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LOLCOWS: A History | Too Many Tabs 3.08 (Patreon)

Published:
2025-02-09 22:00:04
Imported:
2025-02

Downloads

  • TMT 3.8 audio PATREON.mp3

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Content

CONTENT WARNING this is an episode we do not suggest listening to on speakers. We cover some pretty dark topics in this one, including the story of Chris Chan. Listener discretion is advised.

LOLCOWS are an internet phenomenon that pre-dates the invention of the internet. Follow Pearlmania500 on this sad journey through the empty lives of trolls, victims, narcissism, social media, web forums, Freak Shows, Jerry Springer, Howard Stern, sonic fan fiction, Chris Chan, Daniel Larson, Ethan Klein, and unfortunately so much more.

Comments

review_of_academic_reviews

I just got here and I read the title and was like 😬 woof this is gonna be a deep one

Peach

Ngl my ass clenched when I read Chris Chan. Not sure if I’m ready to listen 😬🫠😂

tach.o

We had buckets too!!! But called them “fish bowls” !!!!

tach.o

Hoping they where as big as fish bowls Mrs P otherwise a commission out of drinking retirement might be needed 🤣

m

Mrs. P, thank you for sharing that epic Buckets story at the very end of the podcast that everyone should totally wait after all of the Patreon shoutouts to hear, because of my god, that is the greatest thing I've ever heard.

✨Sparkling Misandry✨

Gonna listen after the game - enjoying imagining your reactions every time the Eagles score. Go birds! (My cards predicted they'll win) 😆

Rogue Rabbit

Mrs. P, Thank you for sharing that epic bucket story at the very end of the podcast that everyone should totally wait after all the patreon shout-outs to hear, because oh my god that is the greatest thing I've ever heard!

FrankensteinsMomager

I really do think we need a Mrs. P fun corner every episode so she can regale us with stories before she stopped drinking

Maxi Millions

The one Jerry Springer episode that haunts me to this day was one about extreme fetishes and they brought out this couple that 🤮🤮🤮 green slime all over each other and rolled around in it

Hellso

Is listening on speakers not recommended just because of the nature of the topic is rough? Or is there another reason?

Hellso

I just listened to the behind the bastards episode about them a couple weeks ago and I’m not sure I’m ready again.

Caro

That Mrs P. Buckets story! Woo! Totally worth sticking around for!

Caro

I was so confused about the Chris Chan story until you got into it. Funny thing, there is also a very famous YouTube skateboarder named Chris Chan lol

Witch Of The Waste

Mrs. P, thank you for sharing that epic bucket story! I have forgotten the rest of what I’m supposed to say 🤣

Pelicans are my favorite dinosaur

Mrs P., thank you for sharing that epic story about Buckets and whistly straws and stuff. As soon as you mentioned "Kiwi Farms" I knew Amberlynn would get mentioned. I stumbled on a reaction channel to her by a woman who had lost over 100 pounds and we all rooted for her (this was probably 2015) and it didn't take long to realize she just had a cycle of finding new diets, failing to take advice of dieticians she'd visit and then blow off. Then she was pretty shitty to her girlfriends. So I couldn't even give her secondhand views. I quickly realized she was making money by a slow speed, life-threatening cycle. I don't know how people can watch that for so long. I did t realize she did a TLC show.

Verity Lala

Though I (parasocially) adore the Pearlmans, I (parasocially) yearn for Taylor’s immediate happiness more. And so, I was going for the Chiefs today…

simplebrute

most unhinged episode to date, perfect amount of brain rot 10/10 something about Mrs P use to drink at a bar called Buckets

Elfishparsley

GO BIRDS!! 🦅🦅 I WAS SO CONFIDENT I WENT TO BED AT 1/2 TIME

Lauren Jane

I wanted to note that on Patreon, your podcast is the quietest of all of the podcasts I listen to on Patreon. I know you called out Spotify for some dynamic audio thing, but I also bump into it here with each episode.

