(Male-only Version) Camp Hamilton: A What Would You Do? Story (Patreon)

I've written several What Would You Do tribute stories, envisioning a spinoff where a wilder version of the show somehow finds its way to late night TV. This is the latest installment! (Heads up: it's 13,000+ words.)

Part 1: The Setup

“Camp Ham! Camp Ham!No better place in the land!Camp Ham! Camp Ham!Once you’re here you’ll understand!Camp Ham! Camp Ham!No better place in the land! …”

The 10 camp counselors marched triumphantly into the studio waiting area, eager to continue celebrating another successful camp season. They were sophomores and juniors in college, and pretty soon they’d be dispersing to the far corners of the country, to the prestigious college campuses from which they came. A life of endless classes, exams, club meetings, and responsibilities for tomorrow’s future leaders. No wonder they wanted to soak up every last moment of this carefree summer.

They were chanting the pride song of Camp Hamilton, a sleepaway Christian summer camp, as loud as they could, bystanders be damned. For an entire summer, these young, attractive, single college guys held back their endless urges toward the female counselors – who were off at a spa day today – in the name of Jesus Christ, in a bastion of sexual tension masquerading as a summer camp. Unbeknownst to them, that tension was about to be tested in a big way.

What Would You Do? was celebrating its 30th anniversary run on Comedy Central, and as the season wore on, the games got racier and the penalties for losing harsher. Whereas in the pilot, a losing player got a few pies tossed in his face and a simple trip to the Pie Pod for his troubles, now losers were getting stripped naked and dropped in dunk tanks full of pie filling, or having whipped cream shot in their faces in the upgraded Pie Pod, now dubbed The Torture Machine. There were other contraptions yet to debut whose names sounded even more terrifying.

This was the arena that Camp Hamilton’s counselors were walking into. Only, all they knew was they were attending a taping of a hot new TV game show in Daytona Beach, Florida. Who would pass that up?

The chanting continued, which created a big scene in the waiting area. The group wore matching magenta Camp Hamilton tank tops with mostly board shorts underneath; they were clearly showing off their muscular builds.

The front desk attendant, Marcy, eyed the group suspiciously, and got on his walkie-talkie to communicate something to someone, somewhere.

Eric was the de facto leader of the group, and befitting of his, and the entire group’s, upper middle class upbringing, he was oblivious to the scene they were all causing. He pridefully slapped both of his palms down on the desk as he walked over Marcy to check the group in. Marcy jumped in his seat in surprise before taking all of their names, checking IDs, and having them sign forms, which they mostly signed without reading. One of them took out a flask and passed it down the line. Some of the other guests could be seen rolling their eyes.

Eventually, a stagehand opened the studio for seating. He pulled the group aside and ushered them to the first two rows, front and center. Big, enthusiastic groups in matching outfits looked great on camera, especially when they were as young and attractive as these young men.

After what seemed like forever, the iconic What Would You Do? theme played, and the ageless Marc Summers came bounding out from stage right to an applauding audience, none louder than the group of counselors.

“Hey everyone, I’m Marc Summers, welcome to another episode of What Would You Do? Let’s hear it!”

Loud applause.

“This is the show where we play all kinds of games, give audience members the chance to win fabulous prizes, all to ask them that sacred question, ‘What Would You Do?’

“Now today, in addition to a prize, I thought we’d play for some good old fashioned bragging rights. And I think I know a few people who can help us out.

He turned halfway to the audience. “Can I have Miles, Grayson, Isaac, Bailey, Zane, and Eric join me on stage, please?”

As the crowd applauds, the camera cuts to the group, all of their faces in shock, particularly the six whose names were just called out. The other four put their hands all over them, equal parts excited for and jealous of them for being selected. The producers backstage wondered openly how long it would take for that sentiment to change.

The six excitedly join Marc on stage and ready themselves for introductions.

“Welcome! Would you please introduce yourselves?”

Miles is a 5-foot-9 Vietnamese student from Boston University with short running shorts and the camp t-shirt cut off at the waist. Everyone’s attention naturally gets drawn to his shapely, tanned bottom and thick legs.

Grayson is a skinny student from the University of Michigan, with a gorgeous smile and flowy dirty blonde hair that looks perfectly windswept after a day on the boardwalk. Though small in size, he nevertheless screams for your attention, with his shirt seemingly a size too small, judging by how tight it fit against his body, and skinny-fit shorts that only gave his thighs the slightest room to breathe.

Isaac is a tall, flamboyant native of Ireland attending Georgetown and sporting wavy brown hair and oozing dorkiness and intelligence. He seems quirky and fun, and wasn’t afraid to mix it up with any of his fellow counselors, male or female. He was dressed perhaps the most modestly, with the camp t-shirt falling below his groin. That being said, he loved to bike, and as a result of his morning ride, he had on a pair of sky blue lycra bike shorts covering his long, toned legs.

Bailey is a rising sophomore at UCLA with sun-kissed skin after a long summer in the Florida sun. He is a first-generation Filipino-American, and he is so California cool. His stylish hair is slicked back and held in place just so, and even indoors he’s wearing his oversize aviator sunglasses. The sleeves are cut off of his Camp Hamilton t-shirt to accentuate his toned arms and broad shoulders, and even though he’s only 5-foot-9, his slim-fitting short shorts make him appear much taller. His coolness made him the guy many campers, and even some of the counselors, gravitated toward.

Zane was the frat guy of the group, a rising junior at one of the hardest partying schools in the country, the University of Florida. Despite his appearance – tattooed arms, board shorts with the Florida gator logo emblazoned on them, his slight paunch – he was much more kind hearted than the stereotypical frat guy, which is what led him to come back to Camp Hamilton for a third straight year. He loved spending his summers at the camp he went to as a kid. His close cropped blond hair did nothing to hide his slight sunburn, which lit up his full cheeks and covered most of his body in a vibrant shade of red.

Eric was Miles’ best friend that summer, and it was a happy coincidence that he went to school near Miles, at Tufts University outside Boston. His blonde ponytail gave him an air of mystery, which was fitting given his pursuit of a Fine Arts degree at Tufts. He was an artist through and through, but his six-pack and muscular build also fit the description of an All-American guy. This combination made his classes among the most fun and popular at Camp Hamilton. He was hot, but approachable hot.

After their introductions, Marc asked the obvious question. “So what’s with all the matching shirts? You guys represent a summer camp?”

“We sure do, Marc,” Miles said. “We’re counselors from Camp Hamilton in Cocoa Beach, only the best sleepaway summer camp in the world, let’s gooooo!!”

The rest of the group whooped to echo Miles’s statement. The audience applauded politely, not sure what to make of that proclamation.

“Well great!” Marc exclaimed. “Since you all work at a camp, I bet you’ll be familiar with the themed games we’re gonna have you play.

“We’ll split you up into three teams. You’ll compete in four camp-style games, where we’ll test your bravery, strength, intellect, and luck.

“After every game, we’ll award points based on how you finish. First place gets 3 points, second place gets 2 points, and third place gets 1 point.

“At the end of the game, whoever has the most points gets a terrific prize, which as college students, I know you’ll all enjoy: a $1,000 credit to Grizzly, the alcohol delivery app!”

The crowd cheers at the richness of the prize. The contestants look at each other incredulously. That’s either one massive kegger or enough to fund parties for pretty much an entire semester!

“And I did say there were bragging rights at stake,” Marc continued. “Bailey, do you know how we give out bragging rights on What Would You Do?”

“I have no idea, Marc…”

“Robin, would you please show them?”

Robin enters from stage left, wheeling a cart carrying an endless array of enormous cream pies on it. The payloads look larger than they’ve ever been, with cream overflowing the sides of the tins and spilled pie filling all over the cart. Either this was a rushed job backstage, or it was an intentional move to absolutely destroy some of these obnoxious camp counselors.

“The team with the most points at the end of our camp games will get to throw some pies right in the faces of BOTH losing teams!”

