Poffin Type (Patreon)

A retired lucario fighter has opened up a bakery- and soon, a reporter manages to track him down. Enjoy! I tried something new, framing this as a newspaper article. Hope you guys like it!

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GOLDENROD CITY- "Luscious" Luc is a legend in the kickboxing circuit of the Johto Region. Unlike the professional wrestling leagues dominated by the Incineroars, Machokes and Machamps of the world, Luc defined the reputation for Lucarios everywhere being some of the best fighters with a five year championship run, famous for his signature sword dance move that has won him gym medals in twelve different regions. Luc's most extraordinary fight against Blackout Blaziken went down in sports history as one of the most flawless victories in any competitive sports, but then supposedly deciding to go out on a high note, Luscious Luc retired. A powder keg of a career, ended with one quick interview and a fond farewell. 

So where is he now?

It's been almost a decade since Luc's retirement when he claimed that he was going to take care of a few family matters. It was know that he was planning to take over a family business, but speculation about what that family business was stumped many journalists before interest died down following his retirement. After some extensive research around Goldenrod City, our team finally managed to track down Luscious Luc to a family-owned bakery, For the Love of Poffins, which has first started by Luc's grandfather sixty years ago. After a brief conversation while Luc put the finishing touches on a fresh batch of Bluk Berry Poffins, he agreed to sit down with us and answer a few questions.

As the picture attached to this article shows, Luc has moved on from his fighting days. He has traded in his boxing gloves for oven mitts, and his fighting gear for an apron that barely manages to wrap its way around an impressively large waistline, and even then, does little to cover the whole of his belly. The lucario has put on a breathtaking amount of weight in just a few short years that would surprise anyone. When pressed he admitted that he has made no attempt to lose the weight in years but confirmed that he remains active at a gym.

"Oh, I do keep up some workouts. I couldn't stay on my feet all day if I didn't," Luc explained, going through his daily routine. "But yes, you know what they say. Don't trust a skinny chef. That goes double for bakers."

When asked if he could still perform any of his famous moves, Luc laughed. "Of course! Look, I'm not going to lie, I'm not in my prime anymore, but this," He paused, making a show for our staff as he smacked his belly. It was explained to him that we didn't have any recording cameras with us. "Doesn't get in the way as much as you think. Sure, finding clothes that fit is a little tough, but believe me, I can handle it."

At this point, the team almost wished we had brought our recording equipment. Luc performed his famous sword dance almost to perfection. Despite the added pounds, which the fighter informed us was now approaching four digits, he could still move through the whole set of his old fighting routine.

"I'm a bigger target, that's for sure," Luc joked. "But if I ever did have to get back in the ring, I think people underestimate my chances. There's a reason people still expect Snorlaxes to do well in certain fights. Sumo's still a thing, right?"

Luc's remaining talent was put on display during a small incident during our interview. When a timer went off, Luc left the interview to pull out his latest batch of poffins. The kitchen space proved a bit too narrow for his wide hips, and when he accidentally knocked over a large jar of cinnamon spice, Luscious Luc proved that he still had his old reflexes. He quickly kicked the jar to the side, catching it on a cushioned seat without spilling. Unfortunately, the quick movement tore his already tight shorts. Luc excused himself to change into a different set of clothing. 

By the time it took him to change into different clothes, Luc excused himself from the rest of the interview, but allowed us to ask one more question before he returned to his duties. When asked if he would change anything since his retirement, or if he regretted retiring at all, Luc took a moment to think.

"No, I don't think so. Tell you what, honestly, if I knew this was where I was going to end up back then, I probably wouldn't have even bothered with dieting those first few years, anyways. If I can't stop eating my own poffins, that's got to say something about their quality, right? Look, my fighting days were great and exciting. But I've got a family now, and the kids would rather see their dad next to an oven making their favorite treats instead of getting beaten up on TV. My wife also doesn't mind seeing more of me— in more ways than one."

Luscious Luc's nickname has taken on a new meaning, as he almost seems to pride himself on how large he has grown. Other customers, regulars, joked often with the fighter-turned-baker about him being half snorlax. When others, including a snorlax, joked that Luc should eat more, Luc laughed even louder.

For the Love of Poffins, as the name would imply, specializes in the production of poffins, but it does sell a variety of pastries and baked goods. Lined behind his display cases, Luc has acquired a number of baking awards. While this reporter can't speak to how exclusive any of these contests or awards are, it is very clear that Luc's competitive nature has been channelled entirely into this new profession. 

For the Love of Poffins is located on Saffron Street, just off Route 35 and south of Global Terminal. It is open six days a week, and Luscious Luc has offered a free poffin with purchase to any fan that may want to see how the champion has changed for themselves, a full dozen if they bring in an autographed photo. If any customer comes in weighing more than Luc, he promised a full free meal.