Extra Bonus #64: The Accidental Push (Patreon)

IMPORTANT: Please do not screenshot and post any part of this bonus scene to other sites or share with non-patrons. All of the Patreon content is exclusive to Patreon and for current patron's eyes only.  Thank you!! xoxo Krista & Becca

RESOURCES:  Check out this narrative timeline graphic to visually see when this bonus scene takes place.

MUSIC: we listened to "Rolling On" by Israel Nash, plus all the music mentioned in the bonus while writing this bonus scene.

IT’S OCTOBER. I’ve got less than ten bucks in my bank account. I’m doing my best not to panic. Panicking won’t sprout a money tree at my feet. Though, that would be sick if it did. I’d be panicking up and down the streets.

I’m also trying not to check my phone while I’m on-duty.

It’s hard when I’m at the Hale House and there aren’t real threats around. It’s harder when this girl still hasn’t paid me the deposit for a tattoo I’m supposed to be inking later today.

I keep hoping to get a notification that it went through.

Is she getting second thoughts? I met Tamara at a bar, got to talking about tattoos, and she said she’s always wanted a Marauder’s Map with a wand. I showed her my style of art, and she was hyped. Coulda been the vodka soda.

Shoulda known she’d flake…

It’ll be her first tattoo, and second-guessing is pretty common for firsties. Really, if I think about it some more, I know why I took a chance on Tamara. The Harry Potter tattoo just reminded me of someone else.

I wanted to draw it.

I spent four hours sketching the best American traditional Marauder’s Map and wand. A masterpiece, I’d say. But I drew it more with Luna in mind, and there’s something fucked up about that.

I’ve been her younger brother’s bodyguard for almost a year now.

Her dad has made it obvious he hates me. Might even fire me once he finds out about the galaxy tattoo I inked on Luna’s thigh. So I shouldn’t be thinking about any extra tattoos I could give Luna. The galaxy was the last one.

Has to be.

“Did you get in trouble with them or something?” Xander asks while we’re outside on lounge chairs near the pool. He shrugs on a red zip-up jacket as an October breeze rolls through.

“With who?” I know who he’s talking about. I’m just hoping the stresses of my life don’t rub off on him. Honestly, I’m hoping they don’t even rub off on me. Stress isn’t good for the soul, and as far as I know, I only got one of those.

“Security,” Xander clarifies, glancing towards the backdoor to the Hale House. “All the parents are in there with your bosses.”

“My boss is in Montana,” I remind him. “Those are Triple Shield guys: the Alpha lead, Epsilon lead.”

Xander mulls this over, taking once last glance at the backdoor. I don’t really wanna explain how Price Kepler and Jon Sinclair don’t love me. Which is a shame, considering I think I’m someone worth loving. Sucks for them.

It has nothing to do with my capabilities as a bodyguard. They’re just not a fan of my “off-duty personality” as Price has put it after I drew a girthy dick on the Independent’s blackboard. And I pretended to deep-throat it. Got a great pic for the Gram that I was forbidden to post.

And Sinclair is like one of those old dolls with the string you tug at the spine. ‘Cause every time I’m around him, he just says the same phrase. “Stuff it, Donnelly.”

I’ve been piling up a piggybank of comebacks to that one.

Xander has a book in hand, but he’s staring past it. “So you can’t go butt in there or…”

“Guess I could,” I say, “but I’d rather be here.” Where your dad isn’t eye-murdering me.

Plus, I enjoy being around Xander. Nothing might be going on, but he’s been making my problems with Scottie fall to the wayside.

Here, the sun is out. Pool is glittering.

He’s safe and happy. I’m rocking this old black-fleece lined jacket since I can’t tan. I just burn to a crisp.

Here, I feel safe, too.

Here, I’m reminded that life isn’t that dark. And sure, my stomach might be growling—and I’d give a left nut for a hoagie right now—but I’d rather pocket these good times.

Especially since I’m really starting to rack up the bad, and I hate it.

I really do.

“I just didn’t know if it was important or not,” Xander says a little fast, maybe even nervously. “Since, uh, you know…I might be going to Dalton. And they’re talking about Dalton today.”

