Chapter 839: The Price of Walking Away (Patreon)

A/N

2 chaps combined into 1 longer chap.

After those intense chapters with lots of action, it feels nice to write relaxing chapters, enjoy!

Chapter 839: The Price of Walking Away

When I found Lady Laelyn, she was in one of the courtyards of the Blue Sun Academy, and she was in the middle of an argument.

“No, the eastern granary needs to open for the people,” she was saying to a man that was three times her age who was trying his best to hold back a wrinkled frown. “I do not want any delays. All of it must open, and it must open today.”

"My Lady, the reserve is for the Order's El—"

"The Order's what? Its cultivators? Its elders?" She lifted an eyebrow. "Minor Elder Dreysin, there are no cultivators left. The elders have gone into seclusion. The Headmaster isn’t here to maintain order. All we have are thousands of hungry people in blue robes and a granary ready to be used. Open it."

With no choice but to agree, the man nodded with a sigh.

It looked like Lady Laelyn was about to continue speaking but then she spotted me over his shoulder. Her eyes widened and she stomped over so fast that her saint's robes snapped behind her.

"I thought you forgot about us," she said, crossing her arms. "It’s been a week and you’ve not visited once."

"I've been busy hanging a sun."

"You hung it in an afternoon. What have you been doing since?"

"Walking around cloud gazing, mostly."

She laughed at that, her expression lightened, and her arms uncrossed as her fake anger evaporated, before a more serious look appeared in her eyes.

From the lives that I’d touched in this world, I’d say that Lady Laelyn was left in a better state than most. I remember when I first met her and how she told me she wanted to become the Saint to bring glory back to House Vareyn, which had been on a steady decline.

Well, the girl was the Saint of the Blue Sun Academy, and even though the title didn’t have the same status it once did, she had a lot more autonomy than her predecessors. There was no longer a hand inside her head, steering her towards the path of destruction. And without the elders and Headmaster around, she had the authority to make decisions that could seriously change the lives of those under her command in a way she thought best. From everything I knew of her, I trusted her to put the concerns of the people over her own.

“So,” I smiled. “How does it feel? You got everything you wanted.”

"I got more than I wanted." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she looked around at the dozens of disciples going about their lives. "It feels good even though it is stressful, I can actually make a difference.”

“Because Beric is standing behind you,” I teased.

“Hey,” she lightly swatted at my arm. “It’s because I’m right.” She paused for a few seconds. “Though I do admit having a grumpy Rank 7 soldier does make it easier to convince stubborn old men.”

We both shared a laugh before standing there in a silence that quickly turned awkward. It was her that eventually broke it.

“So,” she began, fidgeting with her sleeves. “You…you’re leaving.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Tonight.”

"Back to wherever it is you actually come from." She smiled, but I could sense the tension behind it. Then her smile disappeared as her eyes narrowed at me. "Wait, you never did tell me about the gong."

"The story sounded a lot better in my head at the time,” I gave an awkward shrug. “I don’t know if you actually want to hear it.”

"Then tell me something else." Her eyes met mine. "Ke Yin—"

My chest tightened at that since I knew what she was going to say. I think I'd known about it since the world had been saved, and I had nothing to do but worry that I hadn’t done enough and that some other problem was about to pop up. It was one of the reasons I had avoided her for the past week. It was a conversation I wanted, but at the same time dreaded.

"Thank you," she said instead.

I blinked, thinking I misheard.

"For everything you’ve done for us all," she went on, her eyes failing to maintain contact with mine. "For the things that we remember and the things that we don’t."

"You'd have done the same,” I replied, not doubting it for a second.

"I would have tried,” she nodded before a laugh escaped her. “But I would have died in the first minute.” 

"That's true, actually."

"Get out of my courtyard," she said with a smile and wet eyes, reaching for a hug despite her words. The embrace lasted than it should have, and neither of us said the other thing.

***

As I walked out of the eastern gate, I made sure not to look back because I knew that would make things hurt more. Also, looking back was for people who intended to return, and I had no idea if I would in her lifetime.

