[TBBT] Ch: 12 & 13 [Compatible Objectives] (Patreon)

AN: Slightly rough around the edges. Hope it was alright. And think of this as 1 chapter. 2 chs for WN release since this is almost 2.9k words]

--

Leonard’s eyes moved from Penny to Karl, then back to Penny again. Whatever he’d been planning to say clearly hadn’t included Karl already standing beside her.

“You guys going somewhere?”

Penny answered before Karl could. “Yeah, I seriously need to hit a supermarket. I’ve got, like, nothing in my fridge right now, and I still need a bunch of stuff for the apartment. Food, cleaning stuff, bathroom stuff, probably ten things I’m gonna forget until I actually need them.”

Leonard’s smile faltered for barely a second. “Oh, okay, that makes sense.”

Penny caught it anyway. “Why, did you need something?”

Leonard glanced through the open door of his apartment where Sheldon was standing near the table with the takeout bags. “Actually, I... uh, Sheldon and I got Indian food, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to join us for dinner. I mean, if you haven’t eaten already. Which you might have. Obviously.”

Penny’s expression softened immediately. “Aw, that’s really sweet.”

Leonard brightened.

“But I seriously have zero food." Penny continued apologetically. "Like, I opened the fridge earlier and it was just a jar of expired maraschino cherries and half a Diet Coke. If I don't go now, tomorrow's breakfast is ketchup packets and tap water."

Karl glanced at her. “Depends how many packets you have.”

Penny looked over at him, her mouth twitching. “Enough to concern you professionally?”

“I’d probably have to file something.”

She laughed and gave his arm a light shove with the back of her hand. “See? This is why I’m taking the scientist.”

Leonard’s smile held, although it required slightly more effort now. “He’s going with you?”

“Yeah. He knows where the closest supermarket is, and he needs stuff too.”

Karl nodded. “My refrigerator currently contains water, mustard, and something I’m choosing to believe is still cheese.”

Penny pointed at him. “Exactly. This is a humanitarian mission now.”

Leonard gave a short laugh, doing his best to keep the disappointment off his face. “Right. Of course.”

Penny started toward the stairs before looking back at him. “But seriously, thanks for asking. Rain check on the Indian food?”

“Yeah. Absolutely.”

“Cool.” Penny smiled. “See you later, Leonard.”

“See you.”

Karl gave Leonard a casual nod before following her. “Later.”

Penny was already heading down the first few steps when she glanced sideways at Karl. “So how far is this place?”

“Maybe ten minutes.”

“Walking?”

Karl looked at her.

Penny immediately sighed. “Okay, wow. That was a stupid question.”

“I was trying to decide how politely to answer it.”

Her laugh carried back up the stairwell as they disappeared around the landing.

Leonard remained in the doorway for a moment.

Sheldon stepped beside him, holding one of the takeout containers. “If you intend to continue staring at the staircase, I should point out that Penny is no longer visible.”

Leonard slowly looked at him. “How did he do that?”

Sheldon frowned. “Walk downstairs?”

“No.”

“You’ll need to be more specific.”

Leonard stepped back into the apartment and closed the door behind him. “I had such a hard time trying to introduce myself without sounding like an idiot. He talks to her for what, half an hour, and now they’re grocery shopping together?”

Sheldon considered that while opening the container. “Karl requires groceries. Penny requires groceries. Their objectives are compatible.”

Leonard stared at him.

Sheldon looked up. “I’m confused by your confusion.”

Leonard dropped onto the couch. “Of course you are.”

Sheldon returned his attention to the food. “Although this outcome is preferable.”

Leonard glanced over. “Why?”

“Because we purchased dinner for two people.” Sheldon began arranging the containers with his usual precision. “Had Penny accepted your invitation, you would’ve inevitably offered her some of my chicken.”

“I might’ve offered her some of mine.”

Sheldon gave him a look.

Leonard sighed. “Fine. Probably yours.”

“Exactly.”