Predictably, the audience goes wild. Immediately, the six contestants become less enthused about the game, some of them covering their mouths in disbelief, others turning away from the camera or slumping their shoulders. The four counselors who didn’t get picked are laughing hysterically.

“But that’s not all! The team with the fewest points, well, not only do they get pied by both teams, they also get to go on one of our pie devices, where we’ll finish them off nice and good!”

Some holy shits and oh my gods are heard off-mic as the group collectively reacts to this wrinkle. The audience cheers even louder, even stomping their feet to make more noise.

“Now hold on, hold on,” Marc said, “What did you say, Isaac?”

“I said I’ve never been pied in the face before!”

“And if you want to keep it that way, then I suggest you win these games!” Marc jokes. “Now before we get started, you guys are some really attractive folks, and I’d hate to see that get wasted underneath those, campy t-shirts you’ve got on. What do you think, audience, should we have them take them off?”

The crowd applauds wildly, before finally understanding the assignment. They begin chanting. “TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!”

Reluctantly, the group accedes to the peer pressure, each of them removing their shirts in their own unique way – some sexily, some clumsily – and tossing them back toward their very amused compatriots in the front rows of the audience.

“And guys,” Marc continued, “This is TV. And on TV, we need to make sure you look the best you possibly can. So we’ve got one more thing for you. Robin?”

Robin comes out with his index finger curled around a hanger, the hanger suspending a custom-made hot pink speedo. Robin gestures at the front side, which features the What Would You Do? Logo, and then turns it around to reveal the cartoonish eye from the show’s logo blown up huge right in the middle of the butt. All six men shake their heads.

“We’re gonna take a short break to set up our games and get the boys into their new outfits,” Marc said. “But don’t go anywhere, because we might even see one or two of these young men lose their speedos! You never know what might happen on What Would You Do, so stay where you are!”

Bumper music plays the show to break, and all the counselors seem frozen by the possibility that their friends, or they themselves, might be, gasp, naked at the end of this. Robin guides the men to a changing area offstage, while stagehands quickly set up the various games.

When they reconvene, the groups divide themselves into teams. The couple Miles and Eric made up one team, Grayson and Bailey the second, and Isaac and Zane the third.

Before long, the commercial break comes to an end and Marc gets counted back in.

Part 2: Bravery

“We’re back on What Would You Do?,” Marc says, “And we’ve got six camp counselors playing a medley of camp games! Gentlemen, I must say, you are looking spectacular.”

The cameras cut to Zane, Eric, and Bailey, none of whom look particularly amused by being put in this situation. And their situations, as the cameras easily pick up, are looking quite large.

“First up is a challenge for Isaac, Grayson, and Miles, so gentlemen, would you please step forward?”

Isaac, Grayson, and Miles apprehensively step up to a table featuring three large clear plastic containers filled with an opaque green liquid in it. The men look relieved to have the attention off of them for even just a moment.

Marc sets it up. “Our first game is the game of bravery. In front of you is a huge container filled with, as you may have guessed, pickle juice.”

A distressed “oooh” emanates from the crowd.

“We’re going to put 45 seconds on the clock. You’ve got a plastic cup in front of you. Your goal is to drink as much pickle juice as you can. We’re going to judge you based on what’s left in your containers at the end of the game.

“Now, you’ve got to keep it down. If there’s any backwash at all, you’re automatically eliminated. So do your best to keep it down, and may the best man win. Guys, can you handle this?”

Marc puts the mic in front of each man.

“Let’s fucking go!” says Isaac.

“Maybeee?” says Miles.

“Oh god,” says Grayson.

“Alright,” Marc says. “Well I think I know who I’m picking to win!

“45 seconds on the clock. On your mark! Get set! Go!!!”

The three guys fill their cups and attempt to drink. As expected, Isaac goes for it, his strong stomach and distinct lack of a gag reflex working to his advantage. He doesn’t seem fazed by this challenge.

Miles is struggling. He takes sips, but has to take frequent breaks. He senses that Isaac is surging to a lead, which causes him to pick up the pace, but before long his gag reflex kicks in and he has to stop, which wastes precious seconds.

Grayson, meanwhile, can’t even get started. He looks at his full cup and seemingly psyches himself out of doing any drinking. He takes a deep breath, uses his left hand to plug his nose, and tries to drink from the cup, but one taste of the briny liquid causes him to dry heave. He knows he’s fallen behind very quickly and after not even 20 seconds of trying, he simply gives up, placing his cup back down on the table and simply waiting out the clock. Eric is shouting encouragement in the background, but it is of no use.

Miles starts to get the hang of it and is dipping his cup back into the container now just as frequently as Isaac is. The crowd counts down – 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

A buzzer sounds and the game comes to an end.

“Well, I think it’s pretty clear who comes in third. But despite a valiant comeback there, Isaac, it looks like you’ve held off Miles for 3 points and the win in Round 1!”

The audience showers Isaac with applause as he walks back to give a double high-five to Zane, who shouts, “Yeah, man! King shit!”

Part 3: Strength

“This next game is for Bailey, Zaine and Eric,” Marc says. Gentlemen, join me, would you please?

A large inflatable with three cylindrical platforms has been set up on stage left. On each of the platforms is a jousting stick. Stagehands quickly make their way onto the set and meet the guys at the front of the inflatable, and set them up with elbow pads, knee pads, and helmets. They look ridiculous in all this safety gear wearing just their pink speedos, their cocks and balls barely held in by this thin piece of hot pink fabric. The three of them can feel everyone’s eyes on their groins.

“Guys,” Marc says, “Round 2 is a test of your strength. Just behind you is a jousting ring. You three are going to make your way onto a platform, and you’re gonna go three rounds in a 3-way battle. Your objective is to knock your two opponents off their stands. In each round, the winner receives 3 points, the contestant who finishes in second gets 2, and third place gets 1. The person with the most points at the end of all three rounds gets the 3 points for the game, second place gets 2, third place gets 1. Got it?”

The three guys agree in unison. The stagehands guide them up onto the inflatable, and then onto their platforms. The men get in a crouched stance in this standoff, which only accentuates each of their big butts. The camera operators zoom straight in on their asses, especially Zane, big man that he is.

Marc counts them down. “Round 1! On your mark! Get set! Go!!”

At first, all three men take tentative jabs at nothing. They are about four feet apart from each other, close enough that a direct hit would likely eliminate them, but far enough that lunging at an opponent would almost certainly do the same.

As the most diminutive of the three, Bailey patiently waits his opponents out. Eric senses he can knock Bailey out easily and surges toward him with his stick, but Bailey eludes the swing, causing Eric to lose his balance. Big man Zane spots this, and shoves his stick straight into Eric’s right hip, forcing him to his left and off his platform. The crowd cheers at the elimination.

Now it’s Big Zane against Little Bailey, and Bailey has no chance. He takes a big swing at Zane, but Zane stops his swing mid-flight as if they were fighting with lightsabers. He overpowers Bailey’s swing, causing Bailey’s momentum to reverse and his feet to shuffle, giving Zane enough time to free his stick and jab it at Bailey’s legs. Bailey’s knees buckle, and he falls face down onto the mat, where he bounces and comes to rest.

Zane has won Round 1! Bailey and Eric re-mount their platforms and Round 2 begins.

This time, both Bailey and Eric know that they need to eliminate Zane to have any chance of winning this game. They make eye contact and seal a temporary alliance, before they both swing their sticks horizontally in Zane’s direction: Eric goes for the upper body, and Bailey aims for the ankles.

Zane jumps back to avoid Bailey’s low hit, but leans right into the swing path of Eric’s stick, which scores a direct hit and knocks Zane right off his platform.

However, Bailey never made contact with Zane’s ankles, so his swing continued, right into the path of the unsuspecting Eric. Bailey hits Eric’s ankles, and with Eric having lunged high toward Zane, he is easily knocked over. His ankles come out from under him, causing him to fall forward and land crotch-first onto the platform, where he bounces and flips over onto his back before landing on the floor of the inflatable. He yelps from the sudden pain in his groin.

