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April Bonus Poll: Terrible Sportsing (Patreon)

Published:
2024-04-05 00:37:03
Imported:
2026-06

Content

For this month's secular bonus hit us with your worst secular sports films and we'll pick one.

Comments

Sidewinder

Invincible with Marky Mark?

lf

"Any Given Sunday."

Jeb Dale

The Longest Yard, but its the Adam Sandler one

Venkman's Assistant

Caddyshack 2, Radio, and Rookie Of The Year come to mind.

Eric Johnson

Does Gleaming the Cube count as a sports movie?

The Void30

There’s so many to choose from but let’s do AirBud Golden Receiver!

Joshua Little

Gah, Caddyshack 2 or the adam sandler Longest Yard. And even though I love it, Baseketball is probably objectively terrible for lots of reasons, I openly admit to loving trash.

Unofficial_Opinion

The Replacements has some interesting ideas about pro football. Who may tackle whomst, for instance.

B

No. Holds. Barred.

Christopher Brian

Major League 2…Or 3. Or invictus if you’re open to Matt Damon doing an awful South African accent

Kevin McGonigle

You have to do blindside it has everything religious white savors and of course republicans stealing money.

Unofficial_Opinion

Major League is also a good/bad movie. All the sequels are bad/bad

Mr Pudifoot

Racing is a sport, right? How about Red Line, the movie made by money eared by subprime loans. Also the movie the Eddie Griffin was working on when he totaled a 1.2 million dollar Ferrari Enzo

Brendan Horn

Have they done Angels in the Outfield? If not, HOW?!

Dreamcrusher

Sorry for the double post, Rollerball, awful 2002 remake.

Paul Arndt

Knute Rockne, All American ("Go out there and win one for 'The Gipper'!") Classic football movie, combines early 20th century prudishness with with fun of watching Ronald Reagan die. What's not to love??

Joshua Little

I've been told that skateboarding is so much sport that's it's XTREME! So, yes.

Michael Nelson

Rollerball (2002) feels like cheating because it's not a real sport. Maybe Over The Top with Stallone?

Eric Meyer

I don't remember/ can't check for a minute but have they already done Rudy?

Brendan Horn

Im not gonna say Dodgeball is good, but I dont know if its talk about it for an hour or two bad. Just kinda meh.

Vausch Abendroth

Matilda. No not that one. This one is about a boxing kangaroo furry from the 70s. Okay it's supposed to be a real kangaroo but it's funnier to think it's a bad fursuit.

Varica

The Benchwarmers, starring Rob Schneider and David Spade

Bossasaur

Slapshot 2 with Stephen Balwin and Gary Busey

Theresa Mooney

As a Hoosier forced to watch Hoosiers as a kid.... I vote Hoosiers. Mostly to bore the boys for 2 hours. Such a BORING movie. Even more fun if you for Tom and Cecil to watch with y'all since they hate Indiana so much!

Kain

Oh so we’re directly attacking Keith nice

Brendan Horn

God sends angels to help a terrible baseball team cheat at baseball because its easier than addressing the actual problems of an neglected child.

Dexter

For Secular: Cool Runnings For the main feed: Chariots of Fire

B. King

8 seconds. Luke Perry. Stephen Baldwin. Bull-riding drama.

Panzer

I'll throw Rookie of the Year out there.

Kristin

Summer Catch. It fails as a sports movie, fails as a romance, and fails at being a comedy. With Freddie Prinze Jr and Jessica Biel

Kathleen

I 4th Blind Side

Kisskiss

My partner says Gridiron Gang, The Rock's football movie from 2006, is terrible lol.

TBoneSF

Ed: Joey Tribianni says "There's no rule that says a chimp can't play baseball!"

Kisskiss

I also wonder if Remember the Titans is terrible, because I haven't seen it since it was new but everyone was obsessssed with it, and I think it tackled some racial tension, so I kind of assume at least parts of it haven't aged well. And wasn't there a character that was gay coded, but it was really ambiguous and weird? I remember liking it like everyone else at the time, but I was a teenager with terrible taste and a very tiny bubble of a worldview 🤷‍♀️

Hangman13182

Caddyshack 2 I wouldn't consider a sports movie since it revolves around put put

Hangman13182

No, Dodgeball might not be a great movie but it's not god awful.

