Kina Diaries: Balance (Patreon)

Balance is a tricky thing, isn't it? It's been on my mind a lot lately. Between writing songs, learning covers, shooting videos, connecting on social media, keeping on top of emails, planning shows, exercising, maintaining friendships, being a good sister/daugher/wife, fueling my body, taking care of my mind, making sure i'm working on myself, keeping my living space at a respectable level of un-explodedness (which is hard for me), getting outside, feeling grateful, etc, I often step back and find myself severly lacking in some of these areas. I suppose it's good to feel the push and pull of different aspects of my life shouting for attention (otherwise I might wake up in 10 years having absolutely killed it on the social media front, reveling in human connectedness and interaction, living out my days on livestreams, only to find that I'd forgotten during that time that the reason this all started was music) but sometimes it gets a little overwhelming when I try to imagine how it all possible fits in, how it all possibly gets done. 

Right now I'm on the other end of that make believe scenario. I'm feeling completely inspired, writing lots of songs, feeling like I have so many more to write, compiling lists and lists of songs I suddenly feel compelled to cover, making grand plans to record all of these RIGHT NOW (though no, I haven't started), dreaming of touring again, entertaining an idea for a podcast, wanting to push myself to take some more hip hop classes again (but why is it so scary)... meanwhile I feel like I've gone a bit quiet on the internet front again, I haven't been connecting as much to the humans in my real life either, I've got some work on myself that needs tending to, and my bedroom floor is still covered in all the clothes and left over merch I brought on my trip last week. So on the one hand, I am so excited and  feeling full of potential and growth, and on the other hand, I'm like "Oh, shoot." 

I'm trying to remind myself everything fluctuates. That I should grab hold of this creative burst while it lasts and ride it out. That he internet isn't going anywhere (I hope?!). But I feel it's pull on a daily basis, like a little negleted child in the corner of the room occasionally crying out, "Hey! I'm starving! Help!" And then there are the quiet, patient taps on the shoulder from the real people in my life, and the piles of stuff accumulating on my floors, and my unaddressed social anxiety (a post for another time), and those, I know, I direly need to find the space and time for. 

There's a quote I've been reminding myself of lately that I really love, and it goes like this:

"Nature  never hurries, yet all is accomplished."

Being someone who is incredibly inspired by and in love with all things nature, this really resonated with me. When I'm feeling this urgency to do every single thing at every little moment, this helps. I picture a tree, steadily growing taller and stronger year after year for hundreds of years. It takes the sunlight it is given, soaks up the water available, feeds its leaves, mends its injuries, and just carries on. No rushing. No race to the finish line. No comparing itself to other trees, or feeling like it should be something its not. No being hard on itself when there isn't any rain. Not resisting when it is time to let go of everything it's worked for once a year when autumn comes around. I'd like to live more at this pace. To do what I can, when I can, with the resources, opportunities, and time presented to me, and to be content with that. And then, to wake up the next day, and the one after that, and the one after that, and do it all again.

Not sure if I'm still talking about balance or if this turned into an ode to trees, but it is what it is, I suppose.

All in all, I'm feeling inspired. Not sure if I'll be getting to more covers first or finally recording some of these new originals, but I am really excited about all of it, and I am so honored and grateful I have people like you to share it all with. 

Thanks <3

Kina