Chapter 45 - Too Much Love (Patreon)

I peeked my head out my door. It was extremely early in the morning. The sun had barely risen. The birds were barely awake. The moon had barely said goodbye to the night and hello to the day.

And yet, having been awake for only a few moments, I was extremely nervous, leery, downright anxious to set foot outside my home.

When Edwin and the others arrived, I expected war, death, destruction, and disarray like I could only have imagined. Instead, I was greeted with culture, Fey nobles treating me like royalty, the restoration of civil order, and generally…nothing. It was anticlimactic at best, and at worst, an indictment of how much the world around me shaped my views instead of keeping me open-minded to all things and possibilities. Or perhaps it was my own fault for always thinking negatively.

But now, ever since our trip to the beach where my mother died, the entire group from Paradise changed overnight, softening even more. Especially Edwin. His whole personality did a one-eighty. He was kind, smiled, asked me personal questions, gave me gifts, and was a general joy to be around.

It’s how I knew immediately he’d fallen in love with me.

There was literally no other reason why, unless he was drugged, and drugs didn’t work on me with my eyes, mana, and horns. I doubt they worked on Edwin, either, considering. It was the only thing that made sense. I wasn’t some idiotic character in a shitty novel. Obvious things were obvious.

Honestly, I couldn’t point to a reason why he had. My best guess was that my overwhelming charm and sheer charisma broke through his cold, harsh exterior.

Kidding aside, I really didn’t know why, and it altered the context of his and his group’s residence, both in good and bad ways.

On the positive, I knew what the feeling meant for a Primordial. It was overwhelming and compelling. Luckily, I was able to tell something was wrong with me as a kid, enough to yearn for emotions, thanks to the fact that I was a reincarnation, even if I didn’t wholly remember my past. A Primordial, though, wouldn’t have that luxury. It was the only life they lived, and emotions were a foreign complex. One struck with such feelings would feel the entire world they’d known shift uncontrollably and irrationally in an instant. And they’d be burdened and overwhelmed by the source of that change. In Edwin’s instance, that’d be me.

On the negative, I didn’t feel the same way and never intended to reciprocate. If I didn’t really like Nigel, who was the source of my “love,” then Edwin had no real chance. But thinking about it, it also meant he’d be somewhat resistant to his feelings if he tried to be. I was living the experience of that possibility. But given the fact that he’d already sent his maids to my house with gifts and treats every waking minute, when he wasn’t doing so himself, showed he probably couldn’t do that.

Hence, I snuck outside whenever I could.

The only person who treated me poorly was Elaine, Edwin’s red-haired follower, and that was an understatement. I could feel waves of hatred pulse of her body every time she saw me. It was even worse when Edwin was around or I was getting a gift. More and more, I was seeing her around town. It wouldn’t surprise me if she just lunged at me with a sword someday.

“Maybe emotions are more common among Primordials than I thought,” I muttered, rethinking everything. “Or was I wrong before? I’m not sure. Both seem very, very emotional. Maybe Edwin was just acting cold in the beginning and was always just kind like this.” I paused. “That would mean I was the problem.” I shook my head. “No, that doesn’t explain the imprinting thing and the sudden change. That’s not normal, and Nigel felt the same way.” I bashed my temples with my palms. “Stupid. Stop overthinking things.”

It had already been days since the beach incident and weeks since the Primordials first arrived. The vibe of the town had changed. People were accepting of them. The few adventurers who came through and left were surprised by how peaceful the town was. It seemed many wanted to see the ruined aftermath of the town rumored to be visited by Primordials.

Personally, I was ready for a conclusion to their little expedition. It felt like it’d already been months since they first touched down, and that I’d been hearing about them for even longer. I wanted to know what the future held, know certainty, so I could move on with my life.

What does that even mean? I thought as I exited into the forest behind myself toward the outskirts of the Forest of Beginners. It was something I did whenever I needed a quick, violent rush of training. At full speed, I could make it there in a few minutes. It was easier without having to be part of a slow-walking group. The next thing I’ve got to deal with is Nigel and Christopher. That’s if I stay here. If I leave, that kind of gets resolved for me. But if I leave, I doubt I’ll see my parents or friends again. Not for a long, long time, if ever. If I stay, though, I’ll have to do something about the two of them. I was scratching my head, annoyed as I reached my destination. Love is weird. It’s moments like these I wish I couldn’t feel anymore.

I brushed that thought aside and focused on the task ahead. Exercise always eased my mind, and killing monsters, specifically, sharpened my wit. There were very few things, other than the Dread Tier Faragore—and likely the other three that occupied the forest—who could give me any challenge.

