Chapter 27 - Heart to Heart (Patreon)

I frowned as Baron Thorpe finished his “talk” with Christopher.

So that’s what he really wanted. I thought, trying to synthesize all that had been said. I get his point. The West, especially the insulated center of the country, is seen as a kind of “working horse” for the rest of the country, at least for Camden. I’m not sure it’s an actual west-versus-east problem so much as a problem with a detracted government not truly representing the rest of the country. I tapped my chin while staring into a scion flickering along a wall. If the Count is pushing the Baron on this issue, he must think he can overcome his difference in status with the Marquess and Duke above him. Or they’re also going along with this. I sat back in my seat. Things are getting complicated.

The Baron smiled at me as he walked past the table with his aides. “Give it some thought. Help him make the right decision,” he said after looking at my expression, almost like he guessed—or knew—I’d overheard his conversation. With one final look, he left the party with the Knight Jerome and his aides.

At that point, the event had dwindled. Only our people remained—a mismatch of adventurers and aides.

Christopher stood across the table in the dark corner Baron Thorpe had pulled him into. I could tell he was deep in thought from his posture and pacing. He probably wouldn’t budge from there any time soon. Not without prompting.

I got up from my seat and crossed the room until I was right beside him. Leaning forward, I looked at his face from below, mustering up my most adorable expression. “You okay?”

“Did you hear all that?” asked Christopher rather bluntly.

“Yeah,” I murmured. “Kind of gross. But we knew he wanted something. Turns out, he needed you more than me. I was just a…extra perk.”

“That’s not true.”

“I think if I weren’t around, and you were still surviving in this region, they’d have molded you into the version of you they needed to achieve the same goal. I’m just a convenient extra,” I said after a moment. “They seem, hm, dedicated to the cause.”

“That they did,” Christopher agreed. After a moment, he laughed.

“What’s wrong?”

“We’ve entered a world where people are manipulating and using each other without regard for the person,” said Christopher in a sad tone. “I’m no better. I’m doing it to you.”

“No, you’re not.” My voice ticked up an octave as I touched his arm.

“Of course I’m using you. The whole country thinks I own you.” Christopher couldn’t even look at me. His head ticked to the left so that I couldn’t even see the side of his face. “I don’t…I just…”

I moved my hand from him. “It was my idea.”

“And I went along with it,” muttered Christopher. He turned to me, his eyes laced with self-hatred. “We should have found another way.”

I frowned. “It’s easy to come up with solutions after the fact. We did the best we could in the moment.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’m fine with our relationship, Christopher. We’ve achieved a lot for this town and its people—together. I don’t regret it.”

He ran his hand through his hair. After a moment, he let out a sharp breath before looking me right in the eyes. “It doesn’t mean I like it.” His eyes glanced at me, then back to his people. “We should send them home.”

He brushed past me. Instinctively, I grabbed his arm to keep him from moving further.

Christopher looked back at me, surprised.

“We need to celebrate,” I said. “Put aside what just happened, the Baron didn’t ask for anything. He gave us so much. All he wanted was for you to consider his words.”

“To owe him,” corrected Christopher.

“The important stuff was said in front of everyone. We’re getting what we want. He basically handed you this town,” I argued. “Everyone in this room has worked hard for you for years. Putting our shit aside, they deserve to celebrate.”

Christopher seemed shocked by my sudden surge of confidence. Honestly, I was, too, but I couldn’t let things end the way he wanted to. My body just moved, and the words came tumbling out, but I didn’t regret them. Not at all.

•

Christopher stood on top of the bar in Beginner’s Rest—the rowdy section where adventurers usually drank and took contracts. We’d left the wealthy section to Baron Thorpe while the rest of us took over the other part of the establishment. In a way, it was an ironic contrast.

The air was thick with the smells of sweat and spilled ale. Mismatched tables were shoved together, sticky with drink, and scattered with empty mugs. The lighting came from flickering wall sconces and old, charred torches. It was dim enough to feel intimate but bright enough to see the faces of the people inside if you focused on them.

