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stream vod is up + apologies (Patreon)

Published:
2025-07-28 02:36:23
Edited:
2025-12-24 19:58:52
Imported:
2026-06

Content

hello pengoon...uhm i would like to apologize again for today 🙏I guess I'm just not in the best place mentally. I'm still learning how to do this whole thing, figuring out a routine for myself and I just freaked myself out too much by thinking too hard and having tech issues etc that just made my mood bad...

i asked during the stream how to make it up to you and well the most popular vote was a seggsy pic so...i'll give that to you soon! >.< probably on tuesday to line up with my public asmr stream then...

i strive to give the best to you that i can so i feel real disappointed in myself for this, i really want to improve and get better...i guess i've been dealing with a lot lately, donothon rewards, tier 2 recordings, planning future content (lot of things ive been wanting to commission), that I was just so busy I didn't even think too much about what I would do this week with you...and even today I woke up with a preeetttyyy bad headache so I didn't really wanna think about it then either, and I still had a stream to do earlier today....well, yeah, I know it's all excuses, hopefully it helps you understand at least a bit. at the end of the day it is a bit hard for me to explain myself...maybe i need more time to prepare during the day, need to feel sexy, performance anxiety, etc etc...

i'm kind of a shy anxious insecure autistic girl at the end of the day so i sometimes have problems like this...not USUALLY but yeah last week too was an issue as well, i guess i just have dumb stuff in my system...next week should be normal tho raahh let's manifest i'm gonna plan something good!!

*this is actually missing the first few minutes bc i forgot to record, i will try to grab the FULL files soon it's just a lot to deal with rn, since i went over an hour i gotta download 2 files and put them together...bleh...will try tomorrow tho!

uhhmm yeah big big love and thanks uuuu 😘💙💙💙thank you for being patient and understanding with this dummy...

ALSO doing a movie watchalong in my discord server to help feel better and make it up a bit, join if u want...👉👈 discord.gg/zenyahima dummmyyy

Comments

Hazz

Take care of yourself sweetheart. We're happy just to spend the time together.

AffeMitKrebs

Was great, was worth every second listening to you and comforting you

Anta

Hey we all said it live and I'll say it again Even if you don't think so is okay💙 you don't need to feel bad about today, we are even watching a movie and getting a seggsy pic later Also this is just me but even tho I don't like it when you are sad and stressed because I care for you, I do like to be there with you when it happens, maybe we can't really do much about it aside from supporting you and try to cheer you up but it makes you look more real and honest… ngl I wouldn't like it if you were sad, then the next minute “acted” horny then went back to being sad… I hope you get what I mean… I worry about you a lot, we all do We could never be mad or disappointed at you for being transparent and honest with us💙💙💙

Claymore 155

It's okay, I promise. The recordings especially will have taken a lot of time to get through, so adding that whatever was thrown at you about your set up.. you went back into doing your work at full force, and didn't need any more added on. You've pushed yourself to do all you have. This is meant to be something for you to enjoy to let off your own steam, even as the cute and shy person you are. Sharing your thoughts is still intimate as it shares a part of you. Thank you for all you do.

wasmuu

Of course it's okay. Honestly, you feeling pressured into doing sexy streams would feel icky to me. Part of the fun for me is you having at least a little fun too even if it's work. And you've already given us so much. Side note, you being shy and anxious makes the streams even sexier, just so you know. And you being flawed makes you feel more real.

