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April Patron Bonus Suggestion Thread: Ridiculous Remakes (Patreon)

Published:
2023-04-11 21:11:14
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Is there anything worse than a remake? In many cases NO. Hit us with your most ridicule worthy remakes. Here's a link for inspiration: https://editorial.rottentomatoes.com/guide/worst-remakes-of-all-time/

 

Comments

Cassidy Sokolis

Willy Wonka! I'd say Wicker Man, but you already did that one.

Panzer

My recommendation is 100% the Total Recall reboot.

Andrew Barton

S. Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale I haven't watched it in years, but I remember the excitement, then deep disappointment vividly.

Adam Pope

True Grit! Judge Dredd Sooooo many Superman movies

Chris B

Black Christmas (2019)

Chef beef

Red dawn or clash of the titans

Steve Dicus

Robocop. It tried to do a few things….but fell short. The only funny part was where it turned out he was made in China, but I was the only one laughing in the theater. The original is one of the greatest dark comedies and social satires in history. The remake…..was a throwaway science fiction flop they could have just mailed us all on DVD.

bybat

The Footloose remake was real bad

CarrieBoo

HORRENDOUS. Hated it.

Gidgit

Charlie's angel

Meghan Baldwin

Planet of the apes (Marky-Mark version)

Flantastic02

Two Words and a Number:: The Mummy 2019

Ada the Muscle Witch

Paws of Fury. A remake of Blazing fucking Saddles. Alternatively Bangkok Dangerous if you guys need a Nic Cage fix

Flantastic02

Wild Wild West is a good bet too

Alex Hencken

War of the Worlds Tim Burton's Planet of The Apes The Invisible Man (2020) Assault on Precinct 13 High Noon (2000)... I mean why? Seriously, why remake one of the greatest classic westerns of all time?

CarrieBoo

Someone remade Ben-Hur??? Why tho?? LOL There's a Flatliners remake too... The Day the Earth Stood Still remake was a stinker.... And Robin Hood, with Jamie Foxx.

Stansky

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised if you check the back catalogue.

Tamylyn

The mummy (2017)

You can just think of me as That One Guy

The Haunting, a deeply unscary horror movie where Owen Wilson seems to have wandered onto set from a comedy that was shooting next door and nobody stopped him; or The Tourist, a movie I didn't know was a remake and which - knowing that now - I will never, ever watch the original...

Joshua

I say you go back to the Disney well and do the live action Mulan.

Amanda

I clicked the link and was going to give all of the ones I've seen a fair rating, but then I got to Wickerman. OMD Wickerman. Nic Cage's Wickerman. If you'd wanted to deliberately fuck up the brilliant, unsettlingly creepy original, you could not have done better than this piece of bewilderingly awful dreck. This deserves to be remembered for all the wrong reasons. Please do Wickerman. It's the worst. Oh man! You already did that one. Now I have to go back and listen to it again.

Mark Smith

Got to go with taking the piss out of Markie Mark, Planet of the apes. What a utter waste of my time.

Travis Collins

The Island of Doctor Moreau. Seriously, everything about this 1996 remake of two classic horror movies is absolutely bonkers and chockablock full of WTF. And that’s not even getting into the content of the movie itself, which has Val Kilmer playing a coked out veterinarian and Marlon Brando just… Marlon Brandoing on screen for about an hour. It has to be seen to be believed.

Khristle

Does the Tom Cruise Mummy count? Or what about the Mummy 3

Khristle

The Johnny Depp one specifically

Ilan Woll

Red Dawn seemed pretty awful as a remake. Going off the list, Star Trek Nemesis (Wrath of Khan minus anything good)

Dreamcrusher

I don't care what happens as long as Fast X is the May movie bonus.

Ben Wilcox

Tom Cruise Mummy! The starting point for Universal's "Dark Universe" starring remakes of all their classic monsters!

lf

"Point of no Return" was never going to make people forget about the slick and stylish "La Femme Nikita." How about "Auntie Mame?" Sure Bea Arthur is in the remake with Lucille Ball (Mame); but Rosalind Russell in the original movie portrays Mame as zanny, deceptive, and passionate. Lucille Ball and the remake are just not fun.

Theresa Mooney

Literally any of the Nick Cage movies. I miss y'all's Nick Cage impressions.

Kamaljeet Gill

There is a Bollywood remake of Momento that includes a comedy band, and a screwball comedy section. Similarly the Bollywood remake of Silence of the Lambs.

lf

Oh my gawd, the music of the original Pelham was awesome. And you can't top Walter Matthau's timing.

lf

That was a crime.

HidariMak

Kite. The anime was a decent enough movie about assassins working for a criminal enterprise, using exploding bullets, and had some scenes (like the assassination in a men's bathroom) that reached the silliness of a Hollywood blockbuster. https://youtu.be/idM6gPrMqqs?t=34 It already had some cinematic padding, before Hollywood added another 40 minutes of padding, and then making the movie that was already animated more 2D with its live-action adaptation.