Hangman13182

I'd have to second Blind Side. Truly God Awful.

Hangman13182

I'd have to what 8th 9th 12th Blind Side. Truly a horrendous movie.

Baron Atomy

Men With Brooms. Patrick Stewart on shoots in a curling masterpiece.

boardsofcinema

"Bad Sportsmanship" would've been a funnier poll title, IMO.

Robert Muse

If you consider hunting a sport - hard target

Nate

The legend of bagger Vance. Pure unadulterated awfulness.

Jeffrey Cowell

This could fall under a regular episode.

Nate

Juwanna Mann…. I don’t even have words to describe it….

Nate

Necessary Roughness

Nate

Eddie… the one with Whoopie

Austin Howell

Angels in the Outfield (1994) is a perfect crossover movie

David

Daredevil. Ben Aflec version. That single basketball scene is worse than any full length sports movie that exists

Regina Calabrese

The Sandlot. So much of that movie did NOT age well.

Aaron Irvin

Spiker. 80s men's Olympic volleyball movie that is convinced volleyball is the greatest and most lucrative sport ever, Souplantation is the greatest restaurant ever, and NEVER MAKES IT TO THE OLYMPICS! This is a movie about the men's Olympic volleyball team where none of the story takes place at the Olympics!!!! Also one of the players is served divorce papers in the middle of practice. This movie is AMAZING!!!!

Dustin

the blindside

Shut up Wesley!

Eight Crazy Nights. Given the criteria for GAM that makes movies religious this movie is a sports movie.

Kevin

BEST OF THE BEST

GenmuLVLX

United Passions AKA the FIFA funded propaganda piece

Hangman13182

God I forgot about Juwanna Man. Way to many parallels to today's gender identity and men with beards dominating some women's sports.

steven burritt

FIGHT VALLEY has at least 3 pro ufc woman and the fighting is terrible and acting worse. the budget was 27mill somehow and anybody with an iphone and free weekend could make a better movie.

Hangman13182

Never seen it (not really big on sports movies) but if it came out in the 90s or early 2000s it definitely had at least one gay guy.

Cave_Dweller

Two suggestions: Slap Shot 2: Breaking The Ice - A 2002 straight to garbage sequel starring STEPHEN BALDWIN AND GARY FUCKING BUSEY And, my dark horse pick: The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh. A basketball movie from the 70s. From a review blurb (emphasis mine): "The Pittsburgh Pythons stink. So, a ballboy tuns to ASTROLOGY, and decides to form a team entirely from players born under the same sign as the star player (Dr. J). The team takes off, and wins the title, but you're left remembering that people did a lot of drugs during the '70s."

ABagFullofBags

Ok I read every comment and I didn't see anyone mention Over the Top. "Over the Top". A title which fits the premise. Which is that a truck driver decides to arm-wrestle his way to custody of his annoying, spoilt ass kid.

Mark Siefert

I think they already did that one.

Clockworkk

I know basically nothing about sports, and genuinely can’t think of a single sports movie. However, whatever you end up picking, I’m going to greatly enjoy Noah and Heath’s (mostly Heath’s) ire against the bad sportsing. Looking forward to it. :D

Scottishrose1980

Dodgeball. Because if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. And you should at least enjoy this month.

Stonedbanana

Oh gawd I forgot about that movie.

Stonedbanana

I second this, but only if Cecil and Tom join. I don't think there's enough going on to make an episode without adding their suffering and disdain for Indiana.

That Black Girl

THE FISH THAT SAVED PITTSBURGH is one of the best movies ever made. I will fight you on this.

Beau Branson

The Johnny Knoxville affront to decency that is…The Ringer.

Rachel J Larris

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Now this is my top pick

Kisskiss

Yessss I rewatched these a few years ago and hoo boy they didn't age well lol

Cave_Dweller

It is CRIMINALLY underrated!

Simon Ellis

May I suggest the one, the only. Varsity Blues with James (this worked for Tom Cruise in all the right moves) Van Der Beek and Jon (did I need the money this badly) Voight. A truly awful teen football drama.

J. Vizzle

My legal name is John Voigt and I hate it.

J. Vizzle

Johnny Knoxville is a fucking genius and a god among men!

J. Vizzle

How did I miss that episode???

Khristle

Squeeze Play

Jlynn

Mystery, Alaska. A hockey movie with very little hockey. Did I mention Russell Crowe.

