March Match-Ups — Round One Results, Superhero Edition (Patreon)

The votes are in for the Superhero Edition of the Evil Inc March Match-Ups!

Once again, Evil Inc readers proved two things beyond a shadow of a doubt:

They take this tournament extremely seriously

Their decision-making process is deeply scientific and completely unbiased

Let’s take a look at who advanced — and some of the reader comments that helped push them over the top.

Phenomenal Lass vs Amazing Amazon

🏆 Winner: Phenomenal Lass

Phenomenal Lass floated her way to victory in this match-up, proving once again that being devastatingly sexy and completely unaware of it is apparently a winning strategy.

Some reader commentary in favor of Amazing Amazon...

"Phenomenal Lass's powers are quoted as being "energy beams or something". I suspect Amazing Amazon can endure that, given the experience she has with large headlights."

“The blue skin does things for me.”

"I'd like to go for PL here but she's too easily distracted... Amazing Amazon has the heart of a warrior, the drive of a porn star and tactical mind to use Phenomenal Lass's, uh, ditzier qualities to her advantage. "

“Phenomenal Lass is clueless while Amazing Amazon is from a sex-crazed society.”

But the Phenomenal One brought her fans to a defense that was, at times, downright poetic!

"The Lass with the Sass! Man that Ass! She's just a Gas! And her tits are amazing."

Others were more direct...

“Because phenomenal is more of an amazing word than amazing. DUH.”

"Tough one! But Phenomenal Lass comes out ahead ... by a chest."

"She’s going to win without understanding how, and causing chaos."

And perhaps the most academically rigorous argument submitted:

“The eyes are the window to the soul, but that boob window is the window to the boobs."

Strong reasoning all around.

Fireworx vs Yazmine Velour

🏆 Winner: Fireworx

This match-up pitted old-school superhero firepower against modern-day social media manipulation.

In the end, it turns out that literal explosions still beat influencer culture.

Yazmine's fans were out in full force with comments like "so sexy" and "she can be the boss of me." Several pointed out the folly in underestimating her true superpower: Social-media influence.

"Yazmine is a lady who doesn’t need to fight you to take you down. All she needs is to get in front of a (news) camera or on her phone, and she can spin a story in such a way that she’ll make herself look the poor victim, you the horrible monster, and we all know, the internet is a far too powerful and dangerous place."

But Fireworx's fans were not to be downvoted:

“Three words: Red hot redhead.”

“Who better to celebrate America’s 250th birthday!”

And perhaps the decisive blow...

"Yazmine still scares the hell out of me like all Social Media Gurus, but Fireworx has been around the block more times than most people can count. Flash Mobs and trolling are dangerous, but a phone can be slagged easy enough. We have yet to see Yazmine's real powers, I think but based on what i know, I'm putting my money (with my heart) on that ravishing redhead."

Miss Starr vs Dynasty

🏆 Winner: Dynasty

Dynasty advances, thanks in no small part to her formidable powers, loyal followers… and apparently other assets.

Miss Starr's backers were confident in the endowments of their favorite...

"While Dynasty does live up to her name, she would be no match for the one from outer space! Miss Star wins by impregnating Dynasty, so in a way, everyone wins..."

"Because they confuse me in the most delightful way."

“Her, ah, flexibility is why my vote goes to her.”

However, Dynasty's diehards were not to be outdone.

"This one is a much closer call; we know what Miss Starr can do, though we've seen little of Dynasty's true powers outside of the bedroom. That said, she does have the unfair advantage of an army of lovers and, eventually, superkids (LOL). Plus, I think her massive milkers will swing the fight her way. "

“Pervert answer: holy shit them knockers.”

“Heavyweight bout that has the bustiers crying for relief. Dynasty wins in a Double G second."

And one voter summarized the whole debate succinctly:

“Two words: Mommy Milkers.”

Historians will remember this as a decisive strategic factor.

Knight Walker vs Cassie Cruz

🏆 Winner: Cassie Cruz

This match-up was one of the closest calls in the round — pitting the street-level vigilante Knight Walker against Evil Inc’s own ruthlessly competent corporate shark. It was Mommy Domme vs Barely Legal Law Enforcement.

And the twenty-something tart's team made some convincing points...

"While Cassie is a fan favorite she can not hold a candle to the beauty that walks in the Knight. Knight Walker takes a firm hand with Cassie and wins the round."

"Big tits are great, but so are smaller ones."

"Need more smaller chest representation."

However's Cassie's crew were confident.

“Cassie will do anything to win and I mean anything.”

"I'm thinking that Cassie's effectiveness may be something inherited from her mom. Could we be seeing some deep plotting taking place?"

“Cassie’s punishment dynamic will overcome the efforts of Knight Walker.”

“Knight Walker is tough but Cassie will have her eating out of her hand, or other things."

One reader summarized it well...

"Knight Walker is another of my all-time favorite heroines and I want to say she's got this, but Cassie will do anything to win and I mean anything. She's not above any dirty trick or overwhelming force and with her connections to the villains, all she needs to do is dangle Catnip as a distraction. "

But, honestly, this may have been the clincher:

"Management. Fucking terrifying."

Honestly, that might be the most terrifying superpower in the tournament.

The Tournament Continues…

That means our Round One winners moving forward are:

• Phenomenal Lass• Fireworx• Dynasty• Cassie Cruz• Miss Match• Lightning Lady• Desdemona• Captain Scarr

Stay tuned — the next round is going to get very interesting.

And as always…

The real winners were us perverts.