My Life is Horrific Chapter 12 — V is for Getting Laid (Patreon)

I stepped inside and closed the door behind me while letting out a long breath, the cool night air still clinging to my skin, and that was when two warm arms wrapped around my waist from behind and a familiar southern drawl purred right against my ear. "Miss me, sugar?"

My whole body locked up for half a second. Then I spun around fast enough that my shoulder clipped the edge of the coat rack and sent it rocking against the wall with a dull thud.

Vicki Vallencourt stood there in the hallway wearing cutoff denim shorts that hugged her hips like a second skin and a black tank top that clung to every curve, the thin straps barely holding on. Her dark hair was loose and a little messy like she'd driven here with the windows down, and those blue eyes were locked on mine with that same wicked spark I remembered from the last time I saw her. She smelled like vanilla, leather, and the faint sweetness of cherry ChapStick.

"Surprise," she said, before she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my neck in a slow, sensual hug that pressed every inch of her body against mine. Her breasts flattened against my chest, and her hips rolled just enough to let me feel the heat between her thighs brush my growing erection.

I stood there stunned for a heartbeat, my hands hovering at her waist before I finally settled them on the small of her back. "Vicki... what the hell are you doing here?"

She pulled back just far enough to look up at me, lips curved in that half-smirk. "Well, darlin', I figured after all this time you either forgot about me or you were dead. Then I heard about your family... and that whole lakehouse mess. Figured I'd come see for myself if the golden boy was still breathin'." Her fingers trailed down my chest while she spoke, nails dragging lightly over my shirt. 

I exhaled through my nose, still processing the fact that she was actually here, in my house. "You want a beer?"

"Thought you'd never ask, sugar."

I led her into the living room while she followed close enough that her fingers kept brushing my lower back. I grabbed two cold ones from the fridge, twisted the caps off, and handed her one. She took a long pull then licked a drop from her bottom lip while watching me over the rim.

"So," she said after she lowered the bottle, "tell me what really happened. Rumors are flyin' thicker than flies on shit. They say some psycho carved up half your football team. That true?"

I leaned back against the counter and took a sip. "Yeah. Some escaped lunatic. Cops think he was holed up in the woods for years. He got Tyler, Fred, Georgina... the whole group. I got lucky. Claire and I made it out. That's the short version."

Vicki tilted her head while her eyes searched my face. "Short version, huh? You seen some things you ain't tellin'?

I shrugged, keeping my expression neutral. "I saw enough let's just put it like that. Don't really like talking about it anyway."

She stepped closer until the toes of her boots touched mine. "Fair enough. I ain't here to play detective." Her free hand slid up my arm and curled around the back of my neck. "I just wanted to make sure you were still in one piece. And maybe... see if you needed some cheering up."

My cock was already rock-hard, straining painfully against the front of my jeans the second her body heat washed over me. The way her breasts brushed my chest with every shallow breath, the faint vanilla-and-leather scent of her skin, it all hit me like a freight train straight to the dick. I could feel the thick ridge of my erection pressing into her lower belly and I knew she felt it too because her pupils blew wide open and her tongue darted out to wet her bottom lip.

I played along. "Yeah... I'm real sad, Vicki. Lost my whole family. Lost my friends. Been sitting in this big empty house all alone. It's been... real hard." I let my hands slide down to grip her hips, thumbs digging into the soft flesh just above her waistband. "Real hard."

Her lips curled into a filthy smile, her eyes glittering with amusement. "Poor baby," she purred. "All alone and achin'. Must be terrible." She rolled her hips forward dragging the seam of her shorts right along the length of my cock so I felt every ridge of her through the denim. "Bet you need somebody to take real good care of you tonight. Make it all better."

I groaned in my throat, my fingers flexing on her ass. "Fuck yeah I do."

She didn't waste another second. Her mouth crashed into mine, her tongue sliding past my lips to claim every inch she could reach. I kissed her back just as hard, one hand sliding up under her tank top to palm her bare breast while the other yanked her hips tighter against me. Her nipple was already a stiff little peak under my thumb; I rolled it until she moaned into my mouth, the sound vibrating straight down my spine.

