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New PowerPuff Boyz Merch is Here… and You Could Win It! (Patreon)

Published:
2025-08-12 17:00:14
Imported:
2026-06

Content

The city of PessimistVille… and in it… our heroes unleash their most powerful weapon yet… BRAND NEW MERCH!And right now, all merch is 20% OFF!

NEW MERCH HAS LANDED at pessimist.co

Citizens of PessimistVille… brace yourselves! A wave of fresh, chaos-infused gear has crashed into our store — and it’s louder, bolder, and weirder than ever.

But here’s the kicker… We’re giving away FREE MERCH to our favorite comments! Drop your funniest, most off-the-wall, or most heroic comment below. Make us laugh. Make us gasp. Make us say, “Yeah… this person deserves the goods.”

Winners will be handpicked and sent fresh gear straight from our lair to yours.

Comment now, citizens — the fate of PessimistVille (and your wardrobe) depends on it!

Files

Comments

Dani 🕷️

Cutest shit I’ve ever seen

Abby Danger

That's fucking cool. I'll look even more gay wearing it.

Wesley Chrobak

Some part of the woods needed sweeping perhaps and he merely indicated a broom in a tone properly indifferent to its fate

DJ

Please Cum Dumpster(TM) my poot piper master Big Bird

Sammy

My mom just died. Give me a shirt please. No jokes here >:0

ColbyTheVikingWarlord

My official head cannon is that Brett is MoJo JoJo. The way that the three of you just absolutely eviscerate everything he has ever done, and the way he keeps trying to come back and recover. It just fits so well. I also love the complete lack of awareness angle too. "I swear that today is the day that I will develop a plan so diabolical and evil, that I will crush the Powerpuff Boyz! But first... I must attend to the dishes that I have soiled with the Mac & Cheese that I have eaten. Doooorrn!!!!"

David Lakey

Give me a shirt, or my butt gonna squirt.

Former Person Living Under A Bridge

Hello, it is I! The person formerly living under a bridge and surviving on rats. I gave you the last $5 in my bank account via YouTube superchat at one of the lowest points in my life because I believe in what Dff and Onion Nuggets represent for society and the universe. Through a series of unlikely but fortunate circumstances, I've since inherited 8 billion dollars from a distant cousin twice removed. The only way I can share a fraction of this wealth with Pessimist Productions is to receive one of these shirts as a thank you for me giving you everything at my lowest. I hope you understand what my offer could mean for your company and the world. Thank you, and have a great day.

Poeacidic

Undeniably cool. But TJ doesn't look a lot like TJ.

MeloDeathBrony

As TJ would say, Jesus titty fucking Christ, this shirt is awesome!!!

Traven Schuur

You mf can I really not just BUY THIS!!!!!! "The universe is cruel. The most perfect T-shirt — the T-shirt, the one that could complete my soul — exists... and it’s not for sale. Not limited edition. Not sold out. Just never meant for me. If there’s a God, this is proof He’s clocked out. Or maybe Tj is just a sick bastard who creates art only to dangle it above us like a twisted fashion sadist. Either way, I’m in hell."

spaceSuicide

It's not crunchberry colored but I'll take it!

Kenith Fox

Damn, this has to be the gayest fucking shirt yet. I love this shit... I mean shirt.

Traven Schuur

"I take it all back. God is real. The universe is healing. Tj, you beautiful chaotic genius, I misjudged you — you weren’t teasing me, you were testing me. And I passed. The holy grail of T-shirts is not only real, it's AVAILABLE. And it’s only $30?? This is redemption. This is divine intervention. This is my villain origin story turning into a redemption arc. Praise be."

Traven Schuur

"Forget divine signs — this is the real miracle. King Scorpion and the ONE AND ONLY Paul's Ego didn’t just make a shirt. They crafted a cultural reset. A wearable blessing. I thought I was spiraling into existential despair, but no — turns out the gods I was looking for were two creative geniuses with flawless taste and the audacity to make something this iconic and only charge $30. Y’all didn’t have to go that hard. But you DID. And we are not worthy."

Aaron

Free shit? Here take my money

WillTheProdigy

Whose chest this is I think I know, Her smile says, “Eyes up here, you go.” She will not mind me pausing here, To marvel at her globes of dough. My little mind must think it queer, To linger when the night is near, Between the cleavage and the snow: A cozy, well-lit hemisphere. She gives her curves a gentle shake, As if to say, “For goodness’ sake, There’s more to me than these, you know…” Yet art like this is hard to fake. Those tits are lovely, round and sweet, All nestled warm in sweater meat, My hand grips round my cock to beat, My hand grips round my cock to beat.

Lance

Ok now this is just adorable!