Christopher’s aides were with us, as were the adventurers we used for muscles and some of the townsfolk. The entire space was packed to the brim with people lifting drinks.

Christopher was leading the clash, a drink in his hand and a smile on his face. From his elevated position, he toasted it high into the sky, sparking silence as he began to speak.

“Today, Sandy Branch cements itself as a shining ember of hope for this region of the country,” he began. Sweat stuck to his brow while his hair whipped around him from the breeze coming through the open windows and doors. “Tonight, we celebrate! Tomorrow, we work!” He lifted his glass even higher. “To you all!”

Cheers roared throughout the crowd.

I sat back and listened by the bar. My own drink was lifted high to match the room, but I wasn’t excited like everyone else. Given what happened with the Baron at the end, I carefully observed Christopher for any cracks.

He hides it well, but I can tell. His mind’s wandering even through all this. His smile isn’t reaching his eyes. Can’t blame him. All he wants is some peace and security, but the people offering him what he needs to do that also want him to start a standoff between the East and West of this country. I dropped my forehead to the table. And I’m the weapon they want backing their plans. Yay me.

“Wake up.” Gabby lightly tapped the back of my head with her fingers. “You’re supposed to be excited.”

“So excited,” I muttered dryly. “Why didn’t you help with the event tonight?”

“We got busy,” said Gabby without explanation. “Besides, the stuff you two do is outside my realm these days. I’m better at serving drinks and flirting for tips.”

“That you are,” I muttered with a wry smile.

“Ouch. I’m being judged.” Gabby didn’t seem offended in the slightest. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” I paused. “Nothing drinks can’t fix. I want to get drunk. Really drunk.”

If I drank enough, I wouldn’t worry as much about the decision Christopher would have to make. I wouldn’t have to worry about my role in it. And I’d be able to ignore the people staring at me.

It was a win regardless.

“You’ll have to chug basically an entire barrel of ale by yourself if you really want that,” noted Gabby.

“Let’s do it,” I groaned. “I need it. I’m so tired of overthinking all the time. I need a break from it, at least today.”

“Pay first.”

“…fine.”

Gabby supervised me as I started pouring poison into my stomach by the gallon—also known as alcohol.

A person’s mana attacked illnesses and wounds at the cost of mana efficiency—meaning someone could use less mana the more injured they were. Since I had white eyes, most injuries and diseases were inconsequential. Given what alcohol did to a person’s body, its consumption was treated by mana like a literal poison. It also meant that it took me so much more to get drunk that it almost wasn’t worth it.

Almost.

“I think I’m feeling something,” I told Gabby, swaying in my seat with a dopey smile. “Am I feeling something? Yeah, I think so!”

“You better. You drank enough to kill two men,” joked Gabby as she leaned against the bar with her elbows.

The inn’s patrons had thinned out hours ago. Only the truly committed—or the truly drunk—remained, and the sky outside would shift to morning in only a few short hours.

My chin was resting on the counter as I rolled an empty glass mug with my hand across the bar. Gabby snatched it from me before it could fall and break, earning a sad pout from me.

“You’re definitely drunk,” said Gabby. “It’s something I can recognize pretty easily at this point. Huh. Never seen you this before. Fun.”

“Thaaaanks,” I slurred. “My brain feels all warm and unstressful!”

“Unstressful, huh?”

I sat up and nodded. My eyes were droopy, and my hair a mess. “All my problems are gone! All gone! Can’t think of em, don’t want to think of em, just wanna sleep! Sleeeep! Sleepy, sleep, sleep!”

Gabby stared at me like I’d grown a second set of horns. “You’re a disaster.”

“Where’s Christopher?” My eyes wandered through the space. “Ah. Yay. Surrounded by fans.”

Jealously welled up in me as a small crowd of young women—adventurers, locals, and even his staff—surrounded and chatted with him like he was some God. I could overhear their conversations and whispers. They laughed at whatever he said, trying to talk him up and bring him to bed.

Much sadder than before, I laid my cheek on the bar and frowned. “There he is.”

