Chapter 15 - Changing (Patreon)

My body was wracked with exhaustion. I could feel the tree against my back and Nigel resting peacefully on my lap, but my head kept bobbing up and down as I flitted in and out of sleep. Haphazard dreams chased across my mind, fragmented and fleeting—echoes of Nigel’s voice calling out, and the flash of blood splattering in the dim light.

Even so, I felt warm and safe like I’d been wrapped in a warm blanket of feelings—hope, comfort, and a newfound trust that I had never thought possible. Intertwined with those feelings were inklings of terror and regret from my time with Turk. They felt muted, though.

Only one emotion overpowered me: an overwhelming sense of gratitude mixed with relief and awe—the kind of emotion that made my chest ache and my eyes sting with unshed tears. Nigel had risked himself for me, and that knowledge hit deep enough to crack whatever biological emotional shell I’d had since birth.

I think what I really felt was—

“Yen,” a male voice whispered to me. I felt a hand shake my shoulder. “Yennifer.”

Slowly, I pulled open my eyes, a great feat given my exhaustion. Before me stood Bydon. His dark skin, violet eyes, wolf ears, and black tail swirled within my brain as I slowly recognized his existence.

Just over Bydon’s shoulder, the rest of the Trailblazers were around as well. Barcus and Jessie were leaning over just behind Bydon, looking down at me and Nigel. Behind them, Garreth and Tart were moving through the camp. Tart was parsing through the area while Garreth examined Turk’s body.

The sun’s light was barely squeaking through the dense trees overhead. Based on the shadowy gray of the day and the feeling of the air, it was very early in the morning. Nigel and I had slept through the night undisturbed.

“Is my brother okay?” asked Barcus quickly. He looked down at Nigel with immense worry. “We couldn’t wake him up like you.”

“He’s fine,” I muttered, groggy. “He saw me get captured and ran after me until he caught up to Turk. Stabbed him in the back and out his chest with his sword.”

“Did he kill him?”

“No. I did. Cut off his head,” I grumbled, my head rolling back and forth. I shook it rapidly, blinked a few times, and cleared my throat. “I wouldn’t have been able to if Nigel hadn’t found me.” I looked over at Turk’s corpse. “He marked me. Intended to sell me.”

I briefly recapped everything I knew and what Turk had told me.

Jessie and Barcus’s faces darkened, but they were nothing compared to the looks on Bydon and Tart’s faces.

Bydon’s violet eyes burned with barely contained fury, his wolf ears twitching in agitation as if ready to pounce. Tart’s expression twisted with malice, her gaze fixed on Turk’s corpse like she wanted to bring him back to life just to kill him again. Both of them had experienced this side of being a devil. Their poor reactions were to be expected. Garreth was the only one who didn’t seem afflicted by the information.

“I don’t know what I would have done if Nigel hadn’t followed after me,” I said with admiration in my voice. “He used the Warring style the whole way, and I don’t think he stopped running once. Otherwise, I don’t know how he caught up with us on Turk’s horse.” I rubbed my fingers through the boy’s hair while looking at his face. “I owe him my life.”

Barcus cleared his throat.

I looked up.

“Can I check on him?” asked Barcus awkwardly.

“Oh.” I stopped what I was doing and nodded. “Please do.”

Barcus knelt beside me. He touched Nigel’s neck, placed his heart to his chest, and shook him a little harder to wake him up.

Meanwhile, Jessie was staring at me. I noticed her gaze was just above my eyes.

A cold shiver ran down my spine.

My horns.

My hair wasn't covering them.

I’d made the same mistake twice.

My life was over. It was bad enough that Turk and Nigel had seen my horns. One of them was dead, and I was fairly certain that I could have convinced Nigel to hide my secret. Now, it was out in the world for certain.

Upon reflection, everyone had looked at my horns for a brief moment. I was too out of it to realize it then, but in fear, my mind sharpened and remembered things I didn’t before.

There goes my life.

Jessie’s gaze tilted to my eyes. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

“N-No,” I said, surprised by the shift. “Few bruises, but that’s it.”