“You’re much quieter than I expected,” I said mentally to inner world spirit. “Usually, you don’t let by any chance to pick on me slip past you. I thought you’d be commenting how my posture right now is bad for someone who saved the world.”

“Well, your posture is bad…” Azure began. “But I feel bad for you, Master, so I’d rather keep the rest to myself.”

“You…” I stopped walking. "You feel bad for me?"

“Yes, I can sense the sadness in your heart,” he paused. “I like to tease you, but I don’t like to see you actually down for any reason.”

From what I’d gathered, emotions of inner world spirits were different to what humans felt. Usually, they struggled to relate to others. The only time they really displayed emotion was when their master’s safety was threatened, or the inner world itself was threatened. I knew all along that Azure was different to the typical inner world spirit, but I hadn’t expected him to empathise with me. After all, that was something he’d shown to struggle with in the past.

“Master, why…why did you not tell her?”

I could hear the genuine confusion in his voice as he tried to figure out the logic behind my actions.

“What's the point?” I sighed, once again walking away from the courtyard. “She's from this world. I'm from a different world. I'm not going to be back anytime soon. What am I supposed to offer her, a promise of a visit every hundred years?”

The memories from the Golden Sun showing Li Tianyu’s life in this world had taught me a lot. The man had fallen in love, married a woman, had a child with her, and then, when the time came, he had walked out.

Sure, Li Tianyu might be a powerful cultivator that the entire Cultivation World had respected in his time and still did to this day, but I didn’t want to become someone who only cared about his own feelings. I didn’t want to give away my humanity, that was the first step to becoming a monster.

"Well, you could just bring her into your inner world,” Azure said. “That would solve the problem."

I didn’t like to admit this, but if I was being honest, I had considered this option for way longer than I should have. I had started thinking about it as soon as I had realised that my inner world was developed enough to invite in beings from other worlds.

“I couldn’t do that,” I shook my head. “No…not to her.”

"Explain."

“That would be really selfish of me,” I sighed. “Laelyn has a life in this world. There are family, friends, and thousands of people that actually need her. Also, she has her own goals, and she can’t do that if she is stuck in an inner world. If I really did care about her, I wouldn’t do something like that to her.”

Azure was silent for a moment.

"That is mature of you," he said finally, but I could tell he was still trying to wrap his mind around the emotional aspects of this situation.

“One of us carrying the World Tree Sutra has to be,” I laughed through the pain.

Despite the sensation of my heart being crushed by a fist, I knew that I was doing the right thing. In the grand scheme of things, this was simply a crush, something that would pass with time. I couldn’t allow it to destroy the life of someone else. The truth of the matter was Lady Laelyn, regardless of whatever feelings we may or may not have for each other, didn’t even know my real face.

The only appearance of mine she had interacted with was the body that I was inhabiting, and that was Tomas. That was the face that she had smiled to, and that was the face that had made her eyes shine. How would we even navigate all of these issues? I just think she would be better as a friend. I’d rather have a true friend than ruin a relationship that seemed doomed to fail from the beginning. I wasn’t naïve enough to ignore the red flags and try.

Unfortunately for my mother, who was probably dying to become a grandmother already, this was not a romance story. However, I will admit, it would be nice to find someone one day who I could spend the rest of eternity cultivating with. It beat a life of loneliness. As for whether that was written for me or not, I didn’t know. All I could do was continue walking forward on my path and stick true to who I am and what I want.

***

The next person that I had to pay a visit to was a grumpy soldier.

I found Beric standing at the crossroads outside the gate, arms folded, scowling at a tree.

“How's the teaching?” I said, making my way over to him.

“If you can even call it that, lad,” the old soldier scoffed. “There were thirty of them yesterday trying to learn how to hold a sword. Not one of them could hold it by the correct end.” The mark under his ear flickered like it always did in my presence. “This is what happens when you spend your whole life meditating and painting. Useless. They’re all defenceless now, aren’t they? What good is focusing on an external power when you haven’t even focused on your own yet?”