She broke the kiss with a wet gasp. "Couch. Now."

I didn't argue. I walked her backward while our mouths stayed locked together, her hands roaming everywhere until the backs of my knees hit the edge of the sectional. She shoved me down hard enough that I landed with a grunt, my legs spreading automatically. Vicki dropped between them without hesitation, her hands already working my fly open while she looked up at me through dark lashes.

"Been thinkin' about this cock since that night in your car," she murmured. "How thick it got in my hand. How bad I wanted to taste it." She pulled my jeans and boxers down just far enough to free me; my dick sprang up already leaking at the tip. "Fuck, look at you. Still so pretty for me."

She didn't tease. She wrapped her lips around the head and sucked like a hoover, her tongue flicking the slit to lap up the precum before she sank down in one long, wet glide. No warm-up, no shallow bobs, just straight to the root until her nose pressed into my pubic hair and her throat fluttered around me like a fist. I groaned loudly with my head falling back against the cushion while my hands fisted in her hair.

She pulled off with a filthy slurp, spit stringing from her lips to my cock. "That's it, sugar. Sit back and let me handle this." Then she dove back down, faster this time, her head bobbing in a relentless rhythm. Her cheeks hollowed with every upstroke with her tongue swirling under the head on every downstroke. One hand stroked what her mouth couldn't reach while the other cupped and rolled my balls, tugging just hard enough to make my hips jerk.

The wet, obscene sounds filled the room mixed with her muffled moans and the occasional gag when she forced herself deeper. Drool ran down her chin, dripped onto my balls and soaked into the couch cushion. She looked up at me the whole time, eyes watering but never breaking contact, like she wanted me to see exactly how much she loved choking on my dick.

"Fuck... Vicki...gonna—" My warning came out strangled and I couldn't even finish. 

She just moaned louder around me, sucked harder, and that was it. My balls drew up tight and I came with a guttural groan, my hips bucking while I pumped thick ropes straight down her throat. She swallowed every pulse, until I was twitching and oversensitive and she finally pulled off with a satisfied gasp, a thin strand of cum still connecting us before it snapped.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and grinned up at me. "That's much better, ain't it?"

Before I could answer she shoved me flat on my back and climbed on top, straddling my hips. She yanked her tank top over her head and then shimmied out of her shorts and panties in one motion, kicking them somewhere across the room, then reached down and lined me up with her soaked entrance.

"Been wet since I walked through that door," she breathed, sinking down slowly at first, letting me feel every inch stretch her open. "Fuck... so thick... fillin' me up so good..."

She bottomed out with a long, drawn-out moan—"Oooohhh gaaawwwd"—and started riding me hard, hips snapping down in rough rolls. Her nails dug into my chest for leverage while she bounced, her tits jiggling with every thrust. "That's it, sugar... fuck me back... give it to me..."

I grabbed her hips and thrust up to meet her, slamming deep on every downstroke. The wet slap of skin on skin echoed through the living room. "Yessss... right there... pound that pussy... make me feel it tomorrow... ohhh fuuuck yes..."

She leaned forward, changing the angle so my cock dragged against her front wall on every thrust. Her moans turned raw and broken. "Gonna cum on this dick... gonna soak you... ahhh gawd... don't stop... don't you dare stop..."

I felt her clench hard around me then she shattered with a loud, shuddering cry—"Ohhh shiiiit I'm cummmiiinnn'!"—her whole body shaking as she ground down and rode out the waves. The sight and feel of her coming undone pushed me over the edge again. I gripped her ass hard, yanked her down one last time, and buried myself to the hilt while I came deep inside her, thick pulses flooding her pussy until it leaked out around my cock and dripped down my balls.

We stayed locked together for a minute, sweat slicking our skin. She collapsed forward onto my chest, still trembling, and I wrapped my arms around her while we both caught our breath.