He’s had a discussion with his parents about the possibility of attending Dalton Academy already, and I couldn’t be prouder of my little elf.

But it’s not a set-in-stone thing yet. Just an idea on the table. Maybe he’s worried it won’t happen since I haven’t be called into the meeting.

I glance over at him. “They’d want to brief me with Akara about you going to Dalton. There’s a chain of command, and they’re probably waiting until he gets back to Philly.”

“Yeah,” he relaxes back, “that makes sense.”

I grin, seeing how badly he does want to go to private school. I wasn’t on his detail during some of his low lows like Thatcher and Banks were, but I’ve been around. And I know how big of a deal this is for him.

To not just ask for it—the thing that he hid away from—but to want it. Truly want it.

I just hope it’s what he expects and what he wants it to be.

I plan to be anything he needs so he can make it through a school day on two feet. If I can help someone finish private school and graduate, that’d mean a lot to me. Maybe I should tell him that, but the day is light and I’m not looking to weigh it down.

Except my phone feels like a brick in my pocket as it buzzes. I force myself to keep it there and not check the notification.

“What’s the book about?” I ask Xander, and as he goes into deep detail, the second buzz distracts me. It’s carving out an anxious place in my brain that I try to ignore.

I hate that it’s harder to focus on him.

“…the elves have almost all died out, and Lothern, the most awesome Elven city, is nearly empty because of it.” He’s thumbing through the pages of his book with a growing smile, and I’m mad at myself for tuning him out and obsessing over money and Tamara.

…or Luna?

I dunno.

I’d rather obsess over Luna than money. How about that?

“It’s more than one novel,” Xander explains.

Figured that.

The word omnibus is on the cover. The title says Warhammer. Could be a Warhammer series collected in one book. All I know is the paperback must be around nine-hundred-plus pages.

“Thicc boy,” I grin.

Xander laughs.

I nod to his book. “It’d take me a century to finish that.”

“You don’t read?”

“Nah, I do. Just have less time to read and finish books being on the security team. Keeping up with shows and movies is easier. An hour here, thirty-minutes there. Doesn’t feel like it takes as much time to complete. You’d rec that, though?”

“For sure,” Xander lights up. “I mean, it’s definitely a commitment—there’s a shit ton of lore. But it’s so worth it. The Elven culture in this trilogy is insane.” His grin is giddier.

I smirk back. I understand something about enthusiasm for the things you’re dedicated to. He’s nutting over his elves, and I’d nut over a buncha different things, too.

Wawa.

A hoagie.

80s rock at the Independent.

Philly.

Girls—girl. One girl.

Lots of girls.

One girl.

His sister.

I swallow hard. Yeah. I need to stop thinking about her. Especially while I’m trying to listen to Xander.

He thumbs through another page. “It focuses a lot on the relationship between elves and humans. Best characters are the brothers. They’re twins, actually. Tyrion and Teclis.” He looks over at me, maybe to see if I’m still listening.

I don’t have the stomach or the heart to admit that I missed some parts in the beginning. Not to someone like him. But I’m catching everything now. That’s what counts.

“They’re your favs because they’re brothers or what?” I ask.

“It’s more than that.” He sits up straighter, his feet dropping on the ground while he turns towards me. “Tyrion is naturally good at almost everything he does. The star of the family, especially in combat and killing.” He holds my gaze. “See, he doesn’t take kindly to injustice, so he’s prone to these fits of anger. He’s…” Xander searches for the words. “Teclis’ opposite, in a way.”

I feel another buzz, but I just sit up more to face him. Feet dropping to the ground, it buzzes again. “Sounds interesting…” I sound as distracted as I feel, but my head isn’t all here and how do I even explain that to him?

I can’t.

He’s sixteen.

I’m twenty-eight. What I’m going through isn’t something anyone should be shouldering. Not even me—and I know that. But I just can’t get free of it that easily.

I chose this.

Xander eyes the Warhammer title. “You have no idea, man. It’s…insane. I know I already said that, but…” He looks nervously away from me, his neck reddening. “For lack of a better word, yeah, it’s insane.” He clears his throat and scratches at his shaggy hair.

I try to catch his eyes but he’s avoiding. Timid and all that.