Blade

I can't wait to wipe my ass with all this dope new merch

Axersia

Wen TJ does Dark Souls?

Krista Vaillancourt

As Bubbles would say, "I'll prove that I can be... Hardcore!" 🔪Give me the goods.

peakdelver

Don't tell me what to do bitch

BruceyDaPug

by this we can finally Say that Paul is the head of Deep Fat Fried?

Aleksandr

I dunno what's gayer, the way yall look on the shirt, or me wearing it the next time I blow a dude behind an Applebee's.

Ashley Mcgimpsey

I would run the gauntlet of eating out Trump’s nunt, sucking Ron’s pudding fingers, getting motorboated by Pelosi’s big mommy milkers, licking Brett Keane’s mattress, getting baby birded Boogie’s mayo, and taking a fat Chris Christie fart — all for the privilege of wearing that shirt. SENOR TOMAT WILLING!

Bryant Field

The greatest joke of all time was TJs rebrand. Also that shirt is gayer than Scotty’s pinky

princessaur

My favorite superheroes! Ball, Bratty, and BJ!

Miles Mobley

DFF is the most vindicated podcast of all time.

Elmer Powers

I just wanted to say, Scotty killin' it with this damn merch boy. Buy you some pessimist.co merch. Bitch! Do it, do it now.

Elmer Powers

Yeah, Applebee's is pretty gay bro.

Danielle Legaspi

Behold, the holy trinity of mortal excellence! TJ, the architect of chaos. Paul, the iron-willed conqueror of challenges yet unimagined. Scotty is the living embodiment of victory itself, a man whose every step leaves trails of legend and whose grin has been known to inspire both poets and warriors to rise beyond their mortal limits. When these three stride together, the earth dares not tremble. Rather, it bows in reverence.

Alec Owen

Sugar, spice, and everything nice These were the ingredients chosen To create the perfect little Boyz But Professo Zego accidentally Added an extra ingredient to the concoction-- Chemical Salt!

Juggalo_V

Fuzzy Lumpkins + Brett Keane = Buzzy Lumpkeanes

Realizing Dr. Herbert West is a twink

Spaghetti Oaf vs. Matt Walsh in an arm wrestling contest: Spaghetti Oaf doesn't move, not winning or losing despite Walsh's determined efforts, straining with veins pressing out of his neck. Spaghetti Oaf seems disinterested and stares off into space until he catches the faint scent of Spaghetti-Os wafting from behind Matt Walsh, a little child enjoying the canned pasta as the spectacle unfolds. Over the course of about four and a half seconds, Spaghetti Oaf slams Matt Walsh's arm into the table, shattering every bone from his phalanges to his clavicle, dashes to the child in the stands, and snatches the can of Spaghetti-Os, quickly devouring its contents. As quickly as the event happened, it brutally concluded, and Spaghetti Oaf is as placid as he appeared to be at the start of the competition.

Matthew Yoppini

Deep Fat Fried Best Show I jerk my meat to it slow Paul crash out I blow

T-Rx (DUBIUS)

My twink ass will take a medium in crunchberry. Thanks! See you at the meet-up!

emily nicole

Listen… if the PowerPuff Boyz can save Townsville armed with sarcasm, conspiracy theories, and Scotty’s eternal rage at fast food order mistakes, then surely they can save my wardrobe. I need this shirt like TJ needs a Wikipedia article to derail into oblivion, like Paul needs a new excuse to hate Gen Z, and like Scotty needs to yell about Mountain Dew. Give me this shirt, and I’ll fight crime, optimism, and maybe even my crippling addiction to cocaine and Xanax lasagna. PessimistVille depends on it. If not, you shall all be Dew dipped.

Eric

Paul's beard looks so loadable in all colors.

Hatemile

My birthday was today, but I wanna give the world a gift, that being the nightmarish sight of a 30 year old man in nothing but a pink power puff shirt. Long time fan and patron, you guys rule.

Justin Davis

Shows really gone downhill ever since Paul dew-dipped himself during the Brain-Rot show!

oortcloudview

This is a harbinger of a shirt featuring Paul ogling Hillary Clinton cosplaying as the Cow and Chicken Devil.

Thomas poland

I don't think I'm cringe enough to wear something like this. Sorry guys

Glaring Through Oblivion

It’s an easy concept to understand TJ. Your teeth look better on the inside of your mouth. So careful before Scotty knocks them out.

Hoser

I’ll wear it… and nothing else!

Harperlarp

Can’t wait to dew-dip that shirt while grovelling at the feet of Economos while licking the smooth taint of Señor Tomat while silently acknowledging Stevie stood in the background nodding approvingly at my actions while keeping an eye out for Andy Dick while watching that one Steven Segal film where he’s sat down the whole fucking time while asking Paul what he’s watching while telling Scotty I’m wrong while joining TJ in the fray. What a wild afternoon that’ll be.