WintrStonr

Wow Mrs P thank you for that epic bucket story at the very end of the podcast ✨Also I’m glad I could make yall chuckle with my better help joke 🤣 All that aside, from a trans man here, thank you for both respecting Chris Chan’s identity while also not using kid gloves talking about the things she did that were problematic

Mr.PearlsFootFungus

Wonderful episode! So much outdated slang and my hyper-fixation of freak shows

Kathryn Dirks

Me feeling chaotic and wanting Mrs. P to read Morning Glory Milking Farm and tell Mr. P about it. 😂 It's monster smut if you don't know so be careful googling.

DamnYouVodka

I say this with love, but the fact that you didn't say the cow could have been in a "moo"vie has seriously harmed our parasocial relationship 😔

DamnYouVodka

Also my father in law used to think lol meant lots of love -- he would send texts saying "Drive safe, lol"

Pearlmania500

A listener mailed it to our POBOX a while back, it’s on my shelf 👀~ Mrs.P

Mad Bob

Honestly, one of the best episodes. But Mrs. P's bucket story at the end was insane. Had to play it back.

Hiddi

Mrs p drinks buckets of alcohol 😂

Doc Squid 23

Buckets! Buckets! BUCKETS!!!!!

Moth_Goblin

Mrs. P THANK YOU for that epic bucket story at the very end of the podcast P.s. I won 30 bucks betting against my family for the birds! Go birds!!!

Ieuan Tarran

Definitely should have sent a message to explain how to pronounce my name

Elder Millennial Dogtor

Thanks for the epic Buckets story! We had limeys, served in plastic half gallon pitchers!

Zelda Presents

thank you for speaking out - explicitly - for trans and disabled people! 🖤🖤🖤

Elizabeth Staples

So take heart the first 1/2 or so isn’t about Chris Chan and they do kinda give a trigger warning when they change gears into that specifically,

Jenn_and_juice

I'm so mad I forgot to change my display name before my shout out! But don't worry, in keeping with the theme, Alex you butchered my name 😂 epic buckets story Mrs P

AugieLovesPenny

Mrs. P, thank you for sharing that epic Buckets story at the very end of the podcast that everyone should totally wait after all of the shout outs to hear, because, my God, that is the greatest thing I have ever heard.

Grittys_baby_daddy_Fishbine

That actually is one of the best bucket stories I've heard. This episode nearly gave me a heart attack when I saw the title because my ex is a lolcow and I was holding my breath to see if their name SOMEHOW ended up here. It did not, I can sleep peacefully now

SweetenedG

Mrs. P, thank you for sharing that epic Buck-its (Buckets) story at the very end of the podcast that everyone should totally wait after all of the Patreon shout-outs to hear because OMG that is the greatest thing I've ever heard.

Peach

Thank you, I went ahead and listened. This episode was amazing, it’s just everything I’ve learned about Chris Chan has been against my will.

Verity Lala

That bucket story has changed my life. Truly…it’s Mrs P’s villain origin story…

Verity Lala

Mmm I have the same issue. It’s weird 🧐

SayaMatsuki

Thanks for the Buckets story, Mrs. P! It gave me a laugh on my way to work. Also, thank you guys for always shouting out libraries! 💗

TitanOlaf

I’m surprised this didn’t touch on the difference between ‘lol’ and ‘for the lulz’ 🤣

Steve French

I need to know why you didn’t like the royal rumble?

Outside Bird Lady

Mrs P the bucket story is magical and made me nostalgic for walking barefoot across broad street after a party on Halloween night… the fact that I didn’t get tetanus is a miracle 😅 but the vibes were good 😂

MrsCarterOfMars

My family members were on Jerry Springer once. I think it was for paternity questions

Desantis’s.Sleep.Paralysis.Demon.

