Chapter 33 - Reunion (Patreon)

“The archdevils will tear you apart, weakling.” A man was speaking to another man within a small crowd of people right in the center of Sandy Branch. What was a simple ‘bump’ had turned into a feud that pulled everyone around into chaos.

“Eat shit, brown eyes,” said the other man, his green eyes glowing with mana. “Walk away before you get hurt.”

The marketplace reeked of sweat and wet iron. Vendors had long packed up, leaving behind broken crates and half-eaten fruit crushed into the street like gore.

A vein pulsed in the first man’s forehead. “If you—”

With wind mana in my legs, I weaved through the crowd until I stood between the two men. My feet barely brushed the ground as I slipped through. “Now, now. No fighting. Kiss. Leave. But don’t fight. I don’t have the time to keep doing this all day. It’s annoying.”

The men turned to me, slowly, and stared as if a mythical creature had appeared out of nowhere, which it kind of had. My horns and white eyes stared right at them, and their very basic features and green and brown eyes quivered with slight fear as they stared back. 

“Or do you want to be like them?” I pointed behind me. Small pockets of people were crowded around multiple knocked-out bodies.

Both men glanced behind me, looked back at me, then shook their heads.

“Excellent!” I patted their arms and moved between them down the street. “Have a beautiful day!” I paused and turned to the crowd. “And please be mindful that we’ve seen increased deaths in the Forest of Beginners due to increased expedition activities,” I said, knowing most of the people in the square were looking at me, could hear me, and were likely adventurers or mercenaries. “Be mindful and avoid any dangers. Perhaps avoid the forest altogether for the time being. We will be investigating the causes shortly.”

With that, I turned away. 

A lot had happened since the Baron left and Gai arrived over two months ago. 

Sandy Branch underwent a drastic change, prompted by the news of an archdevil coming, Baron Thorpe’s offer, and Christopher’s decision. 

The Baron left on the day news broke that an archdevil was coming. Some weeks later, a letter arrived in our village with instructions and funds to relocate people from Sandy Branch to nearby towns. It was a voluntary request that spoke volumes. Baron Thorpe was more compassionate than I had originally thought, or perhaps he had received orders from above to limit casualties in this manner. There was no directive for me or Christopher to leave, just the others. It made sense: limit the potential impact on citizens while ensuring that the cause of the harm—me—stayed put so that the archdevils searching for me didn’t have an excuse to rampage across the country looking for me. 

Christopher took the funds and did as instructed. Townsfolk were approached, and at least seventy percent of the locals moved out of Sandy Branch. The town had once thrived with hope for prosperity, of becoming the new gem of Zalevet. Instead, they were warned that archdevils were coming and abandoned that hope instantly.

My presence changed and ruined the lives of many.

But the population of Sandy Branch didn’t dwindle. Hardly. It increased.

When word of the archdevils and their intended endpoint spread widely, at least on a regional level, it drew a new crowd toward us. Sandy Branch exploded with mercenaries and adventurers. Their armor clanked through the streets once paved with children’s laughter. Smoke rose constantly from smithies working day and night to make armor and weapons. The clean streets were filled with trash, passed-out people, crude artwork, and excrement. The scent of metal, sweat, and ale had replaced the salt on the wind coming from the ocean and the lushness of nature from the forests surrounding us. 

Those of us who remained, like my family, some of the senior folks, and those with “rougher” industries, were the last shadows of a town doomed to a fate assured by the King himself.

But it wasn’t all lost. We had a new benefactor, who filled the hole we expected to be filled by Baron Thorpe and Port Prosper.

It was Gai Regal. 

The organization he works for had a vast amount of resources, influence, and intel—enough to pay to keep the peace, keep supplies coming, and inform us about what was happening in the world. Within days, we knew Edwin Syn had arrived in Port Prosper. We knew when he left, when he was in Port Prosper, and when he was on his way to Sandy Branch—all thanks to Gai. I still didn’t really get why he was in Sandy Branch, but I couldn’t say he and Lex were not helpful. Their resources and abilities alone have kept the peace in ways I alone could not.