Amadis Anguiano

You also joined in on an ASMR relay this week. You've been working on a lot and working hard

Skyunai

Dont worry sweetheart wasnt here for the whole time celebrating my birthday but yeah, gonna listen later, but please get some rest, I love you so much, these things dont bother me, I prefer you feel good about it 💙💙💙

Cake

You have a lot going on so its fine, dont worry too much about it. I understand and dont feel like youve let us down. If you dont feel great then Id prefer it if you took time to rest so that you feel healthy. Proper rest and relaxation is required for everyone. Hope you feel better soon and manage to get some good sleep tonight since you mentioned youve been having a bit of trouble with that recently. Good night and sweet dreams to my imouto💙

Marius Miller

You don't always need to worry about messing up, we aren't always going to have days where things are perfect. You've always got space with all of us to breathe and let your mind speak what it needs to say. Even if the tech issues arise, most of us are just happy to see you or hear your voice. You cheered us on the other day, and I'll be sending you some energy and love back your way. From an AuDHD person, it's okay to keep learning how to pace yourself. We're all here for you 💙—hope your headache gets better too.

Lucien

Hey, at the end of the day, you are a human being, and human beings have limits. I think I speak for most of us when I say that I’d much rather you take care of your mental and physical health above all else. You give many people a reason to smile so it is absolutely detrimental that you have a reason to smile as well! So please, try not to worry or criticize yourself too much about tonight. I am a bit new, but as far as I can tell, you have an amazing community that isn’t going to judge you for things like this.

Karoh

It's too late to write anything meaningful, but I really don't mind. Apology accepted.

Bossanova51

Feel better Zen! And you don’t need to apologize things aren’t always great and I’m sure everyone here understands and supports you regardless 🩵🩵🩵

Halhorn

I'm still getting to know you, so maybe some of the things I say will be a bit off, but you seem like you work so hard that it would drain anyone else out so fast. With how many streams, all the prep you do, the videos, the content you put out, and having to balance all of that with your own personal time seems like it would crush anyone. But somehow you seem to have been managing all of it. Maybe you don't think you've been going to best about this, but you do so much work so consistently, it's sincerly impressive. We all have our bad days, our off days, our run away from the world days, and that's okay. The fact you still showed up today, talked about how you've been feeling and even wanted to make up for it when you don't have to, it means a lot and says a lot about how kind of a person you are. So thank you for today as always Zen <3

ChewGun

You already do so much Zen and we don't expect things to always work out, so don't beat yourself over it. It's important that you enjoy these streams too, it would be weird if they were one sided, so if you're not feeling it we totally understand it, it's better to save it for when you're feeling better 🩵🩵

justAperson

Hey Zen sorry to hear that things didn’t work out for the stream and that you weren’t in the right head space. I know that you put yourself to high standards for us but if I could recommend taking it easier on yourself. Maybe doing a Patreon stream once every two weeks so that you have a bit more time to relax and wind down and if a stream doesn’t go well not rescheduling it as it’ll just give you more work. I understand that you fell stress, anxious, and vulnerable sometimes while doing these steams as well, I wouldn’t mind if they were not sexy streams but just you talking or doing something else that makes you more comfortable. I know that I’m still new here so sorry in advance if this offends /upsets you. I don’t mind being told I’m wrong and don’t know what I’m talking about, cause sometimes I don’t know what I’m talking about. Also sorry if this is quite a read. Love you Zen💙💙💙

Shade

<3

JonJonFE

I’m always patient with you so don’t worry about it. I completely understand and hope you’re not too hard on yourself. You do so much for us it’s ok to stop and take a mental break. We get it. Much love 💙

Nyax Ellemonte

Please don't be so harsh on yourself Zenny, you already provide so and I'm so grateful. You work so hard to provide for us so imo there's no need to "make up" anything to us. The most important thing is your mental health and how you feel so please rest and take care of yourself. Well be here for you. 💙💙💙