Leonard watched Sheldon calmly prepare his dinner while Penny’s laugh still seemed to linger somewhere in the stairwell.

“I’m glad tonight worked out for somebody.”

Sheldon settled into his spot with obvious satisfaction. “As am I.”

...

[Supermarket]

[First Person POV]

Shopping with Penny taught me something within the first five minutes.

She had a budget.

A very real budget.

She stood in front of the laundry detergent comparing two bottles while holding a small handwritten list in her other hand. “Okay, this one’s cheaper, but this one says I get twelve more loads. Why does buying soap suddenly require math?”

I pushed my cart beside hers. “Because capitalism wants you vulnerable.”

Penny looked over at me. “Wow, two PhDs and that’s your professional opinion?”

“Years of education brought me here.”

She snorted and grabbed the larger bottle before adding some bathroom cleaner, dish soap, shampoo, and a pack of sponges. I noticed she checked almost every price before putting something into her cart, occasionally switching brands when she spotted something cheaper.

That felt painfully familiar.

Meanwhile, my cart looked like I'd been shopping after receiving dietary advice from a wealthy nutritionist. Fresh blueberries, strawberries, oranges, organic eggs, good cheese, chicken breasts, salmon, and vegetables had accumulated without me paying much attention to the prices.

Then I reached the meat section.

I found a pair of grass-fed ribeyes with beautiful marbling and dropped them into the cart.

Penny stared at them.

Then she stared at the price.

Then she looked at me.

“Holy crap.”

I glanced down. “What?”

“Those steaks cost more than half the stuff in my cart.”

I looked at the package again. “They're good ribeyes.”

“They better sing while you cook them.”

I laughed and started pushing the cart again, although Penny followed beside me while giving the contents another suspicious examination. Her eyes eventually landed on the imported beer I'd picked up earlier.

“So you really are rich, huh?”

There wasn't any hostility behind it. Mostly curiosity, along with the understandable confusion of someone who'd just watched me casually buy groceries she probably would've considered a special occasion.

I rested my arms against the cart handle. “Yes and no. My family's very rich. My situation with them is complicated right now.”

Penny nodded slowly. “Family drama?”

“Massive family drama with contractual undertones.”

“Oh, fun. Those are always healthy.”

“I moved out after telling my father I wasn't taking any of the jobs he wanted me to take. There was yelling, threats involving inheritance, and a five-year challenge that somehow turned dinner into a business negotiation.”

Penny winced. “Okay, suddenly my dad getting mad because I moved to California feels pretty normal.”

“I'd trade you.”

“No chance, scientist boy.”

We reached another aisle, and Penny grabbed a box of cereal before checking the price and adding it to her cart.

Her eyes drifted back toward the steaks. “So what's the occasion for the ridiculously expensive cow?”

“Dinner.”

She looked around theatrically. “Wow, congratulations. You've discovered dinner.”

“Our dinner,” I corrected. “Assuming you don't have plans after this.”

Penny stopped pushing her cart.

I suddenly became very aware that I'd said that considerably more casually than I felt.

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you asking me to dinner with groceries we haven't even paid for yet?”

“When you say it like that, my strategy sounds questionable.”

Penny smiled. “A little bit.”

I pointed toward the steaks. “For what it's worth, I make a mean steak.”

“Everybody with a grill says that.”

“I have a PhD in Food Science.”

Penny stared at me before slowly looking toward the steaks again. “You're seriously using a doctorate to brag about cooking?”

“Finally found a practical use for it.”

She laughed, shaking her head as she started pushing her cart again. “Fine. I'll try your fancy science steak.”

I smiled and followed beside her.

“Excellent. Prepare to experience academically validated beef.”

Penny glanced back at me. “If you say that while we're eating, I'm leaving.”

“Understood. I'll save it for dessert.”

After making sure we had everything, we walked toward the checkout counter, and somehow grocery shopping had become the best part of my week....

...

