Neverending February (Patreon)

Based On February Sucks. This story is popular and has had so many alternates created that I’m sure mine will get lost in the shuffle. But that’s okay. I see this as a writing exercise. After reading the original and other takes on it, I conjured up my own idea and wanted to put it out into the world. This isn’t a BTB or RAAC story. Where others have taken the anger and rage and (in my opinion) toxic misogyny to Everest highs, I’m going to go a bit more subdued. I’ve always found silence more dangerous than rage. You’ve probably heard the saying “it’s always the quiet ones”, well I’ve taken that to heart in a literary sense. This will be a story of mistakes. Psychological impact. Miscommunication. Lack of empathy and sympathy and a toxic world akin to the old world of Pride and Prejudice. The old world of quiet dignity and an underpinning of gossip and vitriol that simmers beneath.

Some of you will hate this. Find it boring. And that’s okay. If you like the BTB stuff there’s plenty of other versions out there that will wet your whistle.

All that to say, here is my version. I hope you enjoy.

………………

"Jim, Linda loves you. She loves you and the children more than anything else in the world, and she always will, and you know it. But she is spending tonight with Marc."

I stood there with my mouth open, looking stupid as my world ended. Pictures whirled madly through my mind, or what was left of it. Linda at the top of the stairs in her beautiful blue dress. Linda at dinner; Linda at the club; Linda as we fed wings to each other. Linda in someone else’s arms. My anger rose.

"She just… left me?" The words came out in a confused daze.

"Jim, she hasn't left you. She'll come home to you tomorrow, and you'll have plenty of other special nights together." Dee patted my arm, the smile on her face suffused with pity. But pity for what I couldn’t say.

"Why wouldn’t she tell me she was leaving me? She just snuck out?"

"Jim, listen to me. She hasn't left you..." Dee seemed almost annoyed at having to repeat herself.

"Well, if she hasn't left me, then where the hell is she?" My voice rose and I didn't care who heard me.

"Please, Jim. Settle down. People are staring. Listen, I know this hurts right now. But it’s just for tonight, maybe tomorrow at best. Linda knows, we all know, that you're the only man for her and you always will be. You're the good guy."

I stared at Dee, someone who was supposed to be my friend. Our friend. Now it was like she was a Pod Person. Replaced by a facsimile. I always knew that among all of us, Dee was the one with looser morals. But I never thought… never thought this…

“If I’m the good guy then why am I alone? Guess the saying is true then? Nice guy’s finish last?” My voice was tinged with bitter despair.

"Jim, it isn't like that. You're making way too big a deal out of this. It's only tonight, then she'll come back to you tomorrow and everything will be just like it was before." The way she spoke it seemed like I was supposed to understand. In fact the look in her eyes told me just that. Dee expected me to go along. As if this were some sort of common occurrence.

I never denied Linda anything. Why would I? But now I was being asked to accept a night, maybe two, of infidelity as if it were just like my wife going on an expensive shopping spree.

"What was your role in all this? Did you even need to go to the restroom? Did she tell you to stall me?"

"Yes, she asked me to do that, because she didn't want you to embarrass yourself by making a scene. She asked me to make sure you understand she loves you. She will always come home to you and the kids. So don’t let this one night get to you."

“ I don't suppose it occurred to you she might lose me over this?" I wasn’t sure how I was keeping my voice level. How I wasn’t yelling and screaming.

Dee looked me in the eye incredulously. "No, Jim. It didn't. She won't lose you over this. You're too good a man to let that happen. We all know how lucky she is. She's lucky because the man that every woman in the room wanted, wanted her; but she's even luckier because she has a husband who loves her enough to give her this opportunity. And yes, we knew you’d be upset, that’s understandable. She’s fully prepared to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to make it up to you." There is was again, this sort of confidence that my agreeing to sit at home and just… wait for my wife to come home after being in the arms of another man was a foregone conclusion.

"What if there is no way to make this right?" The room suddenly felt oppressive. As if all eyes were on me.

"Jim, I know how much you love Linda, and how much she loves you. This doesn't have to be a big deal. It's just a one time experience. Compare that to all the years and all the love you two have together, there’s no contest. It’s only a big deal if you make it one. She'll come home to you, and you'll be fine." Dee spoke gently but confidently. Was I supposed to be flattered she thought so much of me? That she thought me so deep in love that I’d forgive anything and everything?

I was reminded of so many episodes of The Twilight Zone. Where people acted ‘normal’ but there was something sinister lurking. Something about their actions that spoke of things being ‘not right’.

"So if Marc had picked you, you'd have done the same thing?"

"I would." She answered immediately and with no visible evidence of shame.

"Does Dave know that?"

"No, and he doesn't need to, because it will never happen," she sighed, looking a little dreamy for a moment.

"Maybe I should tell him."

"Jim, don't think that way. I know you're hurting, but that won't help. Come back to the table. Let us take your mind off things. You haven't danced a single dance with me all night, you know." She smiled invitingly.

"I wanted to dance with my wife.” Dee’s smile faltered for just a second. I took the opportunity to turn and stalk back to our table.

The talk at the table stopped abruptly when I appeared. The averted eyes told the tale: all our friends now knew that I’d just become a cuckold.

"Uh, Jim, you doing okay?" Dave asked hesitantly after he seated Dee.

"It depends on what you mean by okay." There were a couple of nervous giggles. That feeling of eyes intensified. I glanced around the room, at the people dancing, drinking, eating. Were they looking at me? Stealing glances? Sizing up the cuckold? Laughing?

"I mean, yeah, that was a shitty thing to do, but you two are gonna be fine. You’re a good guy Jim, we all know Linda will always come home to you."

"Will she?" I responded coldly. There was a gasp around the table.

"Of course she will.” Jane said matter-of-factly. Again there was that look of someone who thought I was being stupid. “Why wouldn’t she?”

"Jim, it's Marc LaValliere..." Dee interposed as if that would explain things.

"So what? How is that supposed to make it better? She left her family…"

"Come on, Jim. She didn’t leave! Just stop with that pity party. Linda will come back home. Think of it as a girls weekend. Nothing more. Hell, it's just one night. It's an opportunity she'll never have again. We know you’ll get past this. That’s the sort of man you are," Dee said, again reaching out and squeezing my arm in an attempt to comfort me.

The sort of man I am.

Those words echoed through me, a vibration that sank to my bones. I looked from one face to the next of each of my friends. Then looked out at the people dancing. There were stolen glances my way. Whispers. Laughter. Was it about me? At my expense?

What sort of man was I?

The good man. Husband. Father. Friend. And now… cuckold. And they expected me to embrace the title like I had all the others.

"Jim, try to think of it this way, maybe it will help." Jane was trying to sound sympathetic. "What if the cover model from the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue were here tonight? Say she picked you out of everyone here to dance with, and then she offered to spend the night with you. Can you honestly say you would turn her down?" The pleading look in Jane's warm brown eyes made her look like a winsome puppy dog and was usually quite effective in getting her what she wanted.

“Do you think I would?” My voice felt hollow. “That’s not the man you think I am…”

There was silence at the table. Eyes darting and subtle body language showing me they were hiding discomfort.

“No.” Dave finally said. “No I don’t think you’d do it, Jim.” Something in his voice sounded defeated. “You’re the good guy…”

That term again. Good guy. Dave kept talking but I couldn’t hear him. The walls of the club were becoming dark. Not literally, the lights were still bright and the music was still festive, but it felt like the room was becoming locked. Isolated. 

I looked around the table at each of my friends. Could I really call them friends? Would friends side with a wife and mother that ran off with a stranger? And it wasn’t even a secret affair. She’d walked out, not just in front of our friends, but a club full of people.

Numb, confused, my heart pounded so hard it hurt but somehow felt like it had stopped and I was dead. I pulled out a few random bills from my wallet and tossed them on the table. “That should cover my tab.” I muttered and turned, walking towards the exit, hands in my pockets.

I could feel the eyes following me. The whispers.

Left with Marc LaValliere. His wife? Did he know?

“Jim!” Dee was hurrying after me. “Jim, come on. Don’t leave. Stay. Dance with me. Have fun. Don’t be such a spoiled sport. It’s just one night. Hey, if it’ll make you feel any better,” She slipped close to me, pressing her chest against my arm. “I’ll let you get a feel of anything you’d like.” It was a sly whisper and a big smile on her face that, had she been offering any other time I might have found it funny.

“Dave be okay with that? What am I saying? Of course. That’s how you guys operate right? And I just didn’t know?” My voice was deadpan, flat.

“What’s that mean? I’m not offering to sleep with you, and considering the circumstances I’m sure Dave would be just fine with you getting a little fun…” The look on Dee’s face was too much. Like I was the one being unreasonable. 

