I, Kibutsuji Muzan, Does Not Want To Die (Patreon)

Chapter 10: Uta

Uta was a very talkative woman.

She constantly smiled brightly and spoke of trivial matters, like how many caterpillars were in the field today or how there seemed to be fewer tadpoles this year.

In contrast, Yoriichi was a quiet man—or so I thought—yet he listened to her stories with a gentle expression, nodded warmly in agreement, and occasionally added a few words.

"If it’s tadpoles you’re after, there were plenty in a nearby pond.

They’ve probably just moved their breeding grounds."

"Oh, is that so! That’s good to hear."

The two spoke softly, leaning close to one another, exuding an air of contentment.

The tranquil atmosphere made it feel as if time flowed more slowly in their little house.

Slurp...

I sipped the last of the plain rice porridge they had served me. It barely had any seasoning, just the faintest hint of salt.

—How strange.

It was nothing remarkable, no, more like simple fare—humble enough to call it plain sustenance.

For me, as a demon, it wasn’t even something that could satisfy my hunger.

"—Thank you for the meal. It was delicious."

Yet, as I ate, I felt a peculiar warmth in my chest.

The atmosphere of the house and the presence of these two…

For the first time in ages, I felt genuinely at peace.

Uta took my empty bowl, smiling happily.

Yoriichi, sitting beside her, narrowed his eyes kindly as he gazed at me.

Feeling a bit self-conscious under their warm gaze, I averted my eyes.

They only deepened their smiles in response.

Before I knew it, I, too, was smiling at this harmonious couple.

. . . . . . . . . .

After Uta had fallen asleep, I left the house.

The house was small, and with the three of us lying side by side, there was hardly any room to move.

Yoriichi was well-built, and I wasn’t exactly small either.

"I’ll sleep in Yoriichi’s arms, so Muzan-dono, feel free to rest wherever you like," Uta had said as she burrowed herself into Yoriichi’s chest.

Still, I couldn’t help but feel like I was intruding.

Carefully, so as not to disturb them, I got up and stepped outside.

The outdoors were bathed in faint moonlight, and the tranquil fields and scattered small houses seemed to glow with a mystical beauty.

It was a quiet, serene moonlit night.

For some reason, I found it deeply beautiful in that moment.

"…Hmm."

As I stood there, captivated by the scenery, I sensed a presence behind me.

I must have been too engrossed to notice; it was unlike me to allow someone to get so close.

"Muzan-dono, are you unable to sleep?"

It was Yoriichi standing there.

Despite having just woken, his steps and expression were composed and steady.

"Yoriichi, was it? …I’ll take my leave now.

Please tell Uta that I’m grateful for her kindness."

“Well, it’s a good opportunity, I suppose.”

After all, I was only here because Uta had forcefully brought me along…

I might as well resume my search.

The night was already deep, but there was still some time left.

I decided I’d do a quick search of the surrounding area before returning.

As I prepared to avert my gaze and leave—

Yoriichi stopped me.

“—The night roads are dangerous.”

His steady gaze seemed to pierce through me, as though he could see everything about me.

A sudden shiver ran down my spine.

—It felt like I had been seen through. I knew it instinctively.

“I know… that you are not human.

But even so, from what I’ve seen, you appear to be a kind-hearted person.”

“What…?”

What did he just say? It made no sense.

He acknowledges that I’m not human—yet he calls me a kind-hearted person?

I had been half-turned toward him, but his words made me pivot fully to face him.

A wordless frustration began to rise in my chest.

“How utterly mistaken— I—”

“Uta said you looked like you were on the brink of death.

She said you seemed so cornered and burdened, as though you might die if left alone.”

That doesn’t make sense. I am not in such a state.

That’s what I wanted to reply, but the words refused to leave my mouth.

“I cannot understand what burdens you carry.

But the gentle smile you had when listening to Uta… I cannot believe that was a lie.

—Forgive me for speaking out of turn, but perhaps you should rest a while longer.

I believe you are in need of rest.”

“Foolishness! I don’t have time for such trivial—”

“Hmm? Yoriichi—? Muzan-dono—? What’s going on?”

Just as I spat those words with a twisted expression, a sleepy-eyed Uta poked her head out of the house.

She blinked drowsily, rubbed her eyes, and mumbled with a half-closed mouth… She was clearly very tired.

“...Hmph, how convenient. Uta, I’ll be taking my leave now. Please thank—”

“Muzan-dono.”

Cling

Before I could finish, Uta stumbled toward me and hugged me tightly from the front.

I widened my eyes in shock, but Uta paid me no mind and continued speaking.

“I can’t just leave someone looking as though they’re about to die.

Come, come, just rest with us until morning, all right?”

“Ugh—!? Uta, don’t you think you lack caution?! We’ve only just met!”