[After dinner]

[Apartment 5B]

By the time Penny ate the last piece of steak from her plate, I'd already decided the supermarket trip had been worth it for the ribeyes alone.

Dinner had ended up considerably simpler than the ridiculous meal my degree technically allowed me to produce. I'd pan-seared the steaks with butter, garlic, and rosemary, roasted some vegetables, made mashed potatoes, then finished everything with a quick pan sauce because cooking for an attractive woman activated some deeply buried need to prove myself.

Thankfully, I hadn't gone completely insane and started explaining Maillard reactions while we ate.

That would've probably killed whatever progress I'd made today.

Penny leaned back against the couch with her empty plate balanced across her lap and stared at me for a moment before looking down at what remained of dinner.

"Okay, you seriously weren't kidding when you were bragging about that food science PhD."

I reached over and took her plate along with mine. "I'll happily accept that compliment."

"You should," Penny said, watching me carry everything toward the kitchen. "That was ridiculously good. If this whole scientist thing doesn't work out, you've got options."

I set the plates beside the sink and glanced over my shoulder. "My father would probably suffer an aneurysm if I told him I rejected NASA to open a steakhouse."

Penny laughed. "Well, maybe don't lead with that when you guys make up."

"Excellent advice."

I opened the refrigerator, pulled out two bottles of beer, and popped the caps before carrying them back into the living room. Penny took one with a grateful smile while I dropped onto the smaller couch across from her. 

For a moment, the apartment settled into a comfortable quiet.

It felt strangely different now.

A week earlier, I’d been sitting against that exact wall with a guitar because I didn’t own furniture. Now the lights were low, dinner plates were sitting in the sink, and Penny was relaxing on my couch with one leg folded beneath her while holding a beer I’d handed her.

If first-life me could see this situation, he’d probably accuse the universe of screwing with him.

I took a drink before resting the bottle against my knee. “So, tell me about yourself.”

Penny blinked, surprised by the question, then looked upward like she was searching through her own biography for something worth mentioning. "About me?"

"Yeah. I've spent most of today talking about my family drama and my ability to weaponize food. Your turn."

She tucked one leg underneath herself and thought about the question with exaggerated seriousness. “Um. Okay. I’m a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more about me than you actually needed.”

I smiled around another sip of beer. "I'm Aquarius. Born on Valentine's Day."

Her eyebrows rose immediately. “No kidding?”

“February fourteenth,” I confirmed while lifting the bottle slightly. “Lucky me. I spent basically all my teenage years buried behind laboratory equipment, textbooks, universities, and research papers, so the romantic potential of having a Valentine's birthday was completely wasted."

I raised the bottle slightly.

"Great planning on my part."

The smile faded from Penny's face.

She studied me differently for a moment, and I immediately recognized the expression.

Sympathy.

That was dangerous territory.

She was looking at me as though I’d just admitted someone had cancelled Christmas throughout my entire childhood.

“Oh, sweetie. Don't tell me you never went on dates or prom?”

My silence answered faster than anything I could’ve said.

Penny stared at me for another second before deciding the situation was even more tragic than she’d initially assumed. “Wait, seriously? Did you ever kiss a girl? A guy, maybe? No?”

I nearly choked on the beer.

I laughed, lowering the bottle. “I’m definitely not gay. I was just too busy trying to live the dream everyone expected me to have before I finally realized how much of everything else I’d missed. I'm twenty-one.” I held the beer bottle before her. "And this is my first time drinking beer in this life. And it tastes like bitter shit."

The words came out easier than they would’ve several weeks earlier.

Maybe it was because Penny had no ties to school, NASA, my family, or anyone who built expectations for me over twenty-one years. Being around her made it easier to admit I messed things up, and I think some of that was because of the beer I drank.

Penny continued watching me with that same slightly sad expression, though thankfully she didn’t turn it into pity. I appreciated that more than she probably realized.

I shifted the conversation away from myself before it became a detailed archaeological investigation into my nonexistent romantic history. “So, do you have some kind of job while you’re getting settled?”