I sucked in some breath, held it in my chest, then screamed as loud as possible, “I’M HERE!”

It was easier than hunting, at least.

While everything in the nearest vicinity started running my way, I began pondering life, as I often did. I thought about things I’d thought about, and overthought about, dozens of times in the past few days alone. Didn’t feel any better. By the time packs of monsters and demons came running my way through the forest, I was annoyed enough to decimate the place.

From the sky, a flock of dozens of Feral Tier birds of many species came tearing at me, mana decay riddling their bodies and altering their forms. Likewise, deer, dogs, cats, wolves, bears—all manner of land-based creatures, all in the Feral and Savage Tiers, tore in my direction. A few had elements running through, meaning Abberants were mixed in the bunch.

Mixed on the ground were Demons from adventurers and mercenaries who’d died in the forest over the past fews months. The vast majority were greed demons—skinny and elongated, misshapen creatures like starved. But all seven possibilities were present.

Greed, Lust, Pride, Wrath, Gluttony, Envy, and Sloth. Whatever dominant emotion was in the user mind that corrupted their mana upon their death—their tragic death that came at a sudden, violent event—altered them into Demons.

Lust Demons were different whether they were male or females. The males had curved blades where their reproductive organs were while the females opened into a giant mouth that ran up to their throats.

Wrath demons bodies were swollen with engorged veins that ruptured their into molten cracks, splitting to reveal burning muscles beneath. Their mouths widened unnaturally, locked into permanent screams. Their arms were elongated and bulking, more like blunt weapons made of bones and sinew than limbs.

Gluttony demons had unhinged jaws with mouths far wider than their heads. Their stomachs were split open into fanged maws, and their flesh was soft and sagging, constantly getting stuck in its stomach and mouth, constantly regenerating. Their fingers were twisted into straw-like tubes that looked they could drain the fluids out of people.

Sloth demons had droopy, weak bodies that were sluggish, half-melted heaps of flesh. Their limbs dragged like they were boneless slushes creatures. They were like moving flesh blobs than people, hardly distinguishable from what they came from before.

Envy Demons looked like their bodies consisted of stolen features from multiple different humans, and then some. The eyes and skin didn’t match. They were lopsided. Some had extra limbs, mix-matched teeth. Their bodies were a mosaic of theft, always shifting and always incomplete.

Pride Demons had their bones extended outside their bodies, protruding from them like jewelry and forming a crown on their head. Their faces stretched like grotesque masks of arrogance with too many eyes, all seemingly looking down on others. Their bodies were impossible tall, almost like statutes, but their insides looked hollow, like their skin was made of glass.

In total, there were probably a hundred different monsters and demons charging in my direction.

I was down an eye, overworked, overstressed, and ready to relieve it all.

Generally, I held back and let my martial arts do the talking.

But I was in the mood for destruction.

I lifted one single hand like I was holding a ball between my clawed fingers, pointed it at the hundreds of creatures running in my direction, and let fire swirl around my palm. It rippled, condensed, boiled, and broke. The flames turned from orange to bright red to white.

My fingers opened.

The ball surged forward.

It went into the middle of the monsters and demons.

Burst.

Rippled out.

And vaporized that entire section of forest without leaving a single living thing in its wake.

I stared at the destruction, feeling a little better, but ultimately dissatisfied. “This is why I fight with my hands,” I said. “So much more satisfying. Probably wouldn’t have worked very well on Faragore, but blasts these little guys apart.” I pursed my lips. “Probably take a chunk out of a Blight Tier, too.”

I looked at my fingers and frowned. Again, questions about this world’s power systems rang in my head. I understood that I was very powerful because of my eyes, and my species also gave me an innate advantage. Yet, I was weaker than a Dread Tier, which was two level below the highest tier monster out in the world. Even with years and years of training, there didn’t seem to be a viable way to get stronger unless I unlocked all three bands and achieved well above master in all my skills. Meaning it would take me being among a select few in history to stand a chance against monsters above a Dread Tier.

And yet everything Blighter Tier and lower was a joke.

“Overthinking things isn’t the answer anymore,” I muttered to myself, completely zoning out the world around me. “Arcworks are dependent on monsters and demons, and seem to have separate abilities outside of what sentient being are able to generate from internal mana. Likewise, Runes make no sense. I don’t understand how draw something on paper and imbuing mana into creates electricity when regular mana is so restricted.”

I felt like I was missing something. And the more I dwelled on, well, everything, the more I kept questioning stuff.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, a flash of electricity sparked toward my head. It was likely an Abberant I’d missed that was waiting for the opportunity to strike.

