What's Left Unsaid - Chapter 17 (Patreon)

[Author's Note: This is a short little chapter, but important to the characters and the advancement of their journey. Sorry for the long wait. There will be much more to come soon.]

Chapter 17

How was it that after having had sex so many times with a person—having bared yourself so completely, letting them spit on you, fuck you, ram their cock into your ass—it would be utterly terrifying to approach them and ask them to enter into a sort of hotwife situation.

Ash was organizing the gear behind the front desk, his shirt soaked in sweat. It gave me a decent view of the muscles in his back and when he turned his abs. I was very familiar with his body. It’d been on top of me and inside me plenty of times over the past months. It was a fact that made me both sick and aroused all at the same time. It was a toxic cocktail. Addictive but deadly.

So far we’d been avoiding each other all day. And I couldn’t blame him. I’d fucked his brains out. Scolded him. Kicked him out. I must have seemed like some schizophrenic bitch. He’d be crazy to shrug behavior like that off.

At the very least, I know I needed to apologize. I’d been pretty rude to him and though he was also a guilty party—fucking a married woman—he wasn’t the one committing adultery. I was the willing and wanting party. Ash was just a healthy young man accepting the offer of pussy. Couldn’t blame him there.

Taking a deep breath and pulling at my sweaty shirt, I walked around the counter and approached Ash like one might approach a skittish bear. “Uh… hey Ash.” Ugh, why did I feel like some idiotic school girl.

Ash stiffened for a second and turned, a nervous grin on his face. “Hey, D.” Simple. Calm. No hint that they’d been fuck buddied and she’d become a physcho witch.

No time like the present. I had to get this out. Get it out now and fast before I could think too much and before Ash could slip away. “Listen. I… I’m sorry. About how I treated you. I…”

Ash sighed and scratched at his head, a little sprinkle of sweat falling from his dirty blond locks. “Daisy… it’s okay.” 

Some customers came up to the counter, Carmen quickly greeting them and helping them with their reservations.

“Here… let’s go somewhere more private.” Ash motioned for me to follow and we ducked into the breakroom and closed the door for a little privacy.

Ash sat in one of the old metal folding chairs, leaning back and pinching the bridge of his nose. I sat across from him, leaning forward and folding my arms on the table, watching him and waiting. It was clear he had something to say, I owed it to him to listen. I’d dragged him into this whole mess. I doubt he signed up for marital drama when he got offered to rail me.

“Daisy… are you okay?”

The question surprised me.

“I… um… what?” 

Ash looked at me with genuine concern. “I know I’m mostly a macho meat head. A walking dick with nice hair and some muscles. But I also have a brain and some understanding of emotions and empathy and all that. Is it really a surprise that I’d be worried about you beyond your availability for sex?”

My cheeks flushed. “I… sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Uh… I’m…” How was I? Honestly. My husband knew about my adultery and had ostensibly forgiven me. And, on top of that, extended a hall pass. Go ahead and fuck Ash. Other men. He wouldn’t love me any less. Oh sure it would humiliate and kill him, but I deserved pleasure and he didn’t want to deprive me.

The feeling of Ash’s arms around my shoulder made me realize I was sitting there crying. Big blubbering tears down my cheeks. Snot dripping from my nose. Saliva overflowing and dripping down my lips. “I’m a fuck up.” I gasped, starting to hiccup.

Ash hugged me tighter. Hand gently petting my hair and whispering little things in an attempt to help calm me down. I realized I was clinging to him. Holding onto his arm like I was drowning.

“I’m such a fuck up! I’m such a whore!” I gasped, unable to catch my breath.

“Hey. Hey. No. No you’re not. Stop. Daisy. D. It’s okay. Shhhh.” Ash kept me close, rocking me.

“But…bu…hiccup...I… I cheated. I… fucked around on him. When he needed me most I ran away… fucked the first guy I could… I dragged you into it, used you, ignored him. I cuckolded him! Oh fuck I’m such a worthless slut!”

Ash took me by the shoulders and pushed me away so he could look directly into my eyes. “Daisy Carpenter, you are far from worthless and… though I can’t exactly say what you did… what WE did, wasn’t slutty, you’re not a bad person. You didn’t abandon Conner. You fucked up. Yes. We made a mistake. And I say we because… well, I guess I kinda took advantage of a bad situation just to get my dick wet. And that’s pretty grade A asshole material. So I’ve gotta give myself a talking to as well, but that’s not important right now.”

Crouching down in front of me, Ash took my hands gently. “D, I don’t know everything that’s going on. But clearly there is some serious shit going on with you and Conner. And I’m not a part of your marriage. Doesn’t matter that we’ve fucked plenty. That’s just sex. I’m not looking to get between you and your husband. I’m all about available women, but you’re not…”

“He said it was okay…” I started to explain, though my heart wasn’t really into the explanation.

Ash snorted a laugh. “Yeah. Well. Be that as it may or whatever, I don’t think you and me continuing to bone is a good idea. You and Conner wanna explore an open marriage, that’s fine. I’m not gonna judge. But… beyond being your friend and someone you can talk to, I’m out.” He patted her hands gently.

I couldn’t help but start to laugh, it was somewhere between a cackle and a cry. “So…no more big dick?”

He shook his head, giving me a sweet but playful look. “Nope. Not for you. Not from me.”

I wiped my cheeks and nose on the back of my arm. “Okay… guess I’ll have…have to find a way to cope.”

Ash chuckled and stood up, pulling me with him and enveloping me into a sweaty hug. “Daisy. I’m serious. I’ll listen. I’m your friend. I think we can do that considering everything else we’ve already done.”

I nodded into his chest and just stood there, letting him hold me as my emotions finally started to drain. I’d been tense all morning. Texting Conner every hour. Worried that he’d snap and decide to just leave. To vanish. Leave me because in a way I’d left him, at least for a little while. And I was still worried. Worried I’d get home and he wouldn’t be there, or worse…

Oh god. I don’t want my mind to even go there.

Conner was okay. We’d be okay. We’d figure this out. And I didn’t need to fuck Ash to do it.