Jessie looked back at Turk. She glanced between his head and his body. Around it, water was dispersed in small pools between splattered blood. She reverted her gaze back to me. “Water?”

“Used the trick you taught me the first day I could use external mana.”

“Good girl,” said Jessie softly. I saw her lips arch into a small smile.

My heart warmed. My stomach fluttered with butterflies, and my eyes felt watery.

Great. Now I’m gonna cry. I complained in my head. I feel pathetic. I hid a smile. But I’m okay with it. Definitely never had these before. They’re…interesting. I feel more, I don't know, personally invested in, well, everything?

No one made a big deal about my horns. At least they weren’t mentioning them. They were prioritizing my and Nigel’s safety. Still, my relief battled with anxiety, and I wasn’t sure which would win. Would their silence hold? Or was this just the calm before a storm of questions and suspicion?

Will Jessie and Bydon keep this a secret? Will they just ignore this? I wondered. Will Garreth?

The Trailblazers started clearing the scene. Jessie set fire to Turk’s body, burning what was left of him. She commended me for decapitating him, thus removing the chance of Turk becoming a demon. Garreth and Tart took what they could from the camp and stored them in their codexes.

Bydon tried to get me to ride on his back, but I was fine walking on my own. He took Nigel instead, hauling him without much effort. Nigel slightly stirred during this, but he remained incapacitated during the lift when we exited the forest and started trotting down the road back to Sandy Branch.

The walk was quiet. Very quiet. And awkward.

Which one will ask me first? I wondered in reference to the two tiny horns barely visible near the front of my head, just a little bit behind the top of my forehead. Definitely not Garreth, so either Jessie or Barcus. My money’s on Jessie. She has less tact.

“Um…Yennifer, about your…never mind,” Barcus allowed his voice to trail off as he looked at me, at Nigel for the briefest second, then straight ahead. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Oh Gods, just say it. Get this shit out of the way,” complained Tart. She gestured abruptly at me. “Yen’s an archdevil.”

Well, here we go.

Barcus, Jessie, and Garreth initially said nothing.

“I’ve known for weeks now,” uttered Tart. “It doesn’t change who she is. Stop pussy footing around it and ask her questions.”

“You’ve known for weeks?!” yelped Jessie. She whipped around to stare at me, her expression laced with genuine shock and pain. “You told her and not me?!”

I recoiled. “S-She kind of figured it out on her own.”

Tart nodded. “I’m smart like that.”

“I knew as well,” added Bydon.

Jessie’s shock deepened. “You did?! Did you figure it out too, or did she tell you?!”

“Please, he was just a beneficiary of my intelligence and insight,” remarked Tart.

Yeah…whatever you say…

“Look, I understand why you hid it from Barcus and Garreth. They’re idiots,” said Jessie. “But me? I thought we were closer. I’m good at keeping secrets. Got tons of them!”

“It’s not like that,” I muttered. “Tart and Bydon were the only ones who knew besides me. Even my parents don’t know. I’ve been keeping it hidden since they started poking out of my head.”

Everyone shut up as soon as those words left my mouth.

“Quintin found me shipwrecked on the beach as a baby. I’ve lived in Sandy Branch my entire life. I didn’t even know what an archdevil was until Quintin told me, and at that point, I’d already started growing little horns,” I continued. “From what I heard and others said, I hid them. I didn’t want my family to suddenly hate me because I was born as something I couldn’t control. I was used to strangers being mean to me for that reason.” I sniffled. “I didn’t want that to happen with my parents, too.” It was something I couldn’t have admitted hours ago but knew resolutely in my heart.

The group stayed quiet after my tiny explanation. I waited on edge for them to reply…and kept waiting. No one said anything. It started to get awkward.

“I’m not going to say anything to anyone,” said Jessie. “Don’t know about the other two, but I trust you, Yen. You’re a good girl.”

“It’s not my place to say anything. You have a kind heart. Nigel trusts you, and I know you’re good,” added Barcus. “You’re secret’s safe with me.”

“Oh, I’m not saying shit,” announced Garreth. “Not gonna be that guy. Don’t want to deal with it. Doesn’t affect me at all.”

A stared at the back of their head. After a while, a smile warmed my face as we continued walking. “Thank you.”

