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Dear Readers,

Next week I'm switching to a handful of the old-school three-row strips, as has become a highly, highly beloved custom when I go and do something like experience Christmas or get married. They'll post on a schedule that I will probably determine while sitting at Chicago O'Hare, slowly getting rabies from a surface or a meal.

(This is nothing against Chicago O'Hare specifically; all airports are full of surfaces and meals that infect and sicken.)

Get Recruited,

—C 

PS Yes, the outtakes-and-making-of-strip will still post in tiers 2 & 3 at noon Pacific today! 

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Comments

Josh Egbert

My first experience with California gummies left me cry-laughing at the Kelp Forest inside Monterey Bay Aquarium. I have been recruited.

Shawn Warren

what a coincidence, the universe just recruited me also

b.zap

p'taw

David Kettler

to be fair, the Kelp Forest inside Monterey Bay Aquarium will do that to you stone cold sober

Josh Egbert

I shouldn't have taken two.

Achewood

Good Morning Shawn, do you know Todd

Achewood

Aaron rushton did you purchase the patent on marijuana

Clench and Cheese

It is no longer possible for Ray, or anyone else, to get sorta stoned. Weed and mushrooms have become THE SAME THING!

Achewood

I can somehow get turned around on one milligram. Even the molecule itself seems more robust.

Tom Morris

Antonyne Tries The Volcano

Shawn Warren

I have an awareness of Todd. I am Todd-adjacent.

A. Hamster

I just sampled the new weed before the third course of a four-course meal, in a restaurant where it was acceptable to do so. I had to be removed from the premises to watch Canadian TV until I came down enough to write a Yelp review of the establishment.

Song Club with John Krane

On Onstad's suggestion a few weeks ago, I went to the dispensary for the purposes of replacing the alcohol in my life with a marijuana substitute. I asked the man at the counter, what is the Absolute Worst Weed Here? "Aw man, it's all great." <- then he rattled off a bunch of weed strain names that all included a color and a pop culture figure or an animal. I told him he misunderstood me. I wanted the shittiest ditch weed available because I don't want to spend my nights hyperventilating at the inevitability of death. What you call Purple Bart Simpson makes me feel like I've ripped a gravity bong filled with salvia before delivering an unplanned speech at a Bad Vibes convention. "Oh...uh, this one, then." What he gave me got me so high that I taught my cat a trick, but at least I was not hung over. I am still searching for the session beer equivalent.

Achewood

“delivering an unplanned speech at a Bad Vibes convention” this is bang on Can you buy an edible in the low single digits? Way easier to control. Hybrids of thc:cbd etc offer different experiences. Good work switching gears!

Zachary

I find that the true danger of getting puzzled on hard basil these days is the unfortunate amount of technology at our disposal. Curses that GarageBand and its millions of DAW variants are so accessible at the exact moments I should NOT write and record an EP that will blow the minds of millions

Achewood

Canada has restaurants where pull bongs at the table? Seriously people, edibles. Small doses. We’ve been overdosing for centuries.

A. Hamster

I think there is a market for “the weed you remember from when you could get busted for it.” I’m workshopping names, so far I have Millennium Mota or Bud Light.

Achewood

Man do you remember like 90% of good music, it is your sacred obligation to get your fingers into garageband’s drum studio while Kindly Puzzled and make the beat that frees the species.

Song Club with John Krane

I found a 5mg "cannabis spirit" that is doing the trick. I also bought a bottle for my parents and they've been texting me repeatedly about how good "Lost on Netflix" is, so I think it's a healthy dose for those of a certain age.

Achewood

Cheech’s Mustache Brushings Ok that was clumsy

Achewood

Nice, is this a hybrid or straight thc distillate or…

A. Hamster

This was a by-reservation only place in Northern NY (the term ‘Upstate’ being used by NYC denizens to refer to anything from the PA border to the Canadian one). We were just close enough to Canada to get their channels.

