Diary of a Demon Dog #36 (Patreon)

After years of mental instability, finally finding some solid ground feels fantastic. I had been holding onto so much pain and stress over the years, it literally drove me insane. I have the papers to prove it! When I was younger, I was often seen as the gifted child with infinite potential. Every mistake I made weighed on me like a mountain. I was convinced I had to be this flawless being to live up to everyone else's expectations. I only just recently realized that what is really important is keeping myself happy. I was living my life for others rather than myself. I thought it would be selfish to do what I wanted. I thought I owed everyone else their hopes and dreams. It was expected that I put my wants and needs on the back burner. Fuck that shit! I'm spending the rest of my life doing what I want to do. I can't take on everyone else's mental health along with my own. It's a weight that is to heavy for one person to bear.

I have also come to terms with being happy with being single. I don't need another person to validate my life. I don't need another person to bring me joy. I can bring myself joy through little actions of self love every day. Relationships are messy anyway. You intertwine your life with another person and have to ask permission to do so many things. I hate sharing a bed with someone else. Sleeping on the couch isn't great but it's better than being next to someone you don't really love. Part of me still yearns for companionship but I have to figure out what that means for me. So far, online relationships and role-playing has done well to fill that void. I have to feel less ashamed of that fact. These are still real people, just far away. It feels good having them check in on me every day. I get to talk about what is bothering me, vent, ask for advice or even just have some simple fun to distract me from the existential dread that tends to kick in during those late nights. Even though sometimes loneliness kicks in, I can't wait to live on my own. To have an entire apartment to myself would be a godsend right now. I can't imagine myself in an in person relationship anytime soon. I want to be free to move how I want when I want while I can.

Lastly, I want to make things that I am truly proud of. My previous projects were fun and did what they did but I was never really happy with what I put together. So many flaws. So much room for improvement. I know many people liked it but I never felt satisfied with how any of it came together. With the latest project "SilverVale: Daily Commute" and the companion Novel and comic book, I finally feel like I am actually making something of substance. Lore is being created. Characters are actually being fleshed out. I want them to be more memorable than "The one with the white hair" or "The red-headed witch". I know you all genuinely love my characters but when most can't remember their names, I feel like as a writer, I have failed to make them really stand out and cement them in your minds. Not your faults at all honestly. Just an observation as people come to me talking about my characters. I want to make you all really care for them in a deep and meaningful way. I want to laugh with them, cry for them and cheer them on when they face adversity. That takes time though and I am happy to play the long game and really build a good foundation for you all to get to know them. Eventually I want to animate the comic/Novel story into an animated series. That will definitely get you all riled up I'm sure haha! One step at a time though. Novel first. Comic second. Animated series third. Well to be fair, the game comes first truly but story wise, "Daily Commute" is more of a side story than the main story. The main story is the novel and the comic so far. I hope you all take the time to read those when you can. I'd love to hear what you think.

Anyway, I hope you all are enjoying what I am making and know there is plenty more on the way and I'm working hard every day to get it to you as fast as I can. I always have room for improvement and that's ok. It all takes time and patience is one of my strong suits. <3