Jessica Harris

Scotty lied, Tj died. Scotty cried, Tj flew high. Scotty hides. Paul took over Deep Fat Fried.

Mars Hall

I wish Jim Ass was on this show instead of Scotty.

Dark Spaghetti Oaf

Your world is an ass tray It shits and smells like TJ's breath The more you wipe the more you look at mud The nature of the 1 ply The skin is feeling cheated It only takes an hour of your life I think that it's infected there is no exit here I take a look and and its true There is a hole inside the col* But most of it, is in the bowl You'll understand when I pass I went to God just to spray And I was looking at me Saw heaven in my high When im gone everyone wipes shart! Can you smell my flower? Flush, please and the world gets better. Shit, shit, Can you smell my flower? 2 flush and the world gets better Lets squat upon the shitter, squeeze away The hurt Without the threat of shart there's no Reason to flush at all I think that it's infected there is no exit here I take a look and and its true! There is a hole inside the col* But most of it, is the bowl You'll understand when I pass I went to God just to spray And I was looking at me Saw heaven in my high When im gone everyone wipes Shart! Can you smell my flower? Flush, please and the world gets better. Shit, shit, Can you smell my flower? 2 flush and the world gets better Shart! Shart! Can you smell my flower? Flush, please and the world gets better. Shit, shit, shit, Motherfucker Shit, shit, shit, Motherfucker Each time you smell is a piece of Paul's death No Scautism, no forgiveness No Scautism, no forgiveness No Scautism, no forgiveness No Scautism, no forgiveness No Scautism, no forgiveness No Scautism, no forgiveness No Scautism, no forgivenes No Scautism, no forgiveness (this is beyond Ex-Lax experience) No Scautism, no forgivenes No Scautism, no forgiveness (Ferbreeze) No Scautism (Ferbreeze) no forgiveness (Ferbreeze) No Scautism, no forgiveness (Ferbreeze) No Scautism (Ferbreeze) no forgiveness (Ferbreeze) No Scautism (Ferbreaze) no forgiveness I went to God just to spray And I was looking at me Saw heaven in my high When im gone everyone wipes shart! Can you smell my flower? Flush, please and the world gets better. Shit, shit, Can you smell my flower? 2 flush and the world gets better Shart! Shart! Can you smell my flower? Flush, please and the world gets better. Shart! Shart! Can you smell my flower? 1 flush and the world gets better Shit, shit, shit, Motherfucker Shit, shit, shit, Motherfucker Shit, shit, shit, Motherfucker Shit, shit, shit, Motherfucker Yeah Yeah Yeah

Adam

There once was a man named Paul, who's body was round as a ball. One day he slipped and down the hill he tripped, rolling towards an uncertain fall.

Elmer Powers

Verily, I do say gentlemen! ☝️ Tee Gay is as dumb as he is stupid.

Elmer Powers

"One day, one slip, downhill he tripped, rolled long to an uncertain fall. " 🤷‍♂️eh, eh?

Adam

Pretty good. I just wanted to work the Pual, ball, fall, rhyme scheme in.

DFFPodcast

I can safely say you won't be winning. Thanks for playing!

Juke

I’m not funny but have pushed your show to numerous people and the shirt will further my agenda. Despite the risks to my career I have played your show on full volume around enough coworkers to where even my supervisor might be able to guess Paul’s Velma rating.

Matthew Sierra

This shirt can also be rolled up and used TJ banana style if you try hard enough

Vincent Hussey

Sugar, spice, and everything nice These were the ingredients chosen To create the perfect podcasters But Señor Tomat accidentally Added an extra ingredient to the concoction-- SALT Thus, The Powerpuff Boyz were born Using their combined stoner senses Plossom, Tjubbles, and Scottercup Have dedicated their lives to smoking weed and entertaining plebs!

jacob g

Too late?

LordTreeGnome

Free merch? Nothing is free in this world, so here is my offer. You supply me with one (1) shirt as displayed above or of similar style and in return I'll give you guys an idea for another shirt design. The 90s anime esthetic is quite nostalgic so cash in. Put Paul in Sailor Moon's outfit, make TJ Jet from Cowboy bebop, turn Scotty into Hamtaro. Isn't one (1) shirt worth an investable idea that possibly nets a bigger return? May Economos bless your markets.