Bailey has won Round 2 and now has 5 points to Zane’s 4 and Eric’s 3.. Zane and Eric re-mount their platforms, Eric still in a little pain from his hard hit. The final round begins.

Zane and Eric know that the only way to win the game is by eliminating Bailey early, so they don’t fuck around. Both shove their sticks directly into his chest, sending him flying backward through the air and onto the mat.

That leaves Eric with the issue of how to topple a sizable man. The standoff lasts a while, each man taking tentative jabs, until the audience’s cheers start to rise, and out of the corner of his eye, Eric spots Miles jumping up and down enthusiastically in support of him. He smiles to himself, and refocuses on Zane, only to see a giant stick flying at his body. Eric can only curl up in self-defense. He takes a big hit and is easily eliminated. Game over.

“That’s it, that’s it!” Marc exclaims. “With a total of 7 points, Zane wins the strength challenge! And Bailey takes home second!” The audience applauds, and Zane holds his stick over his head with two hands like it’s the Stanley Cup.

“So at the end of two rounds, Isaac and Zane are in the lead with 6 points, and Grayson and Bailey, and Miles and Eric are both tied for second with 3!

“We’re gonna take a quick break to set up the next two games, but stay where you are, we’re gonna find out who stays clean and who gets pied, when we return on What Would You Do?”

The tension is ratcheting up after the testosterone-fueled strength contest. Each guy has reason to dislike the other at this point, which Marc senses and finds very satisfying. He wants the game to go off the rails. Chaos is great for business, which on this show means extremely hard pies to the face and contestants sentencing other contestants to the most humiliating of the show’s numerous pie devices.

Part 4: Intellect

“We’re back here on What Would You Do, and we’ve got a tight game between our counselors from Camp Hamilton.

“This next game is our intellectual challenge, and requires both teammates. In front of you, you’ll see a variety of random items. Blocks. Old DVD cases. An Amazon bubble mailer. Chopsticks. A giant marshmallow. Et cetera. We’re going to put 60 seconds on the clock. And your goal is to work as a team to build the tallest freestanding tower you can from these random objects.

“The tallest tower wins. Second-tallest gets second place, and third-tallest, or all this garbage scattered all over the ground, gets you third place. Capiche?”

They all nod.

“Alright,” Marc says. “Then let’s get you into position and put 60 seconds on the clock.”

“On your mark! Get set! Go!!”

Very little happens at first, as both teams examine what they have to work with. Grayson and Bailey are the first to get to work, expecting they would figure out a plan on the fly. A cardboard box acts as a base, and they begin to stack blocks and other items before realizing it’s not very stable, and that Isaac and Zane next to them somehow already have a taller tower.

Bailey can’t seem to figure this out, so without even communicating his plan to Grayson, he fakes losing his balance, toppling over his own tower and knocking into his neighbor, Isaac. He then loses his balance, causing him to fall into his own tower, causing it to fall. Pieces are all over the ground and now, neither team can tell whose pieces are whose.

Isaac, Zane, Grayson, and Bailey begin arguing amongst themselves before Marc comes running in from offstage. He wanted chaos, he wanted animosity, and now he’s got it.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop right there! Stop right there!

“Bailey, you lost your balance there and tumbled into your own tower and into Isaac and Zane’s. What happened?”

Bailey replied sheepishly, “Yeah, I don’t know. I was going to stack something on top and my foot gave out on me.

Looking over at Isaac and Zane, he continues. “I’m really sorry guys, I didn’t mean it.”

Marc eyes Bailey skeptically. “Well, Bailey, I’m getting word that that fall looked anything but accidental. In the eyes of our judges, you intentionally fell into your tower and into Isaac, and we just can’t have that!”

The audience groans at the sudden turn of events.

“So, tell you what I’m gonna do. We didn’t get to finish the game. And who knows, maybe Miles and Eric over there could’ve won, but you robbed two teams of the opportunity.

“So Grayson and Bailey, you forfeit the game, and come in last. And Isaac, Zane, Miles, and Eric… we’re declaring co-winners, you both get 3 points added to your total, how about that?”

The audience applauds at the justice, and the four winners punch the air. They’ve each opened up a seemingly impossible lead for Grayson and Bailey to make up; Isaac and Zane have 9 points, Miles and Eric have 6, and Grayson and Bailey have just 4, with one game to go. Grayson and Bailey are all but eliminated. Bailey quickly realizes his cheating gambit did him no favors, and that he and his innocent partner are going to be on the receiving end of a messy massacre. Best they can do is just not think about it.

Marc snickers slightly, knowing that this last game will allow for all of this built-up tension to be released. He’s established good guys and bad guys, and as with all good stories, the bad guys are set up to lose in the end.

Stagehands clear out the detritus from the last game and set up five stools in a circle for the final game of the camp challenge.

Part 5: Luck

Marc takes over as the applause begins to calm down. He introduces the final game with Robin at his side.

“Good luck is something that you either have, or you don’t. And in our last challenge, luck is what every one of you is going to need in our final game, which is a good old fashioned game of Musical Chairs.

“Except here on What Would You Do, there’s always a twist. Robin, care to explain?”

“Why thank you Marc,” Robin says, cherishing a rare opportunity to play emcee. “It’s not just Musical Chairs you’re playing, it’s Musical Pies!”

The audience whoops and hollers at the obvious twist.

Robin continues, “We’ve got six of you and five chairs. As with any game of Musical Chairs, you’re going to circle the chairs until the music stops, and then you must find a seat.

“If you don’t find a seat, you’re out! And one of your opponents will get to smash one of these pies” – Robin gestures at the long-forgotten-about table of massive cream pies – “in your face!”

“The team that gets eliminated first gets 1 point, the team that’s eliminated secod gets 2, and the team with the last player standing wins and gets 3 points. And as you probably figured out, only one of you gets to walk away without pie all over your face. Who’s it gonna be, Marc?”

“Well,” Marc chuckles, “we’re about to find out! So let’s get you into position” – the six of them stand in a ring orbiting the five chairs – “and let’s get that music going!”

Round 1 begins with an EDM beat produced by Steve Aoki, the cake-throwing DJ who professed to be a fan of the show in a recent interview. The music seemingly continues forever until it suddenly cuts, and all six contestants scramble for a place.

When the dust settles, five people are securely in seats, but Bailey has slid off a chair onto the floor.

“Oh no, Bailey!” Marc exclaims. “Cheaters never prosper and neither did you! So let’s bring out that pie!” Robin hands a truly enormous cream pie to Marc, who handles it delicately.

“You know what? Since you knocked over their tower in the last game, Zane, why don’t you do the honors?”

Zane saunters over with a smug look on his face, satisfied that he’s about to get his revenge. Marc hands him the pie.

“On the count of three, Zane, let him have it!”

It took what seemed like forever, but the audience is finally about to get the carnage they’ve been waiting all day for. They shout enthusiastically.

ONE! TWO! THREE!

Zane towers over Bailey, which makes the pieing even more brutal. Zane puts his massive left hand on Bailey’s right shoulder, winds up, and absolutely crushes him. The pie drives Bailey’s neck backward, an explosion of whipped cream, cherry pie filling and pie crust fanning out in all directions. The crowd shouts OHHHHH in mocking pity.

A messy necklace of cream and cherries rings Bailey’s neck as the pie pan crumples in Zane’s huge right paw and around Bailey’s helpless face. Zane slides the pie up over Bailey’s head. Pie slop slides down his chest. A huge glob nicks the front of his speedo, leaving a nice white spot on his bulge. He is in utter shock.

Zane returns to his seat as a stunned Bailey is ushered off to the side.

The second round goes quickly. The beat starts up, and this time, it’s artsy Eric who is boxed out of a seat.

After Eric blasted him off the platform in the jousting challenge, Zane is once again called up.

As Robin hands Zane another pie, Marc eggs him on. “You know, I bet you can hit him harder.”

His teammate Miles is heard shouting, “No, don’t!”

But it is to no avail. ONE! TWO! THREE!

