Weekly report - 1 (Patreon)

I've been fairly bad at keeping up with things lately, so i decided to try something new. I'm gonna share whatever i did every week whether i think it's worth sharing or not. Let's see if it works out <: 

Misc news

• I'm thinking about merging the $1 and $5 tiers into the $3 tier just to simplify things, and adding a higher price tier for physical goods(stickers, prints, letters, originals, etc, snacks if i can get away with it) later when i have space and the world is less crazy about shipping. Would that be good? 
• After i update my art packs for gumroad and do some fiddling, i will start sending free codes to patrons who have met the price of it in their lifetime pledges <: Why? Because pretty much all that stuff is already on here and it's just an extra step of hassle searching. 
• I'm currently back in hungary to deal with having inherited an unwanted house on the opposite end of the country i just moved out of, so that's fun c,: not panic or anxiety inducing at all

Rant things 

I'm going to start off saying two things:
1: Most of these weekly things will not be this long and ranty, but since this is the first one there some extra words.
2: I'm not sharing any of this as a cry for help or fishing for pity, but because maybe it will help someone else feel that they are not alone feeling similar things <: 

Tl;dr: Vel thinks her art is bad and isn't worth looking at despite people literally paying for it. Vel realizes this is not very smart. Scroll to first pic to skip rant.

I have been thinking a fair bit and if nobody else, i owe you guys to rant and rave about whatever is on my mind. And what's on my mind is...  that at some point i've lost the joy in sharing my work with people, i don't know when, or why it happened but my dumb anxiety brain has convinced me that i should only share finished art. (Well, i do have a suspicion that i've developed this while waiting for final approval on commissions but that's not even the real point.) Which is by itself not a bad thing, but you see since i'm smart with 200 IQ it's also figured out that if i abandon the art at 98% done, i never have to share it.... >:)

Now that presents a bigger problem when your living is art, and one i hope to not fall into anymore. Unfortunately giving into the anxiety just leads into more anxiety and it's all just downhill from there. And so here i am, writing down my random thoughts and bad WIPs :)

Something that has been the hallmark of my journey in art has been that deep down i felt unworthy and guilty because i have no life changing meaning to my art, no deep  message, not even the deep, driven pure passion for art, nothing that all big cool artists seem to have. I've been both jealous and angry at how pretentious and hollow some of the big words rang to me. Back when i started out, this was not a problem, i was happy just to create cool pictures without much meaning behind them, but over time i've become more and more easily irritated and angry at these 'pretentious' artists. It started making me sad and disappointed and i didn't really stop to think about why. I'm a little embarassed to admit it myself that i took this long to realize it was because i myself lost the joy to create and share simply cool pictures.

I had been doing art long enough by then that i started taking it for granted, that i was not good enough, worthy enough to share despite preaching the opposite to anyone else who had asked or i saw struggling. Because double standards excusing everyone else but yourself are fun, aren't they?

Am i trying to make a point by saying all this? I don't know, and that's ok. But now that i said it i can stop lingering on it like a terrible, regretful ghost and sabotaging myself for no known reason. :) 

Art things

I've been chugging along for Xenorosoth's commission, and it's almost done. I will try to get a timelapse of this, but i may have lost some of the process to picarto's wonderful recording system. Their dragon is a healer and an alchemist, and also a bit of a vegan outcast. He was also in need of some love as he didn't have a proper ref. I tried my best to capture either the lonely work or the job of a healer. It must be tough to spare compassion for those who disdain you, right?

 Casting lay on hands is very effective. 

I've also been working on winter wyvern, because she won the poll! I plan to make a few alts, with hands, just nude and maybe eggs? Maybe bondage? We'll see what looks better, maybe both! I picked a background from the dire side of the dota map, and you guys will also get just the bg by itself this time without the porn because i kinda like it.

I was also haunted by a bit of animation that was stuck in my head all month, so on a day where painting wasn't quite working, i took a few hours to get it out of my system and let Ashen have some fun with generic werewolf # 26. It's still missing 2 frames and the loop needs cleanup, but otherwise quite happy with it <: 

In less recent news, i also had a crack at 3D to see if i can craft some references and make my own work easier, though i'm nowhere near efficent or fast enough yet to actually have it be helpful haha

Maybe one day i'll give it another crack :)