After that we didn't stop.

We fucked on the couch until the cushions were soaked. Then against the kitchen counter, her legs wrapped around my waist while I pounded her from behind.  Then on the stairs, her on all fours while I railed her from behind. We made it to my bed eventually, but fuck knows when that was. 

Hours blurred together. 

We were a mess of sweat, cum, and tangled limbs by the time exhaustion finally took over. She curled against my side with her head on my chest and one leg thrown over mine. We passed out like that, sticky, sweaty, and completely fucked-out.

When I woke up the next morning the bed was cold on her side. She'd disappeared at some point. No note. No call. I stared at the empty spot for a long minute, then let out a loud laugh and rubbed my face.

___________________________________

[Day 62 Survived]

[Achievements:]

[Achievement Unlocked: Is that for me Sugah?]

Congratulations on having sex with one of the many sexy southern girls from fiction. There is plenty more where that came from. 

[Rewards:]

[Advanced Skill: Sign Language]

___________________________________

Pretty shit reward but who cares I could laid. 

I flopped back onto the mattress, still grinning like an idiot. My dick twitched at the memory of her throat working around me, but the clock on the nightstand caught my eye and the grin died fast.

11:47 a.m.

"Shit."

Claire was expecting me at noon.

I rolled out of bed so quick my feet hit the floor before my brain caught up. The room smelled like sweat and her perfume and last night's beer. I didn't have time to shower though. I yanked on yesterday's jeans grabbed a clean black T-shirt from the dresser, shoved my feet into sneakers, snatched my keys and wallet off the nightstand, and bolted downstairs. 

The Mustang roared to life in the driveway and I peeled out before the garage door finished opening.

The drive to her neighborhood took twenty-three minutes with me doing eighty on back roads. I pulled up to the big white house at 12:04. Before I could even kill the engine the front door flew open and Claire sprinted out barefoot in cutoff denim shorts and an oversized hoodie, eyes bright with panic and excitement. She yanked the passenger door open and threw herself inside while putting her flats on in the car. 

"Go go go!" she hissed, slamming the door and ducking like we were robbing a bank.

I didn't ask questions. I floored it. The Mustang lunged forward, its tires squealing again as we shot down the street. In the rearview I saw the curtains in the front window twitch, but no Noah came charging out. 

Thankfully.

Claire stayed ducked for three blocks, then popped up with a huge, breathless grin. "Holy shit. Holy shit I'm out. I'm actually out."

She twisted in the seat, reached over and grabbed my face with both hands, and planted a loud, smacking kiss on my cheek. "Thank you thank you thank you."

I laughed and flicked the turn signal toward the main road. "Good to see you too Claire."

She giggled, high and giddy, leaning her head against the seat while she stared out the windshield like the world was brand new. "God, it feels so good to be out of that prison. Dad's got the doors alarmed now. Windows too. I've been climbing out the laundry-room vent like some kinda ninja just to get fresh air. I'm not kidding. I smell like dryer sheets half the time."

"Sounds like he's one step away from putting bars on your bedroom window," I replied while merging onto the next road. 

"Probably next week after he finds out about today," she said, rolling her eyes. 

I turned to her and smiled. "So where do you want to go?" I asked.

"I don't even care. Just... anywhere that isn't my house," she replied. 

I thought for half a second. "Heard they opened a new bakery at the mall. Pastries, sandwiches, coffee. You hungry?"

"Hell yes I'm starving." She bounced in the seat. "Let's do it."

I cranked the radio playing some old tunes and floored it. We made it to the mall in fifteen minutes. The parking lot was half full, Friday-morning shoppers milling around with paper bags and strollers. I found a spot near the entrance, killed the engine, and we both stepped out into the lot.

Claire stretched her arms over her head, hoodie riding up to show a strip of tanned stomach. "God, I forgot what outside feels like."