How had I so terribly misjudged these people? We’d known them for almost as long as Linda and I had been married. I thought we’d discussed everything. But somehow we had missed this one fundamental thing. That fidelity, vows, meant something. At least to me. I guess to them, those vows only went so far. To me they were all encompassing. We were on opposite sides of the planet when it came to our views on marriage.

I gently removed my arm from Dee’s grip. “I appreciate the offer. But I’m not feeling well. I’m just… gonna go.”

“Jim. You’re not going to do something stupid are you?” Dee kept pace with me for a few more steps. “Seriously. Linda loves you completely. Just let her have this one night. She’ll be home. It’ll be like she was out of town for a business trip or something. It doesn’t have to be that big of a deal. Hey!” She tried getting in front of me, but I was stronger than I looked and took her by the shoulders and moved her aside as politely as I could.

Without looking back and not uttering another word I left the club and stepped out into the brisk cold. Drifts of snow were piled up along the sides of the road. Some turning to slush. Flurries of new snow started to fall and the clouds in the night sky overhead looked ready to burst.

As I walked the couple blocks to the hotel, I checked my phone. No texts or messages from Linda. The urge to call her, to blow up her phone until she answered was powerful. Instead I checked the weather and saw that we were due for more snow. Possibly another storm that might close the roads again.

I stepped into the lobby of the hotel, shaking off the few flakes that clung to me and marched to the elevator and went up to the room I’d planned on spending the night in with my wife.

As I opened the door, I hoped that Linda would be there. Maybe this was all just a terrible, cruel joke. It was empty. The door clunked closed behind me as I stepped deeper into the hollow space. On the king bed, Linda had laid out a new set of lingerie. Deep blue satin that matched the color of her dress. The trim was black lace and the material was just a little bit sheer. The bra would have barely covered her nipples. Blue stockings and a black garter belt lay with the underwear. There was no doubt if I’d seen Linda in this I would have fallen to my knees and worshiped her.

I shuffled over to the minifridge, loosening my shirt collar, opened it and pulled out a couple of the mini bottles of vodka and took them over to the chair that was situated next to the large window looking out on the city. The lights were becoming fuzzy and obscured by the ice and snow falling from the sky. Turning the chair to face the sight outside, I slumped into the seat and cracked open the first bottle and drank it down in just a few throat burning gulps. The sudden feeling of dizziness hit me hard but quickly faded as my body adjusted to the alcohol.

The snow began coming down faster. Harder. Thicker.

I pulled my phone out from my jacket and quickly called Mrs. Porter. She picked up after a few rings and spoke quietly. “Hello? Jim?”

“Sorry to call so late Mrs. Porter. But I just wanted to check in. Looks like we might get snowed in tonight. Are you able to keep the kids an extra night? If not I can call my parents and I’m sure they’d be able to come get them.”

“Oh. You’re right! I hadn’t even noticed it was snowing. The little darlings were keeping me busy. I got them down just a little while ago. I should be able to watch them, but if things get too bad I’ll be sure to call your mom and we can work something out.”

“I appreciate it.” I said, cracking open the next vodka bottle and this time just taking a slow sip.

“Have you had a good time? Still out partying?” Mrs. Porter asked cheerily.

“It’s been an interesting night. I appreciate you Mrs. Porter. Truly. I’ll check in tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry yourself. I’ve got things under control here. Enjoy your night.”

The line went dead and I gently tossed my phone to the bed, settled back and watched the snow fall, drinking slowly and for as long as I could, let my mind drift like the flakes outside. Getting caught up in the wind and swiftly flying away to parts unknown.

…

It was a dream. It had to be. There was no way I was standing at the foot of a California King bed watching my wife on her back, legs spread and a thick massive dick slowly spreading her bald labia.

“Yes! Ohhhh fuck Marc please… please fuck my pussy!” My wife was gasping. Crying out in the massive room. Her voice echoing through the mansion.

“Married pussy. Mom pussy. Say it Linda. Tell me what I’m claiming.” He was strong. Muscled. Toned. His muscles rippled as he towered over her, arm on either side of her head staring down at her as he thrust slow and deep.

I could see him entering her. Her lips clinging tightly. Sucking. Wet and slick, making his shaft glisten when it slipped out to the head and then plunged back down to the balls, crushing them against her ass. I was watching it in 4K. 8K. Perfect high definition seeing every slick fold and dimple and goosebump on her skin. Every ridge of his cock. His veins. The wrinkles in his heavy balls that were longing to empty inside her.

He was bare. There was no doubt a man like Marc would never use a condom. And there wasn’t a woman alive that would deny him the pleasure of entering her bare and leaving his seed behind.

“Fuck my married pussy! Oh god please! It’s so fucking big. So deep. Take my mommy cunt Marc! Make me a slut!”

“You are a slut! My slut. This pussy is mine. All mine. When you leave and go back to that silly husband, you’ll know you’re mine forever.” His cock rammed down and my wife screamed.

“Yes! Yes oh god I’m yours forever Marc. Take my pussy! Take everything!”

The dream… it was a dream… all a dream… shifted.

Linda was on top. Riding him hard and fast. Gasping as Marc lay back, big hands holding her hips tight as she moved, swiveled and ground against him. Bouncing up and down. The sound of her beautiful ass slapping his strong thighs made me throw up in my mouth.

My wife looked back at me with molten eyes. Flames hot like the fires of hell. “Look baby. A real man is fucking me. Finally, Finally I have what I need. What I deserve.” She reached back spreading her cheeks showing her puckering asshole and stretched cunt. Marc’s cock massive and stretching her to the limit like I’d never seen before.

“Look! Fucking look you cuck! You pathetic little freak! Can’t you even do that? Hm? Be a good husband and watch your loving wife get what she’s been missing!” She was hissing and screaming and laughing. Bouncing on the famous football player.

Now she was on all fours. Staring up at me as Marc pulled her hair, arching her head and back. Her tits swinging. Marc behind her, ramming hard and fast.

“He’s going to cum in me Jim. He’s gonna fill my cunt! It’s not yours anymore! Did you really think it was ever yours?” Her hair was like snakes. Her eyes slits. Her words hissing threats and teeth bared with fangs. The image rippled from the face I knew and that horrifying reptilian visage.

Marc groaned and cried out as he released.

“Yes! Fuck yes I want his cum! His cum inside me. I’m gonna bring it home to you Jim. You’re going to eat it. To get sloppy seconds. Are you excited to feel a real man’s cum inside my velvety mommy slit? Hm? Say it you cuck. Say it!”

She was screeching.

Suddenly I was on my back staring up at a monstrosity. A succubus. Skin mottled and leathery. Black and red like cooling lava. She had wings. Cross between bat wings and a birds. She was a harpy. Screeching and looming and swooping down to rip out my throat. To claw at my genitals and neuter me.

I screamed…

…

I woke up aching, sweating, trembling like I was in the depths of having the flu. My head pounded. The light reflecting off the fresh snow coating the world outside made me wince. I was slumped down in the hotel chair, several bottles of various kinds of alcohol scattered around me. Clearly I’d drunk myself into a stupor.

It didn’t take more than a cursory glance outside to see that the roads were covered in nearly two feet of snow, maybe more. I wasn’t going anywhere. At least not easily.

Stumbling to the room phone, I picked it up and groaned hearing the dial tone as if it were a bullhorn. Dialing the front desk, I told them I wanted to extend my stay another night. They accepted it, clearly many other guests were doing the same.

I hung up and lay back on the bed, arm over my eyes to keep out the light and let myself rise up out of the horrible nightmares I’d had. The buzz of my phone made me jump. Scrambling over to it I picked it up hoping to see something from Linda.

Dee: We are all snowed in. Going to have breakfast in the hotel restaurant. Come join us.

It was so casual. As if last night hadn’t been the shattering of my world. It still felt like I was standing there in that room. Surrounded by judging eyes. The walls closed off. No way out. Everyone whispering. I was trapped in that moment inside my head. Closing my eyes, I could see it. Feel it. Smell it. Wings and alcohol. Sweat and snow. It made my stomach clench.

Ignoring the message, I got up and shed my clothes as I made my way to the bathroom, stepping into the shower attempting to wash away everything. I scrubbed myself raw. The water was blistering and when I finally stepped out I was red, almost glowing as if I had a sunburn.

I toweled off quickly and then simply wandered back into the room and threw myself down onto the bed.

There was nothing to do. TV wasn’t an escape. I hadn’t brought anything to read. I could probably find an ebook or something with my phone but then I’d be holding in my hand the way to call my wife. To text her or to get messages from my so-called friends. Gone were the days of being able to disconnect from the world. But, even with my device, I could still ignore it. But I couldn’t turn it off. I needed to stay in contact with Mrs. Porter and my parents in case something was needed for the kids.