“Oh? For someone exuding such a kind and gentle aura, you’ve got a lot to say! Truly, you’re just carrying unnecessary burdens and looking like you’re about to drop dead!”

“Grr— Yoriichi! She’s your wife, isn’t she?!”

I shot a glare at Yoriichi, but he simply chuckled and made no move to stop Uta.

“If you truly wanted to, you could easily shake Uta off. The fact that you don’t, though, only serves to prove your kindness.

Heh… Just give up and rest until morning. Uta won’t budge an inch, you know.”

“Zzz… Zzz…”

“She’s not just refusing to budge—she’s already asleep! Ugh, fine, fine, I get it!”

With Uta now softly snoring as she clung to me, I hastily placed my hands on her back to steady her.

—No, even while asleep, she was holding on so tightly that it didn’t seem like she’d fall.

Sigh… There’s no helping it… Truly, nothing can be done about this.

Led by Yoriichi’s smile, I returned to the house with Uta in my arms.

And just like that, the three of us ended up sleeping side by side until morning.

I watched Uta nestle her face against my chest like a small child, and Yoriichi, sleeping soundly with a surprisingly youthful expression.

—At that moment, I’m sure I must have been smiling.

Gently. Softly.

. . . . . . . . . .

“Phew~ I’m back.”

“Welcome back— huh?”

“—Hmm? What is it?”

“Did something good happen?

It feels like your expression and aura have softened… almost like how you used to be.

Recently, you always looked so tense, like you were under immense pressure.”

“…What?”

“I much prefer seeing you like this.

Hehe~ I’ll keep working hard on my research, okay? I’ll make your dream come true.”

With those words, Tamayo returned to focusing on her research.

Touching my cheek, I realized that my lips had unconsciously curled into a smile.

–I hadn’t noticed it myself.

Was my expression really that terrible, just as Uta and Yoriichi had said?

Had Tamayo… noticed it too?

I watched her for a while, completely absorbed in her research, looking almost pleased. Then, I decided to move as well.

My tasks remained unchanged—searching for the Blue Spider Lily, finding a way to restore Nakime.

— But perhaps, taking a break once in a while wouldn't be so bad.

The image that came to my mind was that of a certain affectionate couple.

. . . . . . . . . .

"Oh! Muzan-dono!"

Since that time, I had visited that couple several times.

By now, I felt like we had grown quite close.

"Ah, this time, I brought some boar meat."

"Ohhh! Wonderful! Tonight will be a feast!"

The warmth of this place, the tranquil atmosphere—

It felt as though it was healing my heart.

And so, whenever I wanted to rest, I found my feet naturally bringing me here.

"I always appreciate this, Muzan-dono."

"Think nothing of it. I do this because I want to."

We spoke about many things.

Uta always had plenty to say, so we never ran out of topics.

"Yoriichi! We're having a botan hot pot tonight! A feast!"

"Ah, I'm looking forward to it. But don't get too carried away."

Uta had lost her parents to an epidemic, and Yoriichi had left his home due to circumstances of his own.

"By the way, is it almost time?"

"Yes, the doctor said it should be soon."

Having been left alone in the world at a young age, the two had supported each other, surviving together for ten years—

And then, they had become husband and wife.

Ten years…

For someone like me, who has lived for centuries, it would be nothing more than a fleeting moment.

But for two powerless children to survive that long, it must have been an arduous journey.

"Hehe~~ I'm sure our baby will be adorable.

Yoriichi was such a cute child when he was little."

"Yes… or perhaps, they will be as lovely as you, Uta.

I… I would be happy either way. As long as they are born safely, that is all I wish for."

Even so, seeing them like this, basking in their happiness—

They truly looked radiant.

Despite all the hardship, they remained kind, strong, and unwavering.

Their way of life was dazzling to behold.

The two of them gently caressed Uta’s swollen belly, their eyes filled with kindness.

Their serene presence made me smile without even realizing it.

"Here, Muzan-dono, would you like to feel it?"

Suddenly, both of their warm gazes turned toward me.

I hesitated, raising my hands slightly in refusal.

“Ah, no, I— that’s—”

Flustered, I waved my hand slightly in front of me, attempting to decline the unexpected offer.

“Don’t be shy, Muzan-dono! It’s good luck to touch a belly this blessed!”

“Indeed. They say it fosters a connection. Come, don’t hesitate.”

The two of them gazed at me with such kind and inviting smiles that I couldn’t bring myself to outright refuse.

“…If you insist…”

Hesitantly, I reached out, and my hand rested gently on Uta’s rounded stomach.

A warmth unfamiliar to me spread through my fingertips.

It wasn’t just the physical warmth—it was something deeper. A life yet to be born, fragile yet filled with immeasurable potential, pulsing gently beneath my palm.

For a moment, I was silent.

“See? Isn’t it incredible, Muzan-dono?”

“—Ah. Yes, it is… truly incredible.”

I could barely find the words.

