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Anybody got any alternative captions for this New Yorker comic submission?

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David Finkelstein

I like it. Maybe add "Please, it's the holidays." in front. edit: Or just "Please, it's the holidays." for the caption.

Chris Frochaux

Flossed away? I loved the loose shoelace.

Mary Guidone

Honey, you’ve tried. But you’ll never get to the root of it alone.

Anonymous

"No, it's too late to intervene—he needs professional help now."

Anonymous

"No dear, he'll just brush you off"