really hate it when my father is right.”

He turned abruptly and raised his hand. Mana coalesced, coming to life in the form of a bright golden heavy shield, large enough for him to hide behind without having to squat.

Leg’s bracing in a slight crouch, he braced himself at the last moment.

The large man burst out of the darkness and ran straight into the shield. Tanor adjusted his stance. The impact rang like a town’s clock bell. The man kept charging, pushing. Tanor was pushed back. His legs ripped through the dirt and grass, unable to find a strong enough purchase to come to a halt.

Aiden unfolded his arms. Waited.

The others looked ready to jump in. Their readiness to believe that he would not interfere was interesting to watch. They behaved as if they were fighting only Tanor even if he was just standing there.

They didn’t even know about the [Battle Archer] in the trees or the [Mage] in the distance. Or the [Enchanter] beside the [Mage], even though she wasn’t really going to be a threat.

With a little strain, Tanor tilted, angled his mana shield just right, then sent the large man bounding away. He staggered, hit the ground, bounced a few times, then came to a very dusty and cloudy stop.

“Shit,” the woman swore under her breath. “Thought we had him with that one.”

“WHY?” Tanor roared, shocking everyone.

Even Aiden.

“Why?” he asked, his voice a little lower. “Why won’t you just show me that there’s still some faith left in humanity.”

Aiden paused. Tanor was looking for faith in humanity? Why? What was the point? Aiden had learnt long ago that it was not about faith in humanity, it was about accepting humanity for what it was. There was good and there was bad. They were going to do whatever they wanted. Your job was to do whatever you could about it.

“Is it so hard?” He pointed his halberd at the woman. “Why can’t you just turn and walk away?”

The woman scoffed in derision. “You killed our teammate, Alphonset. We can’t just walk away from that.”

So much bravado with the belief that Aiden was not going to interfere. Or what if he was wrong? What if she actually thought that she had a contingency plan properly set up now that she’d gotten enough time. A contingency plan set up to deal with him should he involve himself.

Aiden wanted to involve himself.

Calm down.

He had made a decision not to hold back anymore a while back, but it didn’t mean he had to just go letting loose and trying to prove a point. He wasn’t an animal.

“You’ve been doing all the talking,” Aiden said, inserting himself into the conversation. “Are you the leader or just the smart one?”

The large man took a step towards him. The woman halted him with a raised hand.

Aiden cocked a brow at that. “Cute. So the leader.”

“And what of it?”

In the Order, when he had proved himself to be a shitty spy and had been redirected to executioner whenever he wasn’t busy instructing the recruits, Aiden had taken his time to learn as much as he could about his teammates. He had a rough idea of what skills Tanor had around this period.

He pointed at her. “She’s the leader,” he said simply. “Kill her and they scatter.”

Tanor had already shown that he did not hesitate to kill. Killing was not new to him. So, when his mana shield went flying at the woman in the blink of an eye, he was not shocked.

But the woman was fast, she stepped to the side.

“Your gear might make you stronger than us,” she said. “Faster even. But it does not mean that we are weak. The weak do not go after Nosrath.”

Aiden snorted. “You talk too much for a dead person.”

Tanor’s shield came back. It shot to him on its side and went through her, ripping her in vertical halves.

It slammed back into Tanor’s hand without a sound. Then he slammed it into the ground.

Aiden was proud of him. He looked at those that remained. “Who’s next?”

…

The fire still crackled, burning away as if fueled by the events that had transpired.

Estabel stood next to one of the corpses, staring down at it. “You’re as brutal as they come, aren’t you?”

Tanor looked into the fire, unable to look at her. “I don’t… I…”

In the end, he said nothing. Guilt weighed heavily on him. Aiden did not blame him. Knowing how to kill was one thing, shaking off the guilt of killing was another. Then there was one more that people rarely paid attention to. The sense of defeat that came even in victory—the defeat of not being able to find another way. The latter was the domain of the powerful, those who stood above their victims.

Estabel sighed. “It’s alright, kid,” she told him. “I wasn’t even talking about you.”

Aiden raised his head at that. He met her eyes. Me? he wanted to ask.

“His halberd took her,” she said, pointing at the woman severed diagonally. “His shield took her. Quite a strong mana shield,” he gestured at the woman ruined straight down the middle. “Halberd.” She pointed at the large man with a large gash in his corpulent stomach. He was no longer grey as stone. She pointed at another. “Broken neck.” Then another. “Stab wound.” She looked at the last one, studied him for a moment. “Hm.” She looked at Aiden. “Killed himself with his own sword.”

Telma paused to look away from the fire to the corpse. “Weak, not fit to be human.”