A quiet, inexplicable sensation stirred within me. I, who had lived for centuries, had witnessed countless lives come and go, yet I had never truly considered the sheer miracle of a life about to begin.

“You’ll make a great parent,” Uta said with a warm smile, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“—Me? A parent?”

I couldn’t help but laugh softly at the absurdity of the thought.

“Yes, a parent,” Yoriichi affirmed gently. “You have kindness within you, Muzan-dono, even if you refuse to acknowledge it yourself. One day, you might find someone who brings it out of you fully.”

Kindness? Me?

The thought felt alien, almost laughable, yet their unwavering belief in such an idea shook something deep inside me.

“Enough about that,” Uta interjected cheerfully, breaking the weight of the moment. “Tonight, we celebrate with boar stew! Let’s eat until we’re stuffed!”

Her boundless energy and joy brought a smile to my face once more.

In this small, ordinary house, surrounded by two people who had faced so much and yet continued to live with warmth and strength, I found a fleeting sense of peace.

Something I thought was long lost to me.

For the first time in centuries, I felt the faintest glimmer of hope.

"Don’t hold back! Our time together may have been short, but we’re already friends, aren’t we? Come on!"

Uta grabbed my hand firmly and placed it against her stomach.

A flood of thoughts ran through my mind.

A monster like me? With this blood-soaked existence? A cursed life such as mine?

Yet, the warmth I felt—the pulse of life beneath my palm, the shock that resonated from deep within—rendered me speechless.

“Oh, it kicked! This little one just gave Muzan-dono a proper greeting!”

“A lively child indeed... Muzan-dono, would you consider naming this child for us?”

“...Me? Name them…?”

“Yes! What a wonderful idea! Muzan-dono, please, would you think of a name for our child?”

When I looked up at the two of them, bewildered, they gazed at me with eyes full of love and trust.

Even without words, I silently questioned if it was truly okay.

And with a nod, they gave me their answer.

Still dazed, yet following an instinct I didn’t fully understand, I opened my mouth to speak.

To this new life, blessed and yet to be born, I offered a name.

A wish for the child to arrive safely and grow strong.

“Kokuyou… You shall be Kokuyou.”

The words came out as if drawn from the depths of my soul.

“Kokuyou… What a wonderful name! Ah, how lucky you are, Kokuyou!

Thank you, Muzan-dono! We will treasure this name forever!”

“Kokuyou… Thank you, Muzan-dono.”

“...Drop the ‘dono.’ Aren’t we friends…?”

Embarrassed by how overjoyed they seemed, I deflected with a sheepish comment.

The two of them blinked in surprise, then broke into childlike smiles so pure it made my heart ache.

“Thank you, Muzan.”

Their voices overlapped, their gratitude sinking deeply into my heart, leaving an indelible mark.

. . . . . . . . . .

Tragedy, however, strikes without warning.

Whether on ordinary days, amidst hardship and suffering, or even at the height of happiness.

But still, even so, isn’t this too cruel?

Hadn’t I just wished for it the other day?

Hadn’t I just prayed for it from the bottom of my heart…?

"……………………"

Uta lay there, eyes wide open, blood pouring from her stomach.

Her obsidian eyes would never reflect anything again.

Uta was dead.

She had been slain, her stomach cruelly torn open.

By whom?

By a demon.

A demon that I had created.

"Ah… ahh…………"

In the small house, thick with the stench of blood, I covered my face with both hands.

My hands, reeking of Uta’s blood, felt unbearably repulsive.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

. . . . . . . . . .

"A… family?"

"Yeah, I want a family.

Muzan-sama told us demons not to form groups, right?

So I wanted to ask for permission."

I see.

Rui must be starved for parental love.

Right now, he has convinced himself that his biological parents weren’t his true family.

That a parent killing their child is something that should never happen.

He must be searching for a family that will protect him.

"I see… very well. Do as you like.

Rui, I grant you permission to form a group.

But in that case, you should become stronger…

At the very least, strong enough to become one of the Twelve Kizuki."

"…Alright. I'll do my best."

I didn’t reject his wish.

I knew it would turn into something warped.

I could already foresee it leading to nothing good.

And yet, for this child, so deeply wounded at such a young age…

Even if it was just a hollow imitation, he needed someone to protect him.

"Yeah… do your best."

I placed my hand on his head and lightly ruffled his hair.

Rui looked up at me, longing in his eyes…

But he said nothing.

I had some idea of what he wanted to say.

I had seen that look before—often, in the eyes of child demons I had saved from death.

But I would not answer that unspoken wish.

Watching Rui, who looked slightly disappointed but still determined, I turned my gaze upward.

"For someone like me… to play the role of a father… how absurd… wouldn’t you agree?"

Kokuyou…

Murmuring as if to convince myself, I quietly walked away.

There was nothing I could do but ignore the pain in my chest.