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•

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We arrived at Sandy Branch after a few hours.

As soon as we got into town, I was swarmed by my parents. Amalia looked me over the entire time while asking if I was okay while Quintin just hugged me. It was a little suffocating, but now that I could truly feel how I felt about them, I suffered through with a smile.

Nigel and I were then brought to Doctor Bink’s clinic. There were a few places to sleep and a moderate-sized waiting room. We were an adventuring hot spot, after all, so a good clinic was a must.

I was examined first since I was awake. Besides bruising on my stomach, burns on my hands, and a few scratches around my arms, there was no major damage to my body. I was given pain medication and a salve for the mana burns inflicted when Turk blew up his horse.

The doctor also confirmed that the Mark of Enslavement Turk gave me was fully removed. I asked for the check-up, and Doctor Bink did so, but he mentioned that it was an unnecessary procedure even as he completed it. The mark ran on the branded person’s mana. It was nearly impossible for someone to get rid of it without permission from the original inscriber or a specialist in Runes. I was lucky I found, well, made a loophole.

Nigel was a different story. He was fine. Doctor Bink confirmed that. However, he was starving and out of mana. The wounds on his feet were nasty, and Doctor Bink bandaged them, but they weren’t comparable to Nigel’s total exhaustion. From what the doctor said, he’d pushed his mana to basically zero to the point where his body was eating itself to regain power. It’s what typically happened when someone hit zero on mana. They could start sacrificing their life force to make up the gap, meaning their fat and muscles, until their body had no energy to work with, not even to operate their organs, and would die.

Nigel had inadvertently worked to that point. He’d lost a few pounds and a bit of muscle mass. He’d need to rest and eat constantly for a few days, meaning no more practice for a while. But he could leave the clinic once he was fully conscious again.

Nigel was given a concoction of liquidated mana, monster parts, and herbs to revive him enough to eat. He kept jolting in and out of consciousness for periods of time. He’d ask how I was, eat, chat for a bit like he was high, and pass out again. This happened a few times until Nigel ate a few days’ worth of food.

Even though neither Nigel nor I had any severe life-threatening injuries, Doctor Bink kept us overnight for observation in case anything came up. Quintin, Amalia, and the rest of the Trailblazers lingered for a little while into the evening after dinner, after which the doctor kicked them all out.

I was alone with Nigel in the clinic, resting in bed a few feet away. He rose once in the night, muttered something about “pretty horns,” and passed out again.

When that happened, I froze, my hand instinctively flying to my head. The continued compliments, even unconsciously, sent me a confusing rush of embarrassment and warmth. I stared at him for a long moment afterward, caught between disbelief and a strange flutter in my chest, before shaking my head and refocusing on the clinic’s quiet atmosphere.

I never did, though. Nigel’s actions and words continued to confuse me, as did their effect on my mind and emotions. I couldn’t sleep a wink because of it. Instead, I humbled myself with my thoughts.

“What did you do to me?” I asked Nigel as I stared at his sleeping, peaceful face. “Why did you have such an impact on me when nothing else did? Why can I suddenly feel?”

I’d spent years dealing with my emotions—or lack thereof. At first, I felt there was merely a disconnect between myself and others because of my reincarnation and subsequent amnesia. I had the skills of a past life but none of the experience to connect it to. I felt disconnected and odd.

As I grew older, that merely became an excuse. It was probably a contributing factor, but it clearly wasn’t the only reason every feeling I had felt muted unless I was personally at risk or could gain something. Feelings for others just never registered the same way. They either didn’t exist or were heavily muted. I tried creating rationales for that, debating whether I was being blunt or pragmatic because I was intelligent or had different life experiences. In reality, I was just…less, I think.

Eve told me being an archdevil had something to do with it all. From what I’ve heard about them, it would make sense. So many people considered them evil. If they were genetically predisposed to not having emotions, it made sense that their decisions and choices were harsh or devastating. A normal person wouldn’t want to start a war and would hopefully seek a diplomatic solution before a conflict, whatever that conflict was. A non-emotional person might not go that route, especially if they saw war and violence as a possibility akin to any other policy decision.