To sum it all up, once again, my mere presence completely altered the town I washed up near roughly twenty years prior.

But I was managing…somehow…

“You bastard!” I heard someone yell some distance away. “That’s my woman!”

“Bitch, she’s everyone’s woman,” a voice retorted.

Another one. I internally groaned. 

I swiftly arrived at the scene of another man-on-man outburst, only this time, a girl was watching from afar. 

That is one of Melinda’s girls. Figures.

As I was thinking, I saw the flash of codexes and the drawing of blades. 

I appeared before them both with both my hands open. My internal energy shifted from wind to fire, and flames suddenly licked across my fingertips like serpents.

“Am I just a joke to everyone?” I grumbled, not even speaking to the men. More to myself. “Word should be spreading that I’m beating everyone who disrupts the town senseless. I even yelled it loudly for everyone to hear. I’m trying to be nice.” I looked between the men. “Maybe I need to start killing people…”

Both men flinched. 

I looked at the girl they were fighting over. “Tell Melinda to pack her shit and send everyone out of here. The brothel is a problem. If her place is still up by tomorrow, I’m burning it to the ground.”

With that, I blurred out of sight and reappeared on a nearby building. The smoke from my hands had barely settled before I’d left the scene. 

“Another day in paradise,” I groaned, thumping my forehead against my hands repeatedly. “Ha! Poor choice of words.”

I perched on an abandoned building, boots hanging into the evening air. Below, muffled shouting and laughter echoed off the streets. The sky turned a burnt orange, streaked with soot from campfires and smokestacks. A chill wind whipped up my black cloak, drier than it should’ve been.

Every day since Gai came with his fun little announcement, I kept thinking about when Paradise would come for me, what that would mean, and how that would change me. I found myself wondering what my life would be like a year from now. Would I still have it? Would I be in Paradise? Or would something else happen?

I had a nagging feeling I knew the answer, but I didn’t want to verbalize or think it in any way.

My fingers twirled in my hair as my brain overwhelmed itself with pointless thoughts. It had gotten longer in the past few months, falling a little past my shoulders. I had also started wearing more casual black clothing that better suited my aesthetic. I didn’t have to act like a slave anymore and was basically the town peacekeeper. Looking like a raggedy, barefooted weirdo just wasn’t good for me, especially with the influx of new and future guests. I wore short black dresses, cloaks, and boots for the most part. They were light, cheap, and blended well with the darkness.

I caught the back of a group of newcomers entering Beginner’s Rest. There were four of them, and one was a massive beast devil. I could tell from his tail.

“Why do I feel like they’re going to cause trouble?” I dropped down from the building and slowly walked toward Beginner’s Rest. “Because every new adventure causes damn trouble.”

As I got closer, I heard Gabby’s voice. Then Gai’s. Then Lex’s. It sounded like trouble.

Sighing, I pushed past adventurers lingering outside the inn and stepped inside. “What’s going on here?”

My eye scanned the room. There was a sea of adventurers inside. The main floor was packed shoulder-to-shoulder. Lanterns burned low, casting amber light over the area. A lute player strummed lightly, nervously, by a fireplace where a group of adventurers were playing dice. The wood beneath my boots creaked with age, sticky from spilled mead and blood, like. It wasn’t an inn anymore. Not the one I remembered. It was more like a war camp with good lighting. 

Gabby was manning the bar. Her gaze was focused on Gai and the four adventurers I saw, who—

“Yen,” I heard one of them whisper.

My gaze washed over the new arrivals. Recognition lit up my brain. There was a lean, buff human male with short brown hair and violet eyes. “Huh? Barcus?!” My eyes darted to the two devils with him. One was a blonde forest devil with elongated ears, and the other was a beast devil with wolf-like features. “Tart! Bydon!”

