100 days of drawing project – thoughts, why I gave up (did I? if so, is it a bad thing?!) | what I learned and what’s next (all the good stuff!) | long, very vulnerable post ☕ (Patreon)

Hi!

Okay, it’s time to admit that! I gave up on 100 days of drawing project! At least in a form I initially planned.

I did 16 of 100 days and decided to just don’t do it anymore.

It’ll be a vulnerable post, a long one, so go get yourself a cup of your favorite hot beverage!

It's the longest post here EVER. It's like and oldschool style blog post! :D 

I wanted to say that I can’t keep up with this challenge cause it sounds a bit more dramatic, but actually I could. I just choose not to. Let me explain!

Is that just my way to avoid saying that maybe it was too much for me? That I failed?

Call it whatever you want but even if I did… is it necessary a bad thing?

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Let’s find out! Let’s start from the beginning.

I was doing great (not really but I’ll elaborate on that soon) but once my environment has changed (I was out of town for a few days) and I took a few days break, the momentum was gone and I couldn’t get back on track. (or didn't want to?!)

But I think it wasn’t the main reason why I failed, it’ll happen at some point anyway.

It’s not about not being prepared for the challenge at all, nor setting expectations too high.

Actually I’m that kind of person who spend some time “just thinking” about something and then one day boom! Once I make a decision, I just start whatever I decided on, stick to it, and worry about details later.

I did that multiple times in my life. That’s how I became a vegetarian, moved across the country, started a business, participated in any art challenges before.

The “small steps” method or getting ready for a big life change/making a game plan for a big project usually doesn’t work for me. Apparently that’s how my brain is wired.

So yeah, it’s not about not being prepared enough or making too impulsive decisions.

OKAY. So what is it about?!

I’m going to tell you what my goals were, how it all worked out in reality, what I learned and why I decided to just not continue doing this the way I planned (gave up?!)

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WHAT I WANTED TO ACHIEVE?

What was my goal? To not be that precious about my illustrations. Meaning, to just make them instead of thinking about them or taking multiple attempts to make a nice composition.

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COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS, FORGETTING ABOUT MY ABILITIES AND WHAT I’VE LEARNED

During this project I quickly learned that liking to create in a slower pace is not a bad thing! I stared wondering, where this idea even came from?

Honestly, I started comparing myself to others.

How come some people just make several illustrations every week while I don’t?

I wanted to prove myself that I, in fact, can do it too. (it’s not about social media and “feeding the algorithm” cause as you might noticed, I haven’t posted any of my illustrations from this project! it’s a whoooole another topic tho!)

I forgot about something – I already had a proof that I’m able to create tons of illustrations in a short time!!

I made 18 illustrations in 3 days from the scratch. I illustrated a whole children’s book in 5 weeks (52 illustrations + a cover design!!) I made some great illustrations spontaneously at one sitting without thinking too much about them.

How could I forgot about all this?!

So, I stared questioning things.

I can produce new drawings quickly but I prefer to work on multiple illustrations at once, spend preferably a few days on each (with tons of breaks) and just enjoy the process, you know? Of course sometimes I’d just pick up a pencil and boom! the illustration is ready in 1-2 hours but most times I prefer to immerse in the process for a longer time.

100 days project is a challenge, so it’s not necessary about what I prefer but what I can do. But is it worth it?

I kept up with the challenge for about 2 weeks. It was a great experience, I don’t regret doing it.

Some days I was really rushing it and feeling like I don’t have time for anything else. Basically sometimes it’d take more time that I’d like to spend on it. But wait a minute. My art style is quite detailed, isn’t it? I was beating myself up for not being able to create a full page illustration in 15-30 minutes cause I saw other people doing it. The only difference is, they are painters with quite loose style while I’m not.

I could carve out 3 hours a day for this, but again, is it worth it? I was stressed out most of the time. And for what? For being able to say that I can make a drawing everyday?

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TO GIVE UP OR NOT TO GIVE UP, THAT IS THE QUESTION

I took a break during Holidays. I knew it’d happen. Once I got back home, I was really torn between keeping up with 100 days project of drawing or giving up on it.

I wanted to keep up just because I’m a very stubborn person. Also, I announced it here so I wouldn’t want to disappoint you! Like, really? Did you just gave up after two weeks? Come on! Unfollow! (I know you wouldn’t do that it’s just my ego talking!)