That brought her back almost immediately.

“Oh, yeah. I’m waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory right now.” She took a small drink before continuing with considerably more enthusiasm. “I’m also writing a screenplay. It’s about this really sensitive girl who comes to Los Angeles from Lincoln, Nebraska, because she wants to become an actress, but she ends up working as a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.”

I looked at her for a moment.

The similarities were doing very little to hide themselves. 

“So it’s based on your life?”

Penny shook her head immediately. “No, I’m from Omaha.”

I stared at her for half a second before a smile pulled across my face.

Of course.

I also know that this was the conversation she was supposed to have with Sheldon and Leonard, but right now, it's happening with me. Butterfly effect... Hmm... Should I work on a time machine? Anyway, let's focus on her.

“Well, it sounds like you’ve got a plan. That’s actually great," I said.

Penny smiled as if she’d successfully defended the artistic originality of her screenplay. “I know, right? Okay, what else is there?” She looked around thoughtfully before shrugging. “Well, that’s pretty much it. That’s the story of Penny.”

I leaned back against the couch. “Sounds pretty good to me.”

“It was.”

The change in her voice happened so quickly that I immediately knew what was coming. Her smile disappeared first. Then she looked down at the beer bottle between her hands.

“Until I fell in love with a jerk.”

And there it was.

I remembered enough of the original show. Knowing what was about to happen didn’t make watching her expression collapse any easier.

Her eyes started shining before she could stop them. She put the beer bottle on the table, and then she started crying, hiding her face with her palm.

“Oh God.” Penny wiped beneath one eye with her fingertips and gave a shaky laugh that didn’t fool either of us. “Four years I lived with him. Four years. That’s basically as long as high school, and I just can’t believe I trusted him that much.”

I stayed quiet.

This wasn’t one of those moments where being clever would help.

She finally looked directly at me, and whatever embarrassment she’d been trying to hide gave way completely.

“You wanna know the really pathetic part? I hate his lying, cheating guts, and somehow I still love him.” Her voice cracked slightly near the end. “Is that completely crazy?”

I thought about the question before answering.

“No. Loving somebody doesn’t disappear the second they give you a good reason to hate them. Four years of your life don’t suddenly become meaningless because he turned out to be an asshole. Your feelings will probably take longer to catch up with what your brain already knows, and that doesn’t make you pathetic. It just means you actually cared.”

Penny stared at me for a moment. Her face crumpled slightly before she looked down, rubbing quickly beneath both eyes with her fingers.

The next laugh that escaped her sounded more embarrassed than amused.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m such a mess right now.” She gestured vaguely toward herself while shaking her head. “And on top of everything else, I’m all gross from moving all day, my stupid shower doesn’t even work, you helped carry half my shopping bags upstairs, you cooked me this ridiculously expensive dinner, and now I’m sitting here crying all over your couch like some complete disaster.”

I glanced toward the hallway leading to my bedroom and bathroom.

“My shower works.”

Penny stopped wiping her eyes.

She looked toward me.

“Really?” Her eyebrows lifted before uncertainty immediately appeared. “Would it be totally weird if I used it?”

I shrugged lightly. “No, go ahead. It’s just down the hall on the left.”

For a second, she looked genuinely relieved.

Then Penny smiled, still a little red around the eyes. She stood up. “Thanks. You’re really sweet.”

I watched her head toward the hallway, then leaned back against the couch once she disappeared from sight. 

Okay, now comes the hard part. She'll probably ask about the shower and tub, and then she'll ask for a favor: Bring the TV from her ex-boyfriend's house. Luckily, I don't have a car yet. Wait! If she asks Leonard, he'll drag Sheldon, and the canon scenario will play out as it is. That might create some unknown variables. Heck, I don't even know how much butterfly effect my interruption has caused. 

Haaaa... I gotta play this smart and get her TV back without losing my pants or getting beaten up.