PLOONK! A humiliating sound effect plays just as Eric is destroyed with a blueberry cream pie. The other guys scatter as pie filling flies out in their direction, but Eric gets the worst of it. The sheer force of the hit drives whipped cream up his nose and down his throat. Zane, acting on orders to be more vicious, grinds the pie up and down Eric’s face, sending berries, pie cream, and crust crumbs over his head and down his chest, before finally shoving the crumpled up pie pan over his head and down his ponytail. He lets it drop to the floor with a clatter.

Zane again returns to his seat, his satisfaction growing with each passing round. Isaac, Miles, and Grayson all worry about what’s in store for them if Zane gets to do this to them.

But it doesn’t. Round 3 concludes and alas, it’s Zane who is somehow left out. Actually, it’s easy to explain. He basically dove for a chair and slid right off the end of it, allowing Miles to casually claim the last spot instead.

Marc calls him over to take his punishment. He chides him for the brutal pie hits on his fellow competitors, as if Marc himself didn’t command him to do it. “You know, Zane, those were some really hard hits, and I’m sure their partners don’t appreciate it.

“Miles, you saw what he did to your teammate. Would you like to get some revenge?”

“YES!” he shouts off-mic. He bolts up to Robin to get the pie and eyes Zane like a coyote stalking its prey.

ONE! TWO! THREE!

GLOOP! The sounder plays again. But instead of going for the face, Miles – who was about 5 inches shorter than Zane – picked a different target. He cocks his arm back and nails Zane right in the crotch, totally demolishing the What Would You Do-branded speedo under a bed of raspberries, sticky syrup and cream.

Zane reacts with a surprised OHHHH at the top of his lungs. Miles grinds the pie back and forth over his underwear, before dragging the tin up, opening the front and dropping pie remnants into it before snapping them shut. Miles spikes the pie at Zane’s feet with a flourish, smacks his hands together a few times to wipe away some wayward cream, then returns to his seat, high-fiving Grayson and Isaac on the way.

Dejected and with pie dripping down his legs and from his groin, Zane joins the other guys on the side. He reaches into his speedo to try to dig some pie out, but all it does is smear all over his dick.

It’s down to three, and the intensity begins to pick up. Only two chairs remain, their backs facing each other. The music seems to play much longer in Round 4, until it finally comes to a stop, and Isaac is standing there with his head in his hands.

“OH NO!” Marc says mockingly. “Isaac, you’re about to lose your pie virginity, how does that sound?”

Isaac squirms in response. “I don’t want this, Marc…”

As he hands his the pie, Marc gently puts his hand on Isaac’s shoulder and mocks him. “Well, you may never have been pied before, but I’m sure you’ve gotten a facial, right? Grayson, let’s treat him to another one, will you please?”

Though there’s no animosity between the two, Grayson is ready to follow orders. He dips his finger in the cream and tags Isaac’s nose with it, and Isaac is not amused. Isaac shuts his eyes, clenches his shoulders and fists, and braces for impact.

ONE! TWO! THREE!

BLOOF! Grayson drills Isaac with a two-hand slam right between his eyes. Isaac’s entire body gets rocked by the force of the hit, as his balls jiggle inside his speedo, his hair flies backwards, caked with banana cream and crust, and his helpless hands fly up too late to try to block the pie. As the others did, Grayson grinds the pie around Isaac’s face, until finally Isaac grabs Grayson’s wrist and shoves it away, revealing a mangled mess of yellow and white where Isaac’s face used to be. Pie remnants dribble out of his mouth and onto his chest. He takes one hand and brushes his tangled hair behind his head, leaving a trail of cream along the way.

Grayson slides his index finger across Isaac’s right cheek and licks the banana cream. He walks away with a satisfied look on his face.

And then there were two! Miles and Grayson are the last two standing, and they warily circle the one remaining folding chair. This time, the music cuts quickly, almost too quickly for Grayson, still basking in the joy of crushing his friend Isaac with a pie. Before he realized it, Miles was already in a seat mockingly waving at him. A goodbye to Grayson’s chances of winning the game, and to Grayson remaining clean.

“We have a winner!” Marc shouts. “Miles, congratulations, that was an awesome game. How do you feel?”

“I feel like I’m ready to pie this dickhead!” he says playfully. Kinda. He recalls how Grayson was mean to him one time during orientation, and that’s all the motivation he needs.

Robin hands him the last pie, this one with chocolate syrup drizzled on top of the mountain of whipped cream. Grayson giggles nervously, his body fidgeting, his hands brushing his hair.

Grayson waves his hands in front of his face to try to talk Miles out of it. “Miles, no bro!” he says.

“One last time! On the count of three, audience!”

ONE! TWO! THREE!

PLOINK! Miles is unmoved by Grayson’s begging, and absolutely decks his archrival. Grayson’s hands shoot up to either side of his face, as if he tried to block the pie at the very last second. his dirty blonde hair goes flying in all directions, picking up cream, chocolate syrup, and blueberry pie filling along the way. The gooey purple filling oozes down his body, smearing his chest and sliding all the way down to his barely-there speedo.

Miles pushes the pie tin up into his hair and leaves it there like a hat. Grayson tries to wipe his eyes, but the cream is too sticky; he claws at his face, frantically flinging pie mess to the ground. He recedes to the background, leaning over and facing the floor, his hair dangling in a tangled mess. He continues to claw at his face as Marc reads the final scores.

“So that’s the end of our camp games challenge, and with 10 points, the winners of our challenge are Isaac and Zane! Congratulations, you two! You win the $1,000 Grizzly gift card and bragging rights over your camp crew!”

The audience showers them with a round of applause, and Isaac is seen smiling through his pie-covered face. They share a hug, though Zane is careful to not smear his messy crotch on Isaac’s body. Isaac, for his part, takes some pie and smears it on Zane’s face, and they share a laugh.

“And in second place, with a total of 9 points, let’s give it up for Miles and Eric!”

Eric goes in for a hug, but totally clean Miles bolts for the other side of the stage, causing pretty much everyone in the studio to chuckle.

Marc looks at Grayson, who is still trying to clean himself off. “Grayson, you may want to just not bother trying to clean up, because coming in last, with a total of just 5 points, it’s you and your cheating pal Bailey!”

The biggest round of applause is reserved for them, with Grayson looking pathetic and Bailey just straight up unlikeable after that contrived fall.

Robin brings the cart with the remaining pies out to center stage, then hands one each to Isaac and Zane.

“Well it’s time now for our trophy presentation… of sorts”, Marc says cheekily. As promised, the second place team earns themselves a messy punishment courtesy of the winners, so Miles and Eric, would you please step forward?”

Miles, still clean to this point, is especially reluctant to get pied. Eric seems to be taking it more in stride, which probably has more to do with his laid-back personality. He almost seems to relish the idea of getting pied again.

Isaac and Zane size up their targets, Isaac eyeing Miles and Zane once again eyeing Eric. They wait for the audience to count them in.

“On the count of three,” Marc proclaims, “Show these two what happens to first losers!”

ONE! TWO! THREE!

PLOOF-PLOOF! Isaac and Zane wreck their targets. Miles lets out a muffled groan as he too loses his pie virginity, his hands flying up in surprise at the force of the hit and sloppiness of the pie. Isaac leans into his mischievous side, dragging the pie down toward Miles’s chest and to his crotch rather than up over his head.

For his part, Eric lets out a long moan as Zane delivers yet another hard pie hit. Eric gets another whipped cream necklace as cream and crust fan out in all directions for a second time. This time, Zane swirls the pie around Eric’s head – once, twice, three times – before depositing it atop his head like a hat. His messy hair sprawls out in all directions and is matted to his neck and shoulders. Both contestants stand there in a daze.

But they are snapped back to attention when Marc calls all four of them to the front.

“But that’s not all, guys! We have a last place team who are going to receive double the pies, one from each of you! So Robin, let’s load them up and give our friends Grayson and Bailey their well-deserved prize!”

