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GAM Bonus 049: House of the Dead (Patreon)

Published:
2020-08-01 01:42:07
Edited:
2023-12-05 17:16:39
Imported:
2026-06

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Content

We asked what contagion movie you wanted and the answer was overwhelming. So we got to watch yet another video game movie, and it somehow lowered the average.

Comments

Tiralana

Fun fact: Germany had to change their tax laws BECAUSE of Uwe Boll and his shenanigans.

A.J.

I am so glad this happened.

Markus D

This episode was hilarious, though I was thrown off by how you all insisted on saying "Uwe" incorrectly. I also want to mention that in the nonsense "shotgun shell = bullet that splits into smaller bullets" shot, the lady who shoots the shotgun does so as she JUMPS INTO THE TRAJECTORY OF A FLYING AXE FOR NO REASON.

james devine

Why didn't Thomas just wear Heath's face for this episode?

Araknis Slade

BTW the dude that jabbed himself with the random nail in the hand on the bridge over boiling zombie soup was because apparently the actor hurt his hand and they wrote the nail bit in so nobody would wonder why his hand was bandaged... truth.

Taru Tikkanen

Great episode, thank you! Thomas is always a delightful guest masochist, with a wonderful laugh.

The Real Moorey

Oh Jesus, I think I just watched the wrong “house of the dead’. I’m off to cry into cake.

Natalie L.

I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, but Eli’s zombie voice sounded a loooooot like Lil Cheney’s voice from that Comedy Central cartoon Lil Bush https://youtu.be/tT0rgR1-RUE

Stormy Decisis

Noah said hung instead of hanged and now I am thrown into grammatical hell wondering if *I'm* wrong.

Nick

Noah’s numerous references to Citation Needed episodes got impressive

Lizard Brain

When Thomas brought up Jurgen Prochnow, my head started screaming “THE KEEP”!!! This needs to be an episode. Jurgen plays a nazi, Scott Glenn is an immortal warrior and there’s an ancient evil kept in place by thousands silver crosses embedded in the walls. Scenery is chewed while you are bored senseless. It’s an incredible combination and the movie would work as a regular or Patreon episode. https://g.co/kgs/jUWErM

Emme Lynn

So. Remember when bowling alleys were a thing? And they were garishly decorated with glow-in-the-dark planet wall stickers and the carpet pattern might give you a seizure if you looked at it long enough? Always smelled like cigarettes and cheap deodorant? Some dude in a Canadian tuxedo passed out across the bench seat for lane 13 even though its only 10 am? Great. Yeah. I remember that too. Do you also remember how bowling alleys would have an arcade section full of TERRIBLE 90s rail shooters like House of the Dead or CarnEvil? Great! We're on the same page! Anyway. My point is that I used to spend my elementary school summer vacations scrounging my local bowling alley parking lot for quarters or harassing the drunks at the alley's bar until they gave me money to gtfo and I would spend HOURS trying to get all the way through those terrible rail shooters. I played through House of the Dead, like, half a dozen times in one summer. Was it a good game? No. The plot was nonsensical and the creatures (which had NAMES for specific types -- but don't get me started on that) were basically reused throughout the game ad nauseam. Zombie frogs and leeches? Sure, makes sense. HUNDREDS of zombies double-fisting axes? Where are all these axes coming from? Who fucking knows. Look, the game was terrible. But it was MY terrible game. When the movie came out and was shown on the SyFy channel (sans boobs to my great disappointment) I was EXCITED. I taped this movie! And you know what? This movie taught me something important. Uwe Boll's House of the Dead taught me that even adults don't know what the fuck they're doing sometimes.

The Real Moorey

In my defense, I’m old, and didn’t know this was a video game. They also had video games in 1978 didn’t they? Movie could have been called ‘Pong’ 🤦‍♂️

Danial Gibson

I don't know why, but I read this and heard it as Eli doing his William Dafoe.

The Real Moorey

Oh maaaan...I wished I hadn’t searched so hard to find a watchable free version. That’ll learn me, I has regrets. Not even boobies managed to salvage it. Great show though boys.

Oxford Comma is Mandatory

I remember when Uwe Boll threatened to retire complaining that no-one understands his art. He got no support after his rant, so he actually followed through.

Aaron Roberto

1:29:39 Something similar happened in Hoodwinked. Little Red: [Granny,] your face looks really weird. Wolf: I've been sick, uh... LR: ... your mouth doesn't move when you talk.

Stephen Gaston

We need a citation needed episode on Ewe Boll.

Uriah Jackson

Technically there are two sequels, although Uwe Boll didn't make either one. The first sequel does have a returning character in the Harbour Patrol lady, still without legs but now as a zombie squad boss. The second sequel has Dean Cain as a zombie superman.