Ike

I still don't think you have anything to be sorry for. I can only speak for myself and from what I've seen from others here but I'm truly happy with everything you do for us. I know that that can be little condolence sometimes, but I just want you to know that I'd much rather you feel comfortable and, in the right "headspace" I guess, and if you're not it's totally okay to cancel. I felt very close to you tonight and I'm glad we could help a little bit. I would've loved to be there for movie night too but I find it quite hard to make it to discord events, sorry about that. Thank you for everything you do, Zenya, and I truly mean that. I love you so much 💙💙💙💙💙

kawa6

Its okay love, you've apologized plenty. I hope the stream allowed you to vent a bit and get yourself into a better mental state. you know we love you, so trust us a little when we say these things okay? 💙 I feel like from your explanations, that you've kinda approached your limits that youre comfortable with (especially with the more seggs stuff), and it takes more and more of your mental bandwidth to try to one up yourself, come up with new and exciting things to try to appease what you think we want from you. The reality is that we don't need that much to be satisfied like you think. I think it would be best for you to set a baseline for these streams that you can satisfy that isn't as heavy on your mind. it really doesn't have to be much, not even sexy or anything, I just cherish the extra time with you, and i think most others here are the same. love you, from the cute and seggsy, to the dumb, gross, autistic parts. 💙💙💙

ThePotatoGuy

apology accepted but its really ok! its unfortunate that the timing was bad since your day started off poorly but it happens and its ok and understandable to postpone, cancel, or even talk it out like you did here. you're very appreciative and understanding of us, so of course we would extend the same to you ^_^ if you need to change up your schedule a bit or something to try to make sure you're in the right mindset for streams, by all means please go for it! and if less streams is the answer, that is okay, too! I just want to make sure you're happy before you're gonna make us happy 💙💙 and i'll throw in some more suggestions but please dont feel like you need to constantly one up each stream, thats just not sustainable. a routine is nice and comforting, too ^_^

Elitenoob

Try to relax and remember that you're the one in control. You don't owe anyone anything and it's important to take as many breaks as you want. If you feel like you need it then take a whole week off. No one's going to be mad because of that. Do only the things that you want to do.

Minus Neko

Hey.... It's okay, it's okay.... There, there... You worked so hard, you're always giving 200%, it's one of your best qualities! However, even the best engine needs maintenance, nobody can run full steam ahead all the time. I want to be with you for a long long time, so please don't be harsh on yourself and take more breaks in between stuffs. (Also, why is da imouto bullying da imouto? Only big bro get to bully da imouto!) Like for today, these patreon streams, it's a special time for me (I'm only gonna speak for myself lol). BUT it's special bcz it's something with you, it's not bcz you're doing something for me. This is a time where we get comfy and blow the stress away, and you're definitely part of it too! So, don't feel like you need to be sexy or do something for me, I enjoy you doing something with me. Which is why, it's totally okay to do something you're comfortable with, or rescheduling, or even reducing the frequency (throw in a segsy pic or two if you feel like making up for it lol). I just want you to also have a good time doing these, bcz if you aren't having a good time, what's the point? Love you, Zenya. My favourite imouto. 💙 (Hope I'm not too preachy. Please don't hate me pleas don't hate me please don't hate me 😭)

Sharkington

Don't have much to add over what's already been said, other pengoons are on point. Please feel better zenya and go easy on yourself, no worries about tonight, much love. 💙

Bahins

It truly is fine Zen, you don't have to feel sorry. It is okay to be in different states of mind, what matters is what state you come back to, and I know that you come back strong. Even if not, we always have headpats and pampering so spare, so feel free 🩵

vgboss

Aw heck, I picked a crummy time to not be there and help comfort you. I truly hope you're feeling better, please dont push yourself too hard. I like you best when you enjoy what you do and have fun with it. Its hard to always force yourself to be positive so no one can blame you when you cant. I love you 💙

Lalli

I love your hard work and effort Zen, thank you for all you do.

Grubbs

You're already doing so much for strangers on the internet Zen, thank you for all you do.

