A personal update + uploads for 19th–25th October 💗 (Patreon)

Hey everyone,

I owe you an update. I know reactions are late, and I know that isn’t a new thing. But my uploads and communication have been particularly poor recently, and I don’t want to keep being quiet while you’re left wondering what’s going on.

I’ve always prided myself on being honest and open with you all, so I want to explain a few things. I’ve gone back and forth about sharing this because it’s quite personal, but it’s affecting me a lot, and it’s visibly affecting my work now.

What’s been going on

I’m struggling a bit with my mental health at the moment. There isn’t one single reason for it — there are several things hanging over me, and together they’ve become a lot.

When I moved back in with my dad earlier this year, I had to give up a lot. The hardest part was having to give up living with my two very adorable cats. They’re with a friend and I do get to see them, but I miss having them with me. Unfortunately, this isn’t an environment I can keep them in. Honestly, I don’t think it’s a healthy environment for me either.

There’s mould in the walls in several rooms, and my dad has been smoking inside the house for about 20 years. The house constantly smells of smoke, and a lot of the time I can taste it when I eat or drink. I have an air purifier, but it can only do so much. The air con in my office also needs cleaning, and sorting that out has become another whole hassle.

There’s also still uncertainty about whether I’ll be able to stay here.

Around June, I read a letter saying we were being evicted. That was why I mentioned potentially needing to stop recording for a while. I didn’t end up stopping because I took action and things were stalled — but stalled doesn’t mean resolved.

My dad owns the house; it isn’t rented. I don’t know whether we’ll ultimately be evicted, and I know next to nothing beyond what I’ve managed to find out myself because he won’t share information with me.

I know advice would come from a caring place, but please don’t send me housing options or ask what my dad knows or has told me. I’ve looked into the options thoroughly, and the action I took is why things have been stalled. I’m sharing this to explain what’s been weighing on me.

The Patreon scare

About a month ago, I also received a notice from Patreon that a bunch of anime reactions had been DMCA’d. Suddenly, the possibility of losing my job was on the table.

It’s somewhat resolved now, but it was still a huge scare on top of everything else. I didn’t talk about it at the time because part of me was worried that saying it out loud would somehow make it come true.

I know some of you will want to tell me to take a break, and I appreciate the care behind that. But I’m not in a position where I can take a break right now, even when people encourage me to.

None of this changes the fact that you’ve been waiting for reactions. I’m not doing my job to the best of my ability at the moment, and I am so sorry. I promise you I really am trying.

Something that has brought me a bit of joy

One thing that has helped recently is a creative project: I’m making my own manga series using AI. I know people have issues with AI, but this has been one of the very few things bringing me any joy lately.

I’ve planned out a three-season story so far, and it’s been fun having something of my own to create and get excited about.

I also want to be honest that it has taken time away from work. I can get a little too focused on something that makes me happy, and other things end up being neglected. I recognise that, and I’m trying to get a better handle on it. I don’t want to leave that part out while explaining everything else.

I’d love to share it with you guys once I’ve got the first season fully illustrated, if that’s something you’d be interested in! It’s still a work in progress, but it would be lovely to share something I’ve had so much fun creating. 💗

This week’s uploads

Recorded and ready to post after I’ve slept:

Scrubs

Private Practice

Grey’s Anatomy

I’m going to bed after posting this, so I’ll be putting those up tomorrow when I wake up.

What I’m hoping to record tomorrow:

VisionQuest — 2 episodes

Whoniverse / Doctor Who — 2 episodes

The Walking Dead — 2 episodes

The hope is to get those recorded before I go to see Clayface. Slightly worried because horror… we’ll see if I survive 😂

Catching up on last week

I didn’t get Psych, Prison Break or Dexter done last week, and I’m sorry to everyone waiting for those. I’ll get them done this week — I promise.

I also still need to put up the post asking for your selections, which I’ll do tomorrow.

Movies and Halloween hopes 🎃

I haven’t forgotten about movies either.

At the beginning of the year, I set myself the challenge of reacting to two movies of my own choosing each month, and I’ve fallen way behind on that.

My plan — or hope, at least — has been to do a bunch of spooky movies for Halloween and make some progress catching up. I still really want to do that. I’m hoping I can follow through, but I don’t want to give you a long list of promises and then leave you waiting again.

Thank you for being patient with me 💗

I struggled with whether to share any of this, but being basically radio silent hasn’t helped. You’ve been seeing the late uploads without knowing much about what’s happening behind them, and I wanted to give you some context.

I’m sorry my uploads haven’t been where they should be. I hope this helps explain why things have been especially difficult recently, and I hope you understand that I care about this job and about all of you, even when I’m struggling to keep up.

I hope I can keep doing this for as long as you’ll have me. I really value every single one of you.

OKAY I AM GOING TO BED NOW. Thank you for reading, for supporting me, and for being patient with me. 💗