Song Club with John Krane

Straight THC. I've heard adding in some CBD can mute the effects a bit, so I'll be adding that in. Also had some indica 50/50 THC/CBD gummies that were nice, but I need the crutch of having a cold drink in my hand for at least the short-term, so the distillate makes sense.

Song Club with John Krane

I say "distillate," but I don't think that's actually accurate -- it's a big fifth of water with some THC infusion that tastes oddly like lilacs. An ounce is 5mg and it mixes well in gin/vodka recipes.

Bungus Bronbo

Gonna add "Casey at the Bat" to the Roast Beef List of Delaying Love Making Enders (TM)

Clench and Cheese

Yes I'm very glad that I have left all that behind. I could barely handle it when it was mild.

Achewood

“It’ll get you to the ninth inning” (?) sorry, eating badly this week, brain weak

Achewood

Think of a hybrid as thc in a paisley smoking jacket and fez. Yeah there are some great cold na brews but replacing that sensation is a highly personal thing.

Derek Adams

I'm so glad enough of us have cut our teeth on Achewood's humor that the comments contain what I think of as Apocryphal Achewood

Achewood

This product sounds quite cool. I only ever do gummies but as ever, experimentation brings the new norm

Achewood

Man I want to go to Stoned Denny’s Oh wait, that’s just called Denny’s

Achewood

Welcome to our unpopular club, here is your tube top and tap shoes

blair

Sophomore Slump Big Bowl Reggae Mantle

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

I had my best morning sugar - 86 - since 2015. I thought I could treat myself (meaning sabotage my success) but Antonyne set my mind straight without even knowing.

blair

Now Rustmouth is soured on weed and given to claims.

Achewood

What Will Sour This Intrepid Grandpa Next

Matt Mitchell

Does Beef still get down w Golden Tabloid? My hunch is maybe he does not, possibly due to it being crossbred with less sympathetic strains

Achewood

He uses this weird thing with water and three levers. I don’t even know if drugs are involved. He read some book.

Matt Mitchell

I look forward to the “Roast Beef and his Un-Patented TriLever AquaSystem” and I haven’t yet even boarded the camino to be recruited by The Universe yet this evening.

Andrew Gillies

What's missing today is the Soviet veterinary solvent

Achewood

Those commies sure had that right

Don Rowe

I initially read the Patreon email subject line as "Has Anyone Smoked Marijuana?" and was concerned that you had gotten a little too high and were asking for help (but were paranoid about making it TOO obvious).

Achewood

If I *had* smoked too much marijuana, and decided to post that instead of a strip one Friday, I like to think this group would Understand.

GC

Having spent too much of my life in O'Hare I will make the obvious recommendation--Tortas Frontera (Terminal 1 gate B11 | T3 K4 | T5 M18). Quite good for airport food and as a bonus they don't usually cause rabies

Stavro

I recall an actual strain called "headband" because it described the type of headache it gave you. Dark times

Achewood

Ah, sr Bayless! I wonder how long til we see a The Bear beef joint - but I’d much prefer a Frank Gallagher place where you steal the pizza from an animatronic deliveryman.

Achewood

Yeah, the terpene cartridge guys I used to share a production space with recreated this one. Along with Durban Poison, which I thought would smell like diesel and cumin, but was just sort of chemical-y.

2scrogz

I actually saw something like this marketed in an Oregon dispensary once. "Dad Weed: Weak enough that you can smoke a joint and still pick up somebody from the airport."

Achewood

Don’t knock dad weed, I have big plans for doing the spring landscaping mildly polite.

Matthew Miller

Chicago O' Hare has the honor of having the absolute worst tasting tap water of any airport I've ever been to. I went to top up my canteen of Albany City water ("voted best by a council of mayors") but wisely took an exploratory drag from the ORD face fountain first. It tasted like somebody had bleached a penny several days prior; it smelled like spilt homebrew cleaned with a rented Rug Doctor in an adjoining room. I nursed that canteen all week.

RaleighTSakers

Wasn't rolling on and off the motel bed his faulty on the cheap attempt at suicide? (And not entertaining for anyone but especially not anyone in the room below him?)