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Ali Rambles: Happy Birthdays + Funny Retail and Commission Stories! 😂 💀 (Patreon)

Published:
2025-08-06 10:30:36
Imported:
2026-06
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Feel free to share your own retail stories if you like! Apologies for the sniffling at some points. Idk why but my nose/allergies started to flare up randomly lol. Oh, and look forward to a surprise on YouTube later today! :3

Comments

Kai Zomei

Those are definitely some crazy retail and commission stories. I do have one retail story myself that became funny in hindsight when I told it to some coworkers: I work at Michaels and I tend to work the front end check out (often alone cause smaller store type and the rest were self checkout), which one responsibility included filling up balloons for orders. I was working on one such balloon with the customer patiently waiting on me, and otherwise was pretty peaceful in the checkout area. An older woman was hovering around with her cart full of stuff, and when I looked at her she asked me "Is it all self checkout?" (I hate this question cause it feels like my existence is being ignored). I told her I was busy filling a balloon order (which wasn't too big btw), so she could either wait on me or use the self checkout. As I was on the final balloon, she decided to leave the store without buying anything, but I figured I'd pull her cart to the side just in case she returns after I was done. Some time passes, and while I was busy checking out a new customer, the old lady comes back in and rounds out to the check out. I tried to tell her that I set her cart off to the side and that I could take her right after my current customer, but she interrupted me and was like "I'm not buying anything anyway!" and storms out again. I was trying to get her attention, and she ends the whole ordeal by telling me "Well, your attitude made it sound like I should just go fornicate myself!" (an interesting choice of words, if I do say so myself, and she actually did use the word "fornicate")

Bossanova51

Hey nothing wrong with liking pumpkin spice! I like it myself 😂 it’s not my birthday but on August 13 it’s my 5th anniversary of being married to my wife 🥹 I never worked retail but I used to work at McDonald’s night shift but I had a similar experience, about 30 minutes before we closed the front doors (drive thru was 24/7) this 2 girls walk in, make their order as normal and before they left they said thank you very loudly and flashed their boobs at us 😂 and I gotta say that’s probably one of the best shifts I had in the 4 years I worked there lol! Also have some gross stories like that but let’s not get into those lol. When it comes to commissions I try to be as respectful and professional as possible, it’s crazy to me that some ppl get creepy like that like come on dude it’s an art commission not some weird dating site!!😂

Red XXX00

Your stories are wild and i am all for more Ali Lore! Were there any other customer in the store when the lady went to get the ripple piercing? I can imagine their shock faces as well. It was a good day to be there lmao 🤣 Been looking at commissions for mecha stuff! Have you delt with any OC creations stuff and any advice for that? Not sure how that works or get it started.

Emeraldrop

Goodness gracious I would've died if that speedo ever got on my register belt 😂 I actually have a story that's about as gross, so be warned. One time I was on self checkout because our team leads will put cashiers on self checkout to keep an eye on customers, help them if need be and such. And there was this old guy who seemed off like he had this kinda of blank stare on him. I kinda forgot about him and helped some customers, then me and a coworker noticed this weird brown mass on the bench and we were just surprised at first because we both thought it was poop, I hoped not but unfortunately that same guy from earlier I saw hurriedly run to grab paper towels and as we watched him, we saw a stain on the back of his pants. Me and coworker were both grossed out but also laughing at how absurd the situation was. So the old dude comes back and tries to wipe off the poop with paper towels, there was still a lot left, especially because the bench is the metal one with holes in it so it need a good clean. Coworker called the maintenance guy when he came we apologized to him as we explained what happened while trying to stifle our laughs, coworker knew the maintenance guy and made some jokes with him I don't remember what. The Maintenance guy did a good job deep cleaning the bench but I will never sit on that bench again, nope 😂

Releothunder

Pumpkin spice is amazing idk why people hate on it so much I love that stuff anyways I’m having a hot tea while. Meeting Celebrities is so cool when they are chill I’ve only met a couple but I was to shy to take a picture or anything. Speedos are just gross 🤮 but any but oh man that’s nasty I know I’d have done the same thing any time I touch anything I mildly unclean it’s straight to the bathroom to wash my hands. That’s horrible people would act like that towards you I just don’t understand doing stuff like that that’s just disrespectful weird Immature but also like even if you thought it would be useful reference I feel like you should atleast ask before just sending that like ew. As for me I have a kinda funny story that happened last week at work so I just clocked in before I even start working this lady comes up to me screaming about how we’re out of pretzels and how if I was a soccer mom I’d understand how important pretzels are already to unserious to care but I’m thinking to myself I’ll humor you so I told her on sorry about that maybe I can help you find them so I go to where they are they are like 15 feet over on the display stand on the back end of the aisle now cause we have a coupon and her demeanor immediately went to embarrassment she said thank you in like the smallest voice ever I started working but could not keep from letting out a little chuckle after the fact then like 20ish minutes later I’m working they had me upfront that day and I see her come through my line and with like 12 bags of pretzels in her basket and it was so awkward for her I’m just chill doing my job she couldn’t look me in the eyes at all I just told her “it’s alright i get it shopping can get stressful when something you need appears to be gone” she looked so relieved and said thank you again but it was pretty funny to me the speech about 🥨 to start my day off I wish I remembered thee exact words it was hilarious 😂 Anyways thanks for helping me chill out a bit I just got back from an interview for a position I won’t be dealing with customers in anymore and fits my schedule better and pays better and I really hope I get it so even after the fact I’m a bit jittery but I feel much better now hope your week is going awesome Ali!