The fourth person in the group looked familiar yet different. My heart knew them, but my brain had trouble connecting with the feeling.

My pulse raced.

My body trembled.

It suddenly became hard to breathe. 

Every feeling I had for everyone else in the world dimmed to that of a lit candle while this person, their long brown hair and violet eyes staring at me, stunned, caused my emotions to roar like a forest fire. 

Nigel…

I didn’t even realize it when my feet carried me toward him. I was already jumping at him the moment he opened his arm, already hooking my legs around him when we embraced.

It was an intoxicating feeling.

A piece of my heart had returned to me.

And I didn’t even realize how badly I felt that I’d lost it. 

I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. My brain repeated that over and over again like a spell. It’s how I truly felt—deep, uncontrollable love from the bottom of my heart.

Nigel eventually let me go, and I set my feet on the ground. We stared into each other’s eyes for the longest time, not saying a word.

“Your eyes changed colors,” I said, not knowing what else to say, struggling not to say my thoughts out loud. “I liked the green.”

“And yours are still white,” quipped Nigel. 

I looked away, blinked rapidly, then turned to face him again. My arms still hung around his shoulders, and his hands were on my waist. “What are you doing here?”

“We came to help you,” said Nigel.

Barcus grabbed Nigel by his collar and yanked him away from me. That hand belonged to Bydon, who looked very annoyed and confused. Tart was beside him, wearing the same expression. Barcus merely looks uncomfortable. 

“I take it you already know about the archdevils,” said Barcus.

My expression softened into neutrality. “What gave it away?” I pointed around. “My hometown being filled with battle hungry idiots?”

Some people in the inn muttered in protest of my words.

“How about you all fuck off, alright?!” I shouted. “I’m having a conversation here! Eat a bag of dicks!”

Everyone silenced.

All four Trailblazers stared at me.

I chuckled. “It’s been a rough couple of months. If you’d met me before all this, you’d have thought I’d cry if you said a bad word around me. Time and reality are brutual bitches.” I sighed. “They don’t have time for drama. Plus, I hang around with assholes all the time.”

“Did I just get referenced?” Gai popped out of the crowd into the conversation. Lex dropped down from a few floors up, landing perfectly beside him. 

“As long as you know,” I said with a sweet smile. 

Nigel was scowling at Gai. “How do you know him?”

Whoa. Hostile. Hot. I found myself thinking. “He’s a, well, he’s a friend, I guess. Helps out a lot, honestly.”

Gai glanced at Nigel with a smile. “Yes, I’m a friend. And an observant one that runs on, hm, mischief. Nice hug, by the way. Very private and friendly.” He chuckled, peering back at me. “I wonder how our dear prince is doing?”

My brain trembled. I forgot about him.

It wasn’t that Christopher had left or anything. He was still in town. I’d talked with him less than an hour ago. What’s weird is that, as soon as I saw Nigel, everyone in my life receded to the background. Even Christopher, who I’ve spent more than five years with, supporting and caring for.

What the fuck is going on? I stared at Nigel for too long and too hard. What is happening? We barely know each other at this point.

 Nigel began to fidget. “Sorry.”

“Sorry?” I blinked. My gaze cast around the room. Everyone was staring at us. I landed on Gai. “Stop stiring up shit.”

“Ah, but I was so bored,” grumbled Gai. He put his arm around Lex and guided her to a different part of the inn. “Have fun catching up!”

I stared after him, annoyed, but out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Gabby. She was staring at me like I had a festering wart growing between my eyes. 

Oh, shit. She saw that whole thing, didn’t she? And I don’t even know why I did that.

Gabby’s eyes darted toward the door as a second person entered. I turned around to see who it was, only to see Christopher. As soon as I did, I confirmed in my heart that I didn’t feel at all for him the way I did about Nigel.

