sketchbook ep 28 cozy sketches | 🍐November’s theme announcement🍐 | the only way out is through – personal (and long!) post ☕ (Patreon)

Hi!

Do you remember this sketchbook spread I made a few months ago?

Well, now this saying it’s more accurate than ever.

 I owe you some explanations.

TW: mental health, depression, anxiety.

As you’ve noticed, I don’t post as often as I used to and the rewards are being sent with huge delays lately.

I don’t know if it shows in my online presence/posts (hopefully it does!) but I’m an optimistic yet nostalgic person, have bubbly personality and in general sees mostly good in life.

Maybe that’s the reason why it took me so long to admit that I might need help.

That, and a few more things.

I don’t want to make this post a therapy session (well, it kinda is but going super deep is not the point here)

I felt anxiety and depression creeping in for a long looong time, and before I realized, their claws grabbed my throat.

I found myself not getting out of bed, crying for no reason, spiraling over things I have no control over, sabotaging every good thing in my life, questioning my life choices, not being able to finish, or even start anything.

If you ever struggled with mental health or one of your closed ones does, you know very well what I mean (and I’m sorry you had or have to go through this).

Nothing bad happened in my life, quite an opposite.

Which probably was so triggering – I’m not used to this.

My point is, I finally decided to seek professional help.

I keep encourage other people to do so, but kept telling myself that I can deal with that on my own.

Well, after all these years, I finally came to realize that I couldn’t and it doesn't make me weak.

The meds need a few weeks to start working properly but some days are a bit better already.

Days like today.

I know the road to getting back my life is going to be long and bumpy but I got to the point where I know I HAVE TO choose this path. I want to.

I know, or at least I want to believe that good days are coming, that it shall pass, there’s the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m ready for all the good, the bad and the ugly.

What does it mean for my art and for you?

For one month I sketched everyday and haven’t shared every page with you yet, so I’m going to do so (in a minute).

For the past few weeks I made only a few simple sketches, I don’t draw as often as I used to.

I keep saying that making art is a form of meditation/therapy but in the darkest hours I couldn’t even hold a pencil.

And I’m giving myself grace with this. It doesn’t make me less of an artist.

We’re moving this weekend (not the best timing, lol) and I’m organizing my art supplies. I will share some color palettes or maybe just swatches of all markers I have.

I have A LOT of things I haven’t shared yet, like sketch vs finished drawing kind of posts, so I’ll share these too.

There’s a lot of content to share, I ‘just’ couldn’t do so.

As for the digital rewards, you’ll get them, I promise. If you subscription expire before I upload them here, I’ll email them.

For physical rewards, I know I’m terribly late with sending them but you’ll also get eveeerything. Pinky promise.

November’s theme announcement

PEARS!

(pic taken in my grandma's garden in the summer)

Probably my favorite fruits, perfect for this autumn/winter time we’re in (in Northern hemisphere)

Plus they have nostalgic meaning for me aaaand suits well last October’s apple orchard theme.

Does anyone remember that?!

Sketches

Okay, so I’m going to share a few sketchbook pages from times when I sketched everyday.

Grandma’s pantry vibes! I love this sketchbook page so much.

Autumnal, witchy page. Slightly inspired by one of my 2018 or 2019 inktober illustrations.

Pears, pumpkins and leak. Seasonal fruits and veggies!

(I missed only one day in this daily sketching practice and I’ll share why in the next post)

Soup themed page! If you remember my soup illustrations (unfinished) I shared in the last post – this is how it started.

Hellebore aka my ultimate favorite winter flower! a beauty for sure. These are just some simple studies of this flower. Oh, looking at this makes me miss drawing. It feels nice to finally feel something, wow.

This new reality is still quite hard to navigate.

I'm aware that the fact that I’m quite ok today doesn’t mean that it’d be the case tomorrow (hopefully so), I don’t want to make any promises as for when I’m going to post the next batch of sketches or delayed rewards. It’ll be soon.

Making things makes my heart feel a bit lighter, so hopefully one step at the time I can catch up on things and make new stuff.

Thank you so much for being here, for supporting my work.

I’m so lucky to have such wonderful community, supporting family and partner.

Remember, you’re never, ever alone.

The only way out is through.

Love,

Marta