Diary of a Demon Dog #29 (Patreon)

I feel like I'm in the middle of the desert. I have no real heading or map to take me anywhere safe. There is no promise of an oasis in any direction. All I know for certain is that if I do nothing, I will die. It's a frustrating existence and one that I have been living for a few years. I have been able to get a drip feed of water through a job that I had to apply to over a hundred other positions, wait two months to finally get and offer letter only to have them cut back my hours. It's a painful hell that is honestly of my own making. I made my bed so I have to lie in it. I could have made a thousand different choices that would have had me steer clear away from this awful desert but I wasn't thinking clearly. I did what I thought was best at the time but now I've never felt so lost. I keep putting out more applications only to get more rejections. I try to work hard in school for the potential future job that may never come. In reality, the effort that has the most promise of getting me somewhere decent is creating things for you all, the people reading this right now. There has never been a second of wasted effort if it was spent creating something that even one of you found entertaining. The donations and commissions are very helpful of course and please continue them if you can but even more important than the money is my own sanity. The feeling that I matter to people out there that aren't blood related to me. At a certain point, family is damn near obligated to love you. I understand for many that is not the case and I have my own frictions with certain family members but thankfully I have been surrounded by a love and support that is the only reason I am alive right now. It goes both ways too. I poured into my family over decades of me being here and always did my best to be kind and nice to everyone around me regardless of blood relation. That's how I've managed to build a beautiful fan base that regularly checks in with me and plays with me whenever we have the time. I know I should be more social as well. It's hard when you are juggling the world it seems. I keep feeling this jolt in my body that I need to run away and do something different. This feeling that I need to restart the game and try a different character build. I can't do that. I only get one life, one character, one attempt to get at least some of this madness right and I am proud to say that the fans here are the one thing I know that I got right. I'm here for you all. I love you all. When all else fails, you all are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. (or afternoon depending on the depression) You all came here together not out of any obligation or oath but simply out of a love for what I make. How I make you feel with what I create. It's beautiful and I want to continue this dance with you all for as long as I can. Maybe that is part of my frustration. I am simply looking to survive long enough to make more people smile and I feel the universe getting in my way with every single breath I take. As everything else in my life falls apart, I can at the very least lean on you lovely people and the fact that I still have so much in this world that I can learn. Thank you and I'll do my best to make you all proud. <3