Yet at the same time, my brain, my rationality, pined for him and rejected Nigel wholeheartedly.

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•••

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Christopher sat hunched over the bar. The lantern above him swung slightly on its chain, casting slow-moving shadows across his face like shifting thoughts he couldn’t suppress. Empty mugs crowded his part of the bar—some tipped on their sides, others just empty. 

The bar had grown louder around him. Boots stomped across the upper floors. Someone laughed too hard at something stupid. But none of it reached him. Not really. Gabby was working the bar in front of him. It was the only thing anchoring him to the room. 

For nearly five years, he’d been treated like a Prince. The people of the town loved and respected him. He was well-known and felt like he had finally found a home. In turn, he protected the town. He sought deals and renovations so that it could thrive as a way of giving back.

And in one day, that had all gone to shit.

Now, the town he’d worked so hard for was abandoned by the locals and overrun with mercenaries and adventurers. He used to walk around the town, admired and thanked. Now, people barely glanced at him as he passed. It was for the best, in Christopher’s mind. He even sent most of his aides away after much protest.

But then more information kept piling on. 

“She jumped right into his arms?” Christopher asked Gabby as he watched Yen chat with her former teachers and friends, the Trailblazers. He’d heard about their members and even recognized them from Yen’s stories. But jealousy filled him as Gabby told him what he missed before he entered the inn. 

“It was so weird,” whispered Gabby. She was also looking at Yen and the group. “As soon as she saw him, her entire demeanor changed. I’ve never seen her act like that before.”

“Did someone do something to her?” wondered Christopher.

“I don’t know. But it wasn’t normal. She seemed surprised when it was over. Seems like something weird is going on.”

“Yeah. Weird,” muttered the prince. 

“I’d be jealous, too, if I were you,” teased Gabby. She prodded Christopher lightly in his cheek. “That man is beautiful and rugged. And he hasn’t stopped staring at her since she walked in. Even if Yen doesn’t love him, he definitely loves her.”

“I can tell,” said Christopher in a low voice. He fidgeted at the bar, his eyes trained on the brown-haired stranger with violet eyes. 

“Was definitely weird,” said Gai, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. He plopped down beside Christopher, and Lex took the free seat on Christopher’s opposite side. “She’s gonna jump that guy if you don’t keep an eye on her.”

“I’m not going to keep her on a leash.”

“Oh. Sorry. You prefer Marks of Enslavement. Do that, then,” joked Gai.

Christopher whipped around to stare right into Gai’s eyes. “When are you going to leave?”

“Leave? And miss out on all the fun that’s about to happen? Never!” Gai smiled. He leaned forward ever so slightly until his nose nearly touched Christopher’s. “Where would you be without all the help our organization has provided? Don’t like our money? Our information? Prefer to be in the dark, getting surprised when hell comes to your shores?”

Christopher clenched his jaw.

“I know you resent me. A part of you blames me for showing up and changing everything. But I just happened to be the first person to say something, not the only one. And if not me, it would have been someone else less convenient and helpful. I’m not the archdevil coming your way. And I’m not the person who came up with a stupid plan that could only make our resident archdevil famous.” Gai rested his head against his arm, which was leaning casually on the bar. “What did you think would happen when you announced you had an archdevil under your control? That it would change the world?”

“We didn’t have a choice,” growled Christopher. Anger was beginning to blind him. 

“No, you had many choices. Most people do. They just can’t see them at the time. It’s easy for me to nitpick you. I wasn’t there. I didn’t have to deal with what you did,” admitted Gai. “But there are always other choices.”

Christopher stood up, knocking his stool down.

Gai lifted his hands defensively. “Whoa there! No need to get angry.”

“I don’t like you.”

“Very few people do.” Gai jerked his finger back at Lex. “We’ve worked together for years, and she still barely likes me.”

“I don’t really like anybody,” admitted Lex, who was known for barely speaking. 