I locked the car and we started walking toward the glass doors. "Been a while since I was here," I said. "Last time was with Tyler and Max. We came to see that shitty horror flick. Max spilled nachos all over his lap during the opening credits. Tyler laughed so hard he snorted soda out his nose."

Claire's smile softened. "Last time I was here was with Regina, Gretchen, and Karen. We spent three hours trying on prom dresses even though prom was still months away. Regina made the sales girl cry because the blue one 'wasn't the right blue'."

I glanced sideways at her. "You talked to any of them lately?"

She nodded while we stepped through the automatic doors. "Mostly Regina and Karen. Though Regina... Regina's mostly been asking about you."

I laughed, but it came out nervously. "Yeah. She's called the house a bunch of times. Showed up once too and parked on the street, she sat there for like twenty minutes. I turned all the lights off and pretended I wasn't home."

Claire snorted. "She's obsessed. Even at school it's all she talks about. 'James this, James that.' I think she's convinced herself you two are soulmates."

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "Regina's not terrible. She's just... a lot. And if she came onto me again I don't know if I'd have the willpower to say no. Girl knows exactly how to push every button I've got."

Claire giggled, bumping her shoulder against mine. "She is really pretty. Can't blame you."

We wandered the mall for a bit, past the food court, past the arcade, past the Gap where Tyler once tried to ask out the manager." The place felt smaller than I remembered, quieter too. Maybe because it wasn't the weekend and most of the kids were at school.

Eventually we made it up to the second level where the new bakery had taken over the old pretzel place. The sign read "Sweet Rise" in curly gold letters and the smell of fresh croissants and espresso hit us before we even walked in. 

Outside the entrance, Karen stood leaning against the railing looking at a book. Something which confused the hell out of me. 

What was Karen doing with a book?

But more importantly Karen meant the other plastics weren't far away. 

I cursed under my breath. "If Karen's here, does that mean Regina and Gretchen are too?"

Claire leaned forward, squinting. "Wait... no. That's not Karen. That's Needy."

"Needy?" I repeated.

Claire waved her hand. "Sorry, I mean Anita. Some people call her Needy. She's Karen's twin sister. Friends with Jennifer."

My eyes widened. Of course. Jennifer Check. The future succubus-vampire-demon-bitch or whatever the hell she turned into in that movie. Wait so that's how they solved two women being played by the same actress: they just made them twins? Pretty lazy, but I wasn't complaining. What's better than one Amanda Seyfried? Two Amanda Seyfroids.

Claire snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Earth to James. You zoning out?"

I blinked. "Sorry. Just... processing."

She smirked. "We should say hi. If we act normal it won't get back to Regina that we were here together."

I nodded. "Good call."

We walked over and Needy looked up from her phone when she heard our footsteps. Her eyes went wide behind her glasses when she saw me. She straightened so fast she almost dropped the book.

"Claire?!" Needy said in surprise 

"Hey Needy," she said with a smile. 

"James Mitchell?" she squeaked.

I smiled, trying to keep it casual. "Hey, Anita."

She blushed bright red from her neck to her hairline. "Oh—um—hi! You... you know my name?"

"Yeah I've seen you around school a few times I think." I nodded toward her. "Good to see you."

Needy's mouth opened and closed a couple times. "Y-Y-You you can call me Needy if you want. Everyone does. I mean... not that you have to! Anita's fine. Or Needy. Whatever. Oh God I'm babbling."

I chuckled. "Needy it is then, it's a cute nickname."

Her face went nuclear. "Th-thanks."

Claire stepped in before the poor girl combusted. "What're you doing here?"

Needy tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Jennifer wanted to skip school, she said she was 'bored of algebra' and needed a coffee.' You know how she gets."

Claire raised an eyebrow. "Where is she anyway?"

Before Needy could answer, a weight landed on my back and two arms locked around my neck.

"Guess who, quarterback!" Jennifer's voice purred right in my ear, legs wrapping around my waist like she was riding piggyback.