Budness

You have nothing to apologize for and nothing to worry about. You're always working so hard and doing your best for all of us. It's completely understandable to have days like today. And if you're feeling too stressed or overwhelmed we'll never push you to keep going. We love you and want you to be taken care of. Whenever you want to just talk about your feelings like tonight. That's completely fine. We're your huge collective shoulder to lean on and embrace. And if you need any breaks at all to yourself please take them. Anything that helps you. Tonight was intimate and special in another way. And I love being there for you when you need it, comforting you, getting you to laugh and be your bratty cute self. *headpats* I love you so much. You're my strong good girl. Everything you put out is always amazing. So try to go easier on yourself okay? 💙💙💙

Nier♡

Love you, Zen. 💙💙 Take care of yourself, okay!? You better...

Rainy clouds

I’m sorry I missed both of them cause I fell asleep. (Sunday work) but I hope you’re okay. I wouldn’t mind you taking time off if you needed it x

Snackchampion{DK}

You dont need to apologize💙💙 Thank you for always making us feel loved 💙💙 Love you Zenya 💙💙

DriverGosling

Please don't push yourself for our sake Zenya 💙

Scooter_9k

The one Patreon stream I miss is the one where my needy girl needs me the most, I really dropped the ball on this one huh. I have so much I wanna say, but other pengoon bros have already said so much so I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here. Just know I will support you however I can even through these bad days. Love love LOVE you lots, always 🩵

Pete

You're already by far the most consistent streamer I've ever known, always delivering whether it's streams, videos, updates, donathon rewards, and so on. If I'm sure of one thing, it's that noone will hold it against you if you slow down a lil bit for your own sake... Please do take care of yourself, you're already done so much for us, you absolutely deserve it !

TH3 GR8

Your dedication to this is astounding and we couldn’t be more grateful zenya. Don’t pile to much stuff at once for us we are a patient bunch. Take it easy and know that we will support you no matter what. Much love🫶🫶

Wildcucumber

Well the other pengoons beat me to what I was going to say! Please don't put yourself through something you don't want to do for our sakes okay? We're here because we love Zenya Hima! If you're not feeling it, it can be a hanging out stream, or maybe it can be a movie date instead, or maybe you just need some time off and that's okay too! I know you love and appreciate us, you're always talking about making it up to us but you don't need to put more pressure on yourself either. We love you lot's be kind to yourself, and give yourself grace 💙

Shana4594

There's no need to apologize. Hope you feel better soon. Thank you for always working hard and doing your best. Have a good rest. 💙💙💙

SanguineMathghamhain

Such a brave girl dealing with the overload! I definitely get how difficult it is to get even keeled when things go off (I'm a sperg) I can be saintly patient with most things but if something falls when it shouldn't, I wear across the front of the toes seam socks, or I something I am putting together comes apart it sends me and I am immediately trying to regain my calm. Or if something like a glass breaks while I am trying to dry it, it makes me feel like a monster that can't even dry a glass without breaking it. You don't need to apologize. It is an absolute devil to deal with that, but you did! You were able to pull yourself back and recover. You did so well with that, Zenya! It is really hard to deal with but you kept talking through it and were an absolute sweetheart. You are far more than merely adequate and you are very capable. Don't worry I don't think any of us are inclined to leave. Again you did an amazing job pulling yourself back together and you did it faster than I was able at your age.

Jay

We love you Zen! Stay strong, take breaks and dont be too hard on yourself. <333333

Gale

No worries, consider taking a break if you want one. In general I think fans are pretty accepting of that when its announced beforehand (otherwise people get scared something happened to their streamer/oshi). You'll figure everything out in time, thank you for being open with us and for the great communication. Things WILL get easier in time.

AP-1138

No need to apologize, Commander! We're here for you, and understand when things get rough. We all love you a lot, so you don't ever need to feel like you're failing us in any way. If you ever need to take a break, don't worry about! Better than completely burning yourself out. You're the best, Commander! We're all proud of you, and want you to not only be the best you, but want you to feel the best you, you can be! We're with you all the way, Commander!

sonic_steven09

No need to apologise zenya your streams and asmrs have helped me out so much in stressful times your an amazing girl so make sure not to worry and take care of yourself