Outer Dimension Reviews (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-08 12:00 Well the obvious answer is the Wicker Man remake starring Nic Cage. However, and in the interest of full disclosure this is a movie I liked, I think you'd have fun lambasting 13 Ghosts.
2023-04-11 22:28

Lisorael

Wicked City. The live action version is hilariously insane

Paul Arndt

No question. Planet of the Apes (the Tim Burton/Marky Mark monstrosity)

MissWrenBird

Nick Cage's Wickerman is one terrible remake

Antonio A Barroso

Hell yeah, bear suit wearing, old lady cold cocking Nic Cage. Wicker Man!

Olivia Peachley

It’s one of the earlier gam bonuses and it’s one of my favorite episodes, strongly recommend!

Dan

Three votes

Olivia Peachley

Omg! Omg theres an ANIMATED ben hur that came out in like the early 2000s that’s a) SUPER JESUSY and b) has an 80 something year old charleton heston still voicing ben hur!!! It’s jesusy enough to be on the main feed honestly.

Honeyshot

I think nightmare on elm street remake would be solid joke material.

Kathleen

Jacob’s Ladder, Hellboy, The Women, The Mummy remake, all sound interesting. I haven’t seen anyone talk about Jacob’s Ladder or The Women on other podcasts. Of course, Wickerman remake is a classic bad movie.

TBoneSF

Gotta go Marky Marks Planet of the Apes.

TBoneSF

Any reason for Eli to bust out his Boston accent

MutatedWisdom

I hugely recommend 'Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County' It's a made-for-TV remake of the low budget found-footage 'UFO Abduction' that is WAY dumber despite higher production costs and having actual actors.

Nate

MARKY MARK WAHLBERG - in the remake of the Cary Grant / Audrey Hepburn classic “Charade” called… “The Truth About Charlie” (2002)

Cleric of vecna

Leprechaun. The remake was absolute dogshit and didn't understand the original movies at all. Or one missed call because American remakes are terrible.

Geoffrey T. Blackwell

The Robocop remake was bad but not in a fun way and you already did Disney's live-action Pinocchio. So my vote is for 2005's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So! Much! Depp! Lunacy!

Christian Galitzine

This for sure. The only remake I've ever seen that missed the point of the original movie so hard that they managed to come to the compete opposite conclusion.

Christian Galitzine

Gotta give another vote for Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes. It's got a sexy orangutan strip tease!

Adam Pope

YYYAAAASSSSSS!!!! omg i love hearing Noah's absolute confusion lol

TheDingoThatTookYourBaby

So many. So, so many. Why does Hollywood remake classic movies? Because they didn't fvck it up the first time. My suggestions. The Stepford Wives - 2004. Nicole Kidman and Bette Midler. The Day The Earth Stood Still - 2009. Keanu Reeves. Not so much remake as an entirely different movie, with a few names kept. And yes, I know the 1959 original was a retelling of the story of Jesus. It just means you can use it as a regular episode. The War Of The Worlds - 2005. Tom Cruise vehicle. Which crashed, burned, and took out a whole gas station.

THE Mike Miller

I have to say footloose, cuz my mother subjected my to that movie almost as many times as Dirty Dancing. I can't wait to hear how your experience of watching "the movie that didn't live up to footloose" goes. Let's play chicken in vehicles that literally require a "slow moving vehicle" hazard sign to take them on the road. How will this remake limbo under that low bar? I can't wait for you to watch it and tell me. I feel like heath will love it.

Leon Heartly

They remade that 1998 violent anime "kite" as a live action film WHAT THE FUCK! now I'm angry, I'm livid, idk if you should review it but damm!!!!

Adam Parkin

Horror is a genre already full of pointless remakes, so my vote is for something different: Man of Steel (especially for a final fight with the villain that bored me in the cinema - invincible people punching each other across the sky is not interesting)

Taru Tikkanen

They’ve done that already 🙂

Taru Tikkanen

They’ve covered Nic Cage’s Wicker Man 🙂

You can just think of me as That One Guy

Reversal - do the original Wicker Man? Yes, it's a stone-cold classic and the best horror - thriller - detective - fantasy - musical movie ever made, but Noah can mock the Pagans and Heath can mock the uptight Christian and Eli can do an allegedly Scottish accent that causes angry letters...

Leslie Marchant

The Haunting w/Liam Neeson; House on Haunted Hill w/Geoffrey Rush

Andrew H

And another excuse for Eli to do his Marky Mark impression.

Eric Meyer

Flight of the Phoenix is probably my vote for worst remake, unfortunately I don't know if there's a lot the guys can mine from it...

ThePaperLibrarian

House of Wax is fun for killing Paris Hilton. My Bloody Valentine 3D is fun for evil Jensen Ackles. (And I'm always down for more shitting on Supernatural!) A friend of mine hates Nine Months for the banal compelled birth narrative, which might be *fun* to revisit in our post-Roe world. Does The Island of Dr. Moreau count as a remake? I'd accept any excuse to hear that GAM review.

I_know_you_dont_really_care

The American remake of Nikita (Point of No Return), because Bridget Fonda as a drug addict? Puh... lease. Rollerball... come on! A masterpiece reflection on the takeover of society by corporate America, as a sci-fi film mirroring Rome and the Gladiators... turned into a half baked anti-Russian propaganda film on rollerblades... Fff all the way off! They remade Jacob's ladder in 2019??? Huh!... That was totally unnecessary.