You can just think of me as That One Guy

Escape To Victory. It's The Great Escape except with Sylvester Stallone instead of Steve McQueen, and Football (_actual_ football, the one played with the feet, not the hands) instead of... Anything actually good. It exists solely for the sort of English football fan who chants "Two World Wars and One World Cup" when England play Germany.

GenXNerd_Eli.is.Keats

Varsity Blues is an exceptional choice!! An appropriately inappropriate, poorly aged, w/heart, cinematic adventure in Americana

Hadzer

Football Factory with Danny Dyer

Hadzer

Just avoid any movies about pool. We don't want Heath having flashbacks to the absolute trouncing I gave him at QED.

Micheal Brophy

The Crying Game Forrest Whittakers attempt at bowling a cricket ball rivals Battlefield Earth as a cinematic crime.

lil-brudder89

That’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see how it turns out.

Ilan Woll

Mr. Baseball, Tom Selleck as an aging baseball player in Japan

Ilan Woll

Or Major League 3: back to the minors. Scott Bakula coaching a minor league team

Ilan Woll

Oddly a movie I really liked

Ilan Woll

If they were wrestling fans at all, this would be glorious

Ilan Woll

And you have two versions, though I think the Danza version is worse

ABagFullofBags

Whelp that explains why no one mentioned it And I have an episode to check out, thank you!

Jeb Dale

Is "Legend of Bagger Vance" a sporting movie? It's about golf and I recall it wasn't a very good movie

Esme

Slap Shot 2 is, in my opinion, the worst hockey movie ever.

Esme

Baby Ladyballers

Esme

How dare you, sir

Esme

They said bad movies

Dustin Hanson

They need to get Thomas Smith to join them on this, he plays amateur hockey

Donovan Morgan

Salute Of The Jugger. Rutger Hauer post apocalyptic sci fi based around a made up sport with weapons.

TheDingoThatTookYourBaby

Any boxing movie, starting with the Rocky movies, and culminating in the most cringeworthy of all time. Million Dollar Baby. Maggie has an idiot grin on her face in nearly every scene. The Blue Bear is so comically dirty a fighter, that simply biting an ear off would be a lovers kiss in comparison. She'd be banned for life before every getting as far as she's supposed to have done. A truly awful movie about a truly awful "sport".

Erik Sivertson

Stroker Ace. Burt Reynolds, Loni Anderson, Ned Beatty, and even Jim Nabors!

Mike Groff

The Replacements Any Given Sunday Necessary Roughness The Benchwarmers Ed The Fan Rollerball

Timothy Lehnerer

Over the Top, in which Sylvester Stallone arm wrestles so good he gets custody of his estranged son AND a new truck.

tronvillain

I saw it as The Blood of Heroes. Way too fun for GAM.

David Brooklyn

The remake of Rollerball, or the original for a good movie

Sparrow

I vote for the sequel (to the remake) Angels in the Endzone. It's worse.

Sparrow

The remake has a made-for-tv sequel called Angels in the Endzone, which is angels help a team cheat at American football.

Brendan Horn

I didnt know there were 2, I grew up watching the one with Christopher Lloyd and Danny Glover. And I am aware that I have watched Angels in the Endzone, but it was such a nothing movie that I literally remember nothing about it.

Sham Hunter

Mean Machine because I need to hear your take on Vinnie Jones to make my life complete. Oh god and Danny Dyer. You may need Marsh to translate.

Timothy Lehnerer

Rocky IV is a great insane artifact of the Cold War

Autumn Sunset

That's not actually a sports movie tho, it's a modern adaption of Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night," same way "10 Things I Hate About You" is actually "The Taming of the Shrew." I wish I were kidding lol

Autumn Sunset

"The Garbage Picking, Field Goal Kicking, Philadelphia Phenomenon" please! It's about Tony Danza trying to play football

Kate Shelly

Literally came here to post this.

Unofficial_Opinion

God, that movie is terrible. Good call. And it’s Adam Sandler, which Noah will hate.

Unofficial_Opinion

I loved it as a kid, but it’s kinda bad, right? Lol.

Jezebel's Human

Blades of Glory - that awful movie where Will Ferrell and the kid from Napoleon Dynamite pair up for a figure skating competition. I had to look up the title because I couldn’t remember it, but sadly I had not forgotten altogether that it exists.

