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We've got a brand-new Onion Nuggetz tonight at 5pm EDT! Remember to keep news stories fairly recent and videos not too long or super copyrighted.

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Sammy

Benjamin Netanyahu is coming to speak at congress on July 28

Keller

He’s fucking coming on the 28th my fucking birthday? So gross ew ew that pos needs to shot out of the sky

Sammy

Actually, meant the 24th. Looks like your birthday will be saved yet

Keller

Isreal and Lebanon growing escalations. A lot of people in the US don’t know Lebanon and US have a protection agreement