But it didn’t explain my biological mother. She clearly cared for me and had strong emotional reactions. Either she was an anomaly, or something changed in her. Maybe the same thing that changed her was happening to me.

Was it because of my blood father? I wondered. Was he the catalyst?

I couldn’t be sure. All my thoughts were mere speculation at the time. Still, while I looked at Nigel, I wondered if that’s what I felt about him.

Do I love him?

My face distorted into an uncomfortable frown, even as my cheeks flushed warmly.

Even if that is what I feel, I shouldn’t tell him. I decided. I wasn’t exactly an easy person to be around. I just discovered how to feel for the first time. I was reincarnated either from another world or this one. I was clearly old at one point to know all the things I ‘remembered.’ Or I was a prodigy who died young. Either or. I’m not sure. Either way, I don’t want to burden anyone with me if they don’t have to be.

I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. My stomach felt queasy, my chest hurt, and I felt very anxious. All were new feelings, especially at the level they were leaking out of my mind.

Guess my brain didn’t like that answer. I joked. I clutched my chest and paused as a sudden thought came to me. If I tell him and get rejected, the feelings might go away. I don’t want that either. It’s better to feel pain, to feel something, than to go back to being a cold shell shuffling around this world devoid of meaningful attachment to others.

My eyes laced with sadness as I rolled over and tried to go to sleep.

With Nigel on break and only a few days before the Trailblazers were set to leave, my training with them was suspended.

In Jessie and Barcus’s eyes, I’d already survived a terrible situation with dignity and killed a person using my mana. I was already at a point where I could defend myself. Practice and time were all I needed.

Jessie ended up saddling me with a ton of books, though. The subjects ranged from alchemy and item creation to detailed guides on the flora and fauna and monsters known to the world. There were even literature on runes, alchemy, and Arcworks. After my ordeal, I’d bothered her for them, and she supplied me with nearly every book she had on the topics. They were her last gifts to me, it seemed, given their contents. Or an apology for not teaching me more. I wasn’t sure.

I spent the remainder of my time with my friends. Jessie and Tart were getting along and actually stayed together in my presence. However, their advice and stories were somewhat suspect. Jessie provided me with a plethora of examples and tips on dating, while Tart discussed the myriad ways to kill things. Honestly, it was strange how closely their tactics aligned despite the differing topics.

Talking about death didn’t bother me. I thought it might be because of what I did to Turk, but I also knew how entwined death was with survival. If it weren’t Turk, it would have been someone else someday. He was an evil man. The brutality of the act got to me, not that I did it. Turk deserved to die. I didn’t regret it. Not for a minute.

I never hung out with Bydon, Barcus, or Garreth alone. Only when they were in a group and I happened to join them along with the rest of the team.

Nigel came to my house a few times for breakfast, something he started doing halfway through our training. He was as cheery as usual and asked me a bunch of questions about my horns, archdevils, and if I was okay. He almost did so in front of my parents, but I managed to stop him in time with a well-thrown roll.

It felt awkward being around him. I used to see him as a tool against which to train my sword. Now, he was…adorable. I mean, he was always adorable. I still thought of him as a puppy. Kind of. But still…I didn’t know how to describe it.

All I knew was that I was very awkward around him, couldn’t maintain eye contact with him, and recoiled when he touched me. It was like he had the plague. Every time he was around, I felt like I was doing something stupid and got embarrassed. Still, he chattered on without a care in the world like he always did.

A part of me was glad he didn’t notice.

A part of me wished he did.

It was all very confusing.

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•

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All good things come to an end.

The Trailblazers were set to depart. I knew that when I woke up. I felt groggy and pissed. As wonderful as it was, breakfast tasted like sand in my mouth. The sun didn’t shine as bright as it usually did. All the colors felt dim and gray. The temperature was annoying, the wind messed with my hair, and my clothes didn’t fit the way I wanted to.

“I think I’ll go with them,” I uttered as Amalia and Quintin escorted me to the road out of town where the Trailblazers were set to leave.

“No, you’re not,” rejected the both of them in perfect unison.

“But I’m sad,” I argued. “I don’t want them to go.”