Taru Tikkanen

Did that one already, on the main feed.

Iron Wolf Forge

Oh gawds I almost forgot about that one, or almost pushed it out of my memories.

Iron Wolf Forge

Two hockey movies that could take a shot. Youngbloods and Slap Shot

Shut up Wesley!

Something tells me Eli will hate this one more.

Jason Ley

It’s already been requested, and I don’t wanna dogpile this, but there’s nothing in the rules that prohibit Air Bud!

Laura Lusby

I feel like they did this one already. I KNOW they did ONE of the Rocky movies

Laura Lusby

It was a wide release though, I figured it was more a football movie than a Jesus movie. I’d watch it again but…I’m not doing that unless the guys pick it LOL

Laura Lusby

This movie has a heartbreakingly beautiful score

Laura Lusby

COOL RUNNINGS is an amazing movie! You take that back! LOL

Reverend Paleo

Angels in the Outfield. Goddammit Reverend Jim, you used to be the Reverend Jim!!

Reverend Paleo

I don’t know - terrible film but Bakula is one of those actors I’d watch reading a phone book.

Reverend Paleo

The one with Jean Claude Van Whoop-ass in the ‘Kumite’.

CincoBoy42

Field of Dreams has a ton of very arbitrarily defined ghost magic. Ladybugs with Rodney Dangerfield is just weird throughout.

Robert Muse

Someone did not see catwoman

Esme

I actually rather like Youngblood. It's a great cast. Of the hockey movies I was forced to watch by my three older siblings, it's pretty entertaining. I love baby Keanu. Slapshot 2 is one of the most unnecessary movies ever made.

Nolan B.

The first Major League has all the 80’s cliche stuff but still has some charm and funny moments.

Bryn

Rocky 6, Mr Baseball, The Replacements, Stroker Ace

Alex Hencken

Teen Wolf (1 or 2), Ready to Rumble, Six Pack (w Kenny Roger's of all people, look it up), or Airborne are a few suggestions I have.

Jason H

Is Lady Ballers fair game or is that one already on the schedule?

Spookems

Lady Ballers was episode 434 of the main feed :3

Spookems

That was bonus episode 034: Blood Sport

Spookems

My lack of sports movie knowledge is making me suffer, as the only sports movies I know are satirical comedies and are actually good...

Spookems

I remember that one being pretty decent too XD

Kristine VanRaalte

Hope Eli and his family are all ok after the earthquake yesterday.

Spookems

Gerry Curls. Movie about curling, and you get to make fun of florida while watching it. Win-win

Unofficial_Opinion

“They got chili dogs over there,” and “it’s not that important” are a couple for me. :-)

Mark Smith

I loved slap shot. A fighting movie with ice hockey attached.

Henri

Throwing in my two cents, The Air Up There (1994), or Ed (1996).

Josh Ropte

Angels in the outfield

Hangman13182

Breaking Away is a great movie!!

Uriah Jackson

Solarbabies. A post apocalypse where a team of orphan inline skating lacrosse players find an intelligent alien sphere that can fix the water shortage. Also Jami Gertz from Lost Boys.

Dustin Dugger

Avalanche. There's skiing and it's the worst movie ever 😂

SgtChewy

Teen Wolf. Or, The Peanut Butter Solution which is not sporty but absolutely fucked me up as a kid.

Hangman13182

I'm no tranphobe, I don't care how a person self identifies. If you want to identify as a man or woman or even a toaster. I don't care you be you. But there are a-holes out out there who couldn't hack it on the men's side and self identify as a woman to dominate in a female sport. Men tend to be larger in height and build (just a fact) and when we're talking contact sports people will and have gotten injured sometimes severely. I was just saying Juwana Man is a prime example of that, way before it became a hot button topic. Given your heated response the GAM guys probably shouldn't review it so as not to alienate some of their fans.

Flantastic02

I was just gonna say the dog basketball movie, but *this* sounds absolutely amazing

Lyndi Macke

Is bowling a sport? Because Kingpin. It has Randy Quaid, Woody Harrelson and the worst of the Farrelly brothers. I think Randy Quaid is Amish? An absolute mess of a picture.

Dreamcrusher

Is it too late to just forget this and do Zack Synder's latest crime, Rebel Moon Part Two: The Scaregiver?