“Ouch,” said Gai. He shrugged his shoulders. “Oh well. My point is that we all have a choice. It sounds like you tend to buckle under pressure and make the wrong choice. How about thinking before acting? Think for yourself. Don’t let others sway you.”

“Like you’re trying to do now?” uttered Christopher. 

Gai smiled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

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*•*•*

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Barcus, Tart, and Bydon had retired for the night. We’d talked for hours, catching up on stories and trading information. I learned that Jessie was pregnant and that Barcus was, surprisingly, the father. They spent a good chunk of their time in the Broken Bits after staying in northern Zalevet for a few months after we parted. They were only back now because of the baby, which bothered me, slightly. 

It made me wonder if they’d ever visit me again if not for that. 

But I was happy to see Nigel again. Weird feelings aside, he was my first friend, and I’d always thought about him often. I hadn’t as much since meeting Christopher, but seeing him again reminded me how kind he was and how at ease he put me. 

We were still chatting at the table, hearing stories about his adventures and mine. The table we sat at was scarred and uneven, its wood warped from spilled drinks and old spells gone wrong. My fingers absently traced a deep gouge in the grain as I talked, the sound of a mug breaking behind the bar barely making me flinch. 

“And so there was this Blighted Tier Abberant Velocavious that could use wind. Horrible combination, am I right?” I said, continuing a story I’d started earlier. “Could send out pulses of wind like boulders just beating its wings. Horrible. It destroyed a big chunk of the forest while I was fighting it.”

“Oh, gross. What’d you do?” Nigel was leaning forward. He rested his chin in his hand with his free hand on a barely touched drink. His attention was fully on me.

“I couldn’t get close to it with my sword, so I had to use spells.” I held up my hand. A bead of water appeared on my fingertip. “My go to, as of late, for when I’m in a tough bind.”

Nigel focused on the water I’d made. His brow crinkled. “How does it work?”

“You know how we make balls of water, right?” I began. “It’s the same principle. The thing is, I focused on making the ball as small as possible while putting as much power into it as I could. The result? This little bead is so fast, it leaves my finger faster than someone with high mana using the Warring Style. I could dodge it if I had to, but I’d really need to focus.”

“Shit.” Nigel was genuiely astonished. “Do you have to use anything else?”

“I’ve got a few other spells and tricks I’ve developed over the years that could probably end most people in one attack. The benefit of ample time and a lot of mana,” I admitted. “But that’s only if I can use mana. You met Gai, right? Guy with the orange eyes downstairs? He’s wearing gloves but has a fifth band on his finger.”

Nigel’s eyes widened. “He what?” 

I nodded. “Let’s him shut off mana. So what good is a spell in that situation? Codexes can be opened when he does that. It’s why I’ve started hiding a knife on me. I’d need to beat him with a weapon if we were enemies. How many other people have powers like that? Does that counter the norms of combat? Maybe that’s the point of the fifth band. It grants those kinds of powers.”

“Maybe. I’ve never met someone with a fifth band.”

“Feel free to talk to him if you get the chance. He’s an ass, but he’s very interesting. Rough backstory. You’d like him.”

Nigel smiled warmly. “I tend to like everybody.”

“Oh, good. You haven’t changed.” I looked him over. “I guess everybody must like you too, huh? Following in your brother’s footsteps?”

“How so?”

“You know…in terms of romance.” I looked away from him and nervously tapped my arm. Why am I asking?

Nigel’s face froze. “A-A few.”

I sat up. “A few?”

“Nothing serious.”

“Oh. Right. Stress relief and fun, I suppose, when you were bored.” I leaned back in my chair with a judgmental look. “Men.”

Nigel looked like he didn’t have a good answer for me or knew what to say next.

Say it’s none of my business! I shouted inside my head. Cause it’s not! We haven’t seen each other in nearly a decade! You’re in your twenties! What do you owe me?! Nothing! Have fun! I internally complained. Why do I care?!