“That might be true, but that mark is external, and it’s made you the strongest person in the academy now,” I smiled. “Maybe even the strongest person in the world.”

“Aye.” A scowl crossed his features as he scratched the mark until the surrounding skin turned red. Honestly, he looked disgusted about it. “But at least I know how to take care of myself when a bandit comes for my loot without relying on something that isn’t mine.”

“But the mark is the reason why no one will dare to touch her even after I’ve left.”

Had it not been for the mark and the Head Monk back at the monastery, it would be difficult for me to leave Laelyn and the rest of the world without someone to look after them. Fortunately for us, even if a troublemaker did come, they would need to deal with a Rank 7 soldier that wielded an energy they didn’t understand and a Rank 8 monk with a terrifying avatar.

“I know,” Beric nodded reluctantly. “And that is the reason why I still train myself in using it. But that doesn’t mean I should forget what made me who I am. The problem is, lad, they now come at her with words instead of knives. I was not trained to protect her from words.”

I could see the helplessness in his eyes. The way of a soldier was to fix whatever problem they saw with their hands. Unfortunately, some problems couldn’t be solved with brute force, they needed a delicate touch that Beric simply didn’t have.

“The lady herself was trained to deal with that,” I advised. “You just focus on keeping her safe.”

He nodded, unfolding his arms and turning to look at me fully.

“There’s something I need to say to you, lad,” he cleared his throat. “Listen carefully because I’m only going to say this once. You’re not going to hear soft words like this from me after this. I can promise you that.”

I held back a smile at that, not being able to stop myself from enjoying the awkwardness the old soldier was feeling.

“From the memories you shared with us,” he began. “I have to admit I’ve been harsh on you. Every version of me has. I thought you were a spy the first moment I saw you. I thought you were a liar the second. Then there were times that I decided you were something worse, and I was going to put my sword through you before you got near my Lady."

“Yeah, I remember,” I nodded with a smile as my memories turned to the past. “In quite a few loops, you confiscated my sword..."

“It was a terrible sword, lad,” a whisper of a smile appearing on his face. “It wasn’t going to help anyone.”

The man had a point.

“What I’m trying to say is that when I watched you stand under a tree with nothing left in you and tell three Rank 8s to their faces that you weren’t giving up an old man’s life, I saw who you really are.” He put his heavy hand on my shoulder. “I’ve served forty years under nobles who’d have handed over their own mother for a warmer room. You had the whole world in one hand and one crazy old bastard in the other, and you didn’t drop him when it would have been the easiest thing to do so."

“Beric—"

“Let me finish.” He squeezed my shoulder. “Thank you. For her life, for my life, for the sun over my head. I don’t know what you are, and I’ve stopped thinking about it.” His jaw tightened. “But I know you’re a real man, lad, and I don’t say that lightly. A person could have all the power in the world, but that doesn’t mean anything if they don’t have any morals, any loyalty. I…I respect that. I respect you."

Hearing this from the grumpy soldier, who was extremely difficult to impress, caused my throat to close up, and I needed a second to get it open again. I had honestly not expected this from him. At best, I thought he would give me a quiet thank you, not a whole speech that made it seem like someone was cutting onions nearby.

“I’m not as great as you think I am,” I sighed. “I…I’ve destroyed this world before. If it wasn’t for the time loop… I … I don’t know what would have happened. I’ve done some good, sure, but I’ve made a lot of mistakes. The only reason why I don’t give up is because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise.”

“Aye,” he said, squeezing my shoulder again. “But how many men do you reckon have that option and stay down?”

I opened my mouth and found I didn't have a comeback.

"Most of them," he said. "Every last one I ever buried had a moment where they could have stood and didn't. You stood up." He let go of my shoulder and clapped me once on the back, hard enough that I felt it in my teeth. "So, accept the compliment before I take it back, because you'll not get another out of me."

"Then I'll take it," I laughed. "Thank you, Beric. I’m glad I got the chance to meet you. I won’t forget this.”

“And I won’t forget you, lad.”

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