Gabby followed my gaze. “Some things don’t change.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was like that in Camden,” noted Gabby. She leaned across the bar until she rested beside me a bit from the opposite end. “Girls will do anything to get a prince to love them. Don’t mistake any of that with real feelings.” She paused. “Well, he’s handsome, so they might like him physically, but they don’t know him well enough to love him. Hardly anyone does.”

I stared at Gabby out of the corner of my eye. “Why are you telling me this?”

“You looked like you wanted to go over there and stab them. I promise your boyfriend doesn’t care about a single one of those girls.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I let my forehead rest on the table and shut my eyes. “No one’s going to love me like that. I’m destined to die alone.”

“Wanna bet?”

I lifted my head. “What?”

“I can teach you how to make any guy in here walk up to you and try to sleep with you. It’ll take less than a minute,” said Gabby, smirking.

“Bullshit, I’m a monster.”

“No, you’re a hot girl with horns,” said Gabby rather bluntly. “I know you’re used to people judging you, and you were right to years ago, but, like, two people do that now. Most people respect you, and most of them want to hump you. Probably every man you’ve met. Maybe even some women.”

“Oh, shut up,” I muttered, dejected. Yet, at the same time, I could feel my face burning. “That’s not true.”

Gabby stared at me. “You know it is.”

“No, I—”

“I think archdevils are naturally very attractive, and the horns and ears are supposed to be the indicator that you’re a devil. Otherwise, you’re just a beautiful person.”

I looked up at Gabby. “You’ve only ever met me. How could you know that?”

“I’m going entirely based on you. If we ever meet another archdevil, we can confirm it. But for now, I’m right ‘cause I have eyes, and you’re in front of me.”

I looked away from Gabby as my mind wandered. The only other archdevil I know is my mother. She was pretty. Beautiful. But that doesn’t mean archdevils are inherently attractive. That only means I’m beautiful because my mother was, not because archdevils are—

My brain flinched.

Did I think I was beautiful? I stared at Gabby. “You’re not joking with me?”

Gabby’s face changed as she realized I was coming to an understanding. “Yen,” she grabbed my hands. “I lived in Camden surrounded by the richest, prettiest people in the country. You make them look like candlelight next to a wildfire.” She snorted. I’ve seen men walk into walks because they were too busy staring at you.”

I took in her words. I didn’t have the time to overthink or self-assess. My mind wanted to listen, and it was too intoxicated to do anything else.

“Take a look around. A real look around. Don’t assume what others think of you,” ordered Gabby. “Actually look at them. Look at how they look at you and act.”

I did just that.

People were staring at me, still. I knew I could feel eyes on me. But they weren’t…afraid like I assumed they’d be. They looked away when I glanced at them, but they didn’t look terrified. They didn’t reach for weapons or tense up. Rather, they seemed embarrassed.

Holy shit, I’m pretty. I let the realization sink in a moment. That didn’t feel real, but it didn’t feel like a lie either.

Immediately, I perked up. My gaze jerked to Gabby. “I’m pretty?!”

“Pretty fucking dense,” groaned Gabby.

My entire face blushed red. “But…I have horns…”

“But you are visually stunning, and the way you talk, walk, and act is so cute. It makes people want to run up and hug you,” said Gabby. “It’s why I pat your head all the time. You just invoke that shit.”

“I didn’t know…”

“And I’ve told you dozens of times over the past many years.”

“I thought you were kidding.”

“Why would I kid?”

“Because I’m a monster. And you’re my friend. You were just trying to make me feel better,” I said.

“I’m not that kind of person.” Gabby stared at me. “For example, you don’t look as good with short hair.”

“What?!”

“Not your thing. Still stunning, but long hair looks so much better on you.” She smiled. “Haven’t seen it on you since you were a kid, but if you did that now, anyone would fall in love with you.”

My eyes darted to Christopher for a single second. “Anyone?”

“Why? Got someone in mind?” Gabby gave me a knowing smile. “Want some help?”

I hesitated.

“It’ll take less than a minute. Same trick I was trying to teach you earlier. Think of it as seduction magic for beginners.”