“What about you?” Nigel suddenly shot back. “That Prince has been eyeing me all night. He looks like he wants to rip my head off. What’s his story?”

I glanced sideways to see Christopher drinking at the bar. I knew he was there. Of course I did. But I didn’t realize he’d drunk so much. There were so many empty glasses in front of him. And he was just staring our way. Freaky.

I need to talk with him and explain some stuff. I realized. Peeking at Nigel, I nodded. This whole thing definitely has something to do with being an archdevil.

“He’s the person who dragged me out of my darkness and made me see the light and love myself,” I admitted slowly. “And I love him for that.”

Nigel’s entire body went rigid. “Love?”

I nodded, even though it made my heart hurt. My brain knew it was the right answer, and it was the one I logically wanted to give, emotions be damned. 

“I see…”

Things immediately became awkward.

This shouldn’t affect us if we were normal! I kissed him as a child! On the cheek! Years ago! Why do we both care?! Stupid archdevil bullshit!

“Have you slept with him?” asked Nigel. 

I froze. Heat climbed up my spine. “What?”

“Why did I ask that?” Nigel immediately put his hand over his mouth. “Sorry. Gods, sorry. That wasn’t…it’s none of my business. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s not!” I shouted, standing. “And I haven’t!”

“You haven’t?” Nigel’s face lit up.

“But maybe I should!”

His face immediately crumpled. 

Sighing, I put both my hands on the table. “I think I’ve had too much to drink. Starting to sound insane. I’m going to bed.”

I went to leave.

Nigel grabbed my hand very gently—not pulling me or stopping. Sort of just hanging on. “Wait.”

I did.

He stood and crossed in front of me, getting very close to my body. “I…It’s…It’s been very good seeing you again. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Uh-huh. It’s why you all stopped by so many times throughout the years.”

“We didn’t get the chance. I wanted to, but—”

“You didn’t really want to.”

“We—”

“Listen, I’m really tired. I don’t think anything productive or positive will come of this conversation. I think it’s best we both head to bed.”

“Together?”

My face turned beet red.

“Separately.” Christopher wedged his way between the two of us and began guiding me away. “Cheers, mate.”

My face only got redder. 

“What the fuck was that?” Christopher whispered in my ear.

“The ending of an experiment,” I said, mortified. 

“What?”

“I need to explain something to you.”

Christopher’s face paled.

“Nothing bad! Well, it’s bad, but not bad for us. Well, maybe bad for us. That depends on you. And me. And…us.” I pinched my brow. “We need to talk.”

We made our way up to Christopher’s room. Before the door shut behind me, I caught a glimpse of Nigel from down.

He wasn’t scowling. He wasn’t glaring.

He was just…still. Like he was a broken clock left ticking with no hands to move it. 

Oh, we’re in trouble.

“What is going on?” asked Christopher. His tone was annoyed, and reasonably so. If I were in his shoes, I’d probably be much angrier. It’s part of the reason why I liked him. 

I took a deep breath, set my feet, and looked Christopher right in his eyes. “Archdevils appear to have an imprinting system based around emotions and prospective mates.”

Whatever answer he was expecting, it was not that. Christopher just stared at me, more confused than anything. “A what?”

“Some type of imprint,” I continued. “Like with certain animals. They imprint on one another for mates, bonding them until death. Kind of like marriage, but a more anamnestic phenomenon.” I chuckled. “And I guess that basically means I’m kind of an animal.”

“Are you saying you’ve bonded?” Realization flashed through his eyes. He pointed at the door. “With that guy?”

I nodded.

“When?! What does that even mean?! Did it just happen?!”

“No! No! Gods, no! Years ago! And I don’t even know how or why!” I paused. “Well, I know why…he saved me from dying and risked his own life to do it, cared for me like no one else has, and made me feel normal trained with me, and spent every single second of his life with me for many months when I had no one else, so…”

“I’ve spent more time with you than him!” shouted Christopher. “I’ve loved you longer! Why’d you imprint on him?!” He turned away, his jaw clenched, and his eyes shining like he was trying not to blink to hard. “It should have been me.”

