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Arcane Absurdities — Magic Items (Patreon)

Published:
2024-10-17 17:00:10
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:
PDF

Content

"Arcane Absurdities"  is a collection of 12 odd, whimsical, and deeply impractical magic items to bring a little more laughter into your games! Each item includes description, rarity, and game mechanics to allow you to easily drop them into your games. Consider introducing them as the wares of an odd traveling merchant, the inventions of a kooky enchanter, or surprising loot in a treasure hoard.

This PDF is free for Di-votee Patrons and available for individual purchase for anybody else who wants to check it out!

This one was a very fun and very silly one to put together! I hope your players will go as feral for weird magic items as mine do. In fact, the rooster is based on an item I made up for my Daggerheart players just a few weeks ago, which has already caused SO much chaos in game 😂 Enjoy!

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Comments

Graves

The weirdest item I ever had was a rod that let us set up a large marquis tent. Maybe the DM wanted us to be comfortable camping or something but he didn't foresee when , in a naval battle I took it out and 'fired' it at the opposing ship, hopelessly fouling it's rigging with tent and ropes and poles.

AtomicStraw

Absolutely love odd and absurd magical items! These will be great for random finds!

Jonathan & Megan Pierson

These are awesome! I think my favorite is the gumball machine. The thought of the party hauling a gumball machine around with them is just hilarious. (I'm imagining the classic gumball machine, standing on a single long, brass leg, and one member of the party lugging it along on their shoulder. A bag of holding might make it slightly less hilarious ... but only slightly.) I think I'll put more gumballs in it, just to encourage the party to haul it around with them. Make it so they can get only one gumball out of it a day. Hrm. Guestion is, can you save the gumballs? I think not. They lose their potency after a day. So you takes your chances every day with the thing, but you might get one good effect. Or you might get your mouth stuck shut. Hehehehehe. Thanks Ginny!

Capell

Oh, this is gonna get super weird super fast and I love it! 🤣

ginnydi
>>152605541

It didn't even occur to me to specify that a gumball can only be chewed once 😂

Jonathan & Megan Pierson
>>152605541

LOL! I was thinking players would just empty the machine of all the gumballs and keep them in a pouch or something, pull out the ones they wanted as needed. But ABC magic gum ... that's effin' classic! :-) And you can bet some player's going to think of it. Hehehe. A chewed up piece of magic gum--still live--stuck under a tavern table. Now I've got to do something with that.

ginnydi
>>152605541

AH! Well, my intention is that they wouldn't know what each gumball does necessarily, but that's a fair point! I should probably have noted that it's one gumball at a time; if you dispense a new one, any unused ones previously dispensed are dispelled or something.

Jonathan & Megan Pierson
>>152605541

I think the way you originally wrote it--with only four charges--works well. Even if they popped all the balls out, there's not enough to test. So we preserve the fun of, "Well, let's see what this one does!" I just gummed up the works (*cough*) by adding more balls. :-)

Justin Miyashiro

My brother once had an array of useless Magic items in a campaign. My favorite was the Orb of Slope Detection. It was a glass ball that you placed on a surface and it tells you if there’s a slope there! I assume these are a little more useful than that 😅

Joe Bogart
>>152605541

I like this! Maybe add a 5th one that works as a lesser cure wounds or lesser potion of healing. like a sparkly red one. This is kind of like a Bertie Bots Every Flavor Beans. Oh SNAP! Now I will be creating that but with magical. Kinda like a Book of Mispells, (intentional miss spelling). But with Jelly Beans! BWAAHAHAHAHA.

Joe Bogart

Ginny, once again, you did a wonderful thing I will most definitely be using this in the future. I really must share my list of potions with you inspired by the Book of Mispells Vol 1-3. They are from a famous or infamous mage who was notoriously known for her horrible spelling. Miss Pell or Miss E Pell's Potions. Like Potion of Giant Strength (Gnat) or Potion of Invisibility (I'm Visibility) where the drinker's strength is halved (former) or is basically Faerie Fired and doesn't realize it (latter).