Music, actually music. (Patreon)

Hi! I finally have internet again. Phew. 

I know it's been a lot of new things for all of us to get used to in 2020 and for you who have been able to and chosen to continue to support me, to stick with me through a challenging and somewhat uncertain time, I am more grateful than I can express. I have such a longing to give back, and hopefully I can do so in the way I know best to. 

If you've been with me for a longer time you might know that music is incredibly special to me, but somehow became a burden. I in full honesty hate the business side of freelancing. It absolutely kills the joy for me in creating and when I start worrying about money, the light of passion goes out for me. 

Music used to be a way for me to connect to myself and others. To express things I couldn't in words and to feel emotions that was otherwise too hard to be alone with. 

I somewhere along the way picked up an idea that it had to be perfect. It had to be commercialized and loved by everyone. Which, big surprise, is impossible. So naturally it felt impossible to be with music. When I made a mistake I beat myself up for days, weeks. If I dared to sing live in Twitch Sings and people seemed neutral about my singing or I screwed up, I wouldn't sing for many many days. Not even alone in the shower.

Uploading Through The Valley was a compromise. I could sing by myself and then I tried to create a video from something that was created in the past. It doesn't quite sit right with me now. But I thought that'd be what I needed to get back into music.

Now here's what's interesting. Uploading those Sims videos, that's what planted the necessary seed. I love it, I absolutely whole-heartedly love making and sharing those videos and it reminded me of how much I love the entire process of creating and uploading on Youtube, for fun not for rent. When it's pressure free and when the focus is on what matters to me.

So here I am! With an intention to create like I used to. Without the pursuit for perfection, security or pleasing someone else. But to share a type of connection I've only ever been able to find through music.

Hope you enjoy a little teaser of what to come next week <3~ Joy