“I regret using that word now that I’ve heard it out loud,” I groaned. “I…I’m guessing…it can only happen once…otherwise, it would have happened to you, too.”

Christopher, again, just stared at me.

I grabbed his hand and guided him to the bed. “I was testing it throughout the night. I need to explain everything to you, but you have to stay calm while I go through this, alright?”

“This is calm,” said Christopher, the words sounding like they were hissing between his teeth.

“Fantastic,” I muttered. We were both sitting on his comforter, eye level. “I haven’t told you about my childhood, have I? How I felt about it.”

“What does that have to—”

“I couldn’t feel any emotions from the day I was born. I recall my entire life since then. My parents, their deaths, the beach I drifted on, the Demon that almost ate me.”

Christopher closed his mouth and gave me his undivided attention. 

“I’ve literally never told anyone else what I’m about to tell you, okay? That should say something.” I paused and grabbed his hands. “So please, just listen for a moment.”

After a long moment, Christopher nodded.

I recounted everything. Every detail of my time on the ship, the beach, and when Quintin picked me up. I told him about the first few years of life. All my time before meeting Nigel, save for my meetings with Eve, or that I reincarnated. 

“I didn’t feel anything toward anyone who didn’t provide me a direct benefit. Even my parents. For the longest time, I saw them as sources of safety, not protectors or family. The only feelings I have were centered around me, me, me. Whenever my emotions started to spiral, a force inside me clamped them down so that I felt nothing. It was like I was constantly reaching for a feeling but never allowed to touch it.” I paused. “Then, one day, I was kidnapped.”

Quickly I told Nigel about Turk, the Dark Market, the Mark of Enslavement, and Nigel saving me. 

“He was passed out in my lap, having risked his life to come save me, and said my horns, my shame, were beautiful,” I said, my voice low. “And it was like color finally filled the world. I was crying. My heart was heavy. I was feeling something. Can you even imagine?”

Christopher was quiet. 

“When they left, it felt like my stomach had been wrenched out of me,” I admitted. “In time, it became…manageable. Then I met you.”

“And you never had that feeling.”

“No, I did. When you did what you did to keep me in town, using your authority to save the life I’d built, I was grateful. I knew that was love because I’d felt it before. It moved my heart. But…it wasn’t the same. It was organic. The thing with Nigel was a compulsion.”

That made Christopher make a face I’d never seen before. It looked like something more than betrayal, but mixed with disgust and pain. 

“It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with me being an archdevil.” I tugged on my horns, trying to get Christopher to focus and to subvert the hurt I felt from his face just then. “Something is physcologicall wrong with my people. When I was fighting Rook, I’d gotten pretty badly hurt, and mana came pouring in through my horns. It started changing me, making me crazy. It was like I was being filled with pure happiness.”

Something in Christopher’s expression changed. “I remember that.”

“You do?”

He nodded. “When you first came back after Rook pushed you into the woods, you seemed like a different person. Like a—”

“Monster. Yeah. I remember. I thought the same. My mind wasn’t my own.” I tapped my horns again. “There’s a psychological element to these that seems to affect my mind. I mean, they hurt when I cut them like I’m severing a limb. Deer naturally shed them. They’re not organs. They shouldn’t feel like that.”

Slowly, Christopher’s face was becoming neutral.

“I think this is a side effect of that,” I continued. “I think archdevils are naturally emotionless until they, ugh, imprint. Then they gain emotions. But I think the emotions they get are more impactful than even for humans. I mean, I was doing dumb shit as a thirteen-year-old my five-year-old self never would have done. I mean, you guys saw my horns within twenty-four hours of being together. It was stupid!”