It’s not the first time he’s been shy around me.

I’ve started figuring out that he’s either trying to impress me or gets in his head about what I think of him or both. Which is funny considering I’m not someone anyone is ever worried about impressing.

And people don’t usually care about what I think of them.

Xander, though, he sees my opinion like it’s some type of golden nugget. It’s strange. Good strange.

Lily and Lo raised a cool guy, and I like that Xander likes me. Don’t know exactly what I did to deserve his appreciation of me, but I’m not complaining about it or taking it for granted.

Xander grimaces at himself. “You’re probably bored of me droning on about this—”

“I like hearing about it,” I cut him off. “Like I said, I don’t have time to read all that much anymore, so it’s like I’m reading through you.” I grin at him. “You’re my Warhammer Wiki.”

“You say that like it’s a cool thing. Warhammer is god-level nerd shit.”

God-level. “That’s where I gotta go. Bring me there.”

“You asked,” he warns me, grinning back. “So Teclis is feeble. Sickly. He’s this pariah in Elven society—elves are known for being arrogant; they all think highly of themselves—and here, he’s worthless to them. Weak. He’s always in the shadow of his brother, but maybe Teclis does this to himself.” Xander pauses. “He stays locked up and isolated, believing that no one likes him for the things that he values. He lashes out with sarcasm…and he kind of falls into the role of being lesser than Tyrion. Who defends and loves his brother a lot, and Teclis loves him back.”

“What happens to Teclis?” I wonder.

“He becomes one of the most powerful Elven mages in the world.”

“Shit,” I grin.

“Yeah, I know.” He struggles to contain a smile. “Anyway, Teclis decides to teach humans magic. He helps humanity develop their potential, but it’s also to help stop Chaos, which is the greatest threat to the Elves.” Xander pauses again to contemplate the lore. “I think he has more respect for humanity than other elves because of the way he was raised. He’s one of the few elves who treats humans as more than just animals and lesser than elves.”

I can picture it. I can also see why he’d be attached to this story. But I just say, “In this house we love character growth.”

“That’s what I miss most about not being online as much,” Xander says, “the memes.” He must recognize the one I used.

I nod slowly and wrestle with myself about the professionalism of sending him some fandom memes from time to time. He’s a minor. He’s not Beckett.

Or Luna.

Or Farrow and Oscar.

He’s just my client.

“Your brother and sisters send you any?” I wonder.

He nods. “Only the good ones, Luna says.”

I smile, a softer one, and I feel a weird feeling against my chest. I swallow harder to force it down, but it doesn’t really go away. That feeling.

Someone comes outside through the backdoor, and I tense on instinct until I see it’s his family. Not a threat to Xander.

Cobalt brethren approaching.

Though, Xander is the one tensing now. Family rifts aren’t supposed to overlap with threats in the Venn Diagram. Not unless your name is Grandmother Calloway.

Ben Cobalt walks over to the row of lounge chairs where we’re sitting. He towers. As he should. He’s six-five and seventeen. I’d be towering all the over the place if I were the tallest Cobalt, too.

He’s in a navy-blue Dalton Academy letterman jacket for hockey.

Xander looks skinnier.

Younger, though they’re only a year apart.

It’s not even these physical differences that separate them. Rumor is they just grew apart like some aging friendships do, but I found out about Xander giving his antidepressants to Ben’s peers while Xander was homeschooled. I heard Ben felt like he put Xander in those situations by bringing him to school functions.

So he stopped bringing him.

The divide just kept growing, and they don’t talk much anymore. So I can’t be the only one wondering why Ben decided to come outside.

“What are you reading?” Ben asks him, stuffing his hands in his jacket. Only there’s a strictness to his stance. He nods to me in greeting.

I nod back, trying to act like wallpaper. I have no idea what this is about, but Oscar’s gonna want details later.

“Nothing,” Xander replies to his cousin, setting aside the Warhammer omnibus, and the Lonely Mountain hops off his lap. I watch the Newfie go inside through the door Ben left ajar.

Ben sees the book. “I remember that one. Didn’t you give it to me to read in the car? On the way to the lake house or some other trip?”

“The lake house, and you hated it,” Xander says.

Ben frowns. “I didn’t hate it.”

“You didn’t even get past chapter one.”

He extends an arm. “It was dense.”

“No, War and Peace is dense, and that’s practically a Cobalt introductory novel to reading.”

“Then I guess you’re more of a Cobalt than I am since I’ve never read War and Peace or…Tyrion & Teclis,” he reads the subtitle.

Xander looks frustrated and upset at himself. “That’s not what I meant, man.”

Ben scratches at the back of his head, having trouble saying what he wants to say, I’m thinking.

“What are you even doing here?” Xander wonders.

Ben casts a glance at the backdoor behind us. “I was asked to come talk to security about things going on at Dalton. With your sister and Nona.”

Xander is unmoving. “Oh yeah?”

Ben tries to make eye contact with me, but I’m pretending to be interested in the sunlight refracting off the pool and my radio.

I overheard Kinney tell Xander what happened at Dalton Academy. Some fucking perv showed her his dick in a supply closet, so I’m “in the know” and whatnot.

“Yeah,” Ben nods back to Xander, “and then my parents started talking about you possibly going to Dalton after Christmas break and asked me what I thought.”

Xander goes pale. “What’d you say?”

“I was surprised,” Ben says defensively. “Why would you even want to go, man? You know the kinds of people who are there.”

“I can ignore them.” Xander sounds confident.

Ben looks worried. “They’re aggressive—these guys at school. Two or three will come up to you, and they’re going to keep asking you stuff you’re not going to want to respond to and they’ll call you names you can’t run away from. And then if they like you, like truly like you, they might ask you to bring them around your sisters and the other girls—and then you’re going to wonder if they really like you or if they’re just using you.”

Xander’s nose flares. “Is this from personal experience? Or are you just terrified I’m going to fuck up and hurt the girls?”

Ben slowly shakes his head, and if I’d guess, I’d say it’s likely both. ‘Cause he’s not able to respond.

I interject, “I’m gonna be there, Ben.”

Xander nods strongly. “Donnelly will be there. I have a bodyguard on school grounds.”

“That could backfire on you,” Ben tells him. “They could pressure you to get rid of the nark.”

“I’m no nark,” I mention casually.

Xander motions to me. “See. It’s fine. I’m fine. I can handle it.”

Ben looks pained.

“Why won’t you even let me try?”

“Because I don’t want you to get hurt!” Ben shouts, eyes reddening. “Any more than I want the girls to get hurt or the rest of our family to get hurt! What happened to Kinney—that could so easily happen to you and you don’t see it—”

“No, you don’t see it.” Xander shoots up from the lounge chair. “What’d you do about that sick fuck who went at Kinney?”

I slowly stand up while Ben careens his head to the side, looking nauseous now. “You have no idea, Xander…”

“You let Winona beat the shit out of him. Where were you?”

“You have no idea.” Ben faces Xander. It seems like Ben is trying to calm down, but he’s known to get in fights at school, so my lion cub is not a picture-perfect representation of calm.

“I wouldn’t have let him near Kinney,” Xander tells Ben. “You should be wanting me there because you’re about to fucking leave.”

“Is that why you want to go?” Ben’s face screws up.

“No,” Xander forces out. “What’d you tell all the parents?”

“About what?”

“When they asked about what you thought? Me going to Dalton?”

Ben takes a step back, closer to the pool. “I’m not doing this—”

“What’d you say?” Xander nearly shouts.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea!”

Xander looks crushed. “You don’t know that.”

“It’s my opinion, man. I’d be worried as fuck about you—”

“Don’t be,” Xander says tightly. “We’re not even friends.”

“You’re my cousin,” Ben retorts. “I’m sorry that means something to me.”

Xander threads his hands on his head. “Go tell them you thought about it and you think I’ll be okay. Please.”

Ben frowns deeper. “Xander, I can’t—”

“You can, Ben!” He edges closer to Ben, then Xander glances backwards at me. The pleading look in his eyes says, Donnelly, help. Like he’s on the precipice of his future, and Ben is shoving him into darkness.

And I can’t just stand here.

“I can’t lie about this!” Ben retorts.

I come over and slip between them so they’re out of each other’s faces. Ben immediately startles, all six-five of him. He wobbles backwards like a baby deer on ice. His foot finds the air above the pool, and he falls into the water with a loud splash.

My stomach drops.

“Shit,” Xander mutters, guilt on his face.

“It’s my fault,” I tell him.

As soon as Ben breaks the surface, I bend down to the pool’s edge. “Sorry about that.” I reach out a hand to help him out.

Ben swims closer to the ledge.

“Donnelly.”

I retract my hand as soon as I hear Price basically curse every letter of my name. And I stand up and turn around.

All eight parents are standing outside: the Hales, Cobalts, Meadows, and Abbeys. They must’ve heard the splash through the cracked backdoor. Maybe the shouting, too. Maybe me saying it’s my fault, I dunno.

I can’t know.

I train my eyes on Price and Sinclair. Even for however murderous Price is right now, it’s better than seeing disappointment or ire or something worse in the parents’ faces. Still, he’s looking at me like I physically assaulted Ben and pushed him in the pool. It’s roiling my insides.

“I didn’t push him or touch him,” I tell Price.

Xander crouches down at the pool’s edge and gives Ben a hand.

“I was deescalating,” I start, but Price is coming closer and already cutting me off in a sneering whisper, “You don’t get into family conflicts, ever. That isn’t your job, and you shouldn’t be that close to Ben to where you could’ve pushed him.”

I hate that I feel so small right now. I hate that someone is making me feel this way.

I just want to leave.

“Understood,” I tell him.

“Donnelly,” Xander calls out, but I can’t respond. I know I shouldn’t, for the sake of my job.

And I’m out of there like a fucking bolt of lightning. Faster. I think I lingered longer in the burning townhouse than I do here.

No, I know I did.

‘Cause I was trying to find someone before it all went up in flames.

“Farrow’s Audi,” I greet tensely to the car parked on the curb. “You’re probably having a better time than me.” I drove it here since I knew I’d be going off-duty for a tattoo session later, and I didn’t want to take a security vehicle off the clock. Once I’m in the front seat, I check my phone.

Not interested in the tat anymore. Sry – Tamara, HP Tattoo

You free tonight? – Tamara, HP Tattoo

I am interested in a drink, maybe dinner – Tamara, HP Tattoo

I know a cool place in Center City – Tamara, HP Tattoo

“What are you gonna do now?” I ask myself in a deep sigh. My stomach lets out an audible growl. I could go on the date; maybe she’d pay, and I could get a free meal.

I wince. I don’t like the idea of leading anyone on. Anyway, it’s more likely she’d want me to pay.

Quickly, I send out the response that makes the most sense: not interested. Thanks, tho.

I toss my phone in the cup holder.

What now?

Gripping the steering wheel with one hand, I turn on the ignition with the other. My phone starts ringing, and I already see that Thatcher Moretti is calling.

He’s the Omega lead, and I doubt he’s calling about his bachelor party. I’ll have to rehash everything that happened, and he’s not someone who leaves things for tomorrow. And it wasn’t even an accidental push.

There was no push. How many times am I going to have to explain that?

I pick the phone back up, but since I feel like shit right now, I ask myself one question: what would make you happy?

I mentally scroll past the things I can’t have.

My friends are across the country right now. I can’t grow a money tree. She’s so far out of my reach, but I think I have just enough in my wallet for something.

A hoagie.

So I pull out of the gated neighborhood with a goal. A purpose. I’m going to Wawa. And I’m going to eat the best fucking ham hoagie this world has ever seen.

My lips rise. It’s not that bad being me.

It could always be worse.

Thanks so much for reading this month's extra bonus! We really wanted to write a Xander & Donnelly scene where Xander is in a better place than the Lovers Like Us timeline. And we loved writing these two very Xander-centric bonus scenes this month. Plus, being back in Donnelly's head is THE BEST. We hope you enjoyed this bonus! That's it for August, but September is right around the corner (tomorrow!) so there will be all the content to come for September. 

All the love, 

xoxo Krista & Becca

"The Accidental Push" Copyright © 2022 by K.B. Ritchie