“That’s not a real thing.”

“It is now.” Gabby leaned forward until our noses were almost touching. “Here’s what you do. Find someone you like. When you do, stare at them. Play with your hair, smile their way. When you make eye contact, fake a giggle, turn away, and drink something. Then look at them again like you’re embarrassed, smile, and ignore them. All you have to do after is wait a few seconds, and you’re golden.”

I couldn’t help but let the disbelief show on my face. “And that works?”

“Hasn’t let me down yet.”

Sighing, I shrugged my shoulders. “Screw it. Let’s give it a go.”

I glanced around the room for a few seconds until my eyes landed on a group of men about a year or two older than me sitting at a table drinking. I didn’t recognize them, so they were likely adventurers from out of town.

Perfect. They don’t know me, so this’ll confirm a lot.

I followed Gabby’s guidance perfectly. My eyes stared in their direction. One of them, a tall guy with shaggy black hair and traces of a beard, looked my way.

I smiled, forced a giggle, then turned away to drink.

Gabby tapped the table, counted, then pointed at me as a sign to look back.

I did, and when I did, the man was still staring my way. Not just him but his friend beside him, too. The friend had brown hair, trimmed close on the sides.

I smiled, turned away, and ignored them while drinking my drink.

Gabby nonchalantly cleaned some glasses in front of me. After a second, she looked over her shoulder. “Wow. Quicker than I thought.” She leaned back behind the bar with a smug grin. “Told you.”

My eyes darted up for a second to catch them moving around the bar in my direction.

I was too stunned by it all and what it meant to realize they were talking to me.

“Can we buy you a drink?” asked the brown-haired one.

“O-Oh.” I stared between them, startled. “Sure. Yes. That’d be great.”

The black-haired one sat at the bar to my left and the other to my right.

“You’re the guardian everyone talks about, right?” asked the black-haired one.

“Y-Yeah,” I said, a little nervous and, honestly, still very stunned. “The Black Horned Guardian. It’s not the name I’d have given myself if I could.”

The black-haired man smiled. “Then what’s your name?”

“Yen,” I said quickly. My gaze darted between the guy. “You?”

“Theo,” said the black-haired guy.

“Lyros,” said the brown-haired guy. He glanced at my horns. “Can you feel them?”

I reflexively looked up at my horns, catching the tips at the top of my gaze. “Not really. Well, when I sleep at night, I used to. I have to put, um, corks on them.”

“Corks?” wondered Theo.

I felt myself getting embarrassed. “Th-They kept scratching the walls, getting caught on stuff, and popping pillows, so…I kind of made…sheathes…for them…”

Theo and Lyros’s cheeks tinted red for some reason, and I looked between them awkwardly, fiddling with my fingers.

Gabby plopped three drinks in front of us. “Here you go!” She winked at me. Then she glanced across the room, eyes locking briefly with Christopher. Her smile curled knowingly. “Oh yeah. He’s watching. This just got interesting.”

Theo leaned closer. “Do you have a room here?”

“Oh, no. I live outside of town a bit,” I replied.

“We live closer, then,” said Lyros. “Ours is upstairs. Bit quieter if you’re up for it.”

Theo smirked. “Want to keep talking somewhere…less crowded?”

I realized instantly what they were inferring. “U-Um, w-well—”

Suddenly, I felt someone grab my arm. I was pulled away roughly from the table.

“I need to talk to you,” said Christopher, my current assailant. “Now.”

I stared at the back of his head as he dragged me off to a more secluded part of the inn.

“That hurt,” I said as Christopher finally released me. I nursed my wrist and shot him a shy glance lightly laced with anger. “What’s your problem?”

“Saving you,” uttered Christopher.

“Did I look like I needed saving?”

“Yes. You were crowded on both sides by two men you didn’t know,” he said rather bluntly. “I know how you are. There’s no way you liked that.”

I looked for any sign of Christopher’s thoughts, but his face was blank. “I was fine.”

“Fine,” repeated Christopher in a mocking tone. “You were fine.”

