Diary of a Demon Dog #35 (Patreon)

Something has clicked in my brain. It's a kind of emotional freedom that has detatched me from certain parts of my past. They say every seven years you replace every cell in your body. It feels like I have crossed that threshold, sheding a skin of trauma and anxiety that no amount of pills can come close to fixing. Time heals all wounds and with pain this deep, I thought I would be holding onto it much longer. It's still there in a way but it has migrated out of heart at least. It feels like there is more room in my chest for those that really matter to me. I'm done investing in people that don't want better for themselves. I'm done giving my all to the takers that suck at your soul like a black hole. I need to invest in myself and my own happiness. After years of trying to fix others it can be hard to turn that back on myself. As we approach our yearly trip to the beach, I realize how much progress I have made since then. I'm still willing to help others but only if they actually want to help themselves. Imagine trying to save a drowning man that bites, kicks and scratches you the entire time. At a certain point you have to drop them to save yourself. They'll bitch and moan. They'll call you a shitty lifeguard but you're alive and they aren't. Not the way I wanted things to go but it was the way things had to happen. The biggest thing I have built back over this year is my confidence. I am strong. I am capable. It was the whiny dead weight around my neck that made me believe otherwise. That trauma stuck with me for years, making me second guess every step, every thought, every breath. Now I know what I need to do and I don't need anyone's permission or approval to do it. I need to listen to Taffi more. Her upbeat energy helps exercise the demons that creep in. The demons have their place too. They are that rearview mirror that reminds you of the past but you can only glance at it as you press on to the future. Life hasn't gotten any easier. I just feel like I have the strength to take on the challenges I know that will come my way and find balance in my life.