What's Left Unsaid - Chapter 13 (Patreon)

I pulled up a plain pair of white cotton panties, but even that rubbed against my bruised labia. I sucked in a breath and cringed.

“Honey?” Conner took a step towards me, a towel wrapped around his waist, hair and chest still damp from his shower.

I held up a hand and smiled at him. “I’m okay. You just…”

“I’m sorry.” My husband cut me off and the look on his face made my heart swell with love and guilt.

I stepped to him, my breasts free and soft as I pressed them against his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. Looking up into his eyes I wanted nothing more than to assuage his guilt. If anyone was guilty of anything, it was clearly me.

“I will absolutely take a little bruising if it means I get all the pleasure I could ever want.” I went on my toes and kissed him gently.

Our foreheads touched and we stood, slowly swaying to nothing, just the rhythm of our hearts and breaths.

“What do we do now?” I finally asked, eyes closed, laying my head against his chest. It was slightly rough. Hairy. My fingers scratched at the coarseness, seeing a hint of gray starting to show prematurely.

“Would you hate me if I said I needed some time?” The sound of his voice reverberated in his chest, through my ears, into my bones.

The words made me want to cry. But I couldn’t begrudge him the request. “Do… do you want me to… or are you…” I held back my tears. I kept my breaths even, slow. We still hadn’t actually spoken the words. Made public my transgressions. So many things were being left unspoken, but maybe that was just our way. Probably not the best thing for a married couple. After all, communication was key to any good relationship and we were shit at it right now.

“No. I’m not going anywhere and I don’t want you to either. I… I’ll just sleep in the office for now.”

“Are… you going to… to leave?” I was trembling, afraid that this was just the beginning of the avalanche. My marriage was going to roll down the hill and be destroyed.

“Never.” His words were swift and firm. “I’m not going anywhere Daisy. Unless you want me to…” Conner swallowed hard and looked down at me, worry in his eyes. “Do… do you want me to?”

I shook my head, rubbing my hair against him and burying my face more firmly in his chest. “No. No no no. Stay. Never leave me. Please, Conner. I can’t… I know I’ve messed up. I know this whole thing… it’s all fucked up. But I don’t want you to go anywhere. You belong here. I belong with you. And as long as you want me, I’ll stay.”

“Then I guess that means neither of us are going anywhere.” Conner chuckled and pulled me closer.

I clung tighter.

“Is it wrong that I wish you would yell? Scream? Call me names?” I breathed against his chest, kissing it softly feeling the moisture on his skin.

“And what names would you want me to call you?” His hand tangled in my hair and his other gripped my ass making me giggle.

“Bad ones.” I muttered.

“Like… my Sweet Flower?”

I smacked his chest and smiled. “You’re too good, Conner. Too fucking good.” I kissed his chest again, my mouth moving to his nipple licking around it then lightly nipping.

Conner groaned softly. “Daisy…”

“Please… please can I just…” His hand squeezed my ass tighter.

“It hurts.” He muttered.

I moved away from his nipple. “Sorry. I won’t bite.” I giggled and kissed his chest, trying to move downward.

“No…not that… Daisy… wh…when I orgasm…it hurts.”

The strain in his voice made me look up sharply and confused. “What?”

He let out a long sigh. “I… when I cum. When I orgasm. It hurts. It feels like I’m being kicked in the balls or punched in the gut.” His shoulders slumped as if he were admitting defeat.

I took a small step back looking at him, eyes going over his body as if I were looking for some sort of wound. “What do you mean? Like… every time? Are you serious?” What he said just didn’t make sense to me. How could an orgasm hurt? I mean, in French it was called la petite mort. The little death. But that was more about the loss of thought and understanding in the midst of an orgasm.

Conner sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. “Ever since we started… it just… I can cum but it hurts. It’s like getting gut punched.”

I knelt down in front of him, hands on his knees. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered. How many blows were we going to have to take? When would life throw us a little something good? And when would we stop trying to hide things? Though Conner’s aversion to telling me his problems were far more understandable than the selfishness of my secrets.

“How could I? Would you really want to hear that being intimate with you was hurting me? That achieving orgasm was less pleasurable and more like I was in a brawl in a bar? I wanted to get back to loving my wife. To pleasuring each other. I thought maybe it would go away, like… maybe it was just because I was backed up. Blue balls and all that.”

Laying my head on his knee, the towel rubbing against my cheek I felt like crying all over again, this time for a whole other reason. Not only had I harmed my husband by being unfaithful. But even trying to be faithful had been hurting him too. How could the universe be so cruel?

Well… that was a stupid question. The universe was an unfeeling vacuum. All of this was a mess of our own making as well as the consequences of others' poor choices. “How can I help? Please. Tell me what to do Conner. Please.” I was holding back my sobs.

He tangled his fingers through my hair, gently scratching my scalp almost making me want to purr even as I wanted to cry.

“I’m looking into some ideas. Some options.” He muttered.

“Have you talked to the doctors? Maybe they know…”

He sighed. “I’ve discussed it with them. But they seem to think, unlike my ED, this is more a psychosomatic thing. Like… when I cum my brain is reliving the accident or something like that. Feeling the impact rather than the endorphins that should be making me feel good. My signals are all screwed up, just like my stupid spine.”

I leaned back and looked up into my husband’s eyes. There was so much pain and turmoil there. So much of it, caused by me. “Whatever it is you need. I’m in. Anything.”

The grin he gave me was so endearing and so… troubled.

For a while he was quiet and we just stayed there, sitting and kneeling. Nearly naked. His hand in my hair gently scratching and tangling and running through my locks like he used to do when we first started dating. Before we started having sex. It was in a way more intimate than love making.

“Anything?” He finally asked.

My cheeks flushed and I gave him a sly smile. “Anything.” I whispered back.

“What if my request… was a bit… odd?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you suddenly getting kinky?” My smile was wide, but also a little nervous.

“Maybe a little. But…” He sucked in a slow breath. “Let’s save this discussion for the morning. When we’ve had some time to rest and think.”

I nodded. That was probably for the best. We were so strung out. Our emotions boiling over and pulled tight. We needed to regroup. I stood up, intending to help Conner up and then get to bed, but my husband had other ideas.

Conner’s hand caught my hips and held them tight and the look in his eye made me weak in the knees. But I was his, and if he wanted me, I would never tell him no. I owed him that much.