I almost threw her off on pure instinct but I caught myself at the last second. "Jesus, Jen. Warn a guy," I said with a roll of my eyes. 

She laughed breathing against my neck. "Where's the fun in that?" She slid down my back slow, deliberately dragging her body along mine before stepping around to face me. "Hey, handsome. Long time no see."

I forced a grin. "Hey yourself."

She stepped closer fingertips brushing my chest. "Heard you've been busy. Whole town's talking about how you and Claire survived that massacre up at the lake. Pretty badass."

"Jen! You can't say that!" Needy said grabbing her friends arm. 

I shrugged. "It's alright needy, we just got lucky I suppose."

"Lucky looks good on you." She tilted her head, her eyes flicking down my body and back up. "Real good."

Claire cleared her throat. "We were just heading into the bakery. You coming?"

Jennifer smirked but stepped back. "Lead the way, cheerleader."

We walked inside. Sweet Rise was huge, bigger than it looked from the outside. It had massive glass cases which lined three walls, stacked floor-to-ceiling with croissants, danishes, éclairs, macarons of every color, massive cinnamon rolls dripping icing, sandwiches on house-made focaccia, quiches, tarts, and a whole display of specialty coffee drinks with names like "Midnight Mocha" and "Lavender Haze Latte."

A line snaked halfway to the door but moved fast as there were quite a few workers. The girls lit up. Claire pressed her face to the glass case like a kid at a pet store. "Oh my God look at the strawberry tart. And those almond croissants. I'm getting one of everything."

Needy was already pointing at the Freeform section with a huge smile. "They have gluten-free muffins. And vegan ones. I'm gonna try the lemon-blueberry."

Jennifer just leaned on the counter, smiling at the barista like she was about to eat him. "Looks like the cakes aren't the only delicious things here."

I wandered over to the sandwich board, scanning the menu. 

Turkey club on sourdough. 

Roast beef with horseradish. 

Caprese on ciabatta. 

All of them sounded amazing after months of frozen pizza and cereal. I was trying to decide between the Italian sub and the grilled chicken pesto when I heard a low mutter right next to me.

"Too many sandwichs... too many choices..."

I glanced over absentmindedly and saw a man in a purple suit stood beside me, blonde hair perfectly combed, handsome in that bland forgettable way. 

In many ways he was just a normal guy. 

Except for the fact he was holding a severed human hand by the wrist, using its fingers to poke at the sandwiches.

My stomach lurched.

I'm never eating here.

I turned away as fast as I could, intent on minding my own business, but he turned at the exact same moment and we bumped shoulders.

The second our arms touched, the world whitewashed and a vision slammed into me like a freight train.

***************************************************

Knock

Knock

The door opened slowly and a woman appeared at the crack only to see the attractive blonde man standing there. 

"Can I help you?" She said with a little confusion in her voice. 

The man smiled at her before he barged his way in. 

"What are you doing!?! STOP STOP!!!" The woman screamed as the man grabbed her hand. The moment he did her body started to bloat and she exploded leaving only her hand. 

The man held the hand to his nose and sniffed it intensely. 

My name is Yoshikage Kira. 

I'm thirty-three years old. My house is in the northeast section of Derry, where all the nice houses are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Blockbuster Video department stores, and I get home every day by eight p.m. at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by eleven p.m., and I make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. 

After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. 

I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.

*************************************************

The vision snapped off.

I was back in the bakery, staring straight into Yoshikage Kira's eyes. He smiled politely. "My apologies for bumping into you."

I swallowed hard and forced my voice to be calm. "No problem it was my fault."

He inclined his head, the severed hand had disappeared into his coat or somewhere else. He turned and walked to the register to pay.

I stepped aside, my heart slamming against my ribs. No wonder I didn't recognize him. He wasn't an anime character here so he looked pretty different. But there was no doubt about it. 

That was the Morioh serial killer.

Fuck.

(AN: Out of the frying pan and into the shit, probably would've been better to just stay in the forest with Jason. Anyway hope you enjoyed it.)