BKM. LOG-005. (Patreon)

LOG-005.WARRIOR! YES! CLOSER!Thumpthumpthump-sskrrrrk!Fuck your vent covers! Fuck your ventilation ducts! Woo!PRIDE!CAN'T STOP THE BUG TRAIN BABY!Unfortunately for my stylish entrance, the words I intended to shout came out as more of a garbled mess of hisses and shrieks. Something between a malfunctioning radio and a pissed off cat stuck in a blender, maybe. Not exactly ideal, but I was already committed, tearing through the flimsy vent cover that had dared to obstruct me. Metal twisted like foil under the sweep of my claws, and with a surge of what might or might not have been self induced adrenaline, I slithered my ass out of the ductwork, landing with a solid thump on the floor below.Surprisingly, I didn't eat absolute shit on the landing. My legs (elongated as they were) caught me in a crouch, muscles flexing with an inhuman grace that I was still getting used to.Guess enhanced balance came with the package deal. Score one for creepy alien physiology. Nonetheless, I straightened up slowly, mentally congratulating myself on my newfound agility. Only then did I realize I had no idea where the Hell I'd just popped out beyond it apparently being 'closer' to dear old mum, something said big bug was evidently super fucking chuffed about.CLOSE! FREE MOTHER! FREE SIBLINGS!Uhuh, uhuh. Sure. Good for her or whatever-"...Oh fuck."I froze, my entire body tensing, every instinct going on high alert. My head turned slowly, like something out of a horror movie (aha!), as I glanced across the room.There, near the far wall, a lone figure stood, stuck in place like a deer caught in headlights. A pair of wide, green eyes blinked behind some seriously dorky looking glasses, their gaze fixed on me like I was the monster from every nightmare she'd ever had.And hey, if I was being realistic here, I totally was. Kinda hard to argue with the visuals.The woman, brunette and pale as a ghost, let out a shuddering breath, her chest rising and falling in sharp, uneven intervals as if her body was struggling to keep up with her brain. She whispered again, as if saying it any louder would summon the apocalypse."Fuck fuck fuck what the fuck..."Those same eyes darted to the big ass gun loosely clutched in my left hand, alongside the bandolier of grenades I'd appropriated, before somehow widening even further, a haze of incomprehension clouding over them as she tried to compute the concept of a xenomorph with a firearm.Or maybe the lady was just pissing herself, that was also a valid option. Now, I didn't necessarily recognize her, but she (at the absolute very least) had the uniform of a menial. Or at least I assumed that's what the jumpsuits represented. Bubba had one, after all. And he was a janitor or something, from what I understood.So, in the face of either startling her and sending someone I didn't really have any beef with running off screaming for help, or outright lunging for her and ripping out the poor gal's throat (something I wasn't exactly jumping to do, my first mama didn't raise no murderer after all), I simply did what felt most natural in that moment.WARRIOR! PREY! HUNT! KILL!I panicked.---Lissa Hoffman was exhausted. Always exhausted. She'd been running on a cocktail of spite, caffeine, and pure survival instinct for so long, she wasn't entirely sure what rested even looked like anymore. Still, she soldiered on, because the alternative was someone higher up than her docking her pay, and after the sheer cosmic bad luck of extensive student loans and a lifetime of her abusive asshole dad breathing down her neck, she wasn't about to lose what little money she had left.When she'd signed up for this job, working aboard a Weyland Yutani starship had seemed like one heck of an upgrade. It was that or continue working dead end jobs back on Earth, and the idea of being literal lightyears away from her pops had been more than enough to get her on board.Space! Stars! Adventure! Maybe even a promotion! Something something building better worlds!Except the reality had been much less exciting. Mostly she just cleaned the cafeteria and scrubbed floors. Her title might have been 'general maintenance,' but the truth was she was a glorified janitor no better than some of the synths aboard the ship. Sure, there were brief moments when she caught a glimpse of the infinite cosmos through a viewport, and those moments were nice. But the vast bulk of her time was instead spent mopping up spilled drinks or de-gunking the air vents from God knew what kind of disgusting buildup had accumulated over the cycles.And then there was the other thing. The one they never told you about in orientation, apparently.There were creatures aboard the ship as well. Oh sure, they were contained, but still! Fucking spooky! Thankfully, she'd never been assigned to any of the sectors where the really creepy