By this point, everyone is messy, and it’s astounding that all hell hasn’t yet broken loose. Robin hands pies to Isaac, Miles, Eric, and Zane, and all four of them approach Grayson and Bailey menacingly. Once again, the guys size up Grayson and the guys take aim at Bailey. They wait patiently until the audience gives them the signal.

ONE! TWO! THREE!

And with that, cream flies everywhere, and so do the moans. Miles scores a second direct hit on Grayson, smashing his pie right between his eyes. Once again, he rubs it around his face several times before sliding it atop his head. You’d think Grayson would be better prepared this time, but his mouth says otherwise, hanging even wider open in shock than last time.

And it’s probably because Isaac followed up the pie to the face with a typical Isaac thing, by slamming his cherry-filled pie right into Grayson’s ass. The pie spanking makes a sickening THUNK sound as the pastry makes contact with Grayson’s butt cheeks. After Isaac rubs in the pie for a second or two, he drops the tin to reveal a round blast zone of white and red with chunks of brown crust covering every inch of Grayson’s speedo and his ample dump truck.

Meanwhile, Zane decks Bailey a second time, this time even harder than the first. Bailey saw Zane wind up and put up his hands to say no, but it was to no avail. In fact, opening his mouth to say no made things worse, as the hard pie hit sent chocolate cream deep into Bailey’s mouth.

His body convulsed at the force of Zane’s hit, so much so that he never even saw the second one coming. With Bailey’s attention centered on his wrecked face, Eric goes for a different target, rearing back and letting Bailey have it … you guessed it … right in the crotch.. Bailey moans from the force of the hit to his genitals, the thin speedo providing little protection against the massive splattering his groin takes. As with Zane, Bailey’s speedo also gets opened up and a deluge of pie filling finds its way inside. Bailey feels the coldness of the pie in his loins; it’s uncomfortable but he finds it to not be entirely unwelcome. Or at least that’s the feedback his growing erection is giving him.

“Excellent, excellent hits, you guys!” Marc says. “Bailey, Grayson – that’s what happens to losers here on What Would You Do.”

“I also promised that the losing team gets to take a ride on one of our pie devices, and a promise is a promise! So Robin, would you please take Bailey to the Dunk Tank and Grayson to the Pie Slide?”

The crowd goes absolutely bonkers. Every one of the new pie contraptions on What Would You Do has been reconfigured to be more devastating than the original, and some are just completely new, but these two are among the messiest.

The victim on the Dunk Tank is led up a 17-foot ladder high atop the studio set, and falls that entire distance into something completely new on this episode: a giant vat designed to look like a strawberry milkshake: a see-through “glass” cup, thick, pink, slightly watered down pie filling meant to imitate slightly melted ice cream, and even a red and white straw sticking out of it.

The victim on the Pie Slide gets placed in a chair and descends rapidly down a ramp, gets blasted with a sticky substance on the way down from two cream guns pointed directly at them, all before getting dumped face first into a giant pie with a red ball in the center that acts as a fake cherry on top. The victim ends face down/ass up after perhaps the most terrifying 10 seconds of his or his life.

And now Bailey is reluctantly climbing up to the Milkshake Dunk Tank and Grayson reluctantly stepping into the Pie Slide seat.

Marc has stationed himself next to the Dunk Tank, and has brought Zane with him. Zane has a sledgehammer in his hands as he eyes the target that, when hit, will release the seat beneath Bailey and send him hurtling to his sickeningly sweet humiliation.. Bailey sits on the hot seat and is a bundle of nervous energy. His legs are kicking, his hands are tapping his thighs, and he spots chunks of pie falling off his face and falling the entire distance into the vat of pie cream, the vat that will soon be his home, but only after a terrifying freefall.

Bailey squints and sees the light above the camera in front of Marc turn on, indicating that his punishment is imminent.

“Bailey lost the game, and now he has to suffer the consequences,” Marc says. “Audience, after the count of three, let’s say BYE BYE to Bailey!”

They yell in giddy unison as Bailey holds his clenched fists to his chin in fear of his imminent freefall. “ONE! TWO! THREE! BYE!”

CLANK! The sledgehammer bangs the target, the seat beneath Bailey releases, and the next thing we hear is a blood-curdling scream as he plummets toward the delectable pink cream. The drop lasts maybe three seconds, but it feels like an eternity to Bailey, his screams getting louder until they are silenced, replaced by a giant PLOP sound and the visual of wet “milkshake” shooting high in the air in every direction. The crowd reacts with boisterous OHHHHHs.

Bailey is completely gone, having fallen 17 feet into a giant dessert. The Pie Slide faces the Dunk Tank, and a camera catches Grayson sitting there bug-eyed, hands over his mouth in shock and disbelief as he awaits his fate. Bailey was seemingly tortured just now, then was summarily eliminated in brutal fashion.

A few seconds pass, and Bailey surfaces, goo sputtering from his mouth. A ladder is attached to the vat and he climbs out, a ghost covered completely in pink. Somewhere beneath the slop is his What Would You Do speedo, which was once splattered only in the front with pie and now is completely demolished.

He climbs out of the pool and not a single person offers him a towel. All he can do is wipe as much cream off his face as he can. A camera rushes over to capture the moment that Bailey wipes pie cream down off his hard torso and onto the floor. The pie remnants are still in his pants, along with a bunch of cream from the vat that’s been added to it, and the likely erection buried somewhere in there, and they have created a massive bulge that Bailey accidentally reveals when he runs his hands over his crotch to clean it. Now, all Bailey can do is watch helplessly as his best friend Grayson prepares to get punished in a similar way.

Marc has made his way to the Pie Slide, and is standing along with Isaac next to an oversized lever, which is rigged to release the chair and send Grayson down the ramp to oblivion.

“Well, Grayson,” Marc says, “You may not have cheated, but the fact is, you win as a team, and you lose as a team, and here on What Would You Do, the consequences for losing are very severe.”

“Isaac, on the count of three, let’s treat Grayson to some dessert… on him!”

ONE! TWO! THREE!

Isaac yanks the lever with glee, sending Grayson on his way and sending the crowd into a tizzy. Descending a ramp from a starting height of about 10 feet, the Pie Slide is not nearly as terrifying as the Dunk Tank, but the experience lasts so much longer. The chair inches slowly at first, but picks up speed as it descends.

As soon as he feels the chair start to move, Grayson covers his face with his hands. He steels himself emotionally and finally puts his hands on his lap, only to see the pie cannons come into view, one on each side of the tracks. They unleash their payloads at almost the exact moment he spots them.

This time, instead of whipped cream, they have been loaded with chocolate syrup. The guns blast him hard in the face, blinding him in black muck. The ambush catches Grayson by surprise, causing his body to jolt and his cock and balls to bounce around in the seat. Whatever was left of his clean chest gets smothered by the gooey syrup, and as soon as he recovers from his double facial, his seat clangs to a halt at the end of the track, and Grayson feels himself flying through the air.

He flails his arms helplessly. Still blinded by the syrup, he can’t tell when he’ll hit the pie, only that impact is imminent. As soon as he thinks this, he slams into the bed of sticky goo.

The sensation is like falling into a giant messy pillow, with whipped cream enveloping his entire body. He lands with a massive splat, sending cream and the red “cherry” ball flying out of the pie. His body quickly becomes still, except for his juicy ass, which jiggles as it comes to rest. Grayson is totally smothered. He finds it hard to dislodge himself from the cream, only serving to make a more humiliating sight: his body face down in the pie, his pie-splattered ass struggling to break itself free of the comically large pie’s gooey hold on him.

He finally gets to his knees, and though his ears are clogged, he hears a huge round of applause. He wipes his eyes, his face showing utter exhaustion, only to find a camera right in front of his face.

