blog post 05/14, ramblings and behind the scenes? (Patreon)

Hellloo pengoons!! 💙I recorded a little message for you to help you cheer you on for the rest of the week!

we're already nearly halfway through the month huh? Kind of scary, lots of things coming up and that I need to prep and be ready for

do you have any summer plans actually? it is coming up....I can already feel the heat starting to come in and it's killing me!! How do you sleep at night huh?? I hate loud things like fans, and all my blankets make things too hot, so having to sleep without them isn't as comfy and I still heat up sometimes anyways (despite the cooling upgrades I got to my bed set up not long ago...) Maybe I'll just ask my family if we can crank up the AC at night or something (I don't actually know how it works myself/where it is...) Anyways, yeah usually my family goes on some kind of vacation at the end of summer. I went the past couple years...it's both fun and exhausting, isn't it? The travel and stuff...but this year, I don't really know, I don't think we're going to do anything. Parents said they need to save up more money to cover debts this year, so if we do anything we probably won't go very far.

Personally, I really want to grind and work hard, focus on my work here...maybe time off for me "wouldn't really matter" or you'd be fine with it but, I'm paranoid that I could lose all momentum I've worked hard to achieve...

There's lots of conventions coming up too...I've never been to one myself actually! Imagine being surrounded by stinky smelly weebs~ Buuut I may have the opportunity to appear virtually? Like those meet and greets? It's pretty scary though...I'm not confident in myself to be honest, that anyone would even want to show up for me LOL ;~;

I haven't been outside actually since..."the accident" (sob) that caused this sore throat in the first place (well other than to go to the doctor and stuff). It is getting pretty nice out...I think it'd be nice to go on walks again, but makes me sad too cuz I'd really want to bring you with me like before :c But I'm just not in a state yet for that continuous yapping...

You may actually already know about my secret retro project that I teased last Sunday, my plan was to reveal it today! So I could start it tomorrow! But now I'm again feeling paranoid and worried about my voice and that maybe I should take it easy for a bit longer...and postpone it more...it is so frustrating though, I really want to get back to normal and idk if I'm like internally gaslighting myself into there being issues or if I'm really healing and whatever I'm feeling is just weird after effects? I keep staring down my throat (lewd...) and there's nothing red, though it's kind of uhh idk yellow-ish at the top, dunno if that's an issue or just some hygiene thing (I brush twice a day I swear...) or it's just normal!! 😃Not like I know what a healthy throat looks like 😭(lowkey I have thought of sending you pics to analyze but it just looks...gross...) ANYWAYS point is I may end up swapping my schedule tmrw, doing the movie night instead and moving the retro stream to friday, we'll seeee

But I cannot emphasize how schizo this throat issue has been making me, I feel so bad being behind on so many things...really I appreciate the patience and words of kindness. It sucks not being able to express myself how I want, and then overthinking and getting in my head like I'm not being funny or interesting enough right now or the ASMR isn't good enough cuz it'd be better if I could say xyz thing but I just can't do that stuff...I just want it to be over already...and I thought it was, we'll see just need to wait more yaayy!! 😩🔫

I'm making dinner today for my family, as usual 💪I want to think of new recipes tho LOL I keep making the same thing...roasted veggies and potatoes with chicken...stir fry veggies and rice with chicken...if you have any suggestions for things with chicken (that's what we got most of the time) I could try them!!

Speaking of, I've been seriously thinking of just buying a new garage door opener for my family 😭I know it's an iconic meme on my stream at this point but...it sometimes seriously affects my life too, like when I'm trying to sleep. I get woken up sometimes in the mornings because people are using the garage (it's just so loud, how could anyone sleep through that) and then I have to try to fall back asleep zzzz etc...though sometimes it's just general noise that wakes me up so not sure I'll ever be rid of that problem (the walls are SO THIN where the bathroom is I can seriously hear everything happening there, so when there's a shower or the faucet gets turned on all the way or bathroom flush etc that shit can wake me up too...). These fancy garage door openers seem kinda cool too tho like you can open them remotely on your phone?? A bit pricey though...we'll see, do you think it's a good idea?

More stuff! Here's the facial capture head mount thing I got and used yesterday! It came with that cool carry bag (kinda smells tho..) and feels very fancy and professional. It's pretty comfortable...but does get worse the more you wear it. I'll probably have to adjust some of the fit (so many knobs whaaa). It has a counterweight at the back there to make it feel more light. I'm actually not sure where to put it though (more back or more forward? how does physics work? would it relieve more tension if I brought it in closer?) This thing was uh...QUITE expensive 😅but I know it's a standard for 3D vtubers, I found it when looking into more tracking equipment and thought it'd be convenient. I got it primarily for 3D Vtubing WITHOUT having to use VR (since otherwise the VR headset just covers your whole head anyways) and I even got an add-on for it too that would let me attach a vive tracker for it for head tracking! I maaay have another 3D model coming up for release that is very good and I'd want to use for more 3D exclusive streams :) So yeah, this equipment seemed useful! I then had the idea of using it for ASMR streams/content, bc one of the most annoying things with vtubing for those is that the face tracking always keeps dying because of moving around these bulky mics too much, and it just kinda bothers me...so I figured, with this, your phone will always be in your face so even moving around shouldn't matter!

but then in reality...i realized monitoring ASMR with headphones would be difficult because you have to put them OVER this whole contraption, making it even more uncomfortable, not really designed to do that. And there's that big rod thing on the left side, where it holds the camera...it gets in the way so much when trying to move to the left lol, it's hard to not bump something with it especially with ASMR, which is space where you wanna be all close and delicate and every sound is amplified...I ended up kinda taking it off in frustration yesterday because it was just feeling way too uncomfortable and I was getting brainwormy about it :c >~< I'll see if I can adjust it more to make it more comfortable, but yeah not sure how good it's looking for this with use of ASMR...let me know if you have any suggestions for it? I guess if I'm not moving super close to the mics, it wouldn't be too bad...

Also, is this normal pengoons?

My parents always put these cones on our driveway...to like prevent people from backing into it/using it to idk re-orient their cars I guess?? I haven't really seen ANYONE else do this though I swear we're on the only house on the block that does and I fear it makes us look like petty stuck up bitches or something LOL 😩Do you do this? Like is it a thing?? We HATE people using the driveway I guess...

aaaanyways, okay I know I've yapped a lot sorry lol :3 I hope it's interesting though? little look into the life and mind of a little zenya...I've been "away" for so long now, not really able to talk about things like I want, that I feel there's so much I wanna say...I really have no mouth and I must scream...I hope you're doing well, have a good rest of your day okay, keep working hard we'll be at the end before you know it! and I'll see you tonight hopefully? video and movie? maybe more? if you're free that is~ idk maybe pengoon is just waayy too busy for his sister~ bweeehh!! 💙