Zoe

***THIS STORY UNFOLDS IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE WHERE PAUL NEVER GOT HIS TITS CHOPPED OFF*** AngryCartoonCharacterKirk cleared his throat and rubbed at his temples. He’d made it through five long hours of podcasting, and his energy was starting to run low along with his patience. It’d been a solid show, but any time spent with his brother, StankKirk, tended to raise AngryCartoonCharacter’s cortisol levels beyond a manageable level. Scam time. AngryCartoonCharacter pasted a smile on his face, willing it to reach his eyes. “Aaaand go get that merch, folks! Get that fuckin’ sweet beautiful merch before it’s GONE, GONE, GONE!!!” AngryCartoonCharacter said, trying to will his voice to take on a cheery and enthusiastic timbre despite his exhaustion. “You guys really don’t wanna miss this shit,” stated Paul. “I’m gettin’ me that fuckin’ crunchberry hoodie. I don’t give a shit if I can’t fit in a 3X.” Paul’s statement made hysterical laughter bubble up in AngryCartoonCharacter’s chest, but he swallowed it back. Now wasn’t the time to chastise his obese friend; after all, successful merch sales depended on their amiable collaboration. AngryCartoonCharacter stopped himself short of making a retort about Paul’s loss of mobility; it would do no good to point out that Paul, once an average InfiniFat, nowadays resorted to rolling himself from room to room. This was only made possible by the spherical nature of the man’s mass and the round fullness of his teets. “Aaaand me and Stank are gonna sign it! Then, we’re gonna ship it to Paul and HE is gonna sign it!” AngryCartoonCharacter sang in his best ‘car salesman’ voice. “I ain’t signin’ SHIT,” bit out Stank. AngryCartoonCharacter’s vision narrowed. He felt his pulse kick up a few beats, and venom rushed to his mouth. His muscles bunched as he felt his body coil to spring. The veins in his neck popped out as he felt his fangs elongating, stretching past the flesh of his lips in razor-sharp spikes. His claws erupted from his knuckles, but the brief nip of pain did little to distract AngryCartoonCharacter’s mind now. AngryCartoonCharacter zeroed in on his brother, feeling his restraint drain out of him. This disgusting fuck wasn’t worth one more second of self-control. Stank glowered at AngryCartoonCharacter, balling his fists and raising a bald brow bone in challenge. AngryCartoonCharacter took flight. Instinct took over as he leapt at his brother, claws raking over the elder’s delicate flesh as smoothly as if his body were made of butter. AngryCartoonCharacter plunged his fangs into Stank’s neck. Agony. What would normally taste ecstatic burned AngryCartoonCharacter’s tongue like a shot of Everclear. But AngryCartoonCharacter was long past caring, his animal drive urging him only to rip, tear, to cause pain. Typically, feeding was a pleasant and sensual experience for AngryCartoonCharacter. He tended to prefer to feed from young, healthy donors: beautiful women tended to taste the best, but any collegiate athlete would do in a pinch. He felt none of that pleasure now. Stank’s odors bloomed like an oily cloud around the brothers, and the air soon tasted of hot garbage and sweaty perineum. Suddenly, revulsion rocked AngryCartoonCharacter to his core. He spun, thrusting his repulsive brother away from him in disgust. Stank crumpled to the floor, whimpering pathetically. His neck was a bloody mess of mangled meat, blood inundating the studio floor in thick, lipemic streams. AngryCartoonCharacter instantly remembered himself. He whipped towards the screen, dread pooling in his core. The audience could not know his true form; he’d been so diligent, so careful for so many years. Exposure wouldn’t spell doom for AngryCartoonCharacter, as he was an immortal being who did not fear the bald primates he surrounded himself with. It would, however, be mad inconvenient. To AngryCartoonCharacter’s relief, Paul had cut the stream when the feeding had started. His secret was safe, thanks to the fattest member of the team. AngryCartoonCharacter felt a stab of guilt over his taunting thoughts towards Paul earlier in the stream. Paul had, after all, proved his loyalty today. AngryCartoonCharacter made a pact with himself to be mentally kinder to the large man.

N Nicole

Ẓ̌ẓ̌źẓ̌žż. Yujiro spreads the beard oil along Scotty's face. Light slobber ensures Scotty's neck is perfectly moisturizied along with his earlobes. The hairy blonde brows need nothing except a combing.

N Nicole

Why do you want a shirt? I am doubtful because your priorities would not be on a shirt.

Sammy

Move along, Nicole

Harperlarp

TJ said the merch stuff was confusing but honestly this is as simple as simple comes, just like TJ am I right, Scotty? I personally feel as though Scotty should repeatedly touch TJ’s collarbone as punishment for daring to besmirch Scotty’s hard work. What a cunt 🤣

Kula

Neat shirt, but why are TJ and Scotty teamed up with Kid Rock?