So I allowed myself to lay in the room. In the silence.

My phone buzzed periodically. A couple of texts were from Mrs. Porter telling me that my parents had come over to get the kids and would watch them until we were all able to travel safely. Others were from my friends, asking me to come to breakfast. Asking if I was alright. No one mentioned what was happening with Linda, but they were clearly trying to pull me out of my funk.

They had no idea what I was experiencing. They’d all dismissed Linda’s abandonment as something understandable. Clearly anyone would have done what she did. I should just accept it.

I ignored them all.

Thankfully they didn’t know my room number so there were no unannounced visits. I was left alone.

It was near noon when I finally got a text from my wife.

Just one.

Linda: Snowed in. I’m safe. I’ll see you early tomorrow. 💋

There was a photo attached. One of her standing in front of a large window looking out onto a snowy forest in the background. She was naked. Breasts perky even after all the years and two kids. Her nipples were raw and red and hard. Her hair was slightly mussed from sleep, eyes sweet and lively. I could see every part of her, even her reflection in the glass. Her ass perky and slightly red. Her pussy looked puffy, used, bare and smooth like I’d always wanted to experience. But Marc was the one getting that treat, not me. She was waving in the picture as if it were no big deal that she was with another man. Naked. Clearly having been fucked.

I dropped my phone to the floor and took a slow shuddering breath.

No, I love you. No apologies. It was the bare minimum. Something someone would text if they were running late for a business meeting, minus the kissing emoji.

She didn’t ask about the kids. Or me. Was it because I was the good guy? The responsible one that would do the right thing?

The day went by slowly, but also fast. Relativity is a bitch. 

Eventually night came and the room was cast into shadows. The only times I’d left the bed were to go to the bathroom and to dismiss housekeeping. At some point I fell asleep, and when I opened my eyes again it was five AM. Whatever rest I’d gotten hadn’t been good, and the idea of going back to sleep for just a few more hours wasn’t attractive. So I packed everything up. I folded Linda’s lingerie nicely and put it into her bag. We hadn’t packed all that much so it was quick and easy to clear the room of evidence that we’d been there.

…

Down in the lobby I skulked to the front desk, turned in my keys and checked out. The eyes of the clerk, a lovely young blonde, were pitying. Did she know too? Did everyone know? Was it on the news? Gone viral? Was I the laughingstalk of the world? Poor Jim Tracy, his wife got picked up by a famous, rich, good looking, athlete. But who could blame her? Compared to Marc LaValliere he’s just a stick figure.

I hurried away from the front desk, still feeling her eyes. The eyes of everyone. That feeling of being trapped crashed into me again full force. Inside my mind's eye I was still standing there in the club. Frozen forever in that singular moment of humiliation.

The roads had been cleared enough for travel, though it still took twice as long to get home traveling at half the speed and getting caught behind a few vehicles that had hit black ice and fishtailed, but thankfully no major accidents.

Once I was home I brought my bags to the room and changed into something more comfortable, pajama pants and an old t-shirt. I caught a glimpse of myself in the closet mirror. My eyes were sunken, hollow, red. I had scruff along my cheeks and my hair was disheveled. I was a shadow of what I once was. Whether or not this transformation would be permanent, I couldn’t predict.

I made a pot of coffee, poured myself a cup and went into our den, slipped into my favorite recliner and continued my vigil of the world outside the window looking at our lawn and driveway. A few flurries of snow fell, but it seemed like the major storms had passed. My parents had texted that they’d bring the kids home later that evening, giving me and Linda some time to get back home and get settled.

I didn’t bother to correct him. To tell him that I was alone and already home. No need to tell other people about my humiliation. Hell, maybe my parents already knew and were doing the exact same thing my former friends were doing. Pretending like it was no big deal. Ignoring how Linda had shattered everything I’d ever thought I knew about us and about myself.

The past two nights I’d been numb. My mind blank and my self image stuck in that club. Rooted to the ground, never able to leave. But now that I was home, my brain had begun to work once more and all the thoughts that came were harsh, cutting, and destructive.

Why wasn’t I good enough?

How had I missed all the signs?

Did she ever enjoy our time in the bedroom? Was I not big enough? Skilled enough?

Why wasn’t my love enough? What was missing? Where had I fallen short?

More and more self deprecating questions kept crashing into me like an avalanche until my thoughts weren’t even coherent anymore. It was just jumbled feelings. Twisting and pricking me like thorns.

It was near three when I heard and then saw the cherry red Ferrari pull into my driveway. The car probably cost as much as our house. I’d continued drinking coffee, stopping myself from drowning my sorrows in alcohol like I had that first night. I wanted to feel the pain. I deserved it. Clearly I’d done something wrong. Nearly a decade of love and commitment and provision and I’d still fallen short somewhere. Linda hadn’t been happy. She’d been so unhappy that the moment someone came along with the confidence to approach her, she’d left me. It was a wonder she’d decided to come back. Maybe it was out of obligation. We had two kids and I knew she loved them, even if she didn’t love me.

The car came to a stop and Marc stepped out from the driver’s side. He looked dazzling even when he was wearing simple jeans and a leather coat that was staving off the cold.

Hurrying around to the passenger's side, he opened the door and helped Linda out. She wore the dress she’d bought especially for our night out. Vibrant blue. Her makeup was gone but she was still brilliantly beautiful. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun.

She held her purse and heels in one hand and the other was tightly held by Marc as he kept her steady on the icy drive. Before she hurried off, Linda turned and the two spoke a few words. Marc towered over her, dwarfing her in every way. His smile was bright and genuine and after she was finished speaking, he leaned down and gave her a sweet, chaste kiss on the cheek.

With that, Marc got back in his car and Linda hurried on her bare feet to the front door.

“Jim!” The door opened and then shut quickly. “Jim, honey. I’m home!” She sounded like she’d been out shopping.

After a minute Linda appeared in the doorway to the den. She looked content. Happy. Was it because she was home? Or because she’d spent the last two days with another man doing god knows what? I knew it was the latter. I’d been with her enough, and though most of our lives had been a lie, the look on her face was one of satisfaction. I guess I can assume that I’d pleased her a few times in our marriage. Score one for me.

“I’m glad you got home safely. That blizzard was pretty intense.” She sat her heels next to the door and walked in, putting her purse on the end table next to the couch. I watched her as she strolled, without a care in the world. It was as if nothing had happened. Just like Dee said. The smile she gave me was dazzling and then faded slightly. “Honey? You okay?”

What a stupid question. Was I okay? Was I okay that she’d made me a cuckold in front of hundreds of people? Maybe even the entire world if someone had gotten footage of her leaving me.

“Just tired.” I muttered, and sipped from my quickly cooling coffee.

She was silent for a moment, looking down at me. For the first time since she’d walked back into our home, she looked… guilty? “You know…” she tangled her fingers together in front of her, longing to have something to twist or pull or rip. “It’s still me.” Her eyes met mine, searching.

What did that mean? I looked up at her and wondered… if she was the same person now as she was before she left me… did that mean I’d never known who she was at all?

How could I have been so blind? Were there signs after all these years? Was I just a delusional idiot? Blinded by love?

I searched for something to say. My anger and sorrow were like slow moving magma flows, burning me away inch by inch as it sluggishly made its oozing way through my whole being. Other people would have screamed. Yelled. Cursed. Belittled and made Linda feel like she was a slut. A whore. Someone less than, because of her unfaithfulness.

I still saw the woman I married. The mother of my children. I could still picture her on our wedding day, walking down the aisle in that beautiful flowing silk dress, eyes on me and smile so bright and wide that it was practically breaking her face. And then I could remember the times in the hospital, sweaty and red faced and exhausted, holding first our baby girl Emma, and then Tommy. Beautiful in her disarray. She was still the woman I loved, even if maybe she hadn’t ever loved me the same way.

“Was it everything you’d hoped?” I asked, eyes lingering on her for just a moment before moving back out the window, taking a sip of my coffee.

Linda was thrown off by the question, visibly swallowing and cringing slightly. “Um…” It was clear she was struggling with what to say. “Jim, listen. I know we have a lot to talk about. And, I’ll tell you anything you want to know. No secrets. But… do you really want to know… that?” Her cheeks were red.

I could only imagine what they’d done over the last two days. She’d never blushed when we’d talked about sex, fantasies, or Kinks. So whatever had happened at Magnificent Marc’s Mansion, must have been quite the experience.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” She added quietly.

I almost laughed, but I kept it inside. I pushed it down with the rest of my feelings that were festering. That magma moved slowly and steadily, burning everything I was into smoke and ash.

“I appreciate that.” I muttered and pushed myself up from my chair. I was only a couple inches taller than Linda. Marc had easily been half a foot taller if not more. “The kids should be home soon. My parents are bringing them. You should take a shower. Change.”