“And you were rude for me to them.” I turned my back to him. “If you’ll excuse me, I was in the middle of something.”

Immediately, Christopher grabbed my arm again. “Wait.”

I felt myself start to blush, but I held it in. “Why?”

He said nothing.

I just stared at him, waiting.

He made a face like he was sucking on something sour. Nervously, Christopher started scratching the back of his head. His eyes darted left and down as he struggled to think of something.

Sighing, I passed him and slid into a booth at the back. We were in a small little outcove away from the sight of most people in the inn. Given our notoriety, it was one of Christopher’s and mine’s favorite spots. We were able to be in public without being noticed. Otherwise, people would talk to us or stare.

Christopher had his back to me. He looked like he was speaking to himself. After a moment, he turned around and slid into the booth beside me—even though there was an open seat in front.

I felt my heartbeat pick up.

“The way you…act and talk with others…” Christopher cut himself off. “Let me start over.” He let out a breath and faced me fully. “I don’t want people to approach you with bad intentions.”

“And they had bad intentions?” I asked, referencing Theo and Lyros.

“Without a doubt,” answered Christopher without hesitation.

Hesitant, I asked my next question. “And…what bad intentions do you think they had?”

“Well…” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well?”

“I…I’m not sure, but I could tell.”

“You could tell?”

“Yeah.” Christopher shrugged and sank a bit into the seat. “All men are like that.”

“Like what?”

“Shit, do I really have to spell it out?” His body language was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. “They wanted to…you know…sleep with you…”

“But I’m an archdevil,” I said. “There’s no way.”

“Then Melinda wouldn’t bother talking to you if there were no market for it.”

Market for it? For some reason, those words hit me wrong. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“…okay.” Christopher sat up straight and faced me again. “I’m drunk, so I can’t be articulate and shit, but you’re very pretty, and on top of that, your horns make you unique. Any guy like that would want you just to brag.”

I felt my jaw clench. “To brag?”

“That’s what they’d have done. Guys are like that.”

“Oh? Are you like that?” I asked, my voice colder than usual.

Christopher hesitated. “No.”

“So not all guys are like that.” I gestured back to the bar, though no one there could see me anymore. “They could be perfectly nice ones.”

“They weren’t. They—”

“And why are we even talking about this? What’s it to you?” I was slowly getting angrier, which was odd. The alcohol was getting to me. “What if I wanted that?”

Christopher clenched his jaw. I saw something in his eyes I’d experienced only a few hours earlier: jealousy. Even so, I ignored it. Or I didn’t think too hard about it when I recognized it. My mouth kept moving, absent of thought.

“Oh! Right! I’m your slave, so I guess it doesn’t matter what I want. You can just make me do anything!”

Now Christopher’s demeanor turned cold. “I’ve given you enough contradictory orders that you know that isn’t true.”

I untucked and pulled open my shirt, spraying buttons until my belly was visible—and the Mark of Enslavement with it. “Yet I still get to see this every fucking day!”

“You said it was your plan!”

“It was! And I hate that I had to do it!” I cried. “But I can’t be normal! I don’t get to be normal! I have white eyes, I’m an archdevil, I’m alone! I—”

“Stop whining. I’ve heard this shit every godsdamned day for five years, Yen.” He cut me off, his tone getting violent. “Yeah, people hated you. Some still do. Yeah, you’ve experienced shit I’ll never have to deal with. But you are not alone, and you are not a monster! There are still some assholes out there, but not everyone is going to like you. And you have us! You have me, Gabby, your parents, Tannin, Bruno. Hell, half the town would fucking fight for you on a given day. You’re a godsdamned legend in the adventuring community! The Black Horned Guardian! Your existence alone has changed the course of this entire country for the better. Stop throwing yourself a constant pity party. Fucking live for once.”

I resisted the urge to punch Christopher in the first few sentences. By the end, I was still angry, but I didn’t want to rip his throat out.