I went to block it easily with my hand, but a shadow moved in front of me and stopped it before it made it to me.

The sound of steel stunned my ears.

A fine suit and silvery hair overtook my vision.

Edwin had intervened and…stopped an attack that barely posed any danger if I’d let it hit me.

He shot a blast of concentrated earth into the forest. Shards blasted in that direction. There was a scream.

“You alright?” he asked, looking back at me. His eyes were stressed and his forehead perspiring. He seemed genuinely terrified for me.

“Heh…I-I’m fine,” I stuttered.

•••

Hours earlier, Edwin awoke in a tree some distance away from Yen’s house. It was the perfect view of her door. It made him feel like an absolute creep and gave him immense comfort. The conflicting emotions bothered him, but having emotions again bothered him in general. Primordials weren’t used to them, and even with it being Edwin’s second time experiencing them, it didn’t make it any easier. Especially given Primordials felt emotions three times more than any other creature when they had them. It was that very thing that made them more susceptible to becoming Synborn.

It was so early, the sun had barely risen. But Edwin knew Yen started waking up at that time to avoid him and his maids.

Admittedly, he’d gone overboard with his new feelings when they emerged. Honestly, he felt he’d done a good job, since as soon as he got them, he calmly walked home with Yen rather than jump her, which is what every instinct inside him screamed for him to do.

Once he got adjusted, he tried to to quell the feelings with meditation like in the past. It didn’t work. Concepts like “This is why you lost Melania” and “You’ve been given a second chance” overwhelmed his sense of rationality, no matter how hard he fought.

It started slow with Edwin sending small gifts and asking for lunches. Then he’d set up “random” times to bump into her. Then the gift sizes increased, the meals became more luxurious, and it Edwin always appeared near Yen whenever he could.

And she clearly caught wind of that, because she became harder and harder to track, even a village as small as Sandy Branch.

Detecting movement below him, Edwin’s eyes drifted to Yen’s house below him. The door opened, and Yen’s head popped out. Her gaze darted all around, looking for anything suspicious, before exiting like a prey animal attempting to sip water at the lone drinking hole in her territory.

Edwin felt ashamed. He was smart enough to know how weird he was acting yet wasn’t strong enough to control himself. It made him realize how psychologically power Yen was to contain herself like she did when she had those same feelings manipulating her as well.

Some distance away, known to Yen, Elaine was always watching. But she didn’t know Edwin knew she was watching Yen. Edwin knew she’d be doing it at nights and into the mornings every since he reprimanded Elaine for killing those men in town. It had only gotten worse when Edwin changed. Elaine could tell something had happened to him, even if she didn’t know exactly what.

“We’re so pathetic,” Edwin found himself muttering, summarizing the scene.

Yen snuck out of her home and sprinted at full speed into the Forest of Beginners. Elaine followed her, and Edwin followed both of them.

He lost Elaine but easily found Yen due to the scream she let out as soon as she was in the forest. The first thing she did was torch the forest. It was a feat Edwin found very impressive for someone with only two bands on her fingers.

“I should help her get the third ones when I get the chance.” Edwin looked at his own hands. Only one was on display on each of his fingers, but he had all three. They were just hidden under Runic cosmetics. “That would be a fine gift. Maybe with her, we can kill the Voiced and break our curse.”

But that would have to happen later. Much later. Decades later, if not centuries.

It didn’t mean they should waste time, though.

Edwin watch Yen begin to mutter to herself while pacing in a circle. It was a habit Edwin noticed she participated in many, many times.

She was so entranced, she didn’t notice an Abberant Owl fire lighting at her.

Edwin knew in his heart Yen would be able to dodge it, but he reacted anyways. His body was there blocking the strike, sending a counter attack to kill the monster, before his mind could stop him.

In seconds, he was standing awkwardly in front of Yen.

“You alright?” Edwin asked.

“Heh…I-I’m fine,” Yen responded. She looked borderline terrified.

The two stood there awkwardly, unsure what to say next.

I hate myself. Edwin found himself thinking.

A thousand thoughts ran through Edwin’s mind. He wanted to apologize, to come up with some sort of excuse, to yell at her, to act cold again.

But he couldn’t.

For in that moment, a massive strip of concentrated earth mana was headed their way.

He sensed it the first second.

Then, like the a flash of lighting, a massive spike of rock was a fist’s distance from piercing Yen’s temple.

Edwin reached out to stop it as fast as he could.

Yen’s hand was already in the gap between her face and the mana, her limbs glowing with white mana.