She followed me as I made my way to the kitchen. “I already took a shower. I would never…” The look on her face was pure shock and embarrassment.

You’d never come home to me with another man’s sweat and saliva and cum all over and inside you? That’s what she was going to say. Maybe not that graphic, but it was clear by the hurt in her eyes. How had she turned this around on me? Abhorred that I would think my unfaithful wife would come home reeking of another man. How could I think so little of her?

Just another feeling I wrapped up and packed away into the burning lava.

I refilled my mug without a word. Linda stood in the middle of the kitchen watching me. “Um… okay, you’re probably right. I should freshen up.” She bit her lip and walked past me down the hall towards our bedroom.

A minute later I heard the shower. Good. Even if she’d showered before, it had been at his place. She would have smelled of his shampoo. His home. They’d probably fucked in the shower anyway. At least now she’d smell more like the woman I’d known before.

…

My parents brought the kids home and life moved on in a chaotic state of frantic children wanting to eat. Wanting to run outside and build snowmen, then come back in and watch Frozen and Frozen 2. Songs were sung at the top of their lungs and they danced, or at least tried to dance. I was more twirling and falling than anything. But it was cute and beautiful and I watched with joy, even as happiness withered within me.

With school coming the next day, Linda and I put the kids to bed around nine. All at once the house went from noisy and energetic, to quiet and subdued.

Exhausted, emotionally and physically, I shut Emma’s door quietly. She’d fallen asleep before I’d even finished reading to her. Linda had taken charge of putting Tommy to bed. His door was closed so clearly she’d been just as successful. I made my way to our bedroom, feeling worn in a way I’d never experienced before. It was a bone deep melancholy that I knew was quickly going to become my new normal.

I shut our bedroom door softly and sat on the edge of our bed, pulling off my shirt and tossing it onto the floor. Usually I’d put it into our laundry basket in our closet, but I couldn’t even gather the energy to get up. I wasn’t in bad shape, though the last couple of years I’d started to get a bit softer around the stomach. A ‘dad bod’. Nothing to be ashamed about, it was just a sign of aging and where my priorities were. Taking care of the kids. But it wouldn’t hurt to start working out. Maybe that’s why Linda had left me. Or at least one of the reasons. Marc was no doubt ripped and cut in a way I’d never be able to compare with.

I felt like a voodoo doll getting pins stuck in one after another as new thoughts intruded.

The bathroom door opened, light spilling into the dimly lit bedroom framing Linda as she struck a sexy pose, hand up high on the doorframe, and the other on her hip. The lingerie I’d seen on the hotel bed was clinging tightly to her luscious figure. Her breasts were spilling out over the lace trim of the blue bra, nipples resting in the garden of the intricate material. The garter belt cinched her waist tightly, the panties were barely big enough to fit, clinging and stretching over her so tightly that what was just slightly sheer became much more transparent. It was tightly pressed to her smooth sex. No sign of her typical bush. The stockings completed the outfit and made her legs look long and smooth.

I stared speechless, and even though my mind was nowhere near ready for my wife’s affections, I was still conflicted about everything that had happened in the last two days, my body responded. My erection was immediate, tenting my pajama pants visibly. The view of her vagina in the panties was lit by the bathroom light, smooth and tight. I’d never seen her bald before. The picture she’d sent didn’t do it justice.

My body betrayed me, cock throbbing seeing my wife’s beautiful body. She began walking towards me, slow and sensual. Swaying her hips and brushing back her long hair and coming to stand before me. Just those dozen steps from the bathroom to the bed had wedged her panties up into her slit, giving her a smooth cameltoe. Her hands moved through my hair, nails gently scratching my scalp and making me shiver. “Touch me Jim.” She whispered.

I didn’t want to. I wanted to cry. She was so beautiful. This was what I should have seen two nights ago. But instead… someone else had seen her first. 

What had he done to her? What had she done to him? Would I ever know? Did I want to know?

Leaning down, Linda gently kissed along my forehead and down to my cheek, then the corner of my mouth. “Touch me. I’m home. I’m yours. Forever. All yours. Let me show you how much I love you.” She took hold of my hand, somewhat limp and clammy, though I don’t think she noticed, and moved it to her crotch.

My fingers pressed against her cameltoe and she sucked in a hissing breath. She was silk. Warm soft dough. Slick moisture was already gathering there, soaking through the soft material.

Linda groaned softly. “Take me honey.”

I couldn’t help it, I was overwhelmed. She’d left me for two days. Abandoned me. But I still loved her. Still wanted her. And I was desperate. Desperate for her love. I wanted her to love me the way I thought she always had.

My fingers pressed against her, harder, rubbing along her slit. I moved in and my mouth found her exposed nipple, sucking it along with the silky lace. Her hands scrubbed through my hair as she moaned with pleasure.

Was it real? Was it pity? How did she sound with Marc? Did she react this way, or was she uninhibited and real?

I bit lightly on her nub and she gasped. Grabbing hold of her hip, I pressed my fingers harder against her vagina

“Yes!” She whimpered. “Take me Jim. Honey. Take me back…”

Back…

Back…

The word was nails on a chalkboard.

I wanted her to shut up. I pulled her down, making her fall to her knees, grabbed her hair and pushed her face against my bulge barely held by my boxers.

Linda groaned in a way I’d never heard. Over the years our love making had been good. Solid. A bit exploratory but nothing too extreme. We’d dabbled in a few things. But I’d never been able to bring myself to be forceful. She was the woman I loved. Tender. Sweet. Delicate.

But now… now I didn’t know what she was. And after the dream from the other night… I couldn’t see her the same. The harpy was lurking behind those beautiful features. The succubus that wanted to seduce and then devour me. No doubt she had claws hidden, ready to tear into my stomach, disembowel me and suck up my intestines like spaghetti.

I shoved her face against me. The feel of her breath and her mouth, sucking against my cotton boxers, was torture. Nibbling teeth, pulling at my underwear trying to get them to move so she could claim her prize.

Torn between need and hate, I pushed my boxers down letting my erection free and smacked her in the face with it. She gasped and looked up at me surprised but I couldn’t muster any sort of shame. Pulling her hair and turning her face to the side, making her mouth open, I shoved my cock inside and watched her lips drag and suck over my needy flesh.

My mind conjured images of her on her knees for Marc, the man towering over her. A commanding arrogant air watching her gag on him. Slobber and spit and gasp as she serviced him like an eager slut.

Was she more wild than she was now?

Her eyes were filled with lust, staring up at me as I held her hair tight pulling it painfully and thrusting my cock into her mouth. Her cheek bulged and she gurgled and groaned, spit dripping down her cheeks and onto my thigh.

After a minute I pulled out with a slick pop and she gasped. “Fuck Jim.”

I grabbed hold of her and threw her on the bed, twisting and climbing on top of her. Linda yelped, surprised by the sudden roughness. Pulling her panties down around her knees, I pushed her legs up, held together exposing her smooth valley and ass.

“Jim! Oh my god!”

I positioned myself and slid inside. She was slick. So wet. Tight and warm and familiar. But… it wasn’t mine. Not anymore. She’d given herself to someone else. Another man had been here. I groaned and hoped to god it sounded like a pleasurable sound rather than one of horrible despair. I started thrusting. Ramming myself into my wife with no finesse or style, wishing I could stop imagining another man, a better man, doing the same.

Linda moaned, putting her hand over her mouth to stop from becoming too loud and waking up the kids. Each thrust made her gasp and whimper, eyes shutting tight as I went at her beautiful bald cunt ruthlessly. I pushed her legs further, lifting her ass up off the bed as her knees pressed to her shoulders. Standing over her I thrust down over and over, wild and with no rhyme or rhythm. Her eyes met mine. The dimness of the room helped hide the redness in mine, the tears that were threatening to spill.

Her pussy squeezed, burning velvet scorching my skin and taking me in like it was a fire devouring everything it touched. She arched, holding her hand tight over her mouth and moaning loudly into it as she came. There was no doubt it was an orgasm. It rushed through her and battered her like waves against the shore.

Was it because of me? Or was she remembering Marc. The better man she’d been with just hours ago.

Had he fucked her like this. Pounding her as her shoulders pressed into his luxurious bed? Maybe he’d held her up in the air and impaled her bald married cunt over and over like a piercing spear. Maybe he took her against the wall. On all fours. Maybe all of the above.

I rammed harder, my balls slapping her beautiful ass, feeling wetness and cream splashing as she leaked from her arousal.

“Yes! Yes! Oh fucking god yes Jim please! Please!” She was crying. Her hand reached out for me, grabbing my arms. “Fuck me! Please baby fuck me. I love you so fucking much god yes pleeeeassseee!”