Christopher stared at me. His breathing was heavy. Nearly instantly, his demeanor dipped, and his expression softened. Silence fell between us like a slammed door. He blinked once. Twice. Then his shoulders dropped. “You don’t really need me anymore, Yen. I promise.”

Why did the mood shift like that all of a sudden?! I thought.

Christopher held up his hand and channeled his mana. On his palm, the seal for my stomach appeared. It glowed green and resonated with the mark on my belly, causing it to glow as well.

He pressed his hand to my stomach and looked me dead in the eye. “I release you.”

The was a sharp surge in my mana as the mark disappeared from my stomach. It felt like a thread had been pulled from my mana, allowing it to drift about unimpeded. At the same time, I felt exposed in a way I never had before.

I looked down at my stomach. My skin was totally bare. The intricate black mark that had branded me for nearly half a decade was gone, just like that. There was no longer something telling the world I belonged to anyone. I was myself. But I didn’t feel free. I felt…like I might shatter.

I couldn’t breathe. My skin felt too tight, too exposed. It was like someone had peeled something off me that I didn’t know was holding me together.

I sobered up instantly. “What are you doing?!” I grabbed his hand, pushed it away, and looked at my stomach. “You got rid of it?! What were you thinking?!” I grabbed his shirt. “Do you know how expensive it’ll be to do it over again?!”

“I’m not doing it again,” said Christopher in a low voice. His gaze never left mine. It was soft. “Never doing it again. To anyone. Especially not you.”

“Don’t be stupid! This is the only thing keeping people from running away from me! You can’t get rid of it! I—”

Christopher touched my neck and rested his forehead against mine, silencing me. “Most people can’t even see it. We could have gotten rid of it years ago. We just didn’t. No one’s ever asked for proof since then. Your actions and attitude are enough to convince people you’re not a threat. It’s not going back on. And if anyone tries to put one on you, I’ll kill them.”

I felt my body shiver. It was hard not to be conscious of his closeness and his touch.

“Besides, I can’t really say what I need to say with it on you.”

“What?”

Christopher hesitated. Then, his resolve hardened as he looked me dead in the eye, unblinking. “I love you.”

I froze.

Never in my life did I expect to hear those words said to me by people who were not my parents.

The room spun. Not from the alcohol. Whatever feelings it gave me disappeared as soon as the mark was gone. It was Christopher. His words. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.

I just stared, my mouth slightly open and my eyes wide.

Christopher wasn’t really moving anymore either. Or breathing. Or blinking. It was almost like he died as soon as he said the words.

What do I say to that?! I thought. What does he mean he loves me?! How could he love me?! Why?!

“For how long?” I heard myself saying.

“Probably since you saved me, but I noticed it a little over a year ago,” admitted Christopher without hesitation, almost hungry to say something else.

“Oh.” I couldn’t help but be stunned by the answer. He’d felt like I had for nearly the same amount of time. “Why?”

Why did I say that?! I couldn’t even answer it if this were the other way around!

“I…you…my life is better with you in it than without it. Every moment since meeting you…has been better than my entire life before that,” said Christopher slowly. “Whenever I think of something happy, you pop into my mind and make it better. I find myself doing things and wondering if you’d come along to do them or would enjoy them, too. If I’m having a bad day, seeing you erases whatever I was feeling. When you touch me, it feels like I’ve been struck by lightning. It’s—” He scratched his face. “Please stop me.”

“Okay.” I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

There was subtle surprise on the receiving end. Then hunger. One of Christopher’s hands gravitated to my waist and the other to the side of my face. I was pulled deeper—nearly lifted into his lap as we sank deeper into the booth.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. All the while, I thanked the Gods for being in such a hidden part at the back of the inn.

After a moment, we broke for air. Our faces were still close. We looked into each other’s eyes for the longest time without saying a word.

“Oh. Right. I didn’t say anything.” I muttered, embarrassed. I buried my head into his chest to keep my confidence. “I love you, too.”

I could almost feel him grin as a question slipped past his lips. “For how long?”

“…about the same amount of time.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I do. You make my heart hurt.”