Renee Y Bisel

This is the first one I though of, too. MAN it was terrible.

Renee Y Bisel

They did it already, or would have, if such a movie had ever been made. Which of course it wasn't. It doesn't exist. Never happened.

Asexual Asshole

1 - The most recent Disney's Mulan live action remake. 2 - Another Disney remake, (1994) The Jungle Book 3 - 2010's Death at a Funeral remake 4 - 2003's The Italian Job (with MarkyMark!) 5 - 2012's Steel Magnolias

Bunny Bismuth, Bun-Bun of Seething

I was going to suggest the Nightmare on Elm Street remake before I saw it on the list. The only thing it's got going for it is that Jackie Earl Haley is pants-shittingly creepy as Freddy, but those are also big shoes to fill and he can't quite fill them.

Bunny Bismuth, Bun-Bun of Seething

Also I've suggested Papi Gudia several times as it's basically a Bollywood remake of the original Child's Play. I stand by that, but also still say it should be a standard entry because it veers into GAM territory in the last few minutes with pretty much no warning.

Asexual slut for world building

Bangkok Dangerous. I didn't even know it was a remake until I checked through that list in the link. I would also suggest 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, if we're including reboots in this.

Bogo D. Boonie

And the novel and original 1963 film are so simple but soooo good. Idk how they screwed this up.

Bogo D. Boonie

Yeah, I was gonna suggest this one if I didnt see it already suggested. It's just a deeply unpleasant experience for me, especially after how charming and kind of cozy the one from the 1970s is.

The DinosaurDave

Its a shadow of the original. The dinosaurs are far less accurate, same in baffling ways. The story is... disjointed at best. And the two movies that came after it were somehow worse. The only good thing about JW is camp cretaceous.

Come to Minnesota we have weed.

Basically any live action Disney remakes will work but ima specifically call out Aladdin, the songs are done so poorly the actors are out of breath the entire time ("One Jump Ahead" specifically comes to mind), completely unnecessary and out of place additions ("Speechless") or a waky bollywood dance that should have been the entire movie (don't know the name but the ending dance bit)

Alex Hencken

I had totally forgotten about the 2004 Stepford Wives. Thanks for reintroducing into my brain. I'm sure there is an appropriate gift for this, I just can't think of one I can legally ship. 😆

Venkman's Assistant

Village Of The Damned. The original was a fantastic horror movie, the remake was totally unnecessary. Especially since the remake decided, for some reason, to go with gross out scares and tons of swearing to make sure the movie got an R-rating, which it did not need. Lord Of The Flies is another similar case. The original black & white version is fantastic, the remake just adds a bunch of unnecessary violence, gore, and swearing. Funny Games deserves a mention, if only because the remake is shot-for-shot. Ghost In The Shell with Scarlet Johanssen is another great candidate. Watching a director take the original concept and dumb it down for teenage audiences hurt me to the core.

Asexual Asshole

Rollerball was... a move that i saw. Was it terrible? my nostalgia said no; but having just rewatched the trailer... whoo boy, that was bad! GAM should definitely review this move; this was a great suggestion! A surprisingly well cast bad movie. (Unrelated, watching the trailer reminded me of the Wachowski's Speed Racer, and realizing it is basically a kid friendly Rollerball; I don't know what to do with this feeling.)

Asexual Asshole

As someone who is afraid of most horror movies, The Liam Neeson Haunting was so silly, even I could watch it. I laughed so many times. This movie could have easily been written for comedy; what a missed opportunity. Great suggestion!

Asexual Asshole

Someone else suggested this one, too! It's a great suggestion!

Asexual Asshole

You're the 3rd person to make this wonderful suggestion. It was a terrible/great movie. Great suggestion.

Jeffrey Cowell

I laughed at the part where his remaining body was revealed

That Black Girl

Clarence considers himself one of the "good ones." He's NOT like those other negroes.

Bogo D. Boonie

Nah, I think the Coen's True Grit is pretty damn good in its own right, imo whether you prefer theirs or the John Wayne one is a matter of taste.

Dave Hawkes

Get Carter with Sylvester Stallone. It is a genuine attempt to remake a classic Brit neo noir movie but just misses by so much

Laura Lusby

Any live action Disney remake. I know y’all just did Pinocchio, but Aladdin, Lion King, Beauty and the beast…they are ALL so terrible.

Mobius Rex

Seconded. I was today years old when I found out Tom Cruise made a Mummy remake, and my last bit of hope promptly died.

tsukiouji

At least it had Catherine Zeta Jones

tsukiouji

WHAT??? Oh I need these in my life

tsukiouji

The Robin Hood movie was fine, tbh. I didn't care for it trying to make modern aesthetics, but overall it was fine

tsukiouji

Suggesting on behalf of Markus D. on the Discord: American Old Boy, directed by Spike Lee

Mobius Rex

I did like that they added microsleep. That was terrifying.