Wheniks

I’m crying the nut sack skin🤣🤣🤣🤣. I love these unhinged stories. and worse case it’s called Google. As artists we can go on there for referencing that stuff lol

Shaman343

1. A customer came into the store with a Geiger counter and was trying to convince other customers that the store was radioactive. (its not) 2. A customer was asking for change for a vending machine. They pick up their quarters, stare at them and say, "I can't believe they are putting Mexican on our money now!" Puzzled, I say "What do you mean?" The customer points at "E pluribus unum" on the quarter. I say "I am pretty sure that is latin..." They say "No, I am sure its Mexican. My cousin is Mexican" then walks off.

LBug0

I worked in parcel logging and distribution for a college campus. Once, a package arrived that required a signature from someone over 21. Funny enough, I was one of the few students working there who was only 20 years old. I had to direct the delivery person to the main office, and the people who worked there had them send it back, as it was obviously alcohol. Alcohol isn't allowed on campus (or rather, you can't be seen with it on campus; having it in your storage is technically fine, as staff can't legally do in-depth searches). If I were one year older, or if somebody else were working at the time, they probably would have gotten the package just fine.

Miracle

I had a customer request a refund just because the box arrived damaged. The box was not advertised in the listing, so that was kinda funny. Anyway yes, I want to hear more stories. Some of these are even juicier than some of your roleplays. XD

Moy

Okay, that first story is incredible. I remember the first time I met someone like that who just didn't care who was around, it was pretty shocking... but I kinda admire how free spirited some people could be lol Anyway, I hope she was happy with the piercings she got :P I have never heard of anyone ever trying on underwear in a fitting room before lol However, that kinda reminds me of story. I have family scattered all over the country, when I was younger we would go visit some of my family that lived in the middle of nowhere in Kansas (no offense to any Kansas AliCats). At the time my dad was considering buying a house or some property over there, so we ended up at an estate sale/auction. They sold everything that belonged to the old man that died. Someone even bought his used underwear! The slime girl story is oddly wholesome, I kinda love it. Such a contrast to the second art story. This second commission story is definitely makes me think about things a bit. I'm sorry, but I chuckled when you said that he replied saying he just wanted to make sure you knew what it looked like. I honestly find it more uncomfortable that you had to deal with people using commissions to make contact due to false assumptions about you than the fact that someone sent an unsolicited wiener picture lmao I don't like that you or any content creators I support have all probably dealt with situations like that. Can you imagine how often a vtuber has to deal with someone getting parasocial? Lol. I have a fear of people assuming I'm someone like that unsolicited wiener guy because of how much I yap, but i'm just being me. I still set some rules for myself though. This was a very fun ramble. I would definitely love a sequel of some sort! I've never worked retail before, but I have plenty of crazy work stories... Unfortunately I don't feel comfortable putting them in writing so they'll have to wait for when I eventually quit :P

Zach Gestes

NUTSACK SKIN?????❌🤢 I’ve NEVER heard of that as a guy, having flakey skin… THERE??? EW🤮 God bless you bruh

KILLASAURUSFLEX

Thanks for the birthday wishes, plan on getting fucked up and having Mexican food so big Ws all around Edit: also you always seem so sweet and innocent, I can't imagine you doing NSFW art lmao