World of T Shirts is so sad and now the latest one is Ash Trevino. Also I love hearing more Mrs. P lore! I feel like she and I would've closed down a bar back in the restaurant days. I'm too old and tired for that shit now.

maxton

Not me, a trans person, sobbing like a baby at the intro message. Thank you guys 🩷

Rose DiFilippo

Dude it took me and my partner like 5 ish hours to listen to this episode at 1.5 speed because it kept prompting conversations lol

PanWithNoPlan

The Jerry Springer show helped me realize I wasn’t straight lol. I used to watch with my dad as a child and loved catching the end with the stripper. Also let me know gay people existed in general.

snelly

thank you mrs p for the bucket story - i too have also finished a bucket basically by myself and regretted it😂😂😂😂

✨Sparkling Misandry✨

Ferris wheels are FUCKED! Right there with you Mrs. P. Seriously though, are you actually a lolcow if you make money off your own bullshit? Like, Musk and the Kardashians aren't being exploited, they're rich as fuck. They're just doing shit to make money (and in musk's case, distract from various criminal enterprises) No doubt their content FEEDS lolcow-farming behavior, but it seems a bit different. Maybe those are the self-milking lolcows that evolve from the ones that are milking all of us. And now I'm remembering that I haven't seen a reel from unfortunate.reads on insta lately 🤣🤣🤣 ew Mrs. P, thank you for sharing that epic buckets story at the end of the podcast AFTER all the shout-outs! Suck-its for your buckets 😆

Short_Range_Attack_Chicken

Mrs. Thank you for that epic bucket story! The first Jerry Springer I watched was about the Klub kids. Honestly this episode made me cry as well as angry because when I was kid that was bullied relentlessly (this was in the 80’s and early 90’s) it was all in person I can’t imagine having that happen constantly on the internet and being stocked just for content. 😖😡 I didn’t even know about LolCows I wish I still didn’t know about it… 😢

Danny

Mrs. P thank you for sharing that epic bucket story at the very end of the podcast that every one should totally wait after all of the Patreon shoutouts to hear because oh my god that is the greatest thing I ever heard

Danny

But I signed up to request you do a full dive on JD Vance and i’m gonna be here every week requesting until then because it’s gonna get better the longer he is vice president

A_Tired_Librarian

Thank ya'll for saying Trans rights are human rights and that disabled people deserve respect at the very start ;w; Also ty Mrs. P for the library shout out! (Some libraries have video games too! Thats like $50+ dollars saved to try out a game) Thank you Mrs. P for sharing that epic buckets story at the very end of the podcast. 🫡

Re_Disgruntled_Vet_With_Bad_Knees

Mrs P comment after the shout outs! 😒😆😆😆 Crazy thing I forgot I joined and heard my name like HEY THATS ME 👀 dont mind me im on the fed level

kt-wrex

Thank you Mrs. P for sharing that epic bucket story at the very end of the podcast, that every one should totally wait after all of the Patreon shoutouts to hear, because oh my god that is the greatest thing I ever heard.

Snarkelupagus

Thank you for not doing video game footage 😭 it makes me motion sick so bad and triggers migraines. I immediately have to scroll away from those accounts

Jen Fred

Thank you so much for all you do. I’m a middle aged white mom from WY and learned WAY too much today, but appreciate it. When this shit burns to the ground, I know that there are cool people out there doing good work.

Ok

Thank you Mrs. P for sharing that epic bucket story at the very end of the podcast - that everyone should totally wait after all the Patreon shoutouts to hear - because oh my god that is the greatest thing I ever heard. SUCKETS

mr. buttons

If anyone is interested, Jamie lotus has a podcast called 16 minutes (of fame) and she covers William hung and even interviews him. Its a really good ep

CheeseDizMilk

Thank you Mrs. P, you are incredible for that story!!!! Thank you bahahahahahahaha I needed this after finding out my dog got sprayed by a skunk and tries to eat it 😐

Pirin Tablets

Fun fact, Brian Albert did not sell his GENERATIONAL FAMILY HOME for full price. Hos long until we get a Karen Read deep dive from this podcast? 😂 I need to see a reaction to the leaf blower and red solo cups. ALSO all of this is connected to Sandra Birchmore. Justice for her and John.

Sage The Trans Goddess 🏳️‍⚧️

Anytime Keemstar gets mentioned i get war flashbacks cause at one point in time when I had more of an internet presence Keemstar knew who I was cause of some dumb fucking internet drama with a streamer i was friends with and we were beefing for like 6 months. I do not miss that part of my life lol. I scrubbed that part of my life from the internet for good reasons.

Deafleader

I’m mad they stopped singing 😔 when do we get the full version???