Amalia hugged me from the side. “I know you’ll miss your friend.”

“Who? Nigel? No. Never,” I uttered defensively. “I still haven’t cut spells yet, and they dare leave me. Cowards!” I called dramatically into the sky.

“I’ll teach you how to do that. Don’t worry,” Quintin told me.

I frowned. “Just let me pointlessly vent.”

My parents chuckled.

We arrived on the edge of town. There were a few other villagers besides my family, Harkin and Doctor Bink being some of them. Bydon and Garreth were talking with a carriage rider. Tart was hanging out away from the crowd. Jessie was saying goodbye to a few of the young men in town. Barcus was with Nigel, discussing the next steps.

I walked toward them with my parents in tow.

“Water’s Bastion is great.” I heard Barcus say to Nigel. “We’ve got a big job lined up in the city. Still some stuff post-war that needs to get dealt with. Monsters and bandits and whatnot. Got a request directly from the baron. He knows Bydon and asked for him, so we’re taking it. And it’ll give Bydon a chance to see his family. We’ll route through Port Prosper first. Dad’ll want to see how you’ve grown. And mom will be worried.”

“Okay,” muttered Nigel. “Are we ever coming back?”

“Dunno,” admitted Barcus. “The jobs here aren’t very high-paying. We only came to get you some experience, and boy, did you.” He chuckled. “Don’t know. If we have a reason. Could be a year from now. Could be ten. It’ll depend on the kinds of jobs we get.”

“Ten years?!”

“You could always come back on your own.” Barcus placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Get used to what you’re feeling. We meet people, we help them, we leave someday. That’s how the job goes.”

“I know, but…” Nigel’s voice trailed off.

“Yo!” I raised my hand, worried I was accidentally intruding on a private conversation. “Starting to miss me yet?”

Nigel flushed red and said nothing. His embarrassment made me embarrassed. Neither of us said a damn word. We just stared at each other awkwardly.

Barcus watched all that with a grin on his face. “Ah. I see.”

“You see what?” My gaze zipped to Barcus, and I stared at him, unblinking.

“Heh heh, nothing.” Barcus turned on his heel and walked away. “Nothing at all.”

Now, Nigel and I didn’t even have a chaperone.

“Um…” Nigel began. “Good luck?”

“…yeah. Good luck.”

Nigel shuffled his feet awkwardly. He looked like he wanted to say something, but I couldn’t look him in the eyes. Instead, he scratched his face, offered me a smile, and said, “I’ll miss you!”

I stared at the back of his head as he rejoined his group. When his words finally registered in my mind, I walked quickly behind him. Before I could catch up, he’d rejoined the Trailblazers, and I had lost my confidence.

Jessie saw me. A wide smile split her lips. She ran over to me, dipped down, and hugged me tight. “You be good, baby girl. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“She means would,” corrected Tart. She patted my head. “Would.”

Jessie pulled away from me and looked me dead in the eyes. “Good luck. Read what I gave you. Practice. Stay strong. If you start using your mana daily and work on the creativity of your elements, you’ll be able to draw on more power as you get older. Keep practicing. Never give up.”

“And don’t let the humans put you down,” added Tart.

“Don’t let the shitty, useless humans get you down,” corrected Jessie. “Feel free to hurt people that make you feel bad.”

Tart flinched. “That’s not good advice at all.”

“Oh. Right.” Jessie looked at Tart, nodded, then turned back to me. “But only do it in a way where people won’t know it’s you who did it.”

Tart pinched her brow.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I replied softly.

Jessie gave me one last hug before returning with Tart to the rest of the Trailblazers. I made eye contact with Bydon. He gave me a nod. The same thing happened between me and Barcus, and he gave me a thumbs-up. Garreth didn’t look at me or say anything, not that I expected him to.

They all got in the cart headed east. The driver ushered his horses forward. Slowly but surely, it moved down the road. The Trailblazers waved to those who remained behind to see them off and we waved back.

Nigel and I made eye contact one final time. He smiled, offering his warmest expression yet, and winked.

I felt like I’d been stabbed in the chest.