The spell burst apart into particles.

But the force didn’t fully dissipate in time.

Yen was sent flying. Edwin watched her slam through a tree and aim for a second one before he grabbed her, stopped her crashing, and gently put her on the ground.

“Are you okay?!” he asked, frantic, his eyes examining her for any signs of blood.

There were none.

“What was that?” muttered Yen. She was looking in the direction of the spell. “An Abberant? No. It was way too strong.” She turned to Edwin. “What do you…think…”

He was already gone.

•••

Elaine stumbled away from the location she’d shot her spell. Her marks hurt. They flashed and pulsed like they were threatening to take over her body. If she’d looked at her wrists, she’d see the marks were getting darker, like they were trying to envelop her fully. If she could have seen he forehead, she’d have noticed her horns getting ever so slightly longer.

“I’ll kill her,” Elaine mutter to herself. She gripped the sides of her head as emotions drowned her like a surging wave in a violent storm. “I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her.”

Elaine had noticed the change in Edwin. She’s seen how much softer his gaze had gotten. But not toward her. Never toward her. Always to Yen. It was always Yen. Yen, Yen, Yen!

“One second more, and he’d return to how he was,” whispered Elaine. “So close, so close. I need to kill her if I want my Edwin back. I need—”

Elaine suddenly felt a hand at her neck as she was lifted off the ground faster than she could hope to react.

“Why did you do that?” said Edwin. His voice was cold and his eye unblinking. He stared at Elaine like she was nothing, less than nothing. A patch of grass to piss on at most.

“To return you…to…you…”

Edwin cocked his head to the side. “Why would I want that? I can do that whenever I want.” He allowed wind to ripple around his hand. He placed it close to his throat, enough for his skin to earn little cuts.

Elaine flailed trying to stop him.

Edwin scoffed and dropped Elaine. “Pathetic.”

She sat in a huff on the ground, sweating and terrified.

Edwin leaned over her like a predator over its prey. “Return to the inn. Stay in your room. Do not come out except to eat and piss. Do not talk to me until we return home.”

“…we are returning home…”

“Yes.”

“And you’re brining that girl with you?”

“I’m brining the blood of the Ancient One and the offspring of my dead wife, yes.”

Elaine flinched. “Then why do you love her?”

“Why do you love me?”

Neither said anything.

“We’ll need to depart in a few more days.” Edwin stood and cracked his neck. “I’ll convince her to join us. Then we can leave this wretched place.”

“We could always leave her as a spy or envoy like she suggested,” said Elaine.

“No,” replied Edwin flatly. “I’m never leaving her.”

Elaine began to cry.

Edwin’s face filled with disgust for a moment. Then, he relented. Emotions drowned him with what she tried to do to Yen, but as he calmed ever so slightly, another feeling started to sink in: empathy.

In some ways, Elaine was going through what he had. Granted, Edwin never tried to kill Myros Creed, the one who took his love, but he understood the desire behind Elaine’s actions.

With those thoughts, Edwin’s anger shifted to sympathy. His eyes softened, his posture relaxed, and he crouched in front of Elaine with a smile. All that confused Elaine. She was worried she was about to die, even though a part of her was fine with it if it meant dying by Edwin’s hands.

“I’m fine with your feelings for me,” said Edwin. “I’ll accept them as much as I can. I have no problem with that.”

Elaine looked shocked.

“Come here.” Edwin held out his arms. When Elaine did nothing, Edwin move forward and wrapped his arms around her.

It was the first time they’d embraced in such a way as long as they’d known each other.

Elaine began to cry.

Edwin couldn’t help but wonder how much his life would have changed if Melania had done the same thing to him. Or if he’d just opened up to her sooner.

They broke apart.

“Please, stay in the inn for now,” said Edwin. His voice was soft, warm, and comforting. “We won’t be here much longer, okay?”

“…okay.”

Edwin gently rubbed Elaine’s head and smiled. “Now, I must get back to Yen.” He stood up. “I’ll see you later.”

Elaine watched Edwin go without a word. If he had looked back at her instead of focusing on Yen, he’d have seen the pure love and agony in her eyes slowly transform into pure, blinding rage.

“Even now, it’s all about her,” Elaine whisper.

The marks on her arms and fingers grew a little more over her skin. Her horns grew a few millimeters longer. The feeling of her mana began to tangible feel gross within her.

Elaine knew what she had to do—what she needed to do.

Yen had to die if she ever wanted to Edwin to look at her, even if it meant him kill her with his own hands.

At least his attention would be on her and only her.

For Elaine, that was enough.