Like with Bailey, no one gives him a helping hand, so he just kneels in the pie and waits. He runs his hands down his body in an attempt to wipe some of the cream off, and it’s at that exact moment that the camera in front of him turns on, capturing the moment that Grayson sensually rubs pie all over himself. Though his hair is like a frosted curtain in front of his face, he can see on a studio monitor a replay of his chocolate-splattered body hurtling through the air and landing with a splat, followed by a live shot of his totally consumed body, his pie-smeared speedo, a defeated look on his face, and a bouncing What Would You Do logo settling in the lower right corner.

Commercial break.

During the break, some stagehands finally help Grayson out of the pie. He and Bailey stand next to each other, with the other four contestants standing off to the side. Bailey and Grayson continue to wipe milkshake and pie remnants off themselves, though it is a losing battle for both of them. The show returns from break.

“Welcome back to What Would You Do!” Marc exclaims. “We’re here with Bailey and Grayson, camp counselors who lost our camp games… Bailey, tell me. Was that an enjoyable experience?”

Bailey wipes his hair away as he responds. “I’ve had more fun elsewhere, I think.”

“And Grayson, you ever taken a creampie quite like that before?”

“That’s disgusting!”

“Well, while you’re here, we’ve got an instant replay of both of you getting dumped into those pies – can we cue that up?”

Both victims put their heads in their hands – they can’t bear to watch how pathetic they looked just a few seconds ago. It’s shown as a split screen. Bailey’s plunge plays first and in slow motion, his hands and legs waving in all directions, his face looking oh so stupid all the way down, until finally his entire body disappears with a big plop into the milkshake. Ohhhh, goes the audience.

Then Grayson’s Pie Slide plays. The chocolate syrup doesn’t look any less violent when shown in slow motion. They double blast him, Grayson throwing his arms up too late in self-defense. The chocolate oozes down his rock hard torso, and then he’s flying, arms and legs splaying in all directions until he hits the cream face first with a plop of his own. The crowd ooohs again as the camera zooms in on his head, hair everywhere and matted with chocolate syrup and cream, before panning down to his pie-smeared ass.

Marc commends them for their poise. “You were great sports, both of you. Can we get one more round of applause for Bailey and Grayson?” The audience obliges.

“Now would you like to get some revenge on your fellow counselors?”

Bailey and Grayson’s eyes light up. They both shout YES wholeheartedly and in unison. In contrast, the other four thought their work was done. Now faced with a similar punishment to the one their friends just received, they once again look visibly uncomfortable.

“You’ll get your chance then!” Marc says. “We’ll clean you up as best we can and we’ll have all of you come back later on in the show. Let’s hear it once again for our wonderful camp counselors!”

Marc continues with the next game as all six contestants head off stage.

Part 6: Retribution

There’s not enough time for a full shower, and anyway, the producers believe it looks better if the counselors came back out with pie still smeared all over them, so all they get for now are a handful of scratchy towels.

To their credit, Bailey and Grayson are able to wipe away most of the cream, though the towels can only really do so much. What’s left of the cream starts melting on their skin, coating them and their clothes in a sticky, sugary glaze.

Crew members are attentive, giving the group folding chairs to sit on, ironically the same folding chairs that were so coveted in the Musical Pies game. They get as many waters and sodas as they want. Bailey, recognizing how badly he was just taken to school on national television, asks for something harder, and a staff member obliges with a red Solo cup of whiskey. He downs the entire thing immediately.

Some time passes, and a producer calls for them to go back on stage to play one final game. They stand behind the cameras, watching all the action until Marc finally calls for them.

“And now, let’s welcome back our lovely camp counselors to play the final game of the day!”

They get a standing ovation, and no one is louder than the four counselors who weren’t chosen and who stayed completely clean. The four of them look at their friends with pride, knowing they’ve represented the camp well, despite the messy ordeal they’ve all been through.

Stagehands also wheel out some props for the final game of the day.

“Bailey and Grayson, you specifically asked for a shot at revenge, and here on What Would You Do, we’re all about making wishes come true, so you’ll get your shot right now.

“Here’s what we’re going to do. We’ve got one last test for you camp counselors. And it’s a test of your closeness.

“We’ve got you here on one side of the stage in those gorgeous, one-of-a-kind What Would You Do speedos. They’re all going to come in handy for this game.

“On the far end of the stage are two pie shells. And you have to fill them using these ingredients.

“Except you’re not allowed to fill them on your own. When I say go, guys, you’re gonna scoop up as much of this tasty butterscotch pudding as you can, and dump them in the speedos of your teammates.

A lusty cheer emanates from the crowd – this game is about to get extremely intimate!

“One of you gets filled up with pudding, and the other with this cold, sticky Cool Whip!

“When you’re all filled up, you have to make your way across the stage to those tables” – Marc gestures at three tables across the stage, about 40 feet away – “and once again, your teammate has to scoop the stuffing out of your bathing suit and into those two pie tins. The pudding goes first, then the whipped cream.”

“Your objective is to get a total of 5 pounds of pie between the two shells. So it’s not enough to just put a little pudding and a little cream on each pie. You really need to fill them up!”

This wrinkle adds some strategy to the game. Each team has to be quick, they have to fill up their partner’s speedo, but not make it too full, lest the weight cause the bathing suit to slide off their bodies. But if they’re not packed full enough to make it in one trip, the teams won’t have enough pie filling, and would waste precious time running back across the stage to refill.

It also causes problems for Grayson and Isaac, whose speedos feel extra tight around their muscular, meaty asses and oversized bulges. Apparently, genetics is an essential element of this contest.

“The first two teams to make 5 pounds of pie are the winners and avoid our final punishment. The losing team gets that final punishment, which is all six pies thrown in their faces, and an all-expenses-paid trip to one of our lovely pie devices!”

The crowd loses its mind at the possibility of more carnage, including the possibility that Bailey and Grayson get taken for two messy rides in the same episode!

“Good luck to all of you, we can’t wait to see how this turns out!

“On your mark! Get set! Go!!”

One group of the men immediately submerges their hands in the butterscotch pudding as the other group holds open their speedos. Eric shows the least amount of trepidation when it comes to getting handsy with his partner – he smashes his palmful of pudding right into Miles’s crotch and smears it in with vigor. Miles’s mouth drops open orgasmically – maybe this is something they’ll take back to college to try with their girlfriends!

Despite having a natural advantage by already being covered head to toe in cream, Grayson and Bailey are struggling. As expected, Bailey has trouble filling Grayson’s too-tight bikini bottom. Before long, he realizes their pies are going to mostly have to be cream. He abandons the pudding and tells Grayson to start filling his speedo. “Front and back! Front and back!

He is tentative initially, but he yells that it’s OK, so he takes that as permission to go to town. Bailey holds his speedo wide open. Unfortunately, the sensations were simply too much for Bailey to handle, and he’s now sporting a game-thwarting erection. Grayson sees it, blushes from underneath the pie still covering his face, and Bailey immediately apologizes. Grayson throws in his handful of whipped cream, runs around him, and decides to start on his backside. This side is less problematic, and Grayson finds himself throwing palm after palm of cream against Bailey’s ass.

Isaac tries to pull open the back of his tight speedo, but it becomes apparent that this won’t work. With the tightness of the pants against his big butt, it’s very difficult for Zane to fit any pudding in there without losing pudding when he shoves his hand in. He shoves his hand in anyway, causing Grayson to yelp, but he accepts it, recognizing that the alternative is unthinkable. Zane takes a second handful and tries to dump it in, but it physically will not fit – the swimsuit is simply too tight. They’ve wasted a lot of time before recognizing Grayson’s incompatibility with this game, but they finally switch roles and Isaac gets to work.

With Zane being a bigger guy, there’s more room inside the speedo, so he grabs giant handfuls of cream and slaps them down the front of his bathing suit. He grabs a second handful, takes a peek at what Zane is working with down there, and smiles at him knowingly. He returns the smile, and he deposits the second load of cream in his pants with glee. He sees cream starting to seep down his legs, and takes that as a signal to start working on the back. He spins him around and continues filling Zane up.