The cart wheeled out of town. Soon, they were a hazy dot in the distance.

My hands began to shake. I rubbed them together to get the feeling to subside, but it did nothing. My whole body felt weak, and I had the strongest urge to cry.

One day, I’m a cold, unfeeling object. The next, I’m crying because some people I’ve known for a quarter of a year are heading back to their normal lives. I may never see them again. I hardened my face to keep the tears from falling. Pull it together, Yen.

“Go after them,” whispered Quintin in my ear.

I looked up at him, my eyes wet, holding back my wall of emotions.

“There was a crowd. You didn’t get to say what you wanted to say.” My dad smiled at me. “Just make sure you come back, okay?”

Without another word, I funneled wind mana into my legs and ran down the road.

“Wait!” I shouted as the cart got into view. The horses were only trotting, and I had plenty of mana to burn. “Stop!”

Barcus was the first person to spot me. He pointed, confused, and attracted the attention of the other party members. The cart stopped. They all suddenly looked at me.

Without waiting for another word, I bowed my head low before them. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me! For teaching me how to fight, to use my mana, to fend for myself. You all gave me the confidence to worry about the future. I know I’ll be strong because of what you’ve given me. I will always, always, always, be grateful for that!” I cut off my words, took in a breath, and shouted, “I’ll never forget you!”

The Trailblazers exchanged glances, their expressions shifting from surprise to pride. Jessie sniffled audibly and quickly wiped her eyes, attempting to mask her tears with a forced cough. Tart, uncharacteristically quiet, gave me a solemn nod of approval. Even Garreth—stoic and detached as he usually was—met my gaze with a slight smile of acknowledgment. The sheer warmth and validation in their faces made my chest tighten, and for a moment, I thought I might break down completely.

“You’re going to do great things, Yen,” Jessie said softly, her voice trembling with emotion. “Don’t you ever forget that.”

Their reactions solidified something in me. This wasn’t just a goodbye; it was a promise to honor everything they had taught me and to forge ahead with courage. I would make them proud, no matter the cost.

Even so, I knew if I looked up at them, I’d start bawling, so I kept my head down until I got my emotions under control. Once they were, I forced a smile and looked up.

My eyes met Nigel’s, and he stared right back. We both caught our breaths expectantly.

Fuck it.

“Nigel!” I walked forward. “There’s something I need to give you.”

Nigel blinked, but he moved forward. He leaned over the cart to look at me. “Yes?”

I quickly hopped onto the back of the cart, put one hand on the side of his face, and kissed his cheek.

Nigel tensed. His face burned bright red, and he stared at me like a small pond of water in the middle of a barren desert.

I pulled back with a smile. “Thanks for saving me.” I hopped back until I was on the ground again. “Come back someday.” I held my hands behind me, leaned back, then dipped forward. “I’ll be waiting.”

“Y-Yen…” stuttered Nigel.

Realizing what I did, I turned away and started running. “B-Bye!”

My face flushed red.

Where did that come from?!

I held my cheeks in both my hands as I sprinted home.

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•

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That night, I sat quietly with my family at the dinner table. It was silent. They didn’t ask what happened when I ran after Nigel and the others. They just welcomed me back, and Amalia offered to cook my favorite food for dinner.

I felt a tinge of nervousness as I contemplated acting upon what was in my mind.

A lot has happened. I’m older, stronger, and could sustain myself if I needed to. I’ve taken a life. I have many skills. It’d be easier to deal with the ramifications if I waited another three years, but I can’t handle the stress anymore…now that I can genuinely feel it on a much more visceral level.

“Are you okay?” Amalia asked me.

“Knew Doctor Bink’s a quack. You know he told me to ‘get over it’ when I sprained my ankle a few years back?” complained Quintin. “What’d he miss? Where’s it hurt?”

“I-It’s nothing like that.” I swallowed slowly. “I…I have something I need to tell you two.”

Sensing the seriousness of my words, Quintin and Amalia both became quiet, their expressions shifting from curiosity to concern. The silence stretched, amplifying the sound of my own heartbeat. They provided me with their undivided attention as they gazed at me.