I couldn’t hold back. My orgasm boiled over, bursting from me like a pressure cooker. Cum shot deep into her, into the depths that had been painted by someone more deserving and better. I jerked, grunted and bit my lip hard to keep myself from crying as I emptied myself into her. It should have been good. Pleasurable. This should have been special.

Linda was panting. Reaching out to me as I started to collapse, her legs falling away. She brought me to her chest, holding me close as we panted, exhausted. It hadn’t lasted for more than five, maybe ten minutes. But it felt like we’d been running at a full sprint and gone a mile. Her skin was sticky with sweat. She smelled like our lilac shampoo.

“Oh… fuck.” She sighed and chuckled. “Good god that was amazing.”

Was it as good as Marc? As good as the adonis athlete? Did you let him cum inside you? Of course you did. You nearly told me when you got home. At least you had the decency to not continue humiliating me.

She snuggled close, arms tight around me. “Mmmm baby, I love you so much.”

I held back my tears. Pushed them down. That shadow place, me standing in the club with eyes on me, was my world. I’d just made passionate love to my wife and all those staring eyes were still full of pity.

She went to him. She wanted him. Gave him everything. A perfect stranger. She’ll never give everything to you. Something will always be held back. Marc got her uninhibited. You… get the rest.

…

I woke up at four am. Wide awake. My dreams had been dark and empty. I rolled out of bed, out of the arms of my wife who was curled up and sleeping peacefully like everything was just the same as it had always been.

I wish it were.

Dressing quickly, I slipped out of the house and started to run. It’d been years since I'd tried any sort of exercise. Getting older just meant that my body was slowing down and I wasn’t going to be able to get away with coasting on my high metabolism. But honestly, that wasn’t why I was out and running. I just had to get out. To exhaust myself. Anything to burn off the energy and quiet the voices. I was running from the eyes. The stares. Whispers. But that world was in my head, and you can’t run from what’s in your head.

I pushed myself hard, running for nearly an hour before I got back home, gasping and coughing and then finally vomiting into the snow. I gagged on my bile, coughing up anything I had, which was mostly stomach acid. It was up through my mouth and nose and stung, bringing new tears to my eyes.

Grabbing a handful of snow, I pressed it to my mouth and face, cooling myself and washing out my mouth and nose. It took a few minutes to regain my composure, some vomit clinging to my sweat soaked shirt. Standing up I was a mess of melting snow, mud, and sweat. I looked like I felt.

Every part of me strained, aching, burning. My shoes were caked in slush and mud so I walked around to the back of the house and onto the deck. I wasn’t about to stomp through the front door and track in mud. I slumped into a deck chair, taking gulping breaths of the cold morning air.

“I don’t know, Dee. Something’s off.”

The sound of Linda’s voice drifted from the open kitchen window situated across from the deck.

“No. I mean, it’s clear he’s hurt. But last night he was like an animal.”

“...”

“Never like that.”

“...”

“It was great! I wish it was like that every night.” She laughed.

I cringed and leaned forward, head between my legs trying to breath in as much air as I could.

“No, I’m not gonna talk about that right now. Or maybe ever.”

“...”

“Dee I’m not some penthouse letter. What I do in the privacy of a bedroom is my business.”

“...”

“I didn’t promise anything. Okay?”

“...”

“Alright but… later. Not now. I’m not sure where Jim went. When I woke up he was gone. His car’s still here and so are all his things so he hasn’t left me…” There was a waver in her voice. “Dee… was he upset? Like… exactly how did he react…”

“... … …”

I peeked in through the window. Linda was twirling her hair and listening with her phone against her ear. She was dressed in a robe that hung open exposing a simple satin pink bra and panty set that was sexy but nothing flashy.

“Really?” She was quiet for a moment. “You explained things though, right? I mean, he understood? You told him I loved him…”

“...”

“Well the blizzard wasn’t my fault. It would have just been one night if that hadn’t happened.”

“...”

“Well of course we… of course we had sex, what else was I going to do with him? Marc’s not really a conversationalist.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“... … … …”

“I told you I’m not going to go into it. You know what sex is like…”

“...”

“Well sure it was different. But… oh just stop it you’re as bad as some horny highschool boy. Anyway, didn’t you reach out to him over the weekend? Did he leave the hotel or…”

“...”

“Shit…I should have called…”

“...”

“I sent a text…and…ugh I sent him a selfie.”

“...”

“I was naked.” She whispered guiltily.

“...!”

“No! Dee what the hell! I’d never send him a photo of me and Marc doing… anything! I mean maybe if he asked, we did take some video and photos. Marc said lots of husbands like that sort of thing. But I haven’t really gotten to discuss things with Jim. It’s too raw. You should have seen him when I got home. I mean… I knew he’d be upset. Rightfully so. But…”

“...”

“You’re right. I just need to give him some time.”

“...”

“Dee, be serious, okay. We can talk about it later. Right now, I need to take care of Jim. He was good enough to let me have this weekend when it was supposed to be for us. I need to make this up to him. So let’s just table all the ‘juicy’ details for a more appropriate time. Okay?” She was starting to sound annoyed.

“...”

“Thank you. Now, I’m going to be spending as much time this week with Jim as possible. Tell the girls I’m gonna be busy. We can get together this weekend at the pot-luck after church.”

I continued taking deep breaths with my head between my knees. My head was pounding. Chest heavy. The conversation between Linda and Dee ended and I heard Linda begin to shuffle around in the kitchen, getting the kids lunches ready and starting breakfast.

I couldn’t hide outside forever. Life was waiting.

It was a challenge to get up, but I pushed through the pain… so much pain… and went inside after slipping off my muddy shoes.

“Jim? Did you go for a walk…oh! Jim, are you okay?” Linda nearly dropped the bowl she was holding, mixing pancake batter. Putting it on the counter she rushed over to me, hands out as if to touch me, but then hesitated. If it was because of how gross I was or maybe the look on my face, I wasn’t sure. It hardly mattered.

“I’m fine.” I muttered, starting to pull up my sweat and vomit stained shirt off.

“Wh…what happened?” She actually looked concerned. Hm. She probably was. It would be stupid of me to think that she didn’t care about me at all.

“Just ,pushed myself too hard.” I balled up my shirt that was beyond salvation and threw it into the trash, shuffling towards the bathroom to take a shower.

“Jim…” Linda followed just a few steps behind as I stepped into the shower and turned it on, not even flinching when the icy water hit me. “Are… are you okay? Tell me what’s wrong."

I leaned against the wall, hands holding me up as I let the water hammer against my back. “Went for a run. Just… went too hard. Threw up.”

She was staring at me, confusion and concern plaster all over that beautiful face. I could tell she wanted to say more. To ask more. But I didn’t have the energy to answer. I just let the water wash over me, clearing away the grime and sweat and remnants of sick, circling it down the drain.

“Um… Do you need to call in to work? Maybe you should take the day off.” Linda stood outside the glass walls of the shower, watching me. Echoes of her conversation just a few minutes ago played through my head. How she needed to take care of me. That this week was going to be all about me. Making it up to me.

“No. I’m fine. Just… need a breather. Some breakfast. Coffee.” My words were coming out clipped, emotionless.

“Okay.” She whispered, watching me for another moment then left the bathroom. A few minutes later I smelled the distinct smell of sweet batter cooking. It wasn’t long after that I heard my kids stumbling into the kitchen, asking for food and juice and wanting to watch Bluey.

I tuned it all out, letting the water punish me as long as I could stand it. By the time I was shivering and feeling numb, I scrubbed myself down and stepped out of the shower. I dried off quickly, wrapped the towel around me and went to our medicine cabinet, pulling down some ibuprofen and swallowing four raw.

My head was pounding.

Mechanically dressing and getting ready for work, I did my best to put on a smile, chase away the dark clouds that were hanging over me, and went out to have breakfast with my family.

…

Over the next week, things didn’t get better.

My head wouldn’t stop pounding. I was swallowing at least eight ibuprofen a day, if not more. Whatever edge I could remove from my head and heart, was worth the risk.

Linda came to bed every night, giving herself to me. Sucking me sloppy and slutty, face covered in spit and precum and begging me to fuck her mouth. 

My chest and heart were hollow, but I still grabbed her by the hair and fucked her throat hard, fast, deep. She gagged. Coughed. Moaned. But she took it. Took it like she felt she owed it to me.

All I could think of was Marc doing this to her. Maybe more.

She came to bed one night, lubing up my hard cock and then squatting over me, slowly lowering herself, my cock entering her ass for the first time. Her eyes never left mine as she fucked herself in the ass on me, breasts bouncing and lips trembling with pleasure. “Yes baby! Yes! Oh fuck stretch my ass honey…. God I fucking love your cock Jim… fuck my asshole… cum in it…”

There was no way she just came to want this on her own. Marc must have had her ass. Taken her anal virginity.