Kench

That was a wild ride, holy hell. Retail Storytime with Ali should be like, once every month or two, cause even just these were incredible to hear. ------------------------------- Every time I hear the stories from anyone who's worked for a long time in retail, I'm always fascinated by everything they say. I've never worked retail, not really, so just hearing about the wide rainbow of shit that humans have done and continue to do is morbidly fascinating. That Speedo story in particular got me to gag a little when you said "it's flaky", that's not normal even for men. Remind me never to get old, it sounds gross. I'll live and stay young forever instead. ------------------------------- The Hot Topic stories got me nodding my head a bit too. Like, I also grew up hearing about the image of the mega-goth store, but I was a bit sheltered as a kid and never got direct exposure to most subcultures until I was in my 20s. By the time I finally got to see a Hot Topic with my own eyes it had already started putting pokemon plushies and anime shirts right by the front entrance and so the image was just different than what I'd heard. Employees fangirling over a band with a grungy aesthetic and a lady going tits out mid-store for a piercing sounds just a little bit more like what I expected, lol. ------------------------------- Re: Commission stories, I love that first guy. I don't "know" Slime Girl Stu, but I feel like I *know* Slime Girl Stu.... you know? :P Something comforting not just from the artist side of having a regular, but of seeing a dude know exactly what he's about and lean into it a consistent (and at least it seems healthy) amount. Not sure what the sport is, but especially in the Ali Art Style, sporty fashion can be super cute, I respect his tastes in theme and in choiche of monster girl. ------------------------------- Second guy is just gross, and I'm sorry you had to deal with him. Even if he really *had* been genuine that he thought it was necessary to send """references""" (and I don't believe for a moment that it was), no warning / no asking if it's ok ahead of time would have still made it just as bad. I love your response, though. "Your fursona doesn't even have the same anatomy!" is like the funniest thing you could've said 'cause out of all of the responses you could have given, it's the most professional and artistically relevant complaint, like, morals aside he just didn't think this through on an artistic level either. ------------------------------- No coffee for me, I listened to this at night—hope you enjoyed yours, though! And no hate on pumpkin spice, it's not my go-to flavor but I've had a PSL before and it's def popular for a reason.

BlueAsh173

Definitely my favorite Ali Ramble, I love hearing stories from other people. A woman free-balling, and meeting someone famous is certainly interesting... but the third story with the old man is crazy. For the record, men don't try swim trunks like that... we either put them over our pants, or buy some that are gonna be loose, and then tighten them up. Honestly, I thought women tried bras on like that, just free-balling, and I still don't know, plz bestow upon me the answer. But nut draft is crazy work. As someone who owns a pair, I can say that they don't shed skin like a lizard... So I don't know what that guy's deal was. The guy's kink had his slime of to be covered in certain things, and was into sports... unless you signed an N.D.A, could you tell us if the slime girl turned yellow during the act or...? Also, a PP pic for reference is kinda funny. Being shown genitals of any variety out of the blue must've been gross, but I'm glad you can look back on it and laugh. I'd personally love to share stories about working. But I feel their a lil messed? What's too far would you say, cuz I want to share this experience. I need a confession booth.

BlueAsh173
>>183372351

I do have a light hearted story about an older woman either joking with me or trying to flirt, still not sure. So to paint a picture, I work as Quality Associate at a Food Lion, which is just a fancy way of calling me a janitor. Either way, I was dust mopping the floor, i.e the long green broom with mop tassels that you collect dust with. So, I'm in the Produce section, and I just left my mop near the peaches, I went into the actual produce department, and walk out to see an older woman looking right at me. Around late 40s too early 50s, red lipstick, and a sorta beehive haircut. And she's looking dead at me while standing right next to my dust mop. I think nothing of it and walk back to my dust mop, as soon as I grab it, she says "Sorry, I accidentally spilt some grapes on the floor." Before I look over to the area where the grapes would be, I give the usual customer service answer "It's fine ma'am. No problem. 😁" I look to where the grapes are, and see no grapes on the floor, but I look at my dust mop, and see a singular grape on top of my dust mop. I'm confused, was this the grape she was talking about? But before I could ask her that, she says the thing which still confuses me. She says to me, before I could even look at her... "Just don't be too rough with me." Im hella confused, but maybe she's talking to someone else. Nope! No headphones or ear pieces, nor a phone in sight, while still looking at me. But what's worse, was my answer. I look at her, directly in her soul (here eyes) and I say. "Okay. I won't." And then I walked away with my dust mop. The reason why my answer was the main source of embarrassment, because for some reason, whether to maybe preserve this person's dignity, or to let her down easy. I said in a way that didn't express embarrassment or even uncomfortablility. I said in a way as if I had gotten caught pulling trying to mess with someone, and they told me to stop. So my answer came off as more playful, then I meant for it to be. 😰 Too this day, I don't know if I was getting flirted with, or just teased. Not the first time I got flirted with by an old woman. But that story is kinda fucked up, but if you wanna hear it, I'll post it either way! 👍 Also have a great day/night! 😁

alichuart
>>183268161

I’m really happy you enjoyed the stories Kench haha! It was definitely a wild time in my life but I’m happy they can provide some entertainment now :P My best guess with the old guy and the speedo is maybe dry skin? I have no idea. Either way, it’s not something I wanted to deal with hands on! 😭 The slime girl guy was by far one of my favorite customers ever. Not only did he commission me every month but he would frequently buy YCHs (your character here’s) from me. Which is essentially when you draw a pose and someone buys it to have their character drawn into it! Idk where slime girl guy is now but I hope he’s doing well ✨ Tbh, the other guy with the “reference” didn’t surprise me in the slightest. He was already giving me some weird vibes but of course it was only after he paid me- making it a little difficult to back out at that point 💀 I can confidently say my time dealing with people like that has desensitized me to a degree. I’ve seen so many different things that I feel like it takes a lot to shock me anymore- which I suppose can be both a good and bad thing haha! 😂