Pouring out my heart (Patreon)

I unfortunately have to announce that this month's Patreon ASMR video can't be Rin, how the poll decided. I'm honest with you, I'm typing this while tears are running over my cheeks because of how disappointed I am in myself. I tried to get it right over and over again, but I can't seem to make it feel or look good in my eyes. A lovely friend and Patreon gifted me a new wig for her, since the old one was absolutely not in good condition. I messed up the new one even more, I don't even know how I couldn't cut and style it right, since I do it all the time and it's a big part of my job. I feel like this video was cursed. Nothing seemed to work, I couldn't even film in the room where I film usually because Natsu, my new cat, lives there at the moment and is frightend of everything, humans especially. I am struggling a lot at the moment and I am kinda ashamed of it, it's so difficult for me to admit it since I want to be this strong girl that I aspire to be, but it's just alot at the moment. There are many things that are making things harder for me at the moment, personal struggles, finanical struggles, fears of the future... but I swore to myself that I would try my best to make this right, to stay a content creator, to create ASMR videos for you guys. And to become better, instead of failing more! I want this more than anything but life can be so, so difficult. I wish I had better news for you guys, I wish I could make your day better with posting, instead of writing depressing stuff. Thank you so much for still being with me and always being so supportive and kind and patient, it means more to me than you can imagine. There WILL definitely be a Patreon video for July, but it will come a little later and the character will probably be a surprise. 

If you read til here: Thank you. Thank you for caring and everything. <3