Then I realized that actually, giving up doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

I mean, I was about to give up on thing that was making me feel dreadful most days, the goal (of not being too precious with making art) was already achieved and I started to realized that making colorful illustrations everyday might not be that beneficial for my art practice!

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MENTAL HEALTH AND TIMING

There’s one very important aspect of this story.

I’ve been having a hard time getting out of bed for the last few months. It’s not about laziness, being on the phone, etc. It’s just waking up early and staring at walls for a few hours. Everyday. I know it’s temporary but it does affect my life.

I thought that starting a challenge (o, I love a good challenge) would help me get out of this but it actually made things worse.

Not only I wasn’t getting up, I also felt guilty for wasting time I could spend on drawing. Naturally I had less time in a day and with a challenge on top of it, I felt like I just can’t keep up with things. (I’m not a full time artist yet, so it’s not like I can spend a whole day drawing)

Makes sense, right? So, maybe the timing was a factor here as well.

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A HABIT OF DRAWING EVERYDAY

Usually people start challenges like this to create more regularly. I don’t.

I have a well established habit of drawing almost everyday. I’ve been doing it for quite a while. Drawing is just a very natural thing for me to do, I don’t have to motivate myself to do that. That’s just something I do.

It might sound counterintuitive but this 100 days of drawing project actually made my art practice worse. Wait, what???

Before that I’d sketch everyday, make plant studies regularly, do some color tests, plan bigger series of illustrations, do warm up drawings. Just create freely whatever came to mind and whatever I needed that day.

Once I started this project, I stopped sketching with a pencil! Not because it was, like, forbidden or something, it’s more about time. I mean, I already spent 2-3 hours drawing for myself, so it’s time to do something else. Could I somehow balance this project and my sketching practice? Probably yes! But I didn’t.

I found out that “just” sketching is much more beneficial to my art practice in general.

Deep in my heart, I knew that from the start.

Again, it’s a comparison to others being a road to misery!

I was drawing everyday (with pencil but I sure was!) but felt like maybe I’m not doing enough or maybe it’s just not worth sharing and I should be able to do a finished work everyday.

Due to this way of thinking, I switched enjoying drawing everyday to forcing myself to do it. Worst deal ever.

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BREAKING MY OWN RULES, CONCLUSIONS AND WHAT’S NEXT?!

At first my rules of this project were: making one colorful illustrations a day (using markers and pencils) and it had to be done specifically for this project. So, for example, if I’d make a Patreon print that day, that wouldn’t count as a daily drawing, it had to be something that doesn’t have any purpose.

I think a 100 days project is a great thing for someone who might have hard time with drawing regularly.

It also requires more time than I expected it (at least for me and my drawing technique).

I might give it another try some day.

As I said, the time was also a factor in all this. I started this project when I was in a bad place mentally, had a lot of other work, freelance projects, end of the year etc. At this point it all might sound like excuses but it doesn’t matter.

I’ll keep up with drawing everyday but with more freedom.

Meaning, some days I’d just sketch, some I’d make a full illustration, sometimes maybe both. I’m excited to do more plant studies this year (without worrying about finishing them every single day).

Technically I could say that I actually keep up with 100 days project cause I draw everyday and have never stopped doing it. What a plot twist?!!!!

Seriously tho, I don’t care that much about labels or being able to say that I completed this challenge or I’m still doing it.

Of course I could just say that I changed the rules a bit (at first I wanted to make colorful illustrations only, while now I do sketches and who knows but I’ll do next week)

I’d just rather keep drawing everyday, or almost everyday and not call it a project or challenge or anything. Just a lifestyle.

I don’t need to put any more pressure on myself now. One day I might. 100 days project is a fun challenge after all.

Two days ago, when I made a decision to write this post and officially say that this attempt to 100 days project was a failure, I felt so relieved. I even got out of bed early. Coincidence?? I don’t think so!

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THANK YOU

So, that’s a little story of me making a decision based on what’s better for me at the moment and not what would look better from somebody’s point of view.

I truly appreciate you and I hope you’ll appreciate this vulnerable post and understand my decision! I miiiiight overexplain things in this post since that's what I tend to do!

With all this being said!!!

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I’ll make a post sharing these remaining illustrations from the project (wanted to do it today but this post is already crazy long!)

Then I’ll just keep up with regular posts, like showing peeks in my sketchbooks and all this fun stuff.

Thank you so much if you made it to this point! You’re the best!

Marta