New images stabbed themselves into my brain. Linda face down, ass up and Marc’s massive lubed cock ramming hard and fast into her little anus.

“Yes Marc! Oh god fuck my ass! My slutty little ass! I won’t even give this to my husband! Take it!”

“I’m gonna fill your fucking rectum with my cum you slut! Scream for it!”

Echoes of her orgasmic screeching rattled through my core as I watched her riding me, feeling her ass squeeze until I finally shot my load deep into her bowels. 

I was still hard. 

She cleaned me off with a warm wash cloth and slid me inside her warm folds. We made love. Soft and sweet. Her lips constantly kissing my eyes, cheeks, nose, mouth, chest. I moved in and out feeling her cling to me, swallowing me and squeezing begging for my seed. And I gave it.

Another night she came out in an outfit that I never in a million years expected her to wear. I’d never even hinted or asked for something like it.

Was it an idea she got from Marc?

It was a leather corset, pushing her tits up and spilling out over the cups. A leather choker. Latex knee high boots and a crotchless latex thong. Her nipples had little bells clipped to them that tingled and tinkled as she moved.

She bent herself over on the bed and begged me to spank her. That she’d been a bad girl.

So I slapped her ass raw. I made her cry. I made myself cry. And when her ass was red and burning, I rubbed her pussy hard and ruthlessly until she came, and I kept rubbing until she squirted all over the bed, moaning and screaming with her face down in the bed.

I didn’t fuck her, though she was begging for it.

I couldn’t bring myself to enter her because all I could picture was her dressed up submissively in leather and latex for Marc getting stimulated and used and tormented sexually until she screamed.

By the time Friday night rolled around, she came to bed, in simple satin white panties and bra, cuddling close to me and started to stroke me. Her hand moved up and down my length and her words were soft in my ear. “Jim… you’ve been pushing yourself really hard all week. Tell me what’s going on. Is this because of… of last weekend?”

The entire week I’d avoided talking to her. I busied myself with work, the kids, house work. Every time she tried to talk, I just put it off as politely as possible. I didn’t want to talk about what she did. Everyone seemed to think that after Linda’s adventure, things would go back to normal and it would just be forgotten. So that’s what I tried to do. I tried to give her what she wanted.

Our friends called a few times and though there was a little awkwardness when Linda answered the phone, it seemed understood that talk about Linda’s weekend with Marc wasn’t going to be discussed. Everyone seemed to be content to let it slide. Just like they did when she snuck away from me.

Why couldn’t she just let it go. Let it be some unspoken indiscretion. 

What was there to talk about anyway?

Did she want to talk about how I was lacking in the bedroom? Was that why she was doing all these wild things? Maybe she’d done them all with Marc and now she wanted to recapture those moments with me… and it just wasn’t enough. 

Maybe she wanted permission to go and see him again. Not that she needed my permission the first time. But asking me this time would make her less of the villain. All the horrible possibilities washed over me like sewage spewing from a drain pipe, covering my dignity and life in shit.

I was getting up at four or earlier every morning and running until I threw up. Sleep was coming less and less. But somehow I kept going. My work didn’t suffer. I stayed present with my children and though they noticed my appearance was a bit more… sickly, they didn’t seem to care.

Linda clearly noticed, but I never let the subject develop. I pushed it off saying I was doing okay, just trying to get in shape.

So my routine for nearly a week was running, vomiting, cold showers, handfuls of ibuprofen, work, home and then some sort of sexual dalliance with my wife.

She had me trapped now. Hand on my cock, stroking and laying close to me. I couldn’t move away. My muscles were limp. I felt so empty and weak. My head was still pounding. But even with all of that, my cock still responded to Linda’s touch, twitching and starting to rise.

“Jim. Please. Talk to me.”

Of course it’s about last weekend you bitch! Of course it is! You left me! You cheated! You abandoned me to be humiliated in front of the entire club and our friends. And who did everyone make the bad guy out to be? Not the football star that seduced my wife. Not the wife and mother of my children who chose to walk out on me without a word. No… I’m the bad guy. No… not even that! I’m the FUCKING GOOD GUY! So good that, of course I’d let you have this. A night of mind blowing once in a lifetime sex and thrills. Obviously something you were lacking. Something I wasn’t giving you and can’t give you. I guess it was disappointing having to come home to little old Jim. Your pathetic husband. The man who’s good. Who’s safe. I’m just your security. You never loved me! Never! I’m just the safe bet!

My thoughts raged. The pounding behind my eyes intensified and my stomach cramped tightly, making all of my muscles tighten and cramp. But Linda didn’t sense my body's reaction for what it was. Her hand found my balls and she thought the twitching in my muscles was because of my arousal.

Moving the sheets away, she moved down and began to slowly lick around my head. “Honey… I love you so much. Only you. Forever. You know that. Please… don’t let what happened be such a big deal. It was just a weekend. It wouldn’t have even been that long if it weren’t for the snow. And I came home to you. You’re the one who gets to have me forever.”

Her moist lips traced around my crown. Tongue gently licking, covering every inch of my head and sucking softly against my sensitive skin. Her hand moved up and down along me, squeezing gently. “I’ll give you everything Jim. I’ve given you everything. But if you want to take more, I’ll give it. I know I’ve held back in the past, but no more.” She looked up at me, eyes wide and full of love and conviction. “Take anything from me you want. Any way you want.”

As if trying to challenge her declaration, I moved a hand to her ass, slid under her panties and rammed two fingers into her ass.

Linda gasped, eyes watering, and she whimpered, biting her lip in pain. But she didn’t tell me to stop. Didn’t deny me as I started roughly fingering her asshole.

But it didn’t matter what she promised. I knew even without her telling me that Marc had fucked her ass. All the ways she’d given herself to me… she must have done something similar with the experienced man whore. And this gift of herself she was giving, it wasn’t out of her benevolence. Marc had sparked it. He’d brought it out of her and she was just bringing me home the leftovers.

I pulled my fingers out, grabbed her hair and moved her face to my cock. “Just… suck me.” I muttered.

She did. Slow and deep. I don’t know how long we were like that, but it was easily twenty minutes before I finally released into her mouth and she swallowed it all. After, she cuddled close, head on my chest, content. She thought we were okay. She thought maybe things were still fragile, rough, but giving herself to me completely was an equal sacrifice for the weekend I’d allowed her to have.

But I hadn’t allowed it.

The idea that giving me her body like this was a trade off made me sick. It wouldn’t stop me from fucking her. I was weak and pathetic and needed to see how willing she was for me, because then, that would tell me how willing she’d been for him.

…

Linda was asleep when I slipped out of bed, stumbled to the bathroom and vomited. The bile tinged with red. My stomach clenched and cramped hard enough to make me cry. I lay on the cold tile, head nestled close to the base of the toilet, and sobbed until I fell asleep.

…

Church potlucks are a breeding ground for gossip. I’d known it since I was a kid and as an adult it was all the more true and transparent. It was the sort of unspoken, spoken knowledge and whispers passing from person to person, keeping it hidden but with one look you knew that they knew that you knew. It was an endless cycle.

It would have been bad enough to sit next to Linda with the kids, suffering the glances from others. People in pews behind and in front of us, quietly giving me looks of pity, curiosity, disgust. Of course there were a few for Linda as well. Except any negative glances she got were from the older members. The younger ones, they gave her quick smiles and winks. To them, she was a star.

The pot luck after was torture of the highest degree.

The kids went to play, running around in the yard and at the playground while adults gathered around tables and walked the buffet line filled with homemade dishes, none of which looked appetizing to me. I stuck with the watered down lemonade that was being offered and sulked over to a corner close to the playground, pretending to keep an eye on the kids.

But no matter how far I tried to distance myself, I still heard the whispers and felt the eyes. Not just the lingering eyes from the club, my mind perpetually locked in place in that moment. Linda was standing with a group of women, Dee and Jane among them, not far away. If they were trying to keep their voices down, they weren’t doing a good job. But I suspected they weren’t trying to hide anything at all. At least not from me. After all, I was the cuckold. The husband who’d graciously let his wife step out with every woman’s fantasy.

“LInda. Come on. Tell us! I’ve been waiting all week.” Dee whispered.

“You’ve gotta spill the details, Linda. Come on.” That was Jane, leaning in with a cup of sweet tea, stirring it absently as she begged for details about my wife's dalliance.

“You can’t make your husband a cuckold and expect us to just stand by…” I wasn’t sure who was talking at that moment, but it hardly mattered.

“Shush!” Linda scolded, a harsh whisper that was spit like venom. “Don’t call him that! Jim isn’t… he’s not a c…he’s not that. I didn’t do that to him. It was just a one night thing. He was okay with it.”

