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I have done the impossible. (Patreon)

Published:
2023-10-27 17:43:14
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

When I was 7 years old, I diligently wrote out a list of every monster I could think of. I named this list "Matt's Monster List." I was proud of the scholarly research I had done, so I handed it to my mother to check my work. She looked puzzled, and said only "Why did you make this?"

Well today my work bears strange fruit. The spirit of Matt's Monster List lives on, as I rank EVERY VAMPIRE OF ALL TIME (except some of them). If your favorite vamp ain't on the list, sorry but they ain't SHIT.

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Ranking all vampires ever.

If you like Scaredy-Cats, consider supporting us on Patreon: https://patreon.com/ScaredyCats No blood sacrifice is required (though all are appreciated). Theme music generously donated by Intellectual Dark Wave: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJQvmb2cqZlrgAFsAq1_P4w Buy a shirt why dontcha?: http://thoughtslimeshop.com

Comments

Connor Kelly-Eiding

Oooh dog if I don't see me some table top roleplaying vampires I'm gonna still really enjoy this video, boy howdy

Slazenger Kincaid

This video is "a bloody good time" according to a Dracula

Denise D

*grabs popcorn* 🖤🧛🏾‍♀️🖤

Adam Greene

I really wish Warren Ellis hadn't turned out to be a sex pest so I could enjoy Castlevania again. So fucking glad you ranked 30 Days of Night! I have revisited it, and honestly? Still fun. It tries to be something completely different from what vamps were being portrayed as, and they committed to what they were doing. At the time I remember thinking "they made vampires terrifying again," and that alone is worth something. It's been outclassed now, but still very solid.

Adam Greene
>>120796428

Also, I saw John Carpenter's Vampire's *in theaters*, and I won't let you lessen my shame and trauma like that. Sure, there were only 3 of us in there, but oh boy was I there

Gregg D.

Many points for mentioning both Vampire: The Masquerade and Curse of Strahd. I think your rating of V:tM is fair from the outsider perspective, but it will always be the definitive vampire lore for me. Like, they have the balls to say the first vampire was Caine, as in “Cain and Abel.” The game’s focus on the slow and inevitable loss of humanity over centuries also feels like a vibes win - you start as an idealistic young vampire, but over time you almost certainly will become a monster in order to continue surviving. Oh and horniness, don’t even get me started. SO horny. Just a bunch of horny goths. Spooks were a mixed bag, though. Like they only provide the setting and lore and rules, but not the individual story, so all the spooks are reliant on your buddy Brendan managing to verbally describe something spooky enough - though the Bloodlines video game had some solid spooks in it. For me, O+. I would bet a deep dive would make you lean towards A+, but you don’t owe that kind of work to anyone.

Hyla Tracy

William Marshall was amazing in both Blackula flicks. You shouldn't be able to have empathy for such a ruthless bloodsucker, but he gave the character such depth and range of feeling it's impossible to resist embracing Mamuwalde as the tragic doomed hero of the franchise, not its villain.

Gregg D.
>>120796428

I was one of the other three in that theater. I’m sure we didn’t walk out, but for some reason it feels like we did. I think at a certain point my brain just refused entry from anything else in that movie.

James Rule

Here for the Forever Knight representation.

BestStressed

I ALSO was obsessed with Forever Night when I was a tween? teen? which was very frustrating because it was only on in my area at like 1am which was not easy for me to catch at that age. I eagerly await your Forever Knight content.

Alienea

i would love to hear you discuss blade. live your best life

DegenCat

Absolutely incredible. Today is content. A billion out of ten.

Rebecca R Fischler

Splendid list. I too loved Forever Knight far more than it maybe objectively deserved, but the vibes are great in an incredibly 90s cable-tv way. And its horniness was highly formative for me in my adolescence, and I can’t have been the only one. Also, your ranking of Fright Night is entirely correct and I’d love it if you talked about it some more someday.