With trembling fingers, I carefully parted my hair to reveal the two tiny horns creeping out of my head, barely visible but impossible to ignore.

Before they could react, I rushed to fill the silence, the words spilling out of me in a frantic, disjointed stream.

“I wanted to tell you, but I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I didn’t know what they were when they started growing, but I knew they weren’t good. Then I started hearing about devils and archdevils. Everyone was afraid of them, and it looked like I was one, so I thought I should stay quiet. Then Turk kidnapped me and saw my horns, and I realized that it was just as much a problem to keep quiet as to not,” I spat out quickly without much room to breathe. My words ceased. I gritted my teeth and mentally recanted everything I said. “I just didn’t want you two to hate me.”

The expressions on my parent’s faces were filled with surprise, but I didn’t sense animosity or anger. Their silence wasn’t helping, though. Each second that ticked by without a response made my chest tighten and my breath shallow.

Were they processing? Or silently condemning? Each second that ticked by without a response drove me further into agony as I mentally paced back and forth.

Finally, Amalia rose slowly from her chair. Each step she took around the table felt deliberate, weighted. When she knelt in front of me and wrapped me in a warm embrace, I froze.

“You’re our daughter, Yen,” she whispered. “You always will be, no matter what.”

That made me cry so easily I didn’t even have the chance to hold back.

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•

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The air thickened as I approached the Forest of Beginners. The hum of mana vibrated my skin. The trees seemed to whisper “danger” and “freedom” through their leaves. It felt like I was being watched. Judged. 

I readjusted the straps of my armor and took a deep breath. The cold air pierced my lungs, but it sharpened my focus. Everything felt surreal.

The clothes I wore were newly purchased from Harkin, cobbled with threads from merchants that came through last month. Robes and leather armor molded to my body. The ensemble was light and would only offer some protection, but it suited my role. And, more importantly, I looked good, like a real adventurer.

I stood at the edge of the Forest of Beginners. It was barely morning, and I was alone. It had gotten cold in recent days. The snowy season had finally begun, at least in terms of temperature. It would be a few more weeks before snow fell.

The mana in the air was thick. The forest loomed before me, vast and unpredictable, just like the path ahead. Every shadow hid a challenge, and every glow promised hope. This wasn’t just a forest; it was a trial, a mirror of my own transformation.

I’d walked by the forest before with Quintin, but I’d never gone this close before. The outskirts held weaker beasts new warriors and mages would practice fighting. The closer one got to the middle, the denser the mana got, and the closer they came to the source of the forest’s power.

“Okay.” I slapped my face on both sides twice, causing my cheeks to tinge red. “You got this. Take the leap. You’re all by yourself. No one knows you’re out here. A single mistake can be fatal. Let’s go.” I let out a breath. “You’re going to get stronger. This is the only way.”

Many weeks had passed since the Trailblazers left. I told Quintin and Amalia who I was. They accepted me with open arms. The relief that provided me gave me a headache for an entire day.

My emotions had simmered down since Nigel left, but I thankfully did not revert back to the old Yen. I felt more like a living being, not an object that had to eat and sleep. Life had color and meaning. I had hope for the future and an appreciation for life. Faith, love, and friendship. They were the threads weaving through every connection and memory that now defined me. I hadn’t truly understood them until I began feeling again, until the Trailblazers and my parents showed me what it meant to trust, and Nigel risked everything for me. They gave me hope—not just for myself, but for what I could give to others in return.

I thumped my chest and stared into the forest. “No one’s going to hurt me ever again,” I vowed before my challenge. “I’ll save whoever I can, end injustice where I see it, and make this world better for everyone.” My eyes lingered upward. “That’ll take more risk, won’t it?” I parsed my hair until my horns were cleanly sticking through. “Enough of the shame, of the fear. People can change. I changed.” I smiled. “There’s hope in this world.”

My feet started moving forward before I even gave the command. Mana surrounded me. The forest welcomed me. The first step forward felt like I was crossing a threshold, one I could never return from. 

Whatever waited for me inside, I knew I would face it head-on. This wasn't just about survival or a need for power anymore—I had a purpose. I had a future in mind I was ready to pursue.

I was ready to fight.