Yet as I said those words, Nigel popped into my mind. Instantly, I felt pain. It was like an invisible hand pulled half my heartstrings back to him while the rest reached for Christopher. It was such an overwhelming, incomprehensible feeling that my body trembled.

I haven’t even seen him in years. I thought. Why do I still care? He could be dead. If not, he’s probably forgotten about me.

But I knew why. He was the person who broke whatever was sealing my emotions away. I’d always carry some feelings for him in the deepest part of my heart, even if we were destined to never meet again.

But I’d never say that out loud. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t foolish enough to let those feelings consume me—enough to pine away waiting for a life of loneliness and expectations.

The feelings Christopher gave me didn’t feel any less. When I was at my lowest, he lifted me out of the darkness, showed me the light, and reassured me. And he’d only made the world brighter every day since with his words, actions, and kindness.

What did I feel for him if not love?

“How?” asked Christopher.

“…it feels like I’m being torn away from something I need to survive whenever you’re not around,” I admitted. And it was honestly a feeling I’d never felt before.

He pulled me closer. His body was warm. I’d imagined something like that dozens of times and dreamt it even more. The safety. The comfort.

This has to be love. I realized. Someone actually loves me.

“What now?” I asked.

“I was wondering the same thing,” admitted Christopher.

I glanced around. “Probably shouldn’t have this discussion here. It’s private, but not enough.” I jolted and looked at him. “Let’s go to your room.”

Christopher’s entire face when rigid and tense. “My room?”

“Upstairs,” I said, referencing the section Christopher had rented out since his revelation as a prince. It was where Tannin and Bruno originally housed important guests before the addition where the Baron was staying. Christopher never bothered moving out because he was so busy.

“…okay?”

“I’ll meet you there,” I said as I pulled myself away from him, got up, and straightened my clothing. “I need a bit of air first.”

“R-Right.”

Without another word, I left the inn. Gabby eyed me. I gave her an excited thumbs-up. She looked confused, but when she glanced to where I was and looked me over, her entire body twitched like her brain had just been shocked. She looked like she wanted to rush over to me, but a customer got in her way.

I waved and left the front of the inn, making a hand gesture telling her I’d talk to her later.

As soon as I was outside, I let the cool air rush over me. Only a few people were out, and they were all wandering, guided by torchlight.

Smiling, I surged wind mana into my legs and ran up the side of Begginer’s Rest using Warring Master skills I’d only learned a year prior, practicing constantly since my fight with Rook, where he used such abilities against me. On the brightside, it gave me a reference to learn from, even when he was kicking my ass.

My eyes wandered for a flat part to rest. When I found it, I sat down, tucked my arms into my chest, and giggled uncontrollably.

“He loves me, he loves me, he loves me,” I chanted, bobbing my head back and forth. “Holy shit, and I said it back.” A cold chill ran down my spine. “I said we’d talk, but I don’t know what we’re going to say.” I rested my chin on my knees. “How are we going to take it further? Are we going to hide it…whatever ‘it’ is? I don’t know.” I rushed my fingers through my hair. “I’m so happy I get to think like this.”

Little squeals left me as I quickly tapped my feet.

“Wait!” A sudden thought rushed through my mind. “What if we’re together for a long time and he asks me to marry him someday? Is that possible? Would I be a princess? Could I even have kids? Is it even legal? I don’t know!” I allowed myself to fall back and laid against the roof. “Gahhh! I should have looked this stuff up at some point!”

I probably spent five minutes acting like that until I was finally calm enough to act like normal.

“Okay.” I let out a low breath. “Going to his room to talk. It should be alright.” Walking across the roof to Christopher’s side, a thought occurred to me as I entered an open window on his side. It kind of sounded like I wanted to sleep with him, didn’t it?

As soon as I realized that, I felt like my entire brain dropped out of my head the second I stepped foot into Christopher’s room.

He was pacing in a circle, muttering to himself while I stood, stunned, like a deer watching an arrow fly at it.

Neither of us had noticed the other.

He totally thinks I meant we should have sex. I realized as soon as I had the thought. Why did I suggest this?! It’s way too soon for that! Or is it?

