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I spent a few more hours polishing this and bringing it closer to the game that inspired it (No I'm not human)

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Sad Dragon

She needs some chapstick. Or maybe some chap's dick?

TheKite

Your initial message read "chip"!

Sad Dragon

Shhhhh no it didn't no one saw! It was the ghosts!

Yuu Yi

Not gonna lie, I'd probably let them in and die horribly. Or it'd be some dumb thing where I go 'That door is a pull door, not a push door ma'am'