Miles and Eric have switched roles, and use this opportunity to shoot each other looks. Eric has also begun sporting an erection; the only difference is, he and Miles are laughing about it. The hard-on limits the amount of cream he can stuff in the front size of his pants, but he manages three handfuls, he closes his waistband with a satisfying slap, and he gets to work on the other side. Another few handfuls go in the back, and with his work finally done, he lets go of the waistband on the backside. Miles communicates his satisfaction with this exercise by giving his ass a huge smack.

By now, Isaac and Zane are halfway to the tables. Grayson and Bailey, and Miles and Eric take off at the same time and waddle their way across the stage.

The cheering gets louder as the three teams approach the table, but halfway there, Bailey senses a problem: the back of his speedo has been overloaded with cream and is starting to sag. Before he has a chance to grab the waistband, the churning of his legs jar the speedo loose and it slides down his legs!

The crowd gasps in surprise and cheers as Bailey’s private parts on both sides are temporarily on display. Grayson squeals in terror and lunges for his speedo to try and pull it up, but it’s too late – so much cream has already fallen to the floor.

Bailey finally pulls his speedo back up and decides to continue on to the tables, even knowing that if they don’t have enough stuff for the pies, they are likely going to lose again.

All three teams reach the tables, and all we see are hands digging into bathing suits, scooping, dumping. The scales start to tick up under the weight of the pies. Both teams move quickly but carefully, mindful that any splatter that lands on the floor could mean the difference between winning and losing.

Every now and again we hear a moan from one of the counselors. The constant touching, grabbing, and feeling are really starting to get to all of them.

It feels like forever since the game started, but Miles and Eric, who packed each other full of stuff, easily clear the threshold. Isaac and Zane continue working, but their quick decision to load up Zane’s swimsuit instead of Isaac’s shorts appears to have been a good one.

Grayson and Bailey, however, quickly realize that due to their mishap on the way over, they have nowhere near enough to fill these pies. They look at each other in horror, knowing that a loss here would mean a second humiliating trip to a pie device, but they have no choice. They start sprinting back across the stage to the bowls to try and fill up again.

They reach the beginning of the course, but as soon as Grayson dumps the first handful of Cool Whip into Bailey’s speedo, they hear cheering from across the stage and a DING-DING-DING of a bell signaling the end of the game. They slump their shoulders dejectedly and start walking back across the stage to meet their opponents.

Marc takes over once more. “That’s it, ladies and gentlemen, that’s it!”

“It was a stirring game, and by the looks of it, you all appear to have had a grand old time, but we have our two winners! Congratulations to Miles, Eric, Isaac, and Zane, you’ve completed our final challenge!”

The audience whoops and hollers. The four of them are over the moon and playfully start flicking the pie remnants that remain on their hands at each other.

Marc waltzes over to stand between Grayson and Bailey. “So, you guys wanted a shot at redemption, but you failed a second time. Any last words before I reveal what the penalties for losing AGAIN are?”

Grayson reverts back to the begging that did nothing to spare him earlier. “Please, go easy!”

“Oh, I don’t know if I can do that,” Marc says skeptically. “But as promised, the winners get to pie the losers, so guys” – he gestures at Miles, Eric, Isaac, and Zane – “would you grab some ammo and join me over here, please?”

They all manage to pick up the six pies. Miles and Eric station themselves next to Bailey, Isaac and Zane next to Grayson.

“You know, Isaac,” Marc said, putting his arm around his shoulder, “that butt pieing you did to Grayson earlier, was that fun for you?”

“Oh fuck yeah.”

“Audience, what do you say? Should we pie Grayson and Bailey’s big butts?”

Despite all of the mess so far today, the audience could never turn down the chance to see someone get violated. They quickly start the chant. “PIE THEIR BUTTS! PIE THEIR BUTTS! PIE THEIR BUTTS!”

Grayson and Bailey’s shoulders sag in resignation.

“Make ‘em bend over, guys!”

Miles turns Bailey around and Isaac spins Grayson around, and the cameras zoom in on both of their meaty asses. They each bend their victims over, making the targets look even more massive. They look even more ridiculous with the giant What Would You Do eye logo on their speedos, staring back at the camera from the middle of their asses.

Miles and Isaac both rear back and deliver vicious pie spankings as the telltale PLOONK sound effect reverberates throughout the studio. Bailey yells OHHH as his ass gets wrecked, obliterating his underwear and driving the leftover Cool Whip inside his speedo further up his butt. The sensation is unlike anything he’d ever felt before. Likewise, Grayson screams in agony as he takes a second spanking to his basically bare ass.

Their executioners aren’t done yet, though. They give each other a knowing look – they can see what the other is thinking. Both of them grab the waistbands of their victims’ underwear, pull down, then violently yank upwards, giving Grayson and Bailey gargantuan messy wedgies.

The crowd loses their minds at this unplanned development!

Bailey’s is so hard that his feet lift off the ground. Meanwhile, Grayson screams in agony, or maybe humiliation, and at that same moment, he hears a ripping sound from his delicate speedo. Luckily, it stays intact, but it is definitely sagging off to one side.

With their asses still dripping butterscotch pudding, cream, and crust, Bailey and Grayson are spun around once again to face forward, and each of them gets demolished twice with the four  remaining pies before they could even flinch. Eric decks Bailey in the face, causing him to throw up his hands in shock, giving Miles an opening to take things up a notch. With his crotch wide open, he yanks down Bailey’s speedo and smashes his pie right into Bailey’s nuts, causing him to moan pathetically beneath the pie still being ground deep into his face.

Grayson, for his part, takes yet another hard hit to the face. He grabs Isaac’s arm and pushes it away, allowing the tin to fall off and revealing Grayson’s shocked ‘O’ face, just in time for Zane to plow him with another pie in the face that he doesn’t see coming.

Like Bailey, his arms fly around wildly as his mouth and nose get filled with pudding and cream a second time. Zane removes the pie to reveal yet another deluge of pie mess flooding out of Grayson’s mouth, dribbling out onto his breasts and his perfectly tanned thighs.

The fresh pies add a new layer of humiliation to the melting whipped topping from earlier. Both contestants are blubbering messes, with Bailey pulling up his speedo to try to regain a little modesty, and Grayson wondering about how long it’ll take to fix his mangled hair.

But that’s the least of their concerns.

“I hope you enjoyed that, you two!” Marc says enthusiastically. “And if you didn’t, maybe you’ll enjoy this next bit. We’re gonna finish you both off once and for all by sending you to a SECOND pie device.”

A huge cheer from the audience.

“And because you challenged your opponents for a second time, and lost a second time, we have to make this EXTRA special for you. And I know just how to do that.

“You’re gonna go into those second pie devices … totally naked.”

There’s an explosion of energy from the audience. The fit, well-endowed Grayson going butt naked into a pie device. And he handsome Bailey stripping naked to take a ride on a second pie device as well.

“Well guys, we don’t have all day. What do you say, audience? Should they take off their speedos?”

What little dignity Grayson and Bailey had is about to disappear completely in a matter of seconds.

TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! The audience jeers.

Bailey goes first, hooking his thumbs around his thoroughly destroyed swimsuit and yanking them down. His penis breaks free and flops up and down as if celebrating its emancipation. Bailey feels the coolness of the studio air around his cream-covered groin and on his ass, still dripping pink from the milkshake he got dumped into earlier.

The cheers continue. TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!

Grayson feels the cameras panning down from his face directly to his chest. Full frontal nudity was a lot to take. He grabs hold of the waistband of the speedo and rather clumsily pulls them down. Eventually it hits the ground and Grayson’s hands transition to cover his freshly shaved crotch.

Right at this moment, the crowd reacts with a roar as if in a Roman colosseum. They came to today to be entertained, and seeing Grayson and Bailey’s naked bodies is worth the price of admission. Which in this case was free.

“Excellent,” Marc says. “Fantastic work, you two. You know, you’ve never looked better.

“And I think you’ll look even better after this. Robin, I think we ought to debut a new machine. So would you please escort Bailey to the Torture Chamber, and can we give Grayson the honor of being the first person to be ever locked into the Cruci-Pied?