“Honey, you can try to dress things up all you want but you cucked him.” Dee chuckled. “And, to be fair, and honest, Jim really wasn’t ‘okay’ with it. He was pissed when he left. Or at least I think he was. He definitely wasn’t happy.” She stirred her drink with a mischievous smile.

“Dee, you said he was okay. That you explained things…” Linda’s voice was strained and I saw a quick glance my way. I did my best to look like I wasn’t listening. But wondered if it would matter. I was already humiliated, what was a little dirty gossip going to do?

“Honey. I told you he didn’t yell or scream. He just walked off. If you’d seen the look on his face…” Dee sighed and rolled her eyes. “Have you ever slapped a puppy? It was kinda like that. Pathetic honestly. I mean it was just one night, or I guess two because of the blizzard. It’s not as if you absconded away for a few weeks or something. Every marriage deserves a hall pass. It’s pretty much an unwritten rule. And yeah, yeah I know we’ve all talked about ‘one and done’, but be honest, Linda. Girls. We all know there’s the one girl or guy that any of us or our husbands would skip out on our vows for. It’s not a big deal. Jim was acting like a child. As if you’d gone to the moon or mars. He was hurt, fine. I can get that. Especially since you didn’t tell him you were leaving yourself…”

“You said that was the best way! That if I tried to do it myself he’d make a scene!”

“Considering the way he acted with me and the others, yeah. He’d have made a freaking scene, Linda. I kept him calm enough. It’s not my fault he decided to act like a wimpy cuck instead of a proud husband. I mean, it was Marc LaValliere! A literal human Stud if ever there was one. He should have been glowing with pride that a man like that chose you and wanted to show you a good time. After all, it’s like the ultimate compliment.”

“Stop calling him that! And he’s not a wimp! It takes a lot of courage to let your wife go out like that. The things I did… what he let me experience… and he hasn’t given me any grief. Not one little bit of guilt. Jim isn’t a wimp and isn’t a cuck. It was just that one weekend and that was it. I’m never doing anything like that again.”

“Suuuuure. Are you really going to tell me you didn’t get Marc’s number? I’ll bet you’ve been sexting him all week.” Dee snickered.

“Fuck you!” Linda hissed, turning to her friend eyes ablaze, but still whispering so their conversation didn’t travel further than their group. “I didn’t give Marc my number and I didn’t take his. He dropped me off at my house, but I was very clear. And he was too. He doesn’t do repeats. That’s what he said. He was very honest and upfront that he liked having one night stands and yes wives and moms were often his targets. Ugh, that kinda rubbed me the wrong way, thinking of myself as a target. But it was just sex. That’s it. Nothing more.”

“Please. Seriously? You’re saying you haven’t been messaging him at all?” Dee stared at Linda with disbelief.

“NO!” She almost shouted. “Of course not! It was one time. One experience. That’s it. I said that’s what it was and I meant it. Now I’m home and my sole focus is on Jim.”

The group was quiet for a moment.

I should have been happy. Linda defended me and declared that she wasn’t interested in continuing any sort of relationship with Marc. Honestly, it had been on my mind. Was she texting or calling or messaging him in some way? Maybe planning another meeting because clearly I wasn’t cutting it in the bedroom. How could I ever measure up to what she’d experienced that weekend?

My stomach cramped and my head pounded. I pulled out a small bottle of ibuprofen and quickly downed… some… I didn’t count, and washed it down with my drink.

“Okay, but you’ve gotta give us some details.” Jane finally broke the silence.

“What exactly do you wanna know? It was a long weekend, we were snowed in. So there wasn’t much else for us to do but… well you know…”

“Fuck.” Dee giggled.

“Shut it, Dee.” Linda glared. “Yes. We had sex. A lot.”

“How many times?” One of the women asked.

“Um, I didn’t exactly keep track. I mean, it depends on how you classify it. We did this tantric thing the afternoon we were snowed in, and that lasted like almost two hours.”

“Holy crap! Two hours?”

“Shhhh. Something like that, yes.”

“What exactly is… tantric?” One of the women asked timidly, biting her lip curiously.

Linda sighed and smiled. “We were in front of the fireplace. It was huge. And we sat in the lotus position, I was in his lap. He was inside me. We’d rubbed each other in this peppermint oil…”

“How big was he?”

“About nine inches I think. I didn’t have a tape measure.” She chuckled. “And he was as thick as a Redbull can. It felt amazing inside me. Like… Jim isn’t small, but Marc was heavy and thick and just… I don’t know, he invaded. It was like every time he penetrated me he was conquering me.”

I cringed and swallowed another couple ibuprofen. 

“Geez! I wish Luke was like that.”

“Did you use condoms?”

“No. He said he’s snipped anyway so there wasn’t any pregnancy risk. Plus he’s tested like every week for diseases and stuff so…” Linda shrugged as if it weren’t any big deal.

“Okay. So. Lotus. In front of the fire. I’m still not getting it.”

“We moved slow. I was impaled on him. He had a cock ring on to keep him hard and we just… moved slowly. Sweaty. Oily. No kissing. Just touching. His cock flexed inside me. It was intense. I swear I had over a dozen orgasms like that and was drenching his rug. And when he finally came…” Now she was blushing. “I dripped all the way to the shower. Like, big drips. Marc cums a lot.”

The girls were giggling and fanning themselves.

“Okay. That’s all sweet and whatnot. But tell us about the other stuff.” Dee pressed.

“What other stuff?” Linda raised an eyebrow.

“You can’t tell me a man like that is just about gentle transcendent sex.” Dee put a hand on her hip, looking at Linda seriously.

“Well. No. We did other things. Of course we did some of the regular stuff. Doggy. Missionary. Matting press. All that. But he did finger me a couple times till I squirted. We fucked in the shower a couple times. Before he took me home he held me upside down in the shower, eating me while I dangled and sucked him and he put the handle of his back scrubber in my ass.”

Some of the girls gasped.

“Geeze Linda! You sound like you were in a porn movie or something.”

She giggled. “Well it felt like it sometimes. I mean he was a dirty talker too. Loved to talk about my married mom cootchie.”

“He did not call it a cootchie.” Jane groaned.

Linda snorted. “No. He said…cunt.” She whispered it. “But he loved making me watch him enter me. He even filmed some of it. Just for me though. We only used my phone.”

“Have you shown Jim?”

“No! I can’t! At least, not yet. I can tell he’s still raw from this. Showing him something like that, even telling him that I let Marc film me, would make things harder.”

One of the women snort laughed. “Harder.”

“You’re a child.” Linda scolded.

“How many times did he cum?” Dee pressed.

Linda cleared her throat and gripped her solo cup tightly. “I think… nine times all together.”

There was a long silence.

“Were those… all inside?”

“What? No. I… he… only came inside me three times. The others were… elsewhere.”

“Holy shit, Linda did you let him do your ass?” Dee was leaning in, hand on Linda’s shoulder.

My stomach clenched again. I tasted bile and metal in my throat. Of course she had. I already knew she had. Why else would she have given it to me unless Marc had shown her how great it was.

“Shut up, Dee!” Linda hissed again. “Yes. Fine. Marc fucked my ass and came inside it twice. Marc’s pretty big so honestly it wasn’t that great. Jim was much better at it.”

“Because he’s a cuck. Cuck’s are small…HEY!” Dee yelled and stumbled back, completely soaked with tea down the front of her purple, paisley dress.

Linda stood facing her friend, her cup at her side now empty. People started to look their way, whatever little privacy they’d managed was gone. The bubble burst. “You need to learn when to shut your mouth Dee!” Linda growled. “Don’t you dare say that… that thing again or I’ll do more than just get your dress wet.”

Linda turned on her heel, blue floral dress fluttering around her knees and came marching over to me. She smoothed her features when she reached me, giving me a strained smile. “I think it’s time to go.”

I knew she expected me to ask what happened. Instead… I just looked right at her, my eyes feeling slightly unfocused because of the pounding in my temples. “Sure.” I turned to the playground, calling for the kids.

Linda was quiet as the kids began disengaging themselves from whatever silly game they were playing. “Uh… she just… Dee just kinda pissed me off.” She stammered, trying to give me an explanation that I didn’t ask for.

“She does that.” I muttered with a sigh, rubbing my hand along my stomach. It felt tight, raw, painful.

I felt my wife’s eyes on me. When I glanced at her, her features were pale. Did she think I heard her? Heard the bickering birds gossiping? 

I didn’t give her any indication I knew what they were talking about. How they’d been talking about how I was a cuckold. A wimp.