Before I could continue that line of thought, Christopher spun around, muttering, and caught sight of me. “Ah!” He stepped back, his body tense. “Did you hear all that?” He pointed behind him like he wasn’t talking about himself.

“Nope,” I admitted, eyes unblinking. “Was thinking about something else entirely.”

“Something else,” he muttered slowly, his eyes never leaving me.

I blushed. “S-So! Um…” My brain was starting to fry. Giving up, I collapsed onto the bed and let my arms and legs stretch out. “I give up.” I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. All my dignity evaporated. “Just do it.”

Christopher blinked at me. “What?”

“We have sex next, right? That’s how this works?” I pumped my fists, nervous. “Just don’t get mad if I’m bad at it.”

There was no way I would do badly. When my parents gave me the talk as a child, a whole catalogue of “what to do” and “how to do it” sprang into my head. A gift from my past life. Granted, it didn’t give me any advice on relationships, love, feelings, or any of the stuff that mattered, but I was very confident I could make anyone feel good with a little effort. But I doubted that would come off as a positive, given, well, what it would entail to a partner. It’d probably raise too many questions.

I honestly never thought I’d have to worry about such things.

Christopher stared at me for a long time. “Maybe we should wait on that part.”

“Oh, thank the Gods!” I said less than a second after he finished his sentence. “I realized when I left what I’d said!”

“And I realized when you left that you didn’t mean it that way.”

“Really?”

“We’ve known each other for half a decade. I’d say I understand you pretty well at this point.”

“Lucky you,” I muttered, pouting. “People baffle me every day.”

Christopher walked over and sat beside me on the bed. “You are a little dense.”

“Hey now. No idea what you’d say that. It’s not like I almost slept with you minutes after your confession due to a misunderstanding and my pure, unbridled awkwardness.”

“No, that’d be crazy.”

We both said nothing for a moment before laughing. Our light, little chuckles filled the room, breaking down the discomfort we’d built up.

Christopher laid down in bed. “How should we do this?”

“Us?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. Some of my questions from the roof came flooding back in. “What would happen if you were to marry me?”

“Whoa.” Christopher scooted away from me sarcastically. “Fast.”

“That’s not what I meant.” My cheeks were bright red. “Who knows if we’d ever reach that point? But then, what’s the point of whatever ‘this’ is if there’s no endpoint.” I paused. Frustrated, I ran my fingers through my hair. “I mean, because of my horns. I’m a devil. It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“Not in the Broken Bits,” said Christopher. “I was out there for a bit when I was younger. Some humans and devils were married.”

“Did they have kids?”

Christopher paused. His nose crinkled as he thought about my question. “I have no idea.”

“Could…we?”

“Yen, these are some huge questions,” he said with a slight chuckle. “But you do like to stress yourself out like this. Should have seen this coming.”

“Sorry…”

“There’s nothing wrong with thinking about this stuff. It’s just…maybe we wait before we consider those things.”

“Why? And ruin our friendship and relationship over them later on?” I wondered. “Best we find out that stuff now and end this before it even starts, so there’s no heartache about what could have been or regrets or whatever.”

Christopher blinked. “I don’t wanna.”

“Why?”

“I spend all day thinking.” He scooted closer to me. It made me feel flustered, especially as his hand dropped to my cheeks and his fingers lightly traced them. “I know I love you. I don’t need to think about that. The future’s uncertain. We’ll have problems. But if we’re together, we’ll solve them. That’s how we’ve been for five years now. What’s another ten? Twenty?”

I could feel myself shaking as his fingers traced down to the crook of my neck. His thumb lightly passed over the corner of my lips down to my chin.

“All I’ve known is misery.” He leaned closer. “You’re my one light in a dark tunnel.”

That one sentence unraveled me more than the kiss had. I didn’t know what to say or do.

Dozens of thoughts, rebuttals, facts, and other nonsense flooded me, attempting to get out.

And then he kissed me.

They went away one by one.

I lost myself to an uncertain future of honeyed words and potentially broken promises.