Ohhhhhh the audience goes as a large apparatus in the shape of an X is wheeled out on set. It’s a St. Andrew’s Cross, and Robin is gently guiding an extremely hesitant Grayson toward it.

Every other Camp Ham counselor is either averting their eyes or is covering their mouth with their hands, in shock that this is happening to one of their own. But the audience, with no attachment to either of these two, just wants to see what’s left of his get completely demolished.

Grayson steps onto a small platform and allows himself to be strapped into the X – first his wrists, then his ankles. While this happens, Robin is walking Bailey over to the Torture Chamber – formerly the Pie Pod – where he too gets strapped in by the wrists and the ankles.

With both victims strapped in and ready to receive their final judgments, Marc takes the stage back. He sticks his microphone in Grayson’s face.

“Grayson, you’re the very first person to be strapped into our Cruci-Pied device, how honored do you feel?”

“Please god, no! I’m sorry, mom!”

“I’m not sure mom will be able to help you out of this one, but I get the point. We need to cover you up a little. So can we bring out some more pies, please?”

On cue, a table containing 21 pies is wheeled out: Grayson is about to be on the receiving end of a pie massacre. Upon seeing the sheer volume of the ammo, he shakes his head, banging it against the padded headrest behind him, and strains against the restraints holding him in. His fellow camp counselors, his friends, load up on pies and surround him ominously.

“Grayson failed not once, but twice today, and for that, he took a trip down our Pie Slide, and now, he’s going to pay the ultimate price: a 21-pie salute, completely and totally naked.

“On the count of three, audience, let’s say goodbye to Grayson!”

ONE! TWO! THREE!

The sound effects can’t keep up with the sheer destruction meted out. Pies fly in Grayson’s direction from all angles in a seemingly never-ending barrage. He gets several pies thrown in his face, and many more get smashed in, his head knocking back against the headrest behind him every time. Berry filling, syrup, pudding, and whipped cream pile up on top of the melted cream already covering his body. His arms and legs struggle against their restraints.

His chest also takes a pounding, with Isaac having taken a pie in each hand and shoved them right into his bare pecs. Pies slam into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him momentarily. They coat his legs, and several more bang into his naked crotch, where his penis slumps down after every devastating hit as if to communicate its exhaustion.

Miles delivers one last brutal hit to his face, the hit so hard and the cream so sticky that the pie tin sticks to his face, leaving him unable to see what destruction his coworkers and friends did to his body. Mercifully, the tin finally falls off on its own, Miles looks down and sees that virtually every inch of the front of his naked body has been slathered in pie mess. Huge chunks of cream and crust fall to the floor, leaving behind a messy wake and threatening to expose his private parts once again.

But he wouldn’t have to worry much more about coverage. He didn’t even notice it when he was strapped in, but a see-through bucket – a halo of sorts for this St. Andrew’s Cross – is stationed directly above his head, and just as the pies stop, the bucket suddenly unloads its contents – classic green slime that hits Grayson right on the crown of his head, causing him to scream once more as his body gets enveloped by thick green cake batter. It slides down his hard body, some of it blazing a trail down to his dick, where it drips, drips, drips, all the way to the ground.

With time running out on the show today, Marc quickly runs over to Bailey. He’s totally exposed, with scary-looking nozzles, guns, and mechanical arms all aimed at his face, his head, his dick. And there is nothing he can do to stop it or protect himself.

As has been the case lately, the arms of the Pie Pod have been loaded up with sheet cakes: dense, heavy desserts with massive payloads guaranteed to blast their target’s face and body extremely hard.

Marc riles up the audience one more time. “What do you think, audience? Should we nail this guy with one, two, three, or four cakes?”

FOUR!!!

“I hope you’re ready, Bailey”, Marc proclaims with a maniacal laugh, “because what just happened to Grayson, you’re about to get it a whole lot worse.”

Bailey winces in fear. He even whines a little.

“Audience, on the count of 3, let’s give Bailey a little dessert courtesy of What Would You Do!”

ONE! TWO! THREE!

The four cakes launch from left to right, each one containing one word of What Would You Do in bold blue frosting. Every single one scores a direct hit. Each is overloaded with frosting, and they explode like giant dessert bombs on impact. Bailey’s face takes one pounding after another as cake begins to pile up in his lap and smother his manhood. The second cake fires from directly in front of him, hitting him square in the face and leaving chunks to tumble down his naked body. His arms and legs kick in shock after every hit, but that’s nothing compared to what happens after the third caking.

Installed just a couple of episodes ago, a squirt gun beneath the mesh seat of the Pie Pod fires its payload, pounding Bailey’s rear end with a violent blast of cream. Bailey yells in agony and arcs his back from the sudden surprise, only to drop back to his seat when a similar nozzle stationed above his crotch fires another jet of cream straight down at high velocity right into his groin. Again, Bailey yells bloody murder as the jet goes to town on his manhood, until it suddenly ceases. Bailey’s wide open mouth is met with a fourth cake that nails its target, filling his mouth with even more sickly sweet frosting and red velvet to the point where it all begins gushing out.

Bailey’s top half is absolutely demolished. He is covered in frosting of all colors and doughy cake mess. Cream is dripping out of his backside and from between his legs. But that’s nowhere near everything.

Suddenly, Bailey’s chair springs to life, spinning around and around as four jets spray even more pie cream at him from overhead: the nozzles from the Pie Wash. The bits of cake slowly disappear under a coating of wet, thick pie cream. Bailey gets four revolutions to ensure he is well and truly covered, before the apparatus comes to a stop.

But still there’s more. Like Grayson, a bucket of fun was stationed above his head, full of a mystery substance ready to be dumped all over him. At the exact moment he believes his agony is over, the trapdoor releases, unleashing a deluge of chocolate syrup all over Bailey’s naked body.

OHHHH the crowd beckons. They truly cannot believe what they are seeing.

The blackness of the syrup mixes with the whiteness of the Pie Wash cream to make a kind of beautiful swirly art of Bailey’s body. His beautifully tanned skin is long gone, buried under layer upon layer of cake, pie, cream and chocolate sauce.

The audience applauds heartily, though it’s unclear whether it’s to commend Bailey and Grayson for their bravery, or to celebrate the idea of unwitting audience members being made to strip naked and get destroyed not once, but twice, by the merciless What Would You Do pie contraptions.

With justice finally having been served, Marc drives the knife in one last time before sending the crowd home happy.

“So Bailey, do you want to try to challenge your opponents a third time?”

“NO!” he barks.

“Well, Bailey and Grayson challenged their friends to play games on our show twice today, and now you know what happens when you lose twice on our show. That’s all the time we’ve got, thanks for joining us here on What Would You Do, we’ll see you next time! Bye bye!”

The credits roll, and when they finish, even more slow motion cuts play. Of Grayson strapped into the X and getting clobbered with his 21 pie salute. Of the impact of the first cake slamming into Bailey’s face. Of Grayson’s reaction when a cold cream pie got slammed directly into his balls. Of Bailey’s reaction when he received an unexpected jet of cream up the butt. Of Grayson’s agonized face when the deluge of green slime landed on his head. Of pie, cake, and chocolate syrup dribbling out of Bailey’s mouth.

The final shot is of the other eight camp counselors, their heads shaking, their mouths wide open in shock, their heads in their hands. These were two of their closest friends, whose only offense was losing a couple of games. This is their last night together, and now that lightness when they waltzed into the studio singing their fight song, their seemingly unshakable bond – not to mention their own clothes – was ruined.

How would they be able to recover from this, knowing this would be on TV and on the internet for anyone to see forever? Professors … classmates … campers?! What would they tell the female counselors later when they asked about their day? Two naked, blubbering messes totally covered in pies, cakes, and slime, humiliated for a cheap thrill.

The What Would You Do pie devices claimed two more victims, whose totally destroyed bodies would find their way into the Hall of Shame in the front hall, a not so subtle warning to future visitors, especially those making themselves targets with their behavior, like by singing a hokey camp song.