Linda may have defended my honor, but she was the one who’d besmirched it in the first place. Before, I didn’t have to worry. Now… I suppose now the truth was out. Those women never thought much of me. Hell, Linda didn’t think much of me, though I guess she thought just a tiny bit more than the others. Being willing to make a scene and throw a drink on someone told me there was still some passion inside. Though if it was for me or simply for her own pride, I couldn’t tell.

The kids came running over, sweaty and dirty and happy. Together we ushered them away from the lingering eyes and whispers of the church and back to our car.

…

This was my life for the next month. Whispers and eyes. Humiliation hidden behind courteous smiles. I worked hard, came home, played with the kids and then suffered through my wife trying everything she could in the bedroom to make up for what she’d done.

I always rose to the challenge. But I was never satisfied. I was just empty and broken.

My heart had been hollowed out that weekend.

I did whatever I could to keep my spiraling mental collapse to myself. But Linda noticed. Maybe she didn’t fully realize just how damaged I was, but she could see me losing weight. How pale I was. How my eyes were empty.

She would make me my favorite dishes for dinner. Buy me special little treats for dessert. She planned a couple of date nights, trying to make up for the special one we were supposed to have. And when we went to the hotel she was a slut. Complete and utter harlot. She spit on my cock, made it drip with her saliva as she gave me sloppy desperate blow jobs. She swallowed my balls. Licked my asshole. She gave me everything and never held back.

But I knew the only reason she was able to do that, was because another man had unlocked it. Marc had pulled out her inner slut. Maybe she was trying to relive that time. I’d never be able to shake it. The feeling that she wasn’t doing this for me. For us.

She was doing it for herself. To remember and experience her wild weekend over and over.

Did she watch the videos?

She still hadn’t told me about them directly or even offered to let me see them.

After every session, I held back my tears until I was in the shower, so they would wash away and never be seen.

Every few nights I would vomit. And each time it was more and more red.

…

“Dee, can you just shut up about it?” Linda was on the verge of shouting. For nearly a month Dee had been bugging her about seeing the videos and photos that Marc had made. She just wouldn’t let it go.

“Linda, seriously. I helped you out. If it wasn’t for me it wouldn’t have happened at all. So forgive me if maybe I wanna see the fruits of my labor.”

This woman was insufferable. What were they even friends?

Nails digging into her palm, Linda took a slow deep breath. Among all the other shit she’d been having to deal with this month, Dee’s obsession was one that she knew she could actually do something about.

“Fine. If it will shut you up, I’ll send them. But I don’t wanna hear another fucking word about it. Hear me Dee? It’s over. Done. Stop bothering me about it. I’m not gonna let you live vicariously through me. Go and find your own way to fuck up your marriage.” She hung up and wished flip phones or handhelds were still a thing so she could snap or slam rather than just press.

Fingers flying, she found the locked folder she’d put the photos and videos in and quickly sent them (a dozen in all) to Dee and then slammed her phone down on the kitchen counter.

She should have deleted the videos the moment she’d gotten home. As it was, they had just been taking up space on her phone this whole time. She hadn’t looked at any of them even once and honestly hadn’t felt much temptation to do so. Her experience with Marc had been… well it had been one of those once in a lifetime moments. Something you knew you’d enjoy and take with you but never want to do it again. Once was enough.

Sure some people would argue that was impossible when it came to mind blowing sex. But for Linda, it was true. The moment she’d walked away from Marc and back into her home, that weekend was a memory. Nothing more. She thought about it once in a while, but it wasn’t constantly on her mind. Jim was at the top. He was her priority. As well as the kids. She’d had a little ‘her time’ and now it was back to the life she loved.

“Fucking Dee.” She muttered and turned back to the coffee maker and poured herself a cup.

It was early on a Saturday. The kids were with her parents for the weekend. She’d worked it out that they would watch them for a weekend once a month, maybe twice, so she and Jim could have quiet time together. It was one of the small things she had implemented after her dalliance. Jim deserved attention. And she knew what she’d done had caused stress and there was no doubt some lingering mistrust. But Linda was determined to work through it. This would just be a bump in the road.

Jim had already left for his morning run. But usually he was back by now. Though it did seem like the runs were taking longer. At first he’d been running a mile or two over the course of an hour. Now it seemed like that same distance was taking twice as long. He was coming home wheezing and exhausted. A few times after his run he called in to work, unable to drag himself out of bed.

Linda was getting worried.

She was already worried about their marriage, though she was doing her best not to let the truth of the whole matter settle. But now Jim was starting to look sickly. He wasn’t sleeping well and yet at the same time he was sleeping too much. The sound of his breathing was labored. Sometimes he was confused, unable to locate his keys or wallet even though he always put them in the same place for over a decade.

It was clear he kept thinking about what Linda had done. And the guilt she felt was well deserved. Everything she did, all the attempts to put his fears and worries aside, didn’t seem to be working.

No matter how wild in bed she was, and how rough she let Jim get, she could still see the haunted look in his eyes.

Not for the first time, Linda sat at the kitchen table and tried to put herself in Jim’s shoes. How had it felt that night for him to realize that his wife had left with another man? She tried to think through the feelings he must have experienced. The blow it had been.

God, why had she listened to Dee. Why had she let herself get swept up in being chosen by someone that could have bought and sold her entire life with ease. It was just magical. But now that magic spell was a curse and instead of being inflicted upon her, it had latched on to her husband.

Stray tears slid down her cheeks as she made herself dwell in the conjured emotions that she hoped mirrored even a fraction of what Jim had experienced. There was no way she’d ever truly feel what he did.

Her phone buzzed.

With a growl, Linda stood up and marched over, grabbing the damned little piece of metal and glass and opened the text from Dee. Of course it was Dee.

Dee: Are you going to share them or not?

Linda stared at the screen. At the words.

She had shared them. What in the world was Dee talking about?

Going back she checked the files and who she’d shared them with.

Jim.

Oh god.

This was a bad dream. A bad plot device. No. No. This hadn’t happened.

But the evidence was staring her back in the face. Instead of sharing it with Dee, she’d shared the link with Jim. She’d sent Jim the videos and photos of her fucking Marc.

Images flashed before her eyes, there was no need to even look at the real ones. She knew what they were.

Linda lay back with her legs wide exposing her puffy used pussy, Marc’s cock slipping out and cum gushing. Pictures of her in ecstasy as she rode on top or lay beneath him. Video of her crying out as his thick cock filled her ass and his fingers rubbed her clit hard and fast forcing her to squirt. She had performed like one of the raunchiest porn starts she could think of and she’d just sent those videos to her husband.

He wasn’t ready. He hadn’t asked.

In fact Linda was positive that those images were the last thing Jim would ever want to see.

She called him.

It went to voice mail.

She texted.

Nothing.

As unethical as it felt, she quickly opened the Find Your Phone app and tracked him. He never ran the same path so it was impossible to guess where he might be if he was still out running. Maybe she would be lucky and he hadn’t seen anything.

The blue dot showed up less than a block away from the house.

It wasn’t moving and didn’t look like it had moved in more than ten minutes.

Quickly throwing on a coat and shoes, already dressed in a loose shirt and sweatpants, Linda was out the door and running towards the blue dot. It only took her five minutes to find him. A lone stretch of sidewalk that was lined on either side by tall fences.

He was on the ground.

Blood was everywhere. All over his shirt. The gray ashy concrete. There was a heavy smell of bile and stomach acid and copper. His breathing was gurgly and shallow, barely audible.

Linda was screaming as she sprinted to him, falling to her knees next to him and gently lifting his head to rest in her lap. His eyes fluttered but he didn’t open them and barely even moaned. Blood dripped from his lips, slow and steady.

Dear god, the back of his sweats were stained with shit and blood. Dark and rank.

Her hand was shaking, almost unable to press the emergency button.

The seconds it took for the operator to pick up were eternal, and as she held Jim in her lap, she noticed his phone laying next to him in the pool of bile and blood. The screen was smeared with the concoction but the video that was playing was still plainly visible.

“YES! YES! OH FUCK ME! FUCK ME MARC!”

“You like that huh? You married cunt? Hmmm? Your husband stretch you like this?”

“Fuck no! Oh god you’re so deep. He never gets this deep.”

“Say you want my cum inside that milfy pussy. Say it slut. Tell hubby you want my cum in your fucking womb.”

“Ohhhhh fuck me. Jim! Jim, I want his cum! I want Marc’s cum in me! I want him to get me pregnant!”

“That’s fucking right. Take my baby home to your cucky husband slut.” Marc laughed.

Linda screamed in orgasm on the video and it synced with her wailing cry of despair, further mixing with the sounds of far off sirens. The video kept repeating. A hellish torment.

Jim’s breaths were so shallow.

Was he even breathing?

Linda cried. She screamed. The sounds tangling with her cries of pleasure on the video that wouldn’t stop playing even as Jim’s blood soaked into the circuitry.