“My point is,” Estabel continued, ignoring Telma, “you could’ve prevented this. I saw it in your eyes. You could’ve scared them away sufficiently enough. They would’ve tucked their tails and run as the leader had offered. You didn’t.”

She gestured around with her staff, encompassing the carnage. “You wanted to do this. You wanted him to do this.”

The words were firm. There was accusation in them. But Aiden could not sense a stain of judgement. Only curiosity. Estabel wanted to know why.

It was interesting. Still, when she said it the way she did, it made him sound like a monster.

But he was a monster. That was the truth.

Aiden licked his lips as if wetting the way for his words. “I did not want him to do…” He gestured at the chaos. “This.”

“You did not?”

“I did not.”

Tanor finally looked at someone, taking his eyes away from the fire he had been staring into from the moment the last man had killed himself.

He looked at Aiden. “You could’ve fooled me.”

Like the Order, Aiden was not evil, he was necessary. And when you did what was necessary, people often mistook it as evil. Being necessary did not necessarily mean being a necessary evil. People misunderstood that often. Being necessary meant being the thing that had to be but no one was willing or able to be.

In this case, it was being a teacher.

He looked at Tanor, met his eyes. “By your hands, they could’ve lived or died. Do you agree?”

Tanor’s eyes hardened in his war with guilt. “I gave them a chance.”

It was as if he was talking to himself.

Aiden shook his head at his words but held his gaze. “That was not what I asked. Lived or died by your hands. Do you agree?”

“They died.”

“Not the question. Lived or died. Do you agree?”

“They… they…”

“Do you agree?”

“I AGREE!” Tanor near threw himself to his feet. “I agree. I could’ve spared them. I could’ve let them live.”

“Hubris.”

It was a sad thing when humans forgot that they were humans. A truly sad thing. A man was not a god.

“That’s harsh,” Estabel commented.

Aiden ignored her. “You did your best for them. You saw the possibility of them dying and you went to them to save their lives.”

“And I failed.”

“Then,” Aiden continued, ignoring his words, “they proved to you that they weren’t worth saving, so you gave them another chance. Then they attacked you. Then you gave them another chance once more.”

“I could’ve saved them?”

“Perhaps. But at what cost?” Aiden asked him. “The powerful are the only ones who get to choose how a conflict ends. And unless you are faced with a child, living with power like that in your mind is arrogance I did not make you kill them. I made you decide. Tell me,” Aiden got up, walked up to him and stood in his face, “when would it be okay to stop finding out how to save someone who does not deserve to be saved?”

Tanor stood his ground. “Everyone deserves to be saved.”

“Everyone?” Aiden cocked a brow. “Even a man who kills your loved one?”

Tanor stepped into Aiden, defiant. “Even him?”

“The arrogance of youth.” Aiden smiled sadly. “Then what of your loved one, Alphonset? Did they not deserve to be saved?”

Something flashed in Tanor’s eyes. Pain. Guilt. Regret. Aiden had never seen it in the man’s eyes before, not in his past life.

Tanor took a step back. It was a single step, a normal step. Yet, it screamed defeat. He was surrendering in the argument. He refused to fight.

Aiden wasn’t sure if he was supposed to let it go. There was an injury there, and if it wasn’t festering already, it would. But they had an audience. And their audience was not even pretending to not be listening.

With a sigh, he covered the distance Tanor had just recreated.

“I don’t know what you’ve been through,” he said carefully. “But I have an idea of what you could go through. Understand this, a time will come when you will have people you hold dear, people you will swear to protect.” He held him by the front of his armor’s collar and kept him in place and lowered his voice. “Know this, Tanor. It is better to sit in the guilt of taking a life, than sit in the guilt of losing the life of someone that matters to you, knowing that you could have saved it had you not hesitated.”

Tanor searched his eyes for a moment. There was silence. Nobody broke it. Not even the night.

When Tanor finally responded, it was with words Aiden had not expected.

“That doesn’t sound like something my father teaches his spies.”

Aiden did not know that. He did not know that Tanor’s father was the kind of man to have spies and raise them or that Tanor had even possibly been trained. There had been speculations of royal blood, though. But…

It wasn’t important.

“Well,” he said. “I don’t know the man, so I’ll just have to take your word for it.”

Confusion settled in Tanor’s eyes. “But—”

A roar tore through the forest, shutting him up.

Aiden and Estabel looked south in the direction Aiden’s enchantments told him that Ted and Valdan were

The sound tore through the trees and ripped the silence from the world. It took the bones and rattled them, sending streaks of pain to be understood.

It was the roar of something at war.

It was the roar of something enraged.

It was the roar of Nosrath.

Author's note: Next chapter scheduled for 10tth February 2026