“Yeah…”

“And I let how people treated me in town affect me way more than it would have affected anyone else. You both told me constantly I wasn’t ugly, yet I ignored you and shamed myself.” I pointed at my legs. “I stopped wearing shoes! My house was a mess of bottles! I spent my time working so I wouldn’t cry! Is any of that normal?!”

Christopher was beginning to get genuinely concerned. But his face was also connecting the dots. “That…that would make all that…make so much more sense…”

“Even right now, if my brain weren’t telling me to speak, I’d be on my knees crying and hugging you, begging you to forgive me for something I can’t control,” I admitted. “And it hurts so damn much I want to throw up.”

Christopher’s face filled with compassion. “I think…you’re right, now that I’m thinking about everything.” He looked away and just stared at the floor. “And you’re not lying?”

“Pretty stupid fucking lie!”

“You’re right, you’re right…”

“Doesn’t that explain why archdevils and humans are always fighting?” I said. “If they can’t feel anything, they’d make natural moves to better themselves and their kind. I used to think about killing people all the time for inconveniencing me, Christopher. I didn’t kill someone I should have becasue I was cocky and wanted him to suffer. And that’s before I imprinted. Imagine a bunch of power, overly emotional beings pointed right at a country that may have killed their loved ones or children?”

Christopher paled as the implications dawning on him. “Shit.”

“And a ship with a few of them is coming this way.”

We sat in silence for a moment.

I leaned forward and put my arm around Christopher, rest my head in the crook of his neck. “I love you. My brain does. But my heart pulls me towards Nigel even though, logically, I shouldn’t care for him beyond him being a close friend a long time ago.”

Christopher said nothing. 

I kissed his neck. “I’m good at holding myself back. I have you and Gabby to support me. Nothing will happen. I promise.”

“Do you think the other archdevils know about this thing? The imprinting and emotions?”

“It would be weird if they didn’t.”

“Then…they may know how to get rid of it.”

I lifted my head to look at Christopher. He was looking straight ahead, stuck in thought. 

“Maybe,” I admitted. “But I doubt they’ll talk to us. What if I’m abnormal and they don’t know?”

Christopher was quiet again for the longest time. “Then…you should…pretend you don’t have emotions when we meet them.”

“What?”

“They’re coming either way, Yen.” Christopher looked right into my eyes. “Shouldn’t we learn something from them? What if we can make peace? What if you can be the person who stops the conflict that’s been going on for centuries?”

My spine shivered. The conversation had moved far beyond simple matters of love. I was being pushed somewhere else entirely. 

“Leave it to a Prince to think like that,” I muttered, looking away. “I’m just terrified everyone will die.”

We were thrown into silence again. 

Stressed, I began fidgeting, crossing my legs and twirling my hair. “You know…if you wanted to…” I stopped.

“What?”

“As weird as it was, seeing Nigel again finally confirmed that I should listen to my brain over my heart. All it does is betray me,” I said. “And my heart has been keeping me from doing something my brain has wanted to do for many years now.”

“What?” 

I grabbed Christopher, pulled him onto the bed, and sat on top of him. “Sex.”

“Yen—”

“I keep chickening out, but I really, really want to. You have no idea.” I leaned forward until our lips were almost touching. “Unless you hate me now.”

“I could…never…hate you...”

I kissed him, then pulled back. “I may not have imprinted on you, but we’ve built a bond. It’s deeper than the one I’ll ever have with Nigel. It’s stronger. Earned. If I were ever to do this with anyone, I’d want it to be you.”

Christopher sat up straight, held my cheek, then kissed me. He pulled back. “If I had saved you first…would it have been me?”

I frowned. “You’re the one in bed with me.”

“But… I don’t…your heart, I…”

“You have what matters.” I guided his hands to my chest. “You have me.”

We kissed again. It was long and tasted of forgiveness—or at least acceptance.

Suddenly, I was on my back.