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21 sketched pages! about a third of the script in one go! 

massive spoilers ofcourse! and a horrible place to make a cliffhanger XD but this is enough sketches til the next sketch session in 2 months. took me a little longer than expected, turns out I can only do 3 of these pages in a day!

but holy heck this is going great! >:D this comic is so horny I love it! I was a bit worried about the pacing, since they are doing the same thing the whole time. but I think because the end of these sketches leads into the endgame (probably another 20 pages), that this works just right!

I hope you enjoy! and I will try and complete the first of these pages by tuesday

if you want to help me find writing errors, this is the time! any typos you can find, mark down the page and the typo in the comments (for ref of my style: combined words are on purpose like "ohmygod". capital letters only on names and "I". commas only when the line is seperated in the same wordbubble. no dots ). if something else bothers you about my writing, like saying the same stuff too much, let me know too! because I am rather blind to it.I will revise the pages one last time when it gets to coloring. 

you can find the all the sketches of this comic over here: Drive Link 

Files

Comments

Draco D

Dammit, this comic is TERRIBLY GOOD. I definitly spend my money on the good artist AAAAAAAA I’M SO HYPEEEED

CH23

Unfff so good. I love how excited Rose gets...

Jellyfang

My oh my this is spicy *fans self*

Morgy

this is gonna be one of your best i can already tell ^_^

Dawnyan

wow!! Rose truly is a little horndog huh ;3 also, bit of a minor typo but on page 29 (7/22 here): "are you sure you don't also sport?" should probably be "are you sure you don't do sport?" or "are you sure you don't also do sport?" thanks for posting this!! <3

Longreach Jones

Holy moly, any spicier and I’m gonna need me to get some sour cream to cool me down… Or maybe not. I’ll be in my bunk…

Diego P

Rose is losing her mind I love it! Martin is such a cute

Sharyusu

I was late to class because of this

Xfiles

It's going to be a fantastic story with what has been shown so far :-D! Looking forward to seeing the fully drawn pages. I do have a few suggestions for some dialogue in the sketch pages. Do with them as you please ^__^ Page 24 - panel 1 "Huh this is surprisingly well made, Sophie!". To me this reads as: "Huh this is surprisingly well made.... Sophie!", it might work better as the following? "Huh, this is surprisingly well made Sophie!", this to me reads as "Huh... this is surprisingly well made Sophie!". It just feels a bit more natural to have a pause after the "huh" then before her name. While typing this, my browser is suggesting "well-made" instead of "well made", but I'm not sure which would be better. Page 25 - panel 2 "Rose all tied up, we have fun with her etc etc". A possible alternative to this would be: "Rose all tied up, we have fun with her, etc, etc". It might read a bit more natural, but I'm 50/50 split on this, so take it as you will. Page 28 - panel 5 "Apologies, Sophie if thats a bit much". The comma before the name read a bit weird to me again, so possibly: "Apologies Sophie, if thats a bit much"? Potentially also "Apologies Sophie, if thats a bit too much"? My browser is also suggesting "that's" instead of "thats". Page 31 - 3rd row right side "We settled on just a few". This might be a bit more natural: "We settled on using just a few"? Page 36 - panel 5 "oh god I can't keep up". Maybe adding a comma there makes it sound more natural: "Oh god, I can't keep up"? Though I'm also not 100% sure what Rose means with "I can't keep up". It feels like there might be better wording for it, but I'm not sure. To prevent creating a massive wall of text I'll finish this message and create a new one to continue.

Xfiles

Page 37 - panel 2 "Y-you can all watch...". This might sound a bit more natural: "Y-you can all look...". I'm 50/50 split on this one, because it basically comes down to the meaning of watch vs look and I guess they both can work equally here? Page 38 - panel 2 is the ohno from Rose covering up some dialogue that we don't get to hear? Because it kind of feels like there is something missing. Otherwise maybe try this: "If you all don't mind Rose's little secret hidden in her swimsuit you can stay"? The next few all revolve around the use of "I'd" and alternatives. I think it's just a personal issue with the word I'd, because it kind of trips me up when reading, but to be safe, here are the suggestions. Page 43 - panel 4 "I'd show that here too if you want!". Alternative 1: "I would show that here too if you want!". Alternative 2: "I'd show you that here too if you want!". Page 43 - panel 4 "I... I'd do it!". Alternative: "I... I would do it!". Page 43 - panel 5 "Hah... I'd show it spread!". Alternative 1: "Hah... I would show it spread!". Alternative 2: "Hah... I'd spread it open"? Page 43 - panel 8 "I'd grab it right now!". Alternative: "I would grab it right now!". Page 44 - panel 1 "G-god I'd do it all if they would want". Alternative: "I would do it all if they would want". That was everything I found. I tried to be nitpicky, but not overly nitpicky. As mentioned before, do with this as you will. Keep up the great work and looking forward to the fully finished pages :-D!

Richard Adam

God it’s soooo good! I can tell that break did wonders for you. I feel like Rose, this gets me going so much. Keep it up!

Xfiles

I seem to have missed copying this from the little document I had made. Page 29 - panel 4. "Are you sure you don't also sport?". This kind of feels like a bit too much of a literal translation from Dutch to English, but I'm not entirely sure. Here are some possible alternatives: Alternative 1: "Are you sure you don't exercise?" Alternative 2: "Are you sure you don't work out?"

Drew Perry

Just rose continuing to be the cutest when flustered. 👌

RedFlames

Looks like these have been proof-read pretty thoroughly already but one thing I spotted that wasn't mentioned yet: Page 38 - panel 3 "There are off to bed", gotta be "They are" or "They're"? Also weww this is such a deliciously long slow-burn of second-hand emotions, very good x3

TPRJones

This is extremely enthralling. I didn't notice how intently I was reading it until it suddenly stopped like running into a wall. Wow.

spidercat

I can't believe Brad is missing out on all this lmao

Izzy

Adam out here being a sex-positive gigachad