shit lived. That was for some other unlucky bastard apparently. Like Bubba. Poor Bubba. She needed to get the big guy something nice for that canned coffee he'd given her the last time he'd found her passed out in a hallway.Nonetheless, while job wasn't necessarily great, it was definitely better than nothing! And it was safe! Mostly! (Sometimes the machines could get a bit sparky.)Or at least that's what she'd thought, humming along to the quiet tunes of the cafeteria's music speaker as she went about stocking up the place for the next lunch shift. Then one of the vents had started rattling something fierce. Stupid idiot that she was, Lisa hadn't immediately assumed that it was some horrible monster coming to eat her, and had instead reasoned that it was just some kind of mechanical failure.THUMP.Then something had slammed into the vent from the other side. And then again. And again.Any rational person might've bolted right then and there. Ever tired Lisa, however, made the grave mistake of believing the company wouldn't let her get eaten by whatever was making that noise. Because again, it was just a mechanical fault. Right?Boy, was she wrong. Her fault really, having faith in corporate to do anything right beyond keeping her working.Before she could so much as blink, the vent cover exploded outward, and someone (no, something) landed in front of her with the kind of grace that should've been impossible for something so clearly not human. Black and sleek, with too long limbs and a tail that looked like it could slice through steel."...Oh fuck."She'd never seen a 'xenomorph' personally, but Bubba had mentioned feeding one a sandwich once, apparently. Which she was starting to believe was most definitely a lie-And it had a gun. Why the fuck did it have a gun!?Lisa's brain short circuited as she watched, frozen in place. The creature was looking around, as if it was confused by its own surroundings. It was big, no doubt about, considering it towered over her even from the short distance between them, but it wasn't making any moves. Not yet, anyway. Instead, it let out a few strange hisses and garbled noises, its elongated head swiveling as if it was taking stock of the room."Fuck fuck fuck what the fuck..."The damning words slipped out even as she continued to flinch at their utterance, yet she couldn't stop. Any second now, the terrifying science experiment was going to charge forward and murder her. Or just raise its gun (Again! Why in the name of shit did it have a gun!?) and riddle her with entirely too many bullets to be considered remotely healthy.So instead of running, she just uttered one last prayer to whatever deity might exist, and then followed it up with several curses for good measure (mostly directed towards dad, the company, and administrator Donovan, both for groping her ass that one time and for letting weird alien bug things freely crawl around the fucking vents), heart hammering as the monster began to...Began to......Shuffle side to side apparently, shoulders rolling up and down in time to the beat. Occassionally, a horrendously lethal looking talon on one of its feet would tap against the floor, producing a quiet clack.She opened her mouth, then promptly shut it as the black creature snapped its fingers, arms now following the motions of its shoulders and going side to side, even if one of them was clearly weighted down by its weapon, the bladed tail jutting out from behind it swaying through the air in what her brain had decided was an inherently rhythmic manner as it slowly started to dance its way across the cafeteria.The sheer absurdity of it all left her dumbfounded.As a direct result of that, Lisa really couldn't be blamed in her personal opinion, even as she stared at the thing going through its routine. She continued to stare as it sidled up to the door leading to the hallway outside. Hisssssss.She kept staring as said door obediently swished open upon detecting something in front of it, and then she blinked as the alien (still dancing, mind you), brought up a finger, made a shushing motion punctuated by a deep and insidious hiss, as if in fucking warning, then disappeared as the doors finally closed, separating them.Her gaze remained fixed to the door for several moments, the music from the speaker continuing to fill the air with a comfortable tune in sharp contrast to the pounding of her heart, before she finally blinked again, hands shaking, and glanced to the side at the shitty canned coffee she'd chugged several moments before her apparent psychotic trip.Lisa's voice trembled slightly as she began to calm down."...Man."Her break couldn't come any sooner.---FOOLISH! HUNT! KILL! NO! DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND STEALTH YOU DEMENTED BITCH!?STEALTH!?...HOST!Wait...oh no you